 |
| Happy Anniversary! |
| July 18, 2002 One year! As of July 9, 2002 it was one year since I joined WW - since I rejoined life! What can I say about this year? If I had to pick one word, I would probably use the word JOY. But there are many words to describe the thoughts within my head - gratitude, humility, pride, hope. Instead, I will merely list off the tangible change. One year ago: I couldn't walk a block without feeling like I was going to die. This year: I work out five days a week, have played basketball and am not afraid to try new physical activity. One year ago: My blood pressure was 195/120. This year: My blood pressure is 106/55. One year ago: My blood sugar was so high that they were considering starting me on diabetes medication. This year: My blood sugars are low normal. One year ago: I had painful heelspurs. This year: I have a groin pull from exercise. One year ago: My cholesterol was extremely high. This year: They are low high, and there is every hope I can bring them to normal ranges. One year ago:I was wearing 2X to 4X clothing. This year: I am wearing size 10 to size 14. One year ago: I weighed 251.8 This year: I weigh 168.8. One year ago: I couldn't cross my legs. This year: I can wrap my leg around the other TWICE. One year ago: I was withdrawn and self-conscious. This year: I am outgoing and look forward to social occasions. One year ago: Parties meant FOOD! This year: Parties mean having a good time with friends. One year ago: I couldn't wash my own feet in the shower. This year: I can wash my feet....and more! One year ago:I was sweltering in the summer heat. This year: I am wearing cute, cool, little clothing. One year ago: I thought my life was about over. This year: I realize my life has just begun. |
| Yes, this year has been a defining year. And it's been a tough year. I always though weight loss was about weight loss. Nothing mystical or ulterior about it. I'm a black and white kind of person and so the formula made perfect sense to me - Eat less, exercise more and you lose weight. But while that formula is the foundation of weight loss, the psychological aspect of it is the actual mortar and brick. Let me explain. Do you know what it's like to stare deep into the wells of your very soul? To look at yourself with honesty? I thought I did until I started this journey. I had no issues..I simply needed to lose weight. I lied to myself. My issues were/are very real and unless I deal with them any weight I might lose would just be temporary. Why did I hide behind food? Why did I use food to anaesthetise myself? Why did I have no power over food? Why did I equate food with love? Why did I punish myself with food? With each pound I lost I became keenly aware that it was those issues which I needed to examine and reconcile...and it was/is one of the most difficult things in life. First, I needed to acknowledge that despite my "issues", in the end I was in the driver's seat. I needed to control those issues, I didn't need for those issues to control me, no matter how comfortable and safe that might have been. As I began peeling away the layers, one by one, my very nakedness was frightening and it was human nature to run from the pain. But, I stood my ground, knowing that if I ever wanted to reclaim my life, to mold my life into that which I always wanted, I needed to work on those issues. Yeah - right! Easier said than done. Without a doubt, this has got to have been one of the roughest years on record for my psyche. But without a doubt, this has been the most rewarding year for me. Through it all, my mother has been there, quietly cheering me on, smiling that smile, telling me I'm worth it, urging me to have courage. I've seen her in the sunlit days, in my dark days. I've seen her in blue sky days, and in skies of gray. I've heard her voice outyelling those awful little whispers which tell me I'm not worth it. And I've heard her voice - clear as a bell saying, "Oh honey! I'm so proud of you!" I've heard her cheering me on, when those who want me to fail have only offered words of discouragement. And I hear her today, more clearly than ever saying, " I knew you could do this!" Today, I want to be more like her than ever. This kind, warm, giving woman who I am proud to call Mom. I want to give back and help others the way that some have reached out to me when I needed help. Which is why I have applied to become a Weight Watchers leader. Amazing that after having this area tied up for six years my leader should be taking a sabattical. I have been told that if she can't get it together by mid-August, if she can't get her weight under control, then she can no longer be a leader. As much as I feel for her, I want her job. And it seems Weight Watchers wants me as well. How fitting is that for a one year celebration? Home |
 |
   |