KUALA LUMPUR, 17 NOV (NEW SHIT TIMES) - At an election rally in Kubang Pasu today, Prime Minister Mahathir revealed the true cause of Anwar's illness to a crowd numbering in the hundreds, including many school children and old age pensioners. Saying that the nation was "fed-up" with Anwar's lies, Mahathir told the assembly that he had discovered the truth after personally studying pictures of Anwar taken by prison officers.

Anwar claims to suffer from many medical problems including weight loss, hair loss, chest pains, numbness, headaches and arsenic poisoning. However, a team of doctors from Hospital Universiti Kebangsaaan Malaysia, including several well-known specialists, had been unable to identify the exact nature of his illness.

Mahathir said that he had initially thought Anwar was lying about his condition so as to incite his followers to riot. But he had changed his opinion after being shown Anwar's prison pictures.

According to the Prime Minister, he had combined his medical background with his interest in IT to discover the true cause of these symptoms which he warned would shock a great many people, including Wan Azizah herself and Anwar's most ardent followers.

Mahathir explained, "From Murad's affidavit we have already proved beyond reasonable doubt that Anwar is a foreign agent. We now have reason to believe that during a visit to the United States last year, he allowed himself to be implanted with two computer chips, one in his brain and one in his heart so that these foreigners can control him remotely from thousands of kilometers away.

"So, under remote control, he has been making all these allegations of corruption against myself, my son, Daim, Rafidah, Rahim Thamby Chik, Eric Chia, Ting Pek Khing and so on and so forth. We all know that Anwar is not very intelligent. That was why I chose him to be my DPM. So, how can a stupid man make up so many believable stories unless he is receiving external instructions somehow?"

According to Mahathir, Anwar's brain-implanted chip acted as a powerful receiver. However, the heat generated by its operation gave Anwar king-sized headaches as well as caused his hair to fall out.

"That is why he always experiences headaches while giving testimony in court," the PM added.

Further, the chip in Anwar's heart was implanted so as to enable foreigners to control his affections. Otherwise, the PM asked, how could Anwar have turned against his leadership so utterly, forgetting the hand that had once fed him? The location of this chip also explains neatly, the ex-DPM's chest pains.

And because the chips contain arsenic compounds, continual use had leached arsenic into his bloodstream and into his urine. Hence, Anwar had in fact been poisoning himself.

As for the numbness that Anwar claimed he experienced, Mahathir said that this could be easily explained by stray electric currents from the chips. "After all, any fool who's been electrocuted feels numb."

Even Anwar's weight loss is now no mystery because microwave generated by the chips would burn up the food in Anwar's stomach before it could be completely digested.

Mahathir submitted that his explanation must be the true one because no other explanation could account for all of Anwar's medical problems so convincingly.

With this latest discovery, Mahathir declared Anwar to be not so much a puppet of the West as a ROBOT of the West, completely at the beck and call of his foreign programmers.

The crowd then showed its appreciation of the Prime Minister's brilliant deductions with a standing ovation lasting several minutes. After the rally, however, five persons were arrested for not cheering loudly enough. Police said that they would be charged with endangering the public peace.

Seachange Malaysia

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