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ALL REVIEWS

A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z |

A

About a Boy - Delightfully shallow.

About Schmidt - A fine, fine film.

Adaptation - A voice over and above.

A.I. - It's real all right, but real what?

The Alamo - A treasured piece of Americana.

Alexander - My Big Fat Greek Tragedy.

Alien vs. Predator - Whoever wins, we don't care.

Almost Famous - Almost perfect.

Along Came a Spider - A sticky web of intrigue and action.

Amelie - Quirky and cute French import (subtitle warning).

American Beauty - Eccentric yet engaging. The year's best.

American Pie - A slice of comedic ambrosia.

American Pie 2 - This summer it's all about getting sloppy together.

American Wedding - Your basic American love story.

America's Sweethearts - This nation loves cutesy fluffy romantic comedies.

Analyze That - I'll vouch for some guffaws.

Analyze This - Mobsters have feelings too.

Anchorman - Stay classy, iJeff viewers.

Anger Management - Mismanaged.

An Ideal Husband - Not ideal for me. I'm sure it's better on stage.

Antz - Maybe all Woody Allen films from now on should be animated.

Any Given Sunday - Stone's newest effort is given to cause headaches and seizures.

The Apostle - Duvall's never been better.

Arlington Road - Interesting ending, otherwise so-so.

Austin Powers in Goldmember - Still shagadelic the third time 'round.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me - Rolling-on-the-floor funny.

The Avengers - Bad script, bad cast, bad direction, bad editing = Really bad movie.

The Aviator - Soars.

B

Babe: Pig in the City - Great visuals but too depressing.

Bad Boys 2 - Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Bad Santa - For goodness' sake, stay away.

Bandits - Butch and Sundance it ain't.

Barbershop - A fun cut-up.

Basic - Neither shocking nor awing.

Batman Begins - Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?

Battlefield Earth - Travolting.

A Beautiful Mind - A terrible thing to waste.

Bedazzled - Sell your soul to Liz.

Behind Enemy Lines - Formulaic military hero-rah rah.

Being John Malkovich - Original, inventive...insert 10 other positive adjectives.

Best in Show - Just don't luuuuuv your pet.

Bewitched - Magical comedy.

Big Daddy - Big disappointment. Disturbing more than funny.

Big Fish - Don't let it be the one that got away.

Black Hawk Down - Reality was never so real.

The Blair Witch Project - Not scary, but excellent psychological thriller that will affect filmmaking for the next decade.

Blood Work - Steady pulse.

Blue Crush - Surf's up!

Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius - Even par.

Boiler Room - Take stock in the future by seeing this hip film.

Bounce - A match made in liars heaven.

Bound - Too bad when even lesbians can't save a film.

The Bourne Identity - Don't forget this cool spy thriller.

The Bourne Supremacy - All the makings of a tasty treat.

Bowfinger - I can't put my finger on it. Yeah, it's funny, but nothing great.

Bridget Jones's Diary - Signed. Sealed. Delivered. I'm yours, Renee.

Bringing Down the House - Sublet before buying.

Bringing Out the Dead - Contains some dead-on characterization.

Brotherhood of the Wolf - Feed your inner animal.

The Brothers Grimm - Collected everything but a cohesive story.

Bruce Almighty - In Jim We Trust.

A Bug's Life - Disney could make a scab adorable.

Bulletproof Monk - Fulfills entertainment enlightenment.

The Butterfly Effect - Dude, where's my memory?

C

Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Plays your heart strings.

Casino Royale - Stirring.

Cast Away - Get away from it all.

Catch Me If You Can - Catch it, you must.

Celebrity - Brief scenes of genius, otherwise tedious.

The Cell - Mind over matter.

Charlie's Angels - I've seen a piece of what heaven has to offer.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - Stuck in the wrong gear.

Charlotte Gray - Embattled.

Chicago - Razzle-Dazzled me.

Chicken Run - A clucking good time.

Chocolat - Sensually sweet.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - A bundle of entertainment.

The Chronicles of Riddick - A Necromonger of a good time.

Cinderella Man - No glass jaw for Jim Braddock.

City by the Sea - Comes at you in waves.

A Civil Action - A little long, but worth a matinee viewing.

Cold Mountain - Too depressing? Fiddle-dee-dee!

Collateral - And you thought taxis were just dangerously smelly.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind - Say seven Hail Marys and whack a Commie in the morning.

Confidence - It's about playing it cool, man.

