Since I've already done one of these mental exercises/wish fulfillment thingies for DC's JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA... I figured "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" merited an "equal time" response. At the very least.

For those of you who may be new to our game, here in the studio audience -- or maybe you're just tuning in at home for the very first time, ever -- the baseline premise involved is:

1.) I bend my awesome, god-like talents towards the cobbling up of what seems (to me) the crazynuttycool ne plus ultra mack daddy of all AVENGERS line-ups, bar none;

2.) You, in turn, send me smoke-tinged, vitriolic e-mail to the effect that my parents were (it only stands to reason) unmarried first cousins.

In other words we're on a collision course with wackiness -- !!

Okay. Here's the rundown on the unimaginably arbitrary (and grossly self-serving) baseline "rules" I imposed upon myself, for this little exercise:

1.) No more than an even dozen members. Tops. Otherwise -- in my humble opinion -- we're swerving perilously close to Legion of Super-Heroes territory.

2.) At least half the final, graven-in-marble line-up had to consist of present or former members. Otherwise, we might as well simply change the group's name to THE CHAMPIONS... or maybe PSI-FORCE. The AVENGERS -- more than any other super-team within the checkered confines of the Marvel Universe -- has a history and heritage behind it.

3.) No sly, underhanded attempts on my part to slip brief, all-but- undetectable subliminal messages (Rob Liefeld is The Beast of the Apocalypse) into the body of the following text. (It says so in The Holy Bible. Honest.) Because that would amount, ultimately, to a criminal misuse of my powers and abilities, which -- we may have covered this already, first week of class -- are god-like. (Here are some torches and pitchforks) And just plain old wrong, to boot. (The Monster Must DIE! DIE, d'y'hear -- ?!?)

Other than that the entirety of Marvel's spandexed game preserve was open for business.

Without further preamble or ado, then --

1.) CAPTAIN AMERICA -- I can't even imagine a wholly viable, long-range AVENGERS line-up without The Star-Spangled Sentinel firmly ensconced within the pack...

... and I'm no less obdurate or ossified in my insistence that he's the only Marvel character 110% "right" for the job of leading said pack into battle, neither.

On the IF I RAN THE JUSTICE LEAGUE... pages, I opined that the Batman would -- ninety-nine times out of every hundred -- be the stone last JLAer to yield in pitched battle.

As has been more than convincingly displayed within the pages of THE AVENGERS over the decades whether against madmen or mad gods... the same thing goes for Captain America.

In spades.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY The ability to lead anydamn assemblage of strong-willed heroes and heroines into battle, against all-but-insurmountable odds... and make 'em like it, by golly!

2.) IRON MAN -- Captain Kirk had his "Spock" and "McCoy." Robin Hood knew that "Little John" and "Friar Tuck" were right behind him, backing up his every play, without a moment's hesitation. Even the irascible Nero Wolfe had both the wise-cracking "Archie Goodwin" and quiet, reliable "Saul Panzer" on whom he could always rely to serve as his good right hands, day in and day out.

During Captain America's lengthy tenure(s) as Avengers UberGuy the metallic myrmidon known as Iron Man has always served no less ably and well in the role of Most Favored Lieutenant.

Additionally he's both the team's bankroller and their in-house techno-wizard. Take him out of the equation... and you've got an Avengers line-up that has to hold their weekly meetings over at the corner table of the local "Taco Bell." And using mail order walkie-talkies, in place of Avengers Communicator devices.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY The chips; dip; sodas; and basement rec room. In other words everything the group needs to be a "group," realistically speaking.

3.) THOR -- The single greatest, overriding reason why no one in the Marvel Comics universe wants to screw around with The Mighty Avengers in the first place. (Call it the "I'm Gonna Tell My Big Brother What You Said, And Then You're Gonna Be Sorry!" syndrome.)

The looming, massive presence of the glowering Asgardian God of Thunder within their ranks immediately elevates this team, de facto, from "impressive" to "awe- inspiring" status. With him on their side, they truly are "Earth's Mightiest Heroes."

Captain America is the team's linchpin, and central figurehead; Hawkeye may be the member most slavishly devoted to the very concept of an "Avengers" in the first place...

... but when the mighty Thor booms out "Base villains! Thou doth now face the wrath of the Avengers ASSEMBLED -- !"...

