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The 3rd Ever DC/MARVEL Super-Hero Team-Up
(by special guest-columnist "Big" BILL BRACKEEN)

Fast on the heels of the second SUPERMAN/SPIDER-MAN pairing, it was announced that there would be another such team-up, soon thereafter; albeit one with a radically different set of characters. Naturally, it would include the next biggest "name" characters from each company... so: the unlikely pairing of Batman and The Incredible Hulk was announced.

How, I wondered, would they pull this one off; especially considering that the actual title was, in fact, BATMAN VS THE INCREDIBLE HULK. Batman was one of my all-time faves, but (I had to admit) I was hard pressed to see any other possible outcome but one in which the Hulk ended up bounding away from the field of battle, with greasy little blue and grey smears under his fingernails.

However, I soldiered on, knowing that -- whatever the outcome -- this was a "must read" by any definition.

Shall we begin...?

My first realization that I wasn't destined to be let down came upon opening to the book's credits. Here, John Costanza's workman-like lettering informed me that this story was penned by none other than longtime BATMAN and HULK veteran Len Wein; and that it was illustrated by the stunning pencils of one Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez.

I dove headlong into the tabloid-sized comic which Garcia-Lopez had rendered so lovingly, and immediately discovered that something very fishy indeed was going on in Gotham Town.

The first few scenes reveal that even in a city a mean as Gotham, dreams really do come true; literally, even.

A gentleman swealtering through a hot night awakens to discover a veritable snowstorm in his tiny apartment. A couple making out during a horror movie discover they're the star attraction to various ghouls which spring up around them.

This is fairly odd stuff, even for the Dark Knight's stomping grounds.

We cut to a warehouse on the waterfront, where the Joker appears to be cutting a deal with....well, somebody. A mysterious, unseen "somebody" of whom one of the Clown Prince of Crime's henchman makes the fatal mistake of noting that the Joker seems to be...

... well... afraid.

After the necessary "disciplining" of the Joker's hired help, we shift our attentions to a branch of Wayne Research, where we find one Bruce Banner, hiding under the nom de guerre "David Banks"; observing the construction of a device called "the Gamma Gun." It seems Bruce has some notion that this contraption can cure him of being the monster known as the Hulk, once and for all.

Whilst putting one thing on top of another thing, Banner notices that everyone in the lab (including himself) has come down with a massive and inexplicable case of the non-stop giggles.

Being no dummy, Banner makes his way to a closet of radiation suits and dons one; regaining his composure from the air supply contained therein.

At this juncture, enter the Joker and entourage, arrived to make off with the aforementioned Gamma Gun. Banner -- realizing that they're going to abscond the very thing he's here for -- tries to set off the alarm, but gets waylaid by the grinning ghoul's cronies.

Well, this gets Banner all hot around the collar; causing him to go an alrming green around the gills, in a manner of speaking.

In other words: the Hulk has arrived...

...and: the (not-so-)jolly jade giant makes it perfectly plain he's none too pleased with matters, overall.

The Joker and crew attempt to beat a hasty retreat; but run smack dab into none other than Gotham City's own The Batman, in turn. The Gamma Gun goes flying, in the ensuing scuffle; and lands in the grip of the green goliath, who -- at this point -- is more than a wee little bit confused.

Unfortunately for Batman, the Joker is of a pretty clear mind (aside from being, y'know, crazy, and whatnot); and cunningly bamboozles Ol' Jade Jaws into launching himself against The Darknight Detective.

Batman is forced onto the defensive, which only serves to enrage the Hulk more. Finally, in a desperation move, the Caped Crusader utilizes both a gas bomb and a swift kick to the breadbasket, to devastating results; while the Joker makes good use that same opportunity to make his hasty getaway, in the meantime.

Returning to the scene of the crime in his daytime guise of Bruce Wayne, Batman recruits a returned-to-normalcy Bruce Banner onto his gamma research team; an offer whih the grateful Banner readily accepts. (Gee... jail, or a cushy job at WayneTech. Let me mull that one over for a moment.)

Meanwhile, back at the warehouse: the Joker sets to work using the Gamma Gun on his mysterious "partner": The Shaper Of Worlds.

I know what you're all thinking, here: "Who -- ?"

The reason I know you're thinking that is that it's precisely what I was thinking, upon stumbling across this revelation. Batman, Hulk, the Joker; everybody knows them, of course. But "the Shaper Of Worlds?" Who in the name of Freddy Mercury is that?

Well, I'll tell ya. The Shaper is this semi-obscure Marvel Comics character -- not even a villain, really, iin the true sense of the word -- who has the power to warp reality in any way he chooses; but lacks the imagination to implement said gifts, and (therefore) travels the universe looking for dreams to fufill.

(At least, that's what Wein's handy dandy little recap on page 23 says.)

It also informs us that the Shaper had a little accident, a while back, and is losing his abilities to make dreams real; and is (consequently) going completely mental, as a result.

That's a bad thing, you see, because (apparently) when he goes...

... he takes everybody else WITH him.

Fortunately, he thought the Gamma Gun might be able to cure him, so he cut a deal with Joker to get it.

Unfortunately, he was wrong wrong wrong about the blamed thing's curative abilities; leaving the Joker (and everyone else in the world) in exceedingly dire straits.

