September_Renewed

September 10, 2001
I wait in line patiently. It's hard to believe this is me. There's no way I won't meet my 10 per cent goal tonight. No way I haven't lost at least six ounces in two weeks.
The world is my oyster!
I don't care what the scales say! A loss is a loss. Nothing, and I mean nothing is going to ruin this milestone for me.
With a relaxed smile I step up to the scales. The leader writes down my weight, and silently hands back my weight log.
I grab it.
-4.2 lbs. Yippee!!!! I have lost a total of 28.6 lbs. in eight weeks.
I now weigh 223.2! Onederland beckons!
The leader motions for the next person to be weighed.
I stand between her and the leader.
"Uh, don't I get another star, my 25 lb. magnet and my key chain for my first 10 per cent goal?" I ask.
She gives me a withering, harried look, digs into a box, thrusts the trophies into my hands and says, "Sorry. I'm a little disorganized tonight."
Duh, really?
I don't care! I have them! I did it! Forward and onward! Rah, rah, rah!
I wave the box around to be certain everyone sees what I've earned. I've worked hard for these prizes, now is not the time to be demure or shy.
The meeting is predictably boring and unmotivating. The leader talks about weeks when people gain, and how we shouldn't be disappointed, but instead look at the whole picture.
Translation: It's OK if you pigged out, went off plan and gained a few pounds. What the heck, you've lost X amount of weight already.
I don't want to hear this negative message tonight of all nights. But I sit quietly in the back counting the tiles on the ceiling.
Then she says, "Oh, we have a couple of things to announce."
"Tonight Sara got her 50 lb. magnet and Bonnie got her ten per cent," she tells the crowd.
I slouch into my chair, certain of what's to come next.
"Well, I guess that's it for the night. We'll see you all next week," she adds.
Hey! What about me? I lost 28.6 lbs. in eight weeks. Eight weeks! I worked my ass off! I didn't cheat! I walked until I thought my feet would fall off! Anyone? Hello?
But I keep silent, the anger bubbling up.
"I'm outta here!" I announce, my goodies clutched firmly in my hand..
On the way home anger turns to hurt. Has this all been for nothing? Is this so insignificant it's not worth mentioning?
But I don't cry. I have a stern talk with myself instead.
"That's OK Karen. The hell with them! Who cares what they think? You've done this without them, so you can just keep on. They are not taking away my shine. They are not stealing this from me!"
By the time I arrive home, I feel stronger than ever. I know without a doubt that I am going to the finish line on this.
Nothing, and no one is going to stop me.
God help them if they get in the way!
After supper I get on the treadmill. I set my jaw and begin a litany, keeping rhythym with my feet.
"Skinny, skinny. I don't care, I'm going there. Going where? Onederland!! One, two, three, four!"
Over and over I repeat the verse, feeling stronger and mightier with each step.
After 40 minutes I stop the treadmill, wipe the sweat from my brow and grin.