The Hiccup Of A Lifetime

Dr. Ramesh Chandran pocketed his priceless digital notebook, stared at the open space for a one full minute, made up his mind and made a call to the Government Heart Research Centre.

Half an hour later, he found himself face to face with Dr. Sudhakar Verma, the Head of the Hospital and put forth his proposition.

"Are you sure sir?" asked Dr.Verma apprehensively, after Dr. Chandran had finished.

"Absolutely," replied Dr. Chandran looking at the doctor straight in his eyes.

Dr. Verma considered the proposition. He gave a glance to the person sitting opposite. Dr. Ramesh Chandran was no ordinary human being. His research in the field of Artificial Intelligence and Miniaturisation Technology had been acknowledged world - wide and had won him rare honours. An internationally acclaimed and respected figure, his idiosyncrasies were taken for granted, and he, Dr. Sudhakar Verma, a simple Head of the Department of a Government Heart Research Centre was too small a fry to question his request.

He found that Dr. Chandran was studying him keenly. Dr. Verma lowered his eyes.

"This is a big risk," he said at last.

"I am a scientist," replied Dr. Chandran dryly. "Any scientist should know how to take risks and have the guts to bear the consequences. I suppose that answers your question, Sudhakar." There was a certain firmness, a finality in Dr. Chandran's tone which obviously gave the impression that no more doubts or questions will be entertained.

Dr. Verma made a last try.

"Let me understand this once again, sir," said he in an apologetic tone, "You claim that you have a computer chip which you would like to inject in yourself, just the way angiography is done today." "Yes," replied Dr. Chandran patiently. "And you say, this computer, apart from photographing the blocks in your arteries will also clean up the accumulated fat inside." "Quite so," said Dr. Chandran. "And once it is over, it will come out of through the same path it had been injected and thus the rigmarole of a bypass surgery is avoided." Dr. Chandran nodded. "And obviously, as a true scientist, you would like to try this experiment of yours on no one but yourself," finished Dr. Verma. "Precisely," said Dr. Chandran. "One last question, sir" said Dr. Verma after a minute of silence. "What is the guarantee of success?" "What is the guarantee of success when you cross a road?" replied Dr. Chandran in a sour tone.

There was palpable silence as the two looked at each other.

Finally Dr. Verma got up.

"Well . .. . .", said he shrugging his shoulders. "By the way, Sudhakar," said Dr. Chandran cutting him short, "You can get the papers for those idiotic formalities of yours. I can sign them wherever you please. And a pen too," he added, turning his head towards the door.

"This will do handsomely," said Dr. Chandran studying the cabin. "Quite undisturbed," said Dr. Verma, "At the further end of the corridor you know."

"Yes," agreed Dr. Chandran, "I noticed it. And now Sudhakar, I wish to be left alone."

"Sir?" stared Dr. Verma in surprise.

"You heard me."

"But sir, the hospital rules say that a qualified doctor must be present whenever. .. . . . . . ." protested Dr. Verma.

" I am Ramesh Chandran, a scientist," thundered Dr. Chandran, "not an ordinary patient."

Dr. Verma looked at Dr. Chandran straight in the eyes. Was there a certain trace of insanity? It did not seem so. The eyes were straight and sharp with a fierce sense of determination.

"Very well," said with a resigned look after a pause. He took one last look around him, checked the wires and with a dry "All the best", left the room, closing the door behind him. Dr. Chandran heaved a sigh of relief.

The major obstacle was over. He took a quick look at the room, the Fowler's Bed, heart-monitoring system, the TV monitor, everything was neatly arranged. He checked the glass cabinet. Cotton wool, thermometer, flask and water were there in plenty. He checked the needle for inserting the camera. It was perfect. In short, the cabin was just waiting for a typical angiography.

However, there was one major difference.

It was not an ordinary camera that would enter the human body, but a computer, Dr. Chandran's very own invention. Once inserted it will not come out as he had said it would.

