| Wookiee Humor |
| ...oona goota, Solo? |
| TOP 10 Reasons Why Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt in the Star Trek Universe: |
| 10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, set on "stun." 9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp. The Millenium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookiee. 8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable - after pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell. 7) One word: Lightsabers 6) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance. 5) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is "M" class or not. 4) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters. 3) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action. 2) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I. 1) Picard pilots Enterprise through asteroid belt at one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it. |
| TOP 10 Sexually Slanted Lines from Star Wars: |
| 10) Get in there you big, furry oaf, I don't care what you smell! 9) Luke, at that speed, do you thnk you'll be able to pull out in time? 8) Put that thing away before you get us all killed! 7) You've got something jammed in here real good. 6) Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper? 5) You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought. 4) Sorry about the mess... 3) Look at the size of that thing! 2) Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough! 1) She may not look like much., but she's got it where it counts, kid. |
| And from The Empire Strikes Back: |
| 10) I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me. 9) Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you? 8) There's an awful lot of moisture in here. 7) But now we must eat. Come, good food, come... (ick) 6) THat's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual for a while. 5) Hurry up, goldenrod... 4) I mus've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid? 3) Possible he came in through the south entrance. 2) And I thought they smelled bad on the outside! 1) Control! Control! You must learn control! |
| And finally Return of the Jedi: |
| 14) A little higher! Just a little higher! 13) What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I did? He never expressed any unhappiness with my work. 12) Hey, point that thing someplace else. 11) I look forward to completing your training. In time, you will call me master. 10) You're a jittery little thing, aren't you? 9) I never knew I had it in me. 8) Someone must have told them about my little maneuver... 7) There is good in him, I've felt it. 6) If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short-circuit. 5) I assure you Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can... Then perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them. 4) Grab me, Chewie, I'm slipping - hold on. Grab it, almost... you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. 3) Short help's better than no help at all. 2) Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me - now I owe you one. 1) Back door, huh? Good idea. |
| You ever heard the phrase: May the Force be with y'all... Your jedi robe is in camouflage print You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is primer colored You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok You ever had an A-Wing up on blocvks in your yard... You ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit The worst part of spending time on Degobah is the dadgum skeeters. Wookiees are offended by your BO You have ever used the Force while fishing, bowling, or to get yourself another beer Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over to the Dark Side, it'll be a hoot!" You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel cause he looks like a sissy in that vest You have ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Dukes You have the doors of your X-Wing welded shut so you have to get in through the window You ever fell in love with your sister You have a cousin with a strong resemblance to Chewbacca You were the only person drinking Jack on the rocks in the Cantina in Mos Eisley In your opinion, that Darth Vader fella "just ain't right" |
| you might be a redneck Jedi if... |