Constantine - Hellishly entertaining.

Contact - Definitely not a waste of space.

The Count of Monte Cristo - Fine escapism (literally and figuratively).

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - Oriental epic that kicks some tail.

Cruel Intentions - Women kiss. Need I say more?

D

Daredevil - Sinfully enjoyable.

Dark Blue - Black and blue.

Dick - Good support unable to make up for inane lead characters.

Die Another Day - Nearly dead in the water.

The Dish - Relays the cute back story during one of mankind's greatest achievements.

Dodgeball - Don't duck away from it.

Dogma - Humorous, repetitive, elightening, drab. I can't make up my mind.

Double Jeopardy - Answer: A movie that has no IQ requirement to enjoy. Question: What is Double Jeopardy?

Down With Love - Not up for it.

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas - I hate to be a grinch, but I was disappointed.

Driven - Stalled in the pits.

The Dukes of Hazzard - Careens out of control.

E

EDtv - Truman Show stole its thunder.

Eight Below - Doggies!

8 Mile - Joyless, yet well made.

8 Women - Toss out the Y chromosome and things get unhinged.

Election - My vote for most intelligent teen comedy ever.

Elektra - Kickin' it new school.

Elf - 'Tis the season to be jolly.

Elizabeth - Absolutely stunning portrayal of a young Queen Elizabeth I.

Elizabethtown - Quarterlife Crisis.

End of Days - Some days it's fun to watch an Arnold action flick.

Enemy at the Gates - Worth a shot.

Enemy of the State - Too fast. Gave me a headache.

Entrapment - Felt trapped in my seat in this dull caper picture.

Equilibrium - When freedom is outlawed, only guys with super martial arts skills and guns will have freedom.

Erin Brockovich - Pretty woman wins a civil action.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Unforgettable.

Evolution - Loses out in the survival of the funniest.

Eye of the Beholder - Behold mediocrity.

Eyes Wide Shut - My eyes were shut and my mouth wide open (snoring).

F

Fever Pitch - Down the middle.

50 First Dates - I love Drew over and over and over and over and over again.

Fight Club - Knockout film that deters, not inspires, violence with stunning visuals and pulsating soundtrack.

Finding Forrester - Find your inspiration.

Finding Neverland - Clap if you believe magical movies still exist!

Forces of Nature - Nothing forced about the draw of Affleck and Bullock.

For Love of the Game - Great baseball scenes, dull love story.

The 40 Year-Old Virgin - Even better the second time.

The Four Feathers - Ordinary, so it won't ruffle your feathers.

Freddy vs. Jason - They slice! They dice! They chop through teens in one fell swoop!

Frequency - Tune in to an interesting concept.

G

Galaxy Quest - Succeeds by going where few have gone before.

Gangs of New York - Don't fughedaboutit.

Garden State - Quarterlife Crisis.

The General's Daughter - By-the-book thriller.

Ghost World - So in that it's cool, but not for me.

The Gift - Return it.

Gladiator - Unleash a kickass flick.

Go! - Four stars means you should Go see it.

Gods and Generals - History tastes great, script less filling.

Gods and Monsters - Ian McKellan gives an Oscar-worthy performance.

The Good Girl - Good girl makes bad choices.

Gosford Park - Stuffy to a fault.

The Great Raid - Indeed, it was.

The Green Mile - Miraculous.

Guess Who - This cracker laughed.

Gunner Palace - Thought-provoking documentary.

H

Hannibal - It's what's for dinner.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - An open book.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Magic works.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - Entertainus maximus.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - Tricks a treat.

Hearts in Atlantis - A modest, genuine mystery.

Heist - Crooked script with Cool crooks.

Hellboy - On fire for the spawn.

Hero - You'll be hungry for more in an hour.

High Fidelity - In tune with romantic comedy.

A History of Violence - Pacificism is for dead people.

Hitch - Cure for the common Jeff.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - 42 thumbs up.

Hollywood Homicide - It'll make a killing.

The Hours - Can you feel it?

House of Flying Daggers - Sharp.

The Hulk - Jeff no like. Jeff smash!

I

Identity - Shh. It's a secret.

The Importance of Being Earnest - A Wilde ride.

In and Out - Not a terrible rental.

In the Bedroom - A serious drama for serious times.

Inside Man - A Spike Lee joint. Without the joints.

The Insider - My sources tell me that it is a great film.

Instinct - Gooding, Jr. and Hopkins make it worthwhile if you avoid your instinct to skip the film.

