Don't make Jeff bored. You won't like Jeff when he's bored.

Jeff mad. Jeff smash movie. Jeff want money and time back.

There's a green ogre on the loose, and he's not Shrek. No, that ogre at least had some personality, as much as Eric Bana's Bruce Banner and the Hulk in triplicate, even without Donkey.

This movie is full of angst, with dark green mood swings - normally set to Ho-hum Speed - and vague imagery.

The Hulk is the Thin Red Line of comic-to-big screen films. And I didn't like TRL at all.

Ang Lee, director of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, The Ice Storm and Sense and Sensibility, is determined to be faithful to the comic book, ignoring the TV series altogether. Well, except for a brief cameo by Lou Ferrigno as a security guard.

The look of the movie is like a comic book, with multiple windows on the screen much of the time. This was fine. Even the story was interesting. But the way it unfolded, slower than Christmas and full of People Looking Worried all the time, was yawn-inducing.

The most intense part of the movie was the opening credits, featuring the MOST INTENSE SCIENCE HOMEWORK EVER. Certainly more exciting than my science fair project in sixth grade measuring the life of batteries. Maybe I needed better music as the judges passed.

By the time we actually got to the action sequences with Hulk, I didn't care. He could've turned into Betty White and I would've been more intrigued. (Wouldn't that be cool, a giant woman with white hair telling tales of St. Olaf? No? But hopefully she'd be wearing a lot more than Hulk's stretchy purple boxers. Don't know if she could tame mutant French poodles, though.)

As I oh-so-subtly suggested previously, Eric Bana has exactly 0.1 percent personality, 99.9 percent angst. Sure, he's supposed to be emotionally withdrawn and a ticking time bomb of fury, but even depressed folks laugh once in a while, crack a joke once a blue moon, pretend that they care about those around them. He has repressed memories. During the flick, I unsuccessfully repressed "give a dang"-ness.

Why Jennifer Connelly's Betty Ross even dated Banner in the first place is unknown, since she's a babe and he's hideously dull. Maybe it's because she's even more of an emotional wreck from her military super-dad, Sam Elliott (always a bright spot, even when he's overdoing the acting).

Creepy Nick Nolte, who still hasn't brushed his hair from his last mug shot, plays Bruce's Dad. I'm not one to use technical movie review terms, since I'm an idiot and still learning three syllable words, but Nolte's performance is the very definition of "scenery chewing." Why no one called the loony bin as soon as they talked to him, I don't know.

Speaking of showing no emotion, prior to movies at my AMC theater there's a public service announcement of sorts, featuring voices and sounds and asking patrons to not "spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack." Within the sounds is a girl laughing. Has it come to that, where you can't even laugh out loud in your seat? How boring was Bruce Almighty at that theater?

Maybe folks just hold their hands up and wave as a gesture of joy.

That's better than the one hand and one finger I wanted to extend to The Hulk. A lot more emotion would be in that finger than this frustrating movie brought out in two hours and fifteen minutes.