While the Joker bites his lip in unhappy anticipation; we find that Doc Banner is hard at work on Bruce Wayne's supertanker/laboratory, rebuilding the pilfered Gamma Gun. At the same time, Batman cuts a swath through the underworld, in order to ascertain the Joker's current whereabouts.

Back on the boat, a helicopter full of military types show up, demanding that the fugitive Bruce Banner be remanded into federal custody. The good doctor complies, until Wayne's faithful butler Alfred becomes the target of one of the "soldier's" thuggish ire, exposing them as uniformed frauds.

At the prospect of being kidnapped, Banner naturally freaks...

... and becomes the rampaging Hulk, once again.

After some brief sparring -- during which the Hulk definitely gets the big, green upper hand -- another creature appears, as if by magic, and cages him. The faux military personnel take off with the Hulk, leaving a dazed Alfred to pick up the pieces.

Upon delivery of the unruly Jade Giant, the Joker informs the Shaper that only the Hulk's alter ego, Bruce Banner, can properly rig the Gamma Gun into a configuration capable of curing what ails him.

However: the Hulk, upon hearing this (and being none too fond of his other, pinker persona, quite frankly), pitches a king-sized hissy fit; breaking free of his restraints just as the Shaper seems to finally go off his gargantuan nut.

Disposing of spectral figures which the Shaper unconciously congures up, while in the throes of delirium, the Hulk moves to take his ire out on the extraterrestrial dreamsmith, only to find his fabled rage fading, the closer he gets; with the Shaper's fevered madness inexplicably dwindling away, in turn.

As the dust settles, the Hulk takes a powder, and the Shaper informs the Joker to forget the Gamma Gun; what he really needs, after all, is the Hulk, himself.

Let me tell ya: this has the Joker jumping for joy. NOT.

So -- after swallowing really, really hard -- the Clown Prince of Crime snags Batman's attention with the Bat-signal (thereby further endearing himself to the Dark Knight), and proposes a truce, while the two of them join forces to tack down and subdue the missing Hulk. Batman doesn't exactly cotton to the idea, but -- not having much choice, at this point -- reluctantly agrees.

The oddly mismatched manstalkers leave no stone unturned, and eventually track down the Green Goliath; the latter whom promptly leaps away, prompting Batman to lasso the Hulk's ankle and go along for the ride. When Ol' Jade Jaws notices he's towing along a caped-and-cowled hitchhiker, another scuffle ensues; ending when the Hulk literally brings down the proverbial house, on Batman's head.

So, the unfriendly partners change tactics.

Wandering the lonely, nighttime streets of Gotham, Frankenste...er, I mean, the Hulk comes across Gene Hackman...er, an old blind man who engages him in conversation; and (eventually) convinces the Hulk to go off for tea with the Joker (!!).

As the two figures head toward the Shaper, the old man is revealed as... *GASP!*... the Batman (he's a tricky one, folks!)!

Arriving at the warehouse where the Shaper's been keeping his mopey self, the Joker tells the Hulk to just wade on in, while he waits from a safe distance. Batman takes exception to this shameless display of chalky cowardice; belts the Joker a good one, right across the chops; and accompanies the Hulk down the pier.

Making their way toward the Shaper, our heroes find themselves beset by simulacrums of some of their greatest foes, courtesy of the Shaper's out-of-control dream-shaping powers.

After wading their way through these cardboard impediments, the good guys burst in on the alien dreamsmith, and an enraged Hulk immediately leaps to the attack.

The Hulk very nearly as quickly finds himself repelled by some unseen force, however. Batman goads Hulk into piercing the invisible barrier, which results in the Gamma-powered Guargantuan being re-transformed once more into his paler, punier alter ego.

The Shaper then dusts his hands off, and with a quick "but I'm feeling MUCH better, now", gives the Joker the power to make his deepest, darkest nightmares and notions real.

That falls under the category, obviously, of "Definitely Not Good."

The Joker whips up a flying carpet and flys the coop, leaving a frustrated and furious Batman in his wake; and Bruce Banner pleading fruitlessly, in turn, for the Shaper to renege on his deal with the Joker. The Shaper declines, much to the outraged Banner's ire and chagrin; releasing the Hulk, once more.

The Joker, in the meantime, is having a hot time in the old town tonight. Batman and his intellectually challenged pal attempt to subdue the new king of the world, to no avail; each being altered (along with all the rest of reality) at the Joker's whacky whim.

Realizing they simply don't have the raw power necessary to contain the Joker, Batman ups the ante; challenging the Joker to be more and more insanely innovative.

The Clown Prince of Crime then takes them on a surrealistic ride through hastily-cobbled realities, which finally ends with him wearing himself down under the weight of his own over-heated imagination.

Passing out, the Joker's grip on the world loosens, and everything returns to normal. The Shaper takes off; the Joker goes back to Arkhan Asylum; Batman returns to his war on crime; and Bruce Banner re- commences his daily struggle to contain the raging man-beast which dwells evermore within.

Now, if you think that was a hoot: you ain't seen nothin', yet. Next time, we'll check out TEEN TITANS/X-MEN!

Seeya then!

An Embarrassment of Riches (PAGE TWO)
An Embarrassment of Riches (PAGE FOUR)

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