The Augustine Paul School of Puppet Judges had an important visitor that morning. A certain Datuk Korrupsi had called to check out the School as a possible place of study for his sons. As Datuk Korrupsi was a rising star in the Malaysian Cabinet and was tipped to be a future Prime Minister, he was warmly received by the school’s principal himself.
Sitting in a plush armchair in Augustine Paul’s luxurious office, Datuk Korrupsi noted the gold and green kangaroo wallpaper and a life-size model of a kangaroo in the corner. There were two prominent pictures against the wall: one of the King conferring on Augustine Paul the Tan Sri title for his services to the nation in convicting Anwar Ibrahim of corruption in a shamelessly biased trial; the other of Mahathir congratulating the judge after this same trial. The space directly behind the principal’s chair was painted with the School’s crest, consisting of a grinning puppet holding a lopsided balance (dacing) weighed down on one side by a kangaroo, and the words: “Justice is Irrelevant.” Datuk Korrupsi asked for an explanation of this phrase.
‘Ah, Datuk,’ replied Augustine Paul in an ingratiating voice after clearing his throat, ‘Our school’s motto reflect the fact that justice for its own sake, as practised by Westerners, is irrelevant to us Asians. We Asians know that the real value of justice is not to punish the wrong-doer, but as a tool to punish those who oppose the government and the ruling party.
Encouraged by the look of agreement on his visitor’s face, Augustine Paul continued, ‘We cannot allow whistle-blowers for instance, to use Justice to destroy our Asian values and way of life. Instead, we use the justice system to destroy them!’
‘Indeed,’ observed Datuk Korrupsi with a nod, ‘this is most wise. Corruption is undoubtedly one of our most sacred Asian values. We need judges of the right sort to protect this.’
‘Certainly. It would also help if the judges are part of one’s own family,’ said the principal, making sly reference to the fact that the Datuk was enormously corrupt and, moreover, was likely to become even more so as his star ascended the Malaysian sky.
‘What sort of curriculum do you have here?’
‘Ah, Datuk. We have an intensive program here to turn out the most corrupt, biased and depraved judges for the nation with only two years’ study. In their first year, the students learn the basics of running a kangaroo court including how to twist the law of evidence to their own advantage, how to make biased rulings, how to kowtow to the powers that be, how to act like a puppet, how to cover up injustice using legal language and, most importantly, how to use the word “irrelevant.” But it is in their second year that they learn the finer points.’
Pausing to adjust his kangaroo tie-pin, Augustine Paul continued: ‘These include how to cut the ground away from defence lawyers even when they have the strongest case, how to threaten defence lawyers if they are doing too well, how to criticise foreign observers and the foreign news media, how to convict an innocent person even when there is no evidence to support the charge, and how to use the law of contempt on anyone who dares criticise the justice system.’
‘Most impressive,’ said Datuk Korrupsi. ‘Shall we now tour the School?’
‘Certainly Datuk. I can’t wait to show you our modern facilities.’
Leaving the principal’s office, the two proceeded outside. As they crossed the school’s compound, the visitor noticed a Physical Exercises session in progress on a stretch of field. A group of students had adopted the posture of kangaroos and were hopping up and down vigorously. The principal explained that by doing so, they were more likely to develop the right sort of mentality to run a kangaroo court. In another field, a group appeared to be practising bodily contortions and Augustine Paul again explained how this was meant to develop a mindset conducive to bending and twisting the law to one’s own agenda.
In a small garden, the principal proudly showed off a statue of Mahathir whom the School revered as the founder of the modern judiciary in Malaysia, a fearsome tool of oppression notorious the world over for the depravity and moral flexibility of its judges.
They made their way to the school Library. It looked spacious and well-stocked, with a number of students bent silently over books and papers. Against the walls were pasted blow-ups of past newspaper reports of Malaysia’s most notorious miscarriages of justice, including those of Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Guan Eng, Sukma, Munawar, Nalla, Murray Hiebert and Marina Yusoff. These were so as to inspire the students to excel as corrupt judges when their turn came. The most prominent displays were naturally reports of Augustine Paul presiding over the trial of Anwar Ibrahim, undisputably the most grotesque instance of judicial perversion in the history of Malaysia.
