First off, we will cover pot. Here is a picture of me and pot. As you can see, pot has no visible negative effects, but if you look closer, you see why smoking is a bad idea. If you'll notice, incense is burning. Once you start smoking pot, you must also start burning incense, even if only to cover up the scent of the weed you're smoking. You also notice the huge marijuana leaf. Potheads just feel the need to advertise that they smoke, and thus you must shell out even more money. Also, if you smoke too much pot, it makes your penis shrink. Other than that, to summarize, don't smoke pot because buying the excess merchandise will cost too much money.
Next, shrooms. Shrooms are funny, because the only real problem that they cause is wild, wild hallucinations. The ones shown are not really as severe as some are, but they are sufficiently traumatic. Mario apparently showed up half way through my shroom spree and tried to take his mushroom back so he could become Super Mario. I told him to go spank himself, and he flipped me off. Also, there's a little green man coming out of my mouth.
I decided not to review crack, heroin, crank, angel dust, ecstasy, etcetera, because they are just not as fun, so I got my hands on some seriously weird stuff that was under development at a government lab. They are experimentally known as Abucs and Penguin.
Abucs. This was trippy as hell. My spirit apparently left my body. You can tell its my spirit because of the big afro and the goatee. What surprises me is that my webcam can detect the paranormal entities. Okay, so it's not really my webcam, I stole it from Dave and went home before he realized it. It takes pictures of paranormal entities. Anyway, my spirit wandered around. It went to Walmart. Didn't really do much. Eventually it came back.
Penguin. Never do penguin. This is Satan. I saw him after doing penguin. This is why I'm a straight edge. Oh, wait, that's not Satan. That's me.... my bad.
This is me, dead. What do you expect, after all these drugs, a happy ending?
The moral of this article is, don't do drugs. Isn't it?
--Scuba Steve, December 24, 2000