| Funny sms 20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all. Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests! At this moment i have a d�j� vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before. Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old! Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last. BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again! Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!! Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found. Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! . Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . . Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too ! E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need. Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy. For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?" God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes! God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : �I hope she will make herself up�! HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!! Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain. Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world.. How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated? I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing! I am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N � T I am not your type ... I am not inflatable. I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids... I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one! I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils... If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long. If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit. If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel. Ik would like to be a volcano... smoke all day and people say ... look he is working! In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny, an animal in bed and it knows one French word ... MOI!! Love me or leave me. Hey, where is everybody going ??? Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number! My feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make me sick." My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment... Nice perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it? One out of four people is a Chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you. Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place. Read in a hospital... The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed Roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you???? Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't... Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand .................. Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not! The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning?? They dropped your name, can you pick it up ? This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat! This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly. This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds." This sms can only be read by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just not sexy?...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!! Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are? We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. "I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die." We will now upgrade your brain.......Please wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no brain found !!! What he want, I do not want ... What I want, he does not want ... What we want, is not allowed! When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!! You are an unwanted child. Your parents paid the medical expenses for your birth with their accident insurance. You are never too blond to learn !!! You got STYLE... You got SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure as hell got the BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things. You should know what it takes to look this cheap! You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you You will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking about it or thinking about it? You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ... o, sorry, wrong number You�d better not be a dayfly and not having your day. Your provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free from now on! Dashuri SMAK ... A mobile kiss... Keep your mobile close to your ear! Love is like war ... Easy to start ... Difficult to end ... Impossible to forget... What I feel for you, is really true. You got to know, I need you so. When you are gone, I can't go on. Can't you see, that you are the only one for me? If I had a penny for everytime I thought of you, I'd still miss you, but at least I would be rich enough to come and see you..!! I miss you so, here around me, so many people, but yet so alone. I miss your lips, your lovely smile, I miss you each day more and more! If I die and go to heaven, I'll put your name on a golden star. So that all the angels can see, how much you mean to me. Every message is a smile ... every word is like a kiss but when you touch me ...remember this ... my life is full with happiness By following my heart I came to you, I only forgot to take something back with me. For my thoughts are still with you. The ideal husband is the one who understands what his wife did not say. Love is hard and will always be, but remember somebody loves you and that one is ME ! If the people we love are stolen away from us the only way to have them live on is to never stop lovin'them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever... Without love I cannot live, You are love so I cannot live without you!!! LOVE is something beautiful,a desire, a feeling that one would like to catch. LOVE is the feeling that makes you feel alive. LOVE is something that may never go away! I wanted to send you all my love but the postman said it was too big !!!!! Roses of red grow in my heart and they will never wither... 