| 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind the 'fridge or sofa or under the bed. 4. I must shake the rainwater off of my coat before entering the house. 5. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick. 7. I will not throw up in the car. 8. I will not roll on dead or decaying mammals, fish or fowl just because I like the way they smell. 9. "Kitty box crunches," although they are tasty, are not food. 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my owners will think I am hemorrhaging. 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 15. Even though we have a door bell, I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's lap. 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 19. I will not bite the Trooper's hand when he reaches in for Dad's driver's license and car registration. 20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 21. To avoid having a string hanging out of my butt, I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage. 22. I will not "roll around in the dirt" after getting a bath. 23. I will not fart, belch, or sneeze at my owner while sleeping in their bed. 24. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. 25. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner. |
| See? Animals are funny as well as tasty! |
| Canus Hilarious... |
| OK, I had a thing on here about a cat's diary, but have decided it really wasn't that funny. See? Just like the Quote of the Day, the Dragon's Lair has quality control. Stop laughing, Valerie. I'm gonna look for some of my old elephant and chicken jokes (don't say it, homos). Until then, go have a hamburger and try to ignore the crunchy bits! |
| or, things I must remember, by The Dog |