... well no other member of this team -- past or present -- has ever managed to make the notion sound so fraught with pageant and heraldry; so right and true.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY One Megaton, Jumbo-Sized Can of Grade-"A", Industrial Strength WhupAss.

4.) HAWKEYE -- ... perhaps better referred to (in this instance) as The One Who Made the Team His Life.

Remember before Captain America opted to take a longshot chance on this guy... the Battlin' Bowman's sole claim to fame (or infamy) was his status as a super-villain.

A super-villain whose regular sparring partner was AVENGERS mainstay Iron Man, no less.

To me it's always made perfect since that Clint Barton (Hawkeye) has been the one Avenger -- in response to such a wholly unexpected showing of goodwill and faith on the parts of the Avengers, in general (and the iconic Captain America, in particular) -- to take the entire concept of an "Avengers" and dedicate his very life to it, in eternal recompense. Had they never given him The Big Okey-Dokey in the first place... the good lord alone knows where or how he would have ended up.

He's the teams' biggest booster; their most upbeat and indefatigable of cheerleaders. In many ways... he's the heart of the Avengers.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY The last guy on the face of the planet who will ever, ever forget why the very notion of an "Avengers" is important in the first place.

5.) THE SCARLET WITCH -- In many respects, the feminine equivalent of Hawkeye... and an oft-overlooked powerhouse in her own right, to boot.

That's now, of course. Back in the earliest days of her lengthy AVENGERS tenure... the woman known as Wanda Maximoff (reformed super-villainess; later revealed to be the daughter of X-MEN mega-baddie Magneto, to boot) was scant more than a particularly ineffective (but attractively packaged, certainly) bit o' "eye candy" for the overwhelmingly male comics readership of the day, with a mutant ability to "cause random, unnatural occurrences" with a gesture that was treated as little better than a bad joke, combat-wise.

Once AVENGERS scripter emeritus Steve Englehart decided to augment those with a natural, inborn predilection for actual, Merlin-style sorcery, however... it was a Whole New Ball Game. And then some.

Over the span of storytelling years betwixt then and NOW, it's finally become something of an "article of faith" with successive AVENGERS scribes that the lady is a savvy, battle-seasoned veteran, with a cool, clear head on her to-die-for shoulders. I'd be honestly and openly amazed if Captain America didn't regard her as one of the team's essential "ace cards."

WHAT SHE BRINGS TO THE PARTY A devotion to the team as unsentimental as Hawkeye's is enthusiastic... but not one jot or tittle less unswerving, for all of that. A constant reminder of how membership in the Avengers leads -- inevitably -- to growth and change.

6.) THE VISION -- Yet another reformed super-villain... proving (once again) that the Avengers is a place for personal transformation, for the better.

Look up the word "steadfast" in any dictionary published in the Marvel universe, and you're probably going to find this guy's eerie, plasticene mug staring imperturbably back at you. More so, perhaps, than for any other member of the team, ever... for this hero, the word "Avengers" translates, irrevocably, as home.

Such loyalty is all the more impressive when one stops to consider just how much anguish and tsursis-in-general the team's android sergeant-at-arms has had to deal with, ever since his introduction way back in the pages of (my god, but I feel old) AVENGERS #57. Rampant mistrust, due to his being an artificial life-form; rampaging bigotry, once his love for a human woman (the aforementioned Scarlet Witch) was revealed to the world-at-large; finding out that his "brain engrams" were stolen, outright, from a former (read dead) member of the team [Wonder Man]...

... let's face it the Vision is this group's "Hard Luck Charlie."

I haven't made an exact counting, mind you... but I'd be willing to lay even odds that The Angst-Driven Android has served as the storytelling springboard for more classic AVENGERS tales, outright, than has any other member. And there's no compelling reason to assume that this situ shouldn't prevail far, far into the series' future.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY Gloom-and-Despair Casserole, In Heavy Angst Sauce. Mmmmmm. Yummy.

Okay. So.

Those are the Big Money players; the team franchise. The absolutely essential "core" members of any successful AVENGERS team roster.

Which still leaves me a grand total of six characters with whom to plug up any conceptual or characterization "holes" (if any).

Up until now -- at this juncture -- I haven't strayed far from the established Avengers "baseline," in my recruiting.

That's about to change.

Meet me over at Page Two of this entry...

... and be prepared for anything.

"If I Ran the Avengers..." PAGE TWO