Dr. Chandran chuckled to himself as he prepared himself for the incision in the upper portion of his calf. Once the computer was inside his human body, it would finish its job of clearing his arteries. Then it would slowly travel upwards. It's destination: the grey matter of the Dr. Chandran's brain. It's mission: to render it supernatural powers.

Once that was successfully accomplished, then it would be he, Dr. Ramesh Chandran, the veritable authority on Artificial Intelligence who would not only be able to reinvigorate his mental faculties at the frail age of seventy-eight, but would be able to begin his task of conquering the world.

The first step would be to transfer the heart centre into a manifestation centre, as he would call it. Here ordinary human beings would be transformed into powerful automatons totally under his control. And of course the first person to be an automaton will be that brilliant idiot - Dr. Sudhakar Verma. It would not be difficult, a simple handshake would suffice.

Dr. Chandran laughed aloud as he slowly dabbed the cotton. It's job done, he carelessly threw it on the floor and took out the hypodermic syringe. Oh the joy of power! A hiccup nearly shook him and he gasped in surprise. By Jove, he had nearly forgotten his anti-hiccup pill!

This was an impediment he had suffered since childhood. In matters of great tension or elation, loud hiccups would violently shake his body, rendering him completely helpless. These did not last very long, but the intensity was big enough to tire him down. He remembered his half -chewed piece of mutton being thrown out of his mouth for this nasty hiccup. Be a doctor or a quack, no one had been able to give him a proper treatment, and from that day Dr. Chandran had vowed to cure himself of this childhood malady. He had invented a tablet, in fact it was his first invention after he had dabbled in science, but had kept the secret to himself. The beauty was the tablet needn't be swallowed, it had to be kept in the mouth. He took out an octagonal pill and nested it between his tongue and teeth.

He checked the monitor and the other apparatus again. They seemed eager to unleash their power at the push of the syringe. How would he do it? Lie down first and then inject? Or would he inject himself first and then lie down? After a brief reflection, he chose the later and effortlessly inserted the computer into his body. Immediately a message appeared on the monitor - "Inserted" - and a wave began to appear on the screen. Dr. Chandran watched in fascination as the signal began to traverse its own path, the computer, a metallic body slowly making its way within the organs of a human body. Was its speed a bit slow? He realised his mistake and carefully lay on the bed. The moment he did so, the room lights dimmed and a soft violet light gradually filled the room.

Dr. Chandran could not help marvelling at the ingenuity of the Heart Centre. After all they were not so stupid as he had thought! He however, had no time to appreciate their engineering feat. His eyes were glued to the monitor. Yes, he had been right, the speed of the computer had definitely increased. It was slowly going its way and as he watched with bated breath, he felt a strange sensation in his heart. It was a mild streak of pain mixed with a queer sensation. He realised that his own invention was busy in his own body, clearing up the hydrogenated fat in the arteries. Dr. Chandran nearly felt like singing out aloud, but controlled himself. Very soon, in fact, he looked at his watch and realised precisely after two minutes and twenty - two seconds, the computer would have done its job and instead of travelling the way it had come, would traverse a different route till it reached it's destination.

Dr. Chandran gave a final look at the monitor and closed his eyes. He wanted to enjoy this supreme sense of self-attainment in his own way. Yet however hard he tried, he could not remain calm. He realised that his breath, which was once in sync with the blink of the quartz clock had quickened and so had his pulse. A peculiar sense of elation mixed with suppressed excitement was slowly filling his mind. So preoccupied was he with his thoughts that he did not realise his own invention had finished its task and was racing towards its final destination. It was only after a wild sensation filled his mouth, he realised with a sense of shock, that something was wrong.

A smell of powdered chilli, acid in taste with a mixture of menthol seemed to erupt from his mouth blinding him momentarily. In that spilt second he had realised what had happened.

The vibrations of his own computer had shaken his octagonal anti-hiccup pill and had somehow powdered it, rendering it totally useless. The moment this realisation dawned on him, an embittered sense of frustration overtook all his senses. It was a state of mental agony mixed with tension which he had never experienced before in his lifetime.