Intolerable Cruelty - Love. Honor. Obey.

I, Robot - I, Don't Care.

The Iron Giant - I thought everyone wanted family-oriented films? Then go see this film, dagummit!

The Island - Bay being Bay.

The Italian Job - Not much brain work. In a good way.

J

Jarhead - A Scud.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - Snootchie bootchie good time.

Jurassic Park 3 - Heh heh, people getting bitten in half are cool.

K

K 19: The Widowmaker - Submerged without sympathy.

Keeping the Faith - A priest, a rabbi and a blonde make a charming movie...

Kill Bill, Vol. 1 - A revenge movie is best served cold-hearted.

Kill Bill Vol. 2 - Wows us with flash.

King Arthur - Gather 'round.

King Kong - Tons of action but focus on the drama.

A Knight's Tale - I weighed it, I measured it, and I did not find it wanting.

Knockaround Guys - Takes a lickin'.

K-PAX - Your task is to ride the light to the theater.

L

The Ladykillers - Slay 'em with style.

The Last Castle - Worth a salute.

The Last Samurai - Honorable.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - Ordinary.

The Legend of Bagger Vance - Redford a natural at sports drama.

Les Miserables - I need to hear the music!

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - More Bill, more better.

Life Is Beautiful - Helps make life worth living.

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - One movie to bind us all.

The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King - My precious!

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers - Towers over the rest.

Lord of War - Shoots from the hip.

Lost in Translation - Once was lost, but now am found.

Love Actually - Disappointing, actually.

M

Magnolia - You can't help but watch when things "happen."

The Majestic - Just doesn't feel grander than life.

Man on the Moon - Carrey's stock rises, movie shines as a beacon of joy.

The Man Who Wasn't There - The pacing that wasn't there.

March of the Penguins - The coldest movie with the warmest heart.

The Mask of Zorro - Unmasking a fine actress, Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World - A sea worthy expedition.

The Matador - Didn't feel like charging the film's red cape.

Matchstick Men - A good movie, and that's no swindle.

The Matrix - The kickin' booty movie of the year!

The Matrix Reloaded - Being The One ain't all it's cracked up to be.

The Matrix Revolutions - For entertainment purposes only.

Meet Joe Black - One shocking scene makes it worth the money. 3 hours too long otherwise.

Meet the Parents - Meet embarrassment.

Men in Black 2 - Hard to make 'it' look good twice.

The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc - This movie spoke to me, and fortunately I was listening to the message.

Minority Report - A sometimes troubled vision.

Miracle - I still believe.

Mission: Impossible 2 - Cruise control.

The Missing - Find it.

Mission to Mars - Whew! This movie reeks. You gotta go see it!

Mr. and Mrs. Smith - Until attempted murder do us part.

Memento - Don't forget to catch this gem.

The Mexican - Viva la Brad y Julia!

Monsters, Inc. - Boo-yeah!

Moonlight Mile - Not typical, but the same.

Moulin Rouge - It cancan seduce you.

The Mummy - Won't bring back the dead, but fun two hours.

The Mummy Returns - Raising old-style B movies from the dead.

The Musketeer - All for one, and one for some.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding - Approved by the gods

Mystery Men - Not even Underdog can save this super-dud.

N

Napoleon Dynamite - I'll see whatever I want! Gosh!

National Treasure - Brought to you by the National Archives, who would like you to know that it's not really that easy to steal historical documents.

The Nativity Story - THE Christmas Story.

Never Been Kissed - Love ya Drew, but physical comedy is not your style.

Not Another Teen Movie - Another stupid teen movie.

Notting Hill - Hugh, Julia fall in love. No big whoop.

Nurse Betty - Prescription for accolades.

O

O Brother Where Art Thou - The best film of 2000.

Ocean's 11 - I'm in.

Ocean's 12 - One heist to rule them all.

Old School - You don't have to be a frosh to enjoy sophomoric humor.

Once Upon a Time in Mexico - Ole!

One Day in September - It's all real.

One Hour Photo - Creepy.

Open Range - I reckon you ought to see this fine Western.

The Others - You think you know, but you don't know. You know?

Out of Sight - Jennifer Lopez. Wowza!

P

The Patriot - Not revolutionary, but worth the price, taxes (with representation) included.

Payback - Root for the bad guy, but wait 'til VHS.

Pay It Forward - It's good, pass it on.

Pearl Harbor - Nothing sneaky about it, this one tries to blow you away.

