Some funny things
you can do while Intoxicated
Although drinking is per se an
entertainment, sometimes you may want something more to lighten up your life.
Here are some things I find particularly fun to do:
- Farm Animal
Hunting.- If you are on a drinking frenzy with your friends in the
country or the beach, it isn't a wise idea to waste your limited cash on
food. A good way to solve this problem is to hunt for "wild" farm
animals. Chickens are the easiest ones. They are numerous, easy to catch,
easy to run with and you can hide them easily. My favorite is cows, they
aren't as easy as chickens, you need at least a 9mm pistol or a 12 gauge
shotgun, but a 7.92 WWII Mausser rifle isn't a bad idea. You also need a
pickup truck and a couple of strong friends to lift it. If you can't get a
cow, a donkey will do as well, I had an Argentinean friend who made a
delicious donkey barbecue. Goats are easy to catch, just hit them in the
head with a hammer. Choose young or female goats because grown up male
goats
have a bad taste. Pigs aren't a good idea, they can destroy your car, as
happened to a friend of mine.
- Police Harassing.- This is a healthy
entertainment for all young and old alike. Be sure just to use traffic
police (Buitres or Vultures) for this, because common police (Burros or
Donkeys) usually are better armed and have a shorter fuse.
- Roof Walking.- This is a good way to
maintain your physical condition while intoxicated. You never know how many
interesting new things you can find on an unknown roof. The fresh air will
also help you cleanse your lungs. Just Be careful just not to step on weak
spots because you can break a knee and that REALLY HURTS, believe me.
- Shooting at Peoples Houses .- This is
great fun to do, especially if the owner of the house just stole your
girlfriend or a friend's. If the guy has a dog you can combine this
suggestion with No. 1.
- Stealing traffic signs.- You can develop
a hobby for this one. Classics are: "Stop", "One-way"
and "No Bridge Ahead". They also make great birthday gifts.
- Long Distance Calls.- This is a good way
to save some money if you're getting drunk in someone else's house. You can
keep in touch with old friends or call those adult entertainment numbers in
Hong Kong.
- "Quebrar Tudo".- That's
Brazilian for destroying everything (Marenzi A,
Barcillo, 1995). If your friends can't decide on what to do or where to
go suggest this: "Lets go (someplace) drink like mad, and then we
"Quebramus Tudo" (break everything). Be sure that your suggestion
will be heard by your friends, and if it doesn't work leave at once and get
new friends.
- Hair Dying.- This is really fun and will
make everyone stay alert at least while they're conscious. Other variations
of this practice are: Shaving (head hair, eyebrows, etc), gluing the arm
pits with crazy glue, Tattoos, leaving the guy naked in a public place, etc.
Just remember that when the guy awakes he will be very angry, so if he asks
who did it say it was a big bad boy that came after he passed out.
- WOW! Parties.- This is a great
entertaining suggestion you can combine with numbers 6, 7 and 8. A
"WOW! Party" is a party where you don't know almost anyone, it's
boring and you don't give a damn what people in it think of you. Parties of
girls you have picked up are a great example of "WOW! parties".
For all this reasons, you can release all your lowest impulses and
perversions. Apart from shooting, "quebrar tudo", and making long
distance calls, classic stuff to make on a "WOW Party" are: Find
out where the expensive drinks are and finish them, Annoy the neighbors,
torture and/or killing pets, throw the house out by the window (Literally),
throwing firecrackers, go dressed with a raincoat (that's ONLY with a
raincoat) and expose yourself to granny, propose marriage to 5 of the host's
best friends, Food War, taking friends of recognized bellicosity, etc....
Imagination is your only limit. Remember the "Los Ilegales"
Song La fiesta.
- Riding a bike in the Hospital.- If one
of your friends gets injured while drinking and you have to take him to the
Emergency Room, go visit him riding a bicycle, and enter the ER on it.
Despite what doctors may say ER are designed specially for this. If this
wasn't the case, Why then do they put bicycle ramps in them?.
- Annoying the Police Chief or Warden.- If
despite the precautions you take you end up in Jail, lighten your life
bothering the Police Chief or the Warden. My favorite way to do this is
singing the song Cataplum of Daniel
Santos (Cataplum pa adentro anacaobero, a mi comisario no le gusta el
bolero...). Generally all the other convicts will sing along, and believe it
or not most police chiefs will get very angry on this.
- Giving bad Image.- What better way to
have fun drinking than giving a bad Image?, Drink in public places, make
scandals in public, bother the ladies and look for fights.
- People Hunting.- This is another sport
that everyone likes. Don't use firearms, that's not what a gentleman does.
Use a stick, barbed wire or my favorite A Hockey Stick.