'Cause they bloom every time I see your smile, hear your voice or just think of you! If you live to be a hundred , I want to be a hundred minus one day , so I don't have to live a day without you... You know what, in the whole world there is no such darling whom I love and I want the whole world to know that I will never forget you! If I die and go to heaven, I put your name on a golden star. So that all the angels can see how much you mean to me !! I love you I cannot resist the tears of a woman, that is why I would do anything for you You are always in my heart, here and everywhere, There is no one in the whole world that makes me feel this way. That I love you is no wonder. But the fact that you care about me, that is very special. Women admire a man because he is strong , but they love him for his weaknesses. There are a lot of birds wispering only about you, you should once listen to them, then you would know how much I love you. There Were Times You Make Me Cry... Looking 4 A Reason Why... There Were Times You Make Me Fly...Stay With Me Until I Die...Stay With Me... I am looking for a word. I am looking for a whole new word. I am looking for a word. I am looking for a word that nobody knows. I am looking for a word. I am looking for a word that says...that you are the best !!! There are thousands of roses on this world, even if I gave you every rose to you, that would not be enough to tell you how much I love you! When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me, it will come true, 'cause I did it and I found you! When a heart is the sign of love ,and red the colour ...and when walking around with your head in the clouds means that one is in love..Why do I draw a line in blue and am I only thinking of you ? The sky is full of golden stars shining in the light of the moon, but the most beautiful light I see is in your eyes ... The rose speaks of love silently in a language known only to the heart. In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. What holds you together is far greater than what can tear you apart. A dream costs nothing unless you want it to come true A butterfly needs its wings ... an icebear needs cold weather and I ... I need you! Love... I want to hold you close to me and feel our hearts beat as one � forever .... I love you! From the earth till the moon! I hope that you finally understand, that I will love you untill the end, because your not just my girl, you are also my best friend! What is a flower without the sun, what is the earth without the sky. What am I without you, that is why I tell you � I love you Tomorrow there is an other day.A day i'd rather spend with you....without you there is no joy, only pain! Of all the friends I've ever met. Your the one I won't forget.And if I die before you do I'll go to heaven and wait for you. Words however special... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart. xXx Love is forever, only the partners change... If I would get a rose for every time I think of you, I would spend every day in a rose garden, ... thinking of you How can it be that I am sad and happy at the same time ... it's because I know ... that you aren't back until tomorrow I love two things, a rose and you. A rose for a short while, but you the rest of my life I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU!.... Love is....... to love more and more each day.... Love under the stars... they seem very far, but you are so close the star I love the most Lonely? no, how can I be lonely when you are always in my thoughts. I wake up with you and go to sleep with you. I love you!! Kiss me and you will see stars ....Love me and I will give them to you. I would love you only little when I would be able to say how much I love you!... Kiss Like a rose needs water, like a season needs change, like a poet needs a pen, I need you!! The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell ! Falling in love is when she falls asleep in your arms and wakes up in your dreams ! When darkness moves in on me,it's the love of people like you that allows me to go through defeat and still know to be fully accepted. They learned me that one hours equals 60 minutes and that one minute equals 60 seconds, but they never told me that one second without you can last for ever! My eyes were set on you...it was love at first sight... If the world was made of paper and the sea of ink, I would write everywhere that I like you! Far away from here, totally inaccessible. That is where you are. Here next to me, within reach. That is where you are. Whereever you go or when, you will always be near me. I do not think much, i do not think often, but when I think, I think of you! The day that I'll die, when death replaces birth, I'll recognize angels' faces, 'cus I live with one on earth.. Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrafice! If you were a tear I would never dare to cry. I might lose you ! Heaven is the place where I would be, the day you would stop loving me! It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really rain, the sky was crying because it lost his most beautifull angel...! I miss you ... I need you ... More and more .... each day ... I love you ... more than words ... can ever say If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas! 3 words made my heart beat faster, 3 words made my legs shake 3 words made my head spin, 3 words: I love you! To the whole world you are somebody....but to somebody you are the whole world If you are mad at me, you might just as well give me all my kisses back ! The world is so more beautiful with you around! All beautiful moments do not last long, except in our memory. A kiss that tells it all is seldomly a first edition. Being in love is when she looks at you and says: I would like to be a cannibal. Real love is the history of enormous patience. Love stops being a joy when it stops being a secret. Grow old with me! ...... The best is yet to come... the hardesd thing in life is watching someone you love , loving someone else Tears in my eyes ......... Tears for you ...... Tears that realise how much I love you Roses are red and the sky is blue ........ and I love you Push down if you miss me... that is sweet of you ...... Very sweet indeed .... You can stop now ..... You really miss me, h� :-) .... me too xxx In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry. Love is as a war, easy to start but hard to end.. When I think, I think of you, when I look, I want to look at you. I am crazy about you, even if it seems to become an obsession I would like to be a tear, born in your eyes, alive passing your cheeks and dieing on your lips. If a raindrop would mean ... I love you and you would ask me how much I love you, i bet you that it would �. rain all day ! They say that kids tell the truth, but am I a child too when I tell you that I love you enormously ? Yesterday I did love you, tomorrow I will only think of you. You know whant... I love you! people are children............life is love...........and you are sunshine. -<-@ A rose for you Because I love you don't love 1, don't love 2, but love the 1 who loves you Where were you before you came camping in my heart??? You started a fire and now my heart is filled with flames !!! I love you so much ! Loving and being loved is feeling the sun shine at both sides. Love is ... being married to your best friend. I love you even more than when I started this sentence. Ik hou zoveel van jou dat als je me ooit verlaat ik met u mee ga. You always smile, you never say no, you never hurt me, my dear sweet teddybear! The words are easy when the language is LOVE ! SEX Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia... One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!! I think I have BSE on my penis ...... all women who experienced it go crazy ! Eva stood in the river washing her cunt when God comes running to her and shouts: EVA EVA STOP, I WON'T GET THE SMELL OF THE FISH. Do you know why a waterbed needs to be filled with seawater?...For the mussels need to be able to open. Screw calmly and without worries, if you do not come today, it may happen tomorrow ! Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth. The boy puts his information in her communication and together they make population! What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper and a woman? ... When they are wet, they do not squeak any more! The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed.Today I'll know better,so I'll write it in my letter.In my bed I've seen so many faces,so I'll fuck you at different places Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money!If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!!! What is de maximum speed during sex? .... 68, because at 69 you go overturn! A good neighbour is better dan an inflatable doll ! God created the world in SIX days But it took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. * Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!! What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off ... Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy! Are these your eyes? I found them between my brests! Sex is like Nike, just do it. Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops. How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise?? When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose. Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love... Do you know why smurfs always laugh? Because the grass always tickles their little balls! What is the difference between a man and a dildo?......... A man is a REAL PRICK!!!! Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX. Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive. If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!! Sex is good for your stomach muscles and much more fun than fitness The difference between erotic and perverted: Erotic = caress the vagina with a beautiful white whisp Perverted = do the same thing with a whole chicken. A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear..... What did Eva shout when she wanted to have SEX ?? ............. ADAM WHERE ARE YOU !! you do not have to be good to be the best as long as you are better than all the rest!! What does position 68 mean........You are doing me and I owe you one!! Love your neighbour, but don't get caught. A peach is a peach,a plum is a plum,A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue.So open up your mouth and close you eyes and give your tongue some exercises!! Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back... What you never want to hear while having good sex?? ............. "Honey, I am home!" There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, Leather-Sex, Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people with your face: "No-Sex"! Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up. What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?................ They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet If you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I laugh...if you are happy, I am too...if you are sad, I am too...and if you are horny, call me. American students say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand sex is like nokia (connecting people) like nike (just do it) like pepsi (ask for more) and like samsung (everybody is invited) A woman is like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you. Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh......ohh......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good! mmmm ......................That's how we sex on text. Message from you provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation. The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 4 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling. Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed in your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it because you're smiling now!! I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!! Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler ! By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary. Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men. Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message! Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman's destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration SEX is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game. The words are easy when the language is LOVE ! Flirt It is deaf and it wants to have sex with you...................... What do you say? Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds ! You are just like a Bounty ... a piece of paradise on earth! You're eyes are soft en tender,as sweet as they can be.There's one thing you must remember, you are the one for me!!! There are so many people in the world but in my world there's only one and that's you!!! I want to share everything with you, your sadness, your happy moments, every single second of the day. Do your feet never hurt ???? ... You are wondering around my thoughts all day long.... Love is in the air... shit if only I had a plane right now ... When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why,just make a wish. Trust me it will come true,'cause I did it and I found you. I do not think much, I do not think often, but when I do think, I think of you I love all the stars in the sky, but they are nothing compared to the ones in your eyes! You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree,but the best way to fall,is to fall in love with me. If flowers were dreams that would last for ever, I would pick the most beautiful ones to send to you Be smart, be clever, put me in your heart, 4-ever. Don't listen to your mind. Listen always to your heart! If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS If I had a penny every time I thought of you, I'd still miss you,but at least I would be rich! Passion running trough my veins, trembling, waiting, reason is fading. Overpowering desire sets my skin on fire! Somewhere, someone dreams of your smile and finds your presence in life so worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true that someone, somewhere, is thinking of you. Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart! If I was a fly, I would fly to you now... but I'm not so I need to stay home and cry! Since I met you people are wonders and live is a big party... What ever you say, what ever you do, I will always love you If loving you is wrong,then I don't wanna be right.My love for you is strong and brighter than any light.The way we must go is long,but we'll win every fight. At night I cannot sleep and during the day I dream of you... Life is much brighter with you around ! Don't let your mind rule over your heart. You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree ... but the best way is to fall in love with ME if you would see yourself the way I do, you would wish you where as beautiful as you ... Sometimes words are hard to find, to form that perfect line to let you know you're always on my mind! Even when it is rainy the sun is shining in your smile. If a kiss on your lips tastes as sweat as a raindrop I want it to rain for ever ....... I will give you one kiss to go to sleep. I give you two kisses to dream. I give you an endless row of kisses to, when you wake up in the morning, think of me. It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really rain, the sky was crying because it lost his most beautifull angel...! The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell ! Where ever you're going, I'm going your way ! Are you free for the rest of your life? If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be ? During maths I was thinking of you but I cannot calculate how much I love you!! I am sending you to an island full of kisses on a sea of love! Love is...looking whether he is looking, and when he does, certainly not looking back!! Do you have a coin? I want to call your parents to thank them. I wanted to put something incredibly beautiful, sweet, nice, sensitive, erotic and funny on you screen, but unfortunately I do not fit on it. I cannot think of a good opening sentence, so will we just say good-bye ??? I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have you been drinking? If I could rewrite the alphabet I'd put U and I together! Hello, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart! Your daddy must be a terrorist 'cus you're DA BOMB! Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again? I must have been born under a lucky star, to find a friend as nice as you are, and I will follow the rainbow until the end, if you promise forever to be my friend! Ferrari's are red, Lambo's are blue... but I am as happy in a mini with you. Every man dreams of a beautiful woman, so do I ... I dream of you. If love is a crime, lock me up, i'm guilty baby If God would have created something more beautiful than you he would have kept it to himself. Can I have your picture, so Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me . In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream. Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken. Have you drilled the butterflies in your stomach gedresseerd? I haven't! I saw you at a distance but you never approached, but that what did never happen, never passes! If love is blind, how will she find me ? I Never make love in the garden or in the fields...... For love might be blind but your neighbours not The less you open up to others, the more you will suffer. Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself, because I like you, you're my friend!!! There is a clown in my heart. Small and very special, he can dance and jump, laugh and sing ... are you sad and crying, you can borrow him. I love the spring mornings, the afternoons in autumn, the winter evenings and the summer nights....but you I love more ! I would have answered your letter soonerb but you did not write me one. The words are easy when the language is LOVE ! ...Me te futur I saw you walking on the street. Your eyes, your lips, your nose.. everything look perfect. I couldn't help sing to myself, 'WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!! WOOF !' You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It is a pity that I do not like animals! I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the �... Wait a moment.... oh no, I do have the right number... Roses are red, violets are blue, when I sense the smell of the bathroom, I think of you! I do not swear, I do not smoke and I do not drink ! O damned My sigarette has fallen in my glass of beer ... I wish you lots of itching and short arms. You have the face of a saint...a Saint-Bernard! Will we play the hulk together??.....I will be tall and strong and you green and ugly!!! If you did not have any feet, would you wear shoes?? ...no... why do you wear a bra?! A fart is a flying planet, created by God and produced by men. Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure... I am born this way, but what is your excuse? If you are raped and you cannot defend yourself... keep still and enjoy it! If I ever die because of marihuana, mark on my grave, I am too stoned to get up! When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys. You know when you are really too fat? When you are on the beach and Greenpeace carries you back to the sea. Roses are red ... Violets are blue ... but a face like yours belongs in the zoo!!! On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder! Nice hair, a shame that you sit on it! Roses are red violets are blue, shit stinks and so do you! I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass 3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message I'm not as dumb as you look Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you? Glume I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me? Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged. Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down. If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents! How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up* Can I have your picture? ......... I save natural disasters Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law!!! Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor. Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?" There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day. Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?" Working is a delight, leave enough work for your colleagues. My husband and I cannot decide... a dog or a child..do we ruin our carpet or our life? Remember that you are unique... just like everybody else! I never forget a face, but for you I will make an exception. Nostalgia is not what it used to be. Speaking Italian is hard, but I eat and drink it without difficulties! A good movy can make you cry... so can onions. Those who think that things happen too fast are expected in a bank or a post office! My "aim" in life is: die young when I am very old... When you are lazy, you cannot help it. When you are tired, that is your own fault. Who digs a hole for some else is surely no selfish person! If my head looks like yours, I'd shave my rear end and walked on my hands. Mirrors should be able to think before reflecting the images. All nice things in life are illegal, immoral, or make you grow fat. My girlfriend ran off with my best friend after a relationship of four years....Oh how I miss my friend. I would not call myself important, but I am convinced that when I was not born, everyone would like to know why. A new meeting next month ? Sorry, that is not possible, I have to go to a funeral. The only good thing about your own mistakes, is that is might make other people happy. I visited the tax office. I wanted to know the people I work for. I was a beautiful baby. But they switched my in the hospital. He kisses her gently on the lips. She does not feel comfortable, squeezes her legs, and so his glasses broke. Nok nok. Who's there? ..... Marie ...... Marie who? ...... Marie who wanna... ...Te thella Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest. A lawyer says 'we' won' or 'You' have lost. All computers wait at the sames speed. Real anarchists play chess without kings. Monday is one seventh of your life! When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness! Aiming to remain good sports, we park as close as possible near the sports centre. Money ressembles fat... there is plenty of it, but always in the wrong places. No-one loves hard work more than the one who pays for it. Some people live because it is illegal to kill them! Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die... Today is the day ... It comes only once- ... because tomorrow ...is no longer today. Enjoy life... it is possible ...but do it today ... because today is the day You can't walk in the light without causting a shadow Without the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS If you hit every time the target is too near or too big. The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes The secret of success lies not in doing your own work but in recognizing the right man to do it. Trains never follow the schedule, they follow the rails. The one who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, the one who does not ask, remains a fool for ever. It is better to know everything of one subject, than to know something of everything. The past becomes longer and longer and the future shorter and shorter, the hope in the future is bigger than the regrets for the past Never drive faster thant you guardian angel can fly! When you choose not to make a choice, you do choose because you choose not to choose! Life is hard, learn from the mistakes of others and not of your own mistakes! When you turn you nose 180 degrees, you would drown when it rains Children in the backseat cause accidents... Accidents in the back seat cause children. People wasted a lot of time talking about who came first, the chicken or the egg, but it was surely the cock. Life is hard, but the front of a train is harder... Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves! Life is like toilet paper, long and usefull!!! One day you will find the woman of your life and at that point you will already be married. I only drink to make my wife look prettier. Love based on beauty, dies along with the beauty. Do not keep hanging in the past, do not dream of the future, but concentrate on the present. Light is faster than sound. That is why people look intelligent, until you hear them speak. All mushrooms are eatable. But some you can only eat once. Nature is a miracle. One million years ago no one knew people would wear glasses but our ears are at the right spot. A pessimist is someone who believes that women are frivolous. An optimist is someone who hopes for this. Every good-bye is the birth of a memory... Common sense and a sense of humour are the sames things but at different speeds. A good sense of humor is just common sense that dances. I believe that there is life after death. But I do not think I will live it. There are so many things I have to do, that I should better go to sleep. You may not be too hard on my secretaries. They are sweet and understanding when I arrive at the office after having a tough day at home. Only 17% of all trafic accidents was caused by drunk drivers, so the other 83% was caused by, yes you got it....the sober ones among us. What do you have in common with your husband ? " We married on the same day." Good advice,whatever happens, make it look like to intend to. Words of a client in an antique shop: do you have anything new? Te ndryshme Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven't slept yet. Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol. I want to live in Switserland where the mountains are higher than the taxes. Join the army, meet interesting people and then ... kill them... Lots of people stop working once they found a job I am still single, my parents-in-law were not able to have children. Being nuts or crazy is inheritable, you get it from your children. The fact that there are 'intelligent' extraterrestrian creatures is proven by the fact that they did not contact us yet. I said no to drugs, but they did not listen! 10.000 new jobs ... all tax inspectors?! Mistakes have been made, others will be punished. As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working. I started out with nothing... and I still have most of it! Keep the school clean ... stay home! Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep! The word HELLO means: H=How are you? E=Evrything alright? L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you..SO, HELLO That is how a triatlon has been invented : go swimming on foot and coming home by bike. The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist Secrets, they only last long enough to break you down Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it A bra is a thing that keeps up what would hang down otherwise... Teachers help you with problems that you would not have if they were not there I am in seventh heaven, the other six do not want me. Women are like hurricanes! When they come they are wet and heavy. When they leave they take your home and your car! No one ever died because of hard labour, but I think :"why would I take the risk?" I love working. I can look at it for hours. We used to listen to the Doors, now we have Windows. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. Life would be a lot easier if I had the source-code Life is like a nose, you have to take out what is in it! You need 60 muscles to be angry and 20 to smile why would you make things difficult? It is better to have one bullet in the hand than ten in the back. Wanna get stoned? Drink wet cement! Reality is for people who can't face science fiction. Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself. If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought What do I miss about my wife? Her absence. Linux is like a wigwam, no windows, no gates and an apache inside. |
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