The Perfect Storm - Into each life a 100-foot wave must fall.

The Phantom of the Opera - Like, whatever.

Phone Booth - Take the aisle down the center.

Pi - Still gives me nightmares, and not in a good way.

The Pianist - A well done, if difficult to see, film.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - Yo-ho-ho, a pirate movie is for me!

Pitch Black - Darkness, murder and aliens, oh my!

Planet of the Apes - A lot of monkey business.

Pleasantville - Enchanting tale.

The Prince of Egypt - Animation, movie and soundtrack are all phenomenal.

The Producers - Ven you got it, flaunt it (less than this, though).

Proof of Life - Livin' la vida loca.

Psycho - Why!?

Punch-Drunk Love - A sometimes splendid thing.

Pushing Tin - Lot of stars who didn't even try to push the limits of acting.

Q

R

Rat Race - Overcooked.

The Recruit - I'm a scary judge of movie talent.

The Red Violin - Why Independent movies are made.

Reign of Fire - Summer fire that pops the popcorn flick.

Reindeer Games - The joys of Christmas: robbery, casinos and using people with sex.

Road to Perdition - On the right path.

Road Trip - Stalled comedy.

Ronin - Action not bad. Motley crew of actors a plus.

The Rookie - Slowed down with age.

The Royal Tenenbaums - Fit for a king.

Rules of Engagement - Follows the rules (i.e. cliches) of military drama.

Runaway Jury - Runaway hippies.

The Rundown - Your options are limited.

Run Lola Run - The filmmakers take the intense energy and style and run with it in this uber-cool flick.

Rush Hour - Enjoyable buddy picture.

Rush Hour 2 - Me love them long time.

Rushmore - Wickedly worth every penny. Bill Murray deserved a nomination for Best Supporting Actor.

S

The Santa Clause 2 - Jolly good time.

Scary Movie - I see funny people.

School of Rock - Class in session.

The Score - Interesting in parts. Just not enough of them.

The Scorpion King - So shall it B the people's movie.

Scream 3 - Do you like scary movies? Then why see the Scream franchise?

Seabiscuit - A day at the races where everyone wins.

Secondhand Lions - Firsthand disappointment.

Serenity - Tranquillity.

Shaft - I can dig it.

Shakespeare in Love - How do I love thee?

Shallow Hal - Careful not to gorge yourself on sweets.

Shanghai Knights - A real bobby dazzler.

Shanghai Noon - There's laughs in them thar hills.

Shopgirl - Single is as single does.

Showtime - Exit, stage right.

Shrek - Once upon a time there was a fun movie...

Shrek 2 - Green with funny.

Sideways - Goes down easy.

The Siege - Audience under siege. Run!

Signs - Swings away.

A Simple Plan - Nothing simple about this intense movie.

Sin City - Grand Theft Awesome!

The 6th Day - Brave old world.

61* - Plenty of room in this one for two heroes.

The Sixth Sense - "Fantastically creepy! One of year's best!"

Sleepy Hollow - Director Burton headed in the right direction.

Snatch - A grab bag of entertainment.

Solaris - Creepily lovely.

Something's Gotta Give - Oldest battle there is, between the sexes.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut - Shockingly, grotesquely, laugh-out-loud funny.

Space Cowboys - The right stuff (for the first 2/3, at least).

The Spanish Prisoner - Better than expected. Steve Martin proves he has range.

Spider-Man - With great stories come great responsibilities.

Spider-Man 2 - A tangled web.

Spy Game - He shoots, he scores!

Starsky & Hutch - An easy ride in Bay City.

Star Trek: Insurrection - It's an odd Star Trek. Uh-oh.

Star Trek: Nemesis - Set phasers on 'blah'.

Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Do I really have to explain? ... Star Wars Episode 1 standing-in-line journal - 12 hours! We rule!

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones - Lucas can't clone magic.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith - End of an era.

Stealth - It may not be easy or straightforward but it is lucid, searching and anything but hollow. *snicker*

The Straight Story - A straight and narrow film that spans the ages.

Stuck on You - Attached at the funny bone.

Summer Catch - Strike out.

Summer of Sam - More like summer, fall, winter, spring, summer again, zzzzz.

The Sum of All Fears - Doesn't add up.

S.W.A.T. - In and out without a scratch.

Sweet Home Alabama - "Where the skies are so blue."

T

The Talented Mr. Ripley - More than a talented cast makes this a memorable trip to Italy.

