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| WHERE DID IT BEGIN
Okay..Where should I start....how about the beginning! I started exploring my feminine side when I was about 6 or 7 years old. Mine is the same story as many other girls like myself. I found some of my mothers hose and things and decided to try them on! Little did I know at the time what this would eventually lead to! By my early teenage years I found myself wanting to have clothes that would fit me better so I started working on my first wardrobe. I remember having feelings of guilt and shame over my dressing. At that point as far as I knew I was the only person doing this and I had no idea why. All I knew was I couldn't stop. The desire was far too strong! By my early twenties I had started to figure out that this was more than just a fetish for women's clothes! I was finding that when I was dressed I was much more comfortable with myself.....I felt right....hmmm, could this be? This of course scared the hell out of me so I spent the next 25 years doing everything possible to make my feminine side go away! I tried to do everything masculine that I could think of. I went through many failed relationships with genetic females. I could always find fault with these women but the problem was really with me. I wanted and needed to be the female in the relationship! I constantly was trying to fill this hole that I seemed to have inside. I would buy all kinds of different things..cars, motorcycles, houses and everything else I could think of in a attempt to feel right but nothing seemed to work. I thought that if I could just make this feminine thing go away, I would be fine! About three years ago I finally realized that I was going about it all wrong. I was trying to change who I was inside to match who I appeared to be outside which is impossible! I am who I am�that cant be changed. I decided at that point that I had two options. One, I could remain as I was with this major conflict going on inside of me or two, I could take steps toward making my outside match who I was inside! I think it's pretty obvious which I chose! But there was still the question�Hmmm could this really be? NEVER SAY NEVER The answer to the question is, it could really be�I am transsexual! Finally after all these years I've excepted the fact! In fact I've embraced it! I'm very proud of who I am today and really wouldn't trade it for the world. I now live full time as a woman and have since about February of 2001. I now am legally Desrea and legally female! ! I've now been on hormone replacement therapy for about 10 months with pretty decent results. I plan on having SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) sometime in 2002! Through this life long journey I've definitely learned one thing�never say never! It seems that I'm always changing my mind. I now believe that all the things I said I would never do were the things that were keeping me from being who I really am. I would never take feminizing hormones�at least that's what I used to say and of course I would never consider SRS! My, how things have changed! I really live my life by one simple saying today. "To thine own self be true" |
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