They next visited the Audio Lab. Here, students could listen to tape recordings of past kangaroo court proceedings. The principal invited his visitor to put on a set of ear phones to listen to a snippet of the 1998 Anwar Ibrahim trial:
Defence Lawyer: ‘Your Honour, we wish to present evidence of a high level political conspiracy against out client, Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim.’
Judge: ‘You will not! I rule a political conspiracy irrelevant to this case!’
Defence Lawyer: ‘Your Honour, we can call on ten witnesses to prove that a political conspiracy exists.’
Judge: ‘I rule your ten witnesses irrelevant!’
Defence Lawyer: ‘But you haven’t even heard their testimony yet.’
Judge: ‘So what? I rule their testimony irrelevant!’
Defence Lawyer: ‘We have a tape recording of a conversation between two key figures that clearly points to a political conspiracy.’
Judge: ‘I rule your tape recording irrelevant!’
Defence Lawyer: ‘We also have evidence of a police conspiracy against our client.’
Judge: ‘I rule a police conspiracy irrelevant to this case!’
Defence Lawyer: ‘We also have evidence that the attorney general conspired to fabricate charges against our client.’
Judge: ‘If you dare present the evidence, I shall charge you with contempt of court!’
Prosecutor: ‘Your Honour, we wish to present to this court a soiled mattress on which the accused committed shameful acts of sodomy and adultery.’
Judge: ‘This is highly relevant. Please bring the mattress in.’
At the end of the recording, Datuk Korrupsi laughed in evident enjoyment and requested a copy of the tape. Augustine Paul promised to send him a copy of the entire trial proceedings and conducted him to the next part of the tour.
They entered a lecture theatre where a lesson was in progress. However, it was like no lesson that the Datuk had ever seen for all eyes were concentrated on the figure of the lecturer who sat on a chair in front saying absolutely nothing but jerking his arms, legs and neck all about. Puzzled, the visitor turned to the principal who explained:
‘This may seem strange, but the lecturer is demonstrating how to be a good puppet judge. You can see how his limbs respond immediately to the silent commands that are sent to him by the puppet master. This is the physical interpretation of what actually happens mentally and hence is a valuable teaching aid.’
They watched as the lecturer then got off his chair and kowtowed deeply to an invisible figure, bending and bowing and scraping like nobody’s business. Said Augustine Paul, ‘This is to teach the students how they should behave when in the presence of the puppet master, the prime minister himself.’
Satisfied, Datuk Korrupsi was then led to another part of the School where a mock trial was in progress in a classroom fitted out like a court.
Prosecutor: ‘Your Honour, the accused is charged with sodomizing his driver on February 29 1995 in the Sivoli Villa.’
Defence Lawyer: ‘Your Honour, 1995 was not a leap year, hence the said act could not have happened on that date.’
Prosecutor: ‘Your Honour, I would like to amend the date of the charge to a day in January 1994 in the Sivoli Villa.’
Judge: ‘Amendment granted.’
Defence Lawyer: ‘Your Honour, we can prove that the Sivoli Villa did not exist in January 1994. It was only completed in December of that year.’
Prosecutor: ‘Your Honour, we would like to amend the date of the charge to one day between December 1994 and March 1995.
Judge: ‘Amendment granted.’
Defence Lawyer: ‘Your Honour, we have the accused’s passport to prove that he was overseas during that whole period December 1994 to March 1995.’
Prosecutor: ‘Your Honour, we would like to amend the date of the charge again to “one day in the life of the accused” in the Sivoli Villa.’
Judge: ‘Amendment granted.’
The mock trial apparently pleased Datuk Korrupsi who commented on the
brilliance displayed by the mock judge. At the end of the tour, the impressed
visitor declared that not only would he send both his sons to the School,
but that he would also encourage all his relations to do likewise. Augustine
Paul reminded him that the prospect of advancement for puppet judges was
great, with riches and titles from the puppet master for good performance.
The visitor departed after being presented with the gift of a six-inch
high, 24-carat gold kangaroo.
Tsu Nam, 27 February 2000