Why, hello, everybody, today we are gonna learn all about how to enhance the looks of your room through the addition of plantlife. Just like we did, only with better results. Sounds dull? Well, then you must have no idea exactly how dull my life is.
First off, there are two and only two types of people to make buy the plants to put in your room. A gay guy or a drug addict. The addict will grow cannibus. Obviously there is not an addict in my room, so Dave and myself went to Walmart one fine day to purchase some.
On a side note, if you try to let other people decorate with plants, even people who seriously considered majoring in interior decoration, it may look good but not always be favorable. There is a chance that they will buy plants that will not thrive in your environment. Like, for example, someone might buy a small coconut tree and try to grow it in, oh, say, Central Northern Pennsylvania. Even with a grow -lite(tm), this has met limited results. In layman's terms that means I don't think it will survive the winter.
Now, do not let the gay plant selector have total creative freedom. That is a bit too much. Our resident gay man, Dave, got us some cheery, yet (and as a note to the many gay people who apparently read this site, I don't mean this in a discriminatory sense) incredibly gay looking (as if flowers could be attracted to flowers of the opposite sex) yellow flowers, even though we have a blue themed room. These we did not allow him to put up in the livig room, but put in his room. Lucky me, I share a room with him. Eventually they died, so I don't have a picture.
If a plant is turning yellow, and shrivelling, do something about it. In fact, if anything is turning yellow and shrivelling, it's generally a good idea to do something about it. As I learned from the RA who used to live with a botany major, if its turning yellow, it needs potassium. I know, you're saying "Plants need potassium?" I wasn't concerned enough to do anything about it (because I'm cold and unfeeling), but Wendel eventually got it some plant food, and you'll be happy to know that it is still alive.
If you buy artificial plants, there is a lot less care involved, like, say, about the amount of care I would have for plants. Christmas trees are these strange artificial plants that grow these tiny fruits that radiate light. When these fruits mature, they turn into presents and fall to the bottom of the tree.
If you are gonna have plants decorating the interior of your room, make sure you have roomates who like to take care of them, unless you plan on doing it yourself. Ick, there's very little I feel like doing myself. So, I make Dave, Wendel, Josh, and Rocky do it.
As a side note, and this I found out just the other day, burning two American flags in a pot that already has a plant in it is not necessarily good for the plant. It was recovering from it's lack of potassium very nicely until it was exposed to the intense heat.
Join us next week when we make festive holiday wreaths.
--Scuba Steve, December 8, 2000