A Personal Experience of Trika Shaivism

Fiction by David Kirshbaum

LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF

Hi! I am Wally Rollo, roller coaster repairman, salesman, and designer. I design these things because I love that thrill of being so close to death and yet knowing that I am at the same time almost perfectly safe from death.

And that point of highest intensity fascinates me when my mind fears death while simotaneously knowing that I am safe from it - a direct experience of self-induced psychotic delusion! At that moment the mind is absolutely convinced it is going to die despite itÕs other completely realistic knowledge that I am really truly safe.

My job - my art is to create that experience for others while truly keeping them safe from real harm or death!

EXISTENTIALISM

Being involved so intimately with delusions of death has gotten me thinking alot. (I hope my art will get others thinking alot as well - but I doubt it.)

It is obvious how vulnerable our bodies are and therefore how close we are to death at all times, but this fact is easy to ignore and most of us choose to do so.

That choice also involves ignoring the fact that we are relentlessly approaching our own inevitable death - uh... that death is inevitable and time marches toward it relentlessly.

That choice also is connected to our efforts to fill up that time with stuff that helps us avoid that truth - that seems to give our time alive meaning and purpose... and thus, in a way, a kind of immortality or importance or connection beyond our individual selves, and hence beyond our death - which a kind of immortality.

But all of this is really a game played by our mind to fool itself. Because all sense of meaning is chosen and given by the mind itself to experiences that we only know through our outer and inner senses. To me this last point about how nothing exists for us outside our senses is very important - that we know of nothing that is not within, or that is beyond the realm of our own senses... yes... very important!

Thus there are two very important points - (1) that there is no meaning beyond what our mind creates - that all meaning is only a creation of our minds. And (2) that anything and everything that we experience and percieve is only a creation of our senses... exists only within the realm of our senses. Thus there is nothing beyond ourselves or outside ourselves to which we can create and attach meaning to, or identify ourselves with, in order to give ourselves somekind of illusion of immortality.

I contemplate this truth at the extremes of physical sensation when I ride my roller coasters and the other carnival rides I design and build. No matter how extreme or close to death or life an experience is - it is still confined to sense experience and the assembly, interpretation, and evaluation of our mind. It is soley a product of our senses and mind... completely confined to our senses and mind! Nothing is external to this. Can you see how it would be impossible for it to be otherwise - that everything is only experienceable through sense and mental activity. This contemplation makes death even more imminent and catastrophic.

But you might say that where this is not true is in relation to love - that love is the only essentially real and valuable thing in life, and that it truly transcends our individual minds and bodies, and creates connection to the rest of life and the world where there is none... that it creates meaning and value in the midst of the void and chaos.

This view is reinforced by the idea that the mind, and consciousness, are all only by-products of our incredibly complex brain - that they do not have any sort of independent cause or existence beyond that complexity.

TRIKA SHAIVISM

Well... letÕs consider this very carefully. LetÕs do an exercise of self-inquiry.

First, look inside and feel your own sense of I-ness... your sense of self-ness... of me-ness.

You might approach it this way. Everything else is ÒmyÓ whatever... my body, my mind, my thoughts, my feelings. But there is that certain point within us... at our very core which is no longer a matter of mine, but is only pure, pure me... feel that point.... contemplate that point...

Feel how that point of I-ness is of the nature of pure I-consciousness... that it is the consciousness by which we are conscious of things through our senses, and is the same conscious of the thoughts and feelings of our mind - ALL the thoughts and feelings!

Now feel how that pure consciousness, that pure I-ness is essentially, radically different from all those things that we label as ÒmineÓ (or not), or ÒtheirsÓ (or not), that we perceive through the senses. Instead, notice how this pure I-ness, this pure consciousness is instead the ÒsenserÓ, the observer, the witness, and is of essentially different material from everything that is sensed, observed, witnessed, perceived! That it is made of pure consciousness and nothing else, and that all those sense objects are not made of pure consciousness, but instead are made of observable substances.

Now feel how that pure I-ness, pure consciousness never changes - the mind changes, thoughts and feelings are constantly changing, and of course objects and sense data changes... but the pure consciousness itself - the pure I-ness itself never changes. No matter what happens all the intensity and change happens only among what is observed - that pure I-consciousness itself never changes! Thus see how ANY change that does occur, only occurs amongst the sense data and mental activity only!

In fact, many people who have seriously spent their lives studying their selves from this point of view suggest this exact point of view.

1. (1) That this pure I-consciousness of ours exists separate and beyond our bodies-minds-senses, but that it is conscious of the world and itÕs inhabitants through them.
2. (2) That all sense of difference (such as differences in physical features, personality, thinking, feeling, but more importantly the feelings of difference that make up the experience of separate human beings in space as well) exist in the activities of the mind and body and senses, and not in consciousness itself. In fact all sense of difference and separation between individual human beings is purely a creation and ongoing project of the minds, senses, and bodies of the individuals involved, but that their consciousness is really the same in both of them. That this consciousness gives the sense of connection, unity, and love when itÕs presence is experienced in others, and that all sense of difference, separation, or distance is purely a creation of the minds and senses of the individuals involved.

NOW - the most important thing to look at according to people who have really studied consciousness and experience from this point of view... and this point I am about to discuss is the most difficult as well... that just as everything that is knowable is only knowable through the senses and mind... that... in this way... everything also only takes place within consciousness... inside consciousness. The experience of difference and separation is purely an experience and belief and practice of the mind and senses and not of consciousness itself. This demonstrates the power of the mind to weave illusion.

Now... you might say... why that is absurd... what about all the things that happen while we are asleep... or better yet... when noone is around!!! What about those things that happen far out in outer space, or in the center of the earth, or better yet in the center of the sun or the galaxy? What about all the scientific evidence that suggests that the mind and consciousness are mere by-products of the tremendous complexity of our brain?

First about the brain - actually the evidence they find only continues to prove the tremendous complexity of the brain. There is no conclusive proof either way against or for the idea of whether the mind and consciousness are merely by-products of that complexity or that they have some type of independent source and just interact and express themselves through the brain and thence the body.

But above all, no matter what phenomenon or idea you bring up, that thing still exists... you still only have knowledge of it through your senses and mind. The idea that it is the same consciousness in all humans and living beings suggests the idea of one supreme consciousness and the experts in this area would suggest the far reach of the knowledge of modern science only indicates the far reach of the creative power of that supreme consciousness.

So we have two important ideas here - (1) the infinite creative power of supreme consciousness, and (2) the immense power of the mind to hide this, be distracted from it, and then forget this, and be carried away by itÕs own creations of difference, division, and separation in time and space. And ironically and poetically, (1) originates from (2).

... TO BE CONTINUED ...

Pretty interesting stuff, huh? Pretty weird? Well, just think about it very carefully, with a very open and flexible mind. Just watch your own consciousness and mind, and consider what I have said. Try it. Oh I have a lot more to tell you about... like the peaceful, homey area that I, and many roller coaster designers put at the center of their rides. And my wife, Ariana Lise... my Shakti, my balance, my ... oh my oh my!!! And words words words... all these stupid words! So hang in there... I'll be back soon. But most important - keep thinking and looking and observing!

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