"Yikes!" A hiccup of a Herculean nature shook his entire body.

Dr. Chandran stared at the floor unable to believe his eyes. An object had spurted out from his open mouth buzzing and whirling at a great speed. It landed on the carelessly thrown ball of cotton and meshing and twirling the cotton around it became a mass of black and white with streaks of blood before it came to a final stop.

Dr. Chandran stared at the computer in disbelief. His two priceless inventions had betrayed him when he needed them the most. A heavy sense of dejection engulfed him and as he made an effort to get up from the bed, he found it difficult. A strange numbness had overtaken him. As he lay on the bed, the door opened and Dr. Verma walked in.

"Everything O.K. sir?" he asked.

Dr. Chandran looked at him blankly. He was too tired to speak. The sense of a terrible loss, freshly undergone, seemed to lay heavy in his mind. His thoughts were in a state of complete disarray. While he stared at Dr. Verma, he found that the violet light of the room had disappeared and the ordinary lights were back again.

Before he could do anything on his own, he found Dr. Verma helping him to sit on the bed, a task he hated if others did it for him. "I hope everything went off as planned, sir", said Dr. Verma helping him dab the minute incision.

"No," replied Dr. Chandran flatly. He could feel his numbness receding.

"Well better luck next time," replied Dr. Verma politely. "I suggest you go home and take some rest sir," he added.

Dr. Chandran got up silently. He glanced at the floor. His precious invention was lying entangled in cotton. A hiccup escaped his lips. Dr. Verma looked concerned.

"A glass of water, sir?" he asked with genuine concern.

"No," replied Dr. Chandran tersely.

"I'll get the place cleaned sir," said Dr. Verma soothingly. "Please don't bother about the room."

"Bother?" thought Dr. Chandran, "Who the hell is bothering about your room you idiot? Why if it hadn't been for my careless mistake, right now you would have been in my power. Well, better luck next time eh? I am sure we are going to see more of it than most. Why . . . . . . . . ."

So engrossed was he in his plans of the next experiment, that he did not realise that Dr. Verma had said something. It was only after a few seconds that he looked at Dr. Verma and found that he was holding out his hand like a mechanical robot. "What is it?" he asked gruffly.

He was unable to believe the question that was shot out to him. He thought he had not heard correctly, so he asked again.

"I said I need your digital notebook sir," said Dr. Verma firmly.

"What?" Dr. Chandran shouted back. "Do you realise what you are saying? That notebook contains my notes of all my inventions. I, Dr. Ramesh Chandran. . . . ." A loud hiccup escaped his lips.

Dr. Verma showed no concern. He kept quiet and shrugged his shoulders. "Have it your way sir," said he.

As Dr. Chandran stalked out of the room, he added with a cough, "May I add sir, you will have some guests in the house, sir."

Dr. Chandran turned. This was definitely the limit!

"Guests!" he retorted, "What on earth are you blabbering about?"

"The men from the Intelligence Agency sir," explained Dr. Verma, "You see they asked me to take the notebook from you", said he politely.

As Dr. Chandran stared at him, Dr. Verma continued. " I guessed something was wrong the moment you asked me to leave the room. Luckily in those couple of seconds, by a simple interchanging of wires, I could establish a parallel connection with this room's monitor to the monitor outside. The minute I realised your ulterior motive I informed the Intelligence Agency and they gave me these instructions."

He paused for some time and then looked at Dr. Chandran flatly in the eye.

"I am offering you the opportunity to avoid international shame and scandal Dr. Chandran," said he, "An honourable exit so to say." Dr. Chandran felt another hiccup about to strike him. But that disappeared the moment a question flashed his mind. How the devil could this person have known his thoughts ? When he asked that question stupidly, Dr. Sudhakar Verma smiled.

"Oh that," said he, "Those violet rays. Thought reading rays they were Dr. Chandran," said he sheepishly, "A simple invention of mine."














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