Today I had what I will refer to as the pleasure to catch the latest FOX special, which I will refer to as FOX's latest ploy to brainwash us all. The network that cheapened marriage more than any soap opera or porno movie ever could by actually filming the show "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" released another quality program about the joys and holiness of marriage. But this is not merely a game show where fifty brainless bimbos flaunt their boobs till a washed up comedian choses one, marries her, and then she annuls it a week later and poses nude in playboy, no, this show was much much more. This show was.... Surprise Wedding 2!!!
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the show, right now you are probably assuming that "Surprise Wedding" is one of those crazy japanese game shows that you catch on satellite TV at like 2 in the morning, or a bad sketch comedy bit. It is a real show though, I swear it. Instead of leaving you in the dark, like I so often enjoy doing, I will now explain the premise of this show:
Six women who were tired of their boyfriends' lack of commitment have lied to them and convinced them to come to this show (they don't know it's Surprise Wedding 2, else it would no longer be a surprise, and the name "Wedding 2" just sounds stupid) where they all ask their men to marry them. The men are faced with the option of either getting married or looking like an asshole in front of all the viewers of this show (both of us). So of course they all but one do the marriage right on stage. I'm not gonna tell you which one didn't, I'm gonna use it as a hook, just like FOX executives did with their commercials, to force you to read to the end of this article.
Thus, to sum up the above paragraph, the premise of this show can be broken down like this, which is a quote from the overtly annoying host: Some marriages are made in heaven, while others are made on FOX.
My first experience with Surprise Wedding 2, was earlier this evening as I reclined on the sofa watching the Simpsons, one of the few quality programs on FOX. I was laughing hysterically from the start of the commercial to the end of the next commercial. The very name screamed at me "EVIL!" Think about it, if this is Surprise Wedding 2, there must have been a Surprise Wedding one. Not only that, but someone must have LIKED IT ENOUGH TO MAKE A SEQUEL!!!
I'm reminded of a school project I once did, where we had to conduct a mock interview. I'll reminisce when I damn well feel like it, thank you! I played Satan, and I was interviewing the other guy, who was trying to become an executive at the FOX network.
Back on subject, I will now list for you the couples, from what I remember. They are in the order I remember them in, which may not be the exact order as on the show, though I'm pretty sure it is.
It ended with all the couples marrying except for Couple #3, who got engaged right there and then he promised he would take her home and give her a real wedding. At least someone has some brains, and doesn't wat to be a tool of the evil FOX network. As a consolation prize (I guess that was what it must've been, I don't know what else it could be) the woman from couple #3 got a free trip to Mexico, where she will probably get drunk and end up married to the first Mexican she sees. Hey, brilliant idea, lets send all our idiots to Mexico!
For all my shit, however, this show did have one positive effect. I now know where I want to get married: Surprise Wedding 3!
--Scuba Steve, May 10, 2001