Tarzan - Best animated Disney film since The Lion King.

10 Things I Hate About You - Under 20? Go see it. Over 20? Don't bother.

The Terminal - A pleasant layover.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines - It's the end of the world, as we know it, and I feel fine.

Thank You For Smoking - Blows smoke rings around Hollywood.

The Thin Red Line - "Gore Vidal Goes to War." Just say no.

Thirteen Days - A little slow, but it gets the point across.

The Thirteenth Floor - Decent sci-fi.

The 13th Warrior - Entertaining turn of the millenium (meaning 1,000 years ago) sorcery and swashbuckling tale.

The Thomas Crown Affair - Have to crown the original King.

Three Kings - Ushering in a new golden age of great filmmaking

3000 Miles to Graceland - You'd think Sex, Drugs and Elvis would leave me craving more. You'd think.

The Time Machine - Why can't you change the past?

Tomb Raider - Jolie shows off her big guns.

Tomb Raider 2 - Jolie opened up Pandora's Box, and let everything out.

Toy Story 2 - Playing with my past.

Traffic - I'm high on believing that this is a film for the ages.

The Transporter - Where do you want to kick tail today?

Trekkies - Some people deserve to be laughed at.

Troy - Homeric.

The Tuxedo - Doesn't fit.

200 Cigarettes - New Year's Eve was never so dull.

U

U-571 - Not a lot of depth, but plenty of charge.

Unbreakable - You must see it. It's unpreventable.

Underworld - The blood-sucking movie of the year!

V

Van Helsing - Too much suckitude.

Vertical Limit - Taken to the limit of your imagination.

A Very Long Engagement - A marriage of style and substance.

The Village - Who's afraid of big red riding hoodlum?

W

Walking Tall - Revenge is a dish best served with the side of a 2X4.

Walk the Line - It burns, burns, burns.

War of the Worlds - Close Enounters of the "Doomed!" Kind.

The Waterboy (with SW Episode 1 trailer premier!) - For Sandler fans only.

Wedding Crashers - I take thee comedy for better and funnier ...

We Were Soldiers - A fight for sore eyes.

What Dreams May Come - Interesting tale of the after-life with dark and colorful brushstrokes.

What Lies Beneath - Quietly addictive.

What Women Want - I'm sorry, what did you say?

Wild Wild West - You'd think for $100 million+ they could afford a decent script.

Windtalkers - Unfortunately told in an all too familiar code.

Wing Commander - The $4.95 effects budget had to have been bought through QVC.

The World is Not Enough - Ocre. Medi-ocre.

X

The X-Files - For fans only.

X-Men - X doesn't quite mark the spot.

X2 - X-citing.

XXX - Extreme!

Y

You've Got Mail - They get mail, we get cliches

Z

CLASSICS

"Unforgettable John Wayne", By Ronald Reagan

Baseball Film Day
A day with the Boys of Summer.

James Bond marathon
Everyone loves good Bond.

30s
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

40s
The Big Sleep, Citizen Kane, How Green Was My Valley, A Walk in the Sun.

50s
Ben-Hur, Brigadoon, To Catch a Thief, Vertigo, Paths of Glory.

60s
2001: A Space Odyssey, Bonnie and Clyde, Charade, Easy Rider, The Good The Bad and The Ugly, The Great Escape, The Hustler, The Manchurian Candidate, The Magnificent Seven, Psycho.

70s
Chinatown, The Deer Hunter, The Sugarland Express, Duel, The Exorcist, The French Connection, Network, The Omega Man, Tora! Tora! Tora!.

80s
Das Boot, Raging Bull, The Right Stuff.


THE CIVIL WAR

The Blue and the Gray
If you have 5 hours to blow, go to the mall instead.

Cold Mountain
Too depressing? Fiddle-dee-dee!

Gettysburg
Compelling recap of most important battle in U.S. history.

Glory
One of best movies of all time.

Gods and Generals
History tastes great, script less filling.

Gone With the Wind
Perhaps the greatest film achievement in history.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Spaghetti and Westerns go better together than you think.

The Hunley
"Where is that remote?"

Ironclads
Potentially interesting story is ruined by film trying to give a message about the evils of slavery.

The Red Badge of Courage
Nobody should run from this classic novel-turned-motion picture.

Ride With the Devil
Raiding the fridge from boredom.

Shenandoah
Stewart is sometimes over-the-top, but hey! He's the All-American actor. He needed stronger supporting help, though.

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