This weekend we bring out Question-Answer Man, providing a reasonable review with a single keyboard! Let's get to the first query ...

What? No snippy comments right off the top about Fahrenheit 9/11? You've talked an awful lot about a movie in your Cerebrations without actually seeing the thing.

What do you want? A comparison of how Spider-Man 2 made a record $40.5 million on its opening day, while your movie made $24 million for an entire weekend? I would just point out that all Bush needs to do is court the superhero arachnid demographic and the election's in the bag.

	Warning: Colors may run in hot wash.

Fine. You made your point. So how was the Spidey sequel?

A Marvel-ous pallet waxing poetic, mixed with emotional heft and smashing action spectacle.

Um, yeah, but does it kick butt?

Oh, sure. Lots of jaw-dropping action, just a few times with noticeable CGI where it looks distinctly fake. Really, it's like Spider-Man in 2002. Same director, same cast, same writing and same look, so you should feel right at home if you enjoyed the first one.

Unfortunately, the more frequent slow, quiet, "plot developing" scenes were a good time for the half-dozen babies and toddlers in the full audience to ask loudly for more sour balls or cry about a dirty diaper. Hey, I had to go to the bathroom for the final hour, and you didn't see me complaining!

Dude, get a grip. As your father said, it's a superhero picture that kids adore. You're not going to recycle that "with great power comes great responsibility" line like every other critic, are you?

Well, not now. But it's true! With great bowel control comes great responsibility. I don't mean to brag, but heck, I just got back from the Red Sox-Braves game, and held "it" for six innings, finally using the detestable stadium toilet before the 10th inning.

I think we've strayed off topic. Let's get to what's important. I figured you would have mention Dunst's hotness by now.

Well, duh. I'm a red-blooded American male, aren't I? If I must wear the mantle of sexist pig, fine. Dunst should make all men and lesbians randy. The red hair suits her nicely, and she does get one wet-dress scene. Her acting isn't bad, either.

Whatever, Mr. Drama. Speaking of, how about some of that?

Spidey has issues, full of stress via job, school and saving the city from crime, and he starts shooting blanks. No, not like that! Well, I mean, I don't think so. Then he goes all Superman 2 by denying his destiny and ignoring his powers, which we all know won't last.

The bad guys sometimes are more important than the good guys, so give it up, how's Alfred Molina?

The Green Goblin (Willem Defoe) was nuts in the first flick, but he didn't have these four metallic free-thinking tentacles menacing New York like Dr. Octapus, a.k.a. Doc Ock (Molina). Imagine if George Steinbrenner had powers beyond what any human should control. Oh, wait, he does that with the bleeping Yankees. They suck.

Unlike George, I say that Doc Ock is misunderstood. He's out for a renewable energy source, and if it takes wiping out Manhattan to perfect the fusion, then so be it. Oh, wait, I just got it, in order for his science project in fusion to work, he gets fused to these four metallic tentacles! Ha! I kill myself!

Yeah, you're killing me, too. On a related note, any scenes that made you squirm uncomfortably?

Not the one most reviewers mention. Many critics seem to detest the prolonged elevator ride. I thought it was note perfect, humanizing Spider-Man/Parker like no other way in the two flicks. The Unintentional Comedy Scale was off the charts, though, during a post-subway fight scene between Spidey and civilians. Just didn't work for me.

Did you at least get some laughs?

Oh, sure, plenty of times. Newspaper editor Jonah Jamison (J.K. Simmons) provides much of the comedy relief in his love/hate relationship with Spider-Man.

Will there be another Spidey movie? Or am I Captain Obvious?

Well, Captain Obvious could still kick Aquaman's butt. Seriously, would you want to talk to the fishes or have revealing ideas that are as obvious as a color announcer at the Extreme Games? "Dude, what a wicked side-kick-flippy-two-time!" Give me the latter anytime.

Since you asked, providing source material for the third installment, James Franco is back as Harry Osborn, Peter's best friend, except that Harry is a whiny brat, all "Spider-Man killed my insane father." Boo-frickin-hoo.

The next go-round should also be less of a hide-and-seek affair. Spider-Man 2 is very ... revealing. As Dad noted, it doesn't keep insulting the audience by having Parker disguised from his loved ones and the world.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave.

Wow, took you this long to crack that? Maybe we should move on to The Terminal.

The verdict:

The Terminal
2004, 2 hrs 10 min., Rated PG-13 for brief language and drug references. Dir: Steven Spielberg. Cast: Tom Hanks (Viktor Navorski), Catherine Zeta-Jones (Amelia), Stanley Tucci (Frank Dixon), Diego Luna (Enrique), Chi McBride (Mulroy), Kumar Pallana (Gupta), Zoe Saldana (Torres), Barry Shabaka Henley (Officer Thurman).

I hear the trailer didn't spark a fire under your sizable smaltzy-loving behind.

Hey, no fat jokes! But true, I wasn't exactly first in line for The Terminal. Waited a week. Even saw Dodgeball first, and I don't regret it. But one always has to give any Spielberg-Hanks project the benefit of the doubt.

You were also worried about Tom Hanks' Eastern European accent. What about now?

The Boris accent is annoying at first. I kept waiting for him to vow and kill Moose and Squirrel.

	"How do you say? Ah, yes, you is smoking hot."

Yeah, that's the way to speak to today's youth. "Rocky and Bullwinkle" jokes.

Okay, try this on for size. The Terminal is a little uncomfortable to watch at first since officials can't communicate in a common language, and barely make an attempt. Thus, Viktor Navorski (Hanks) figures out a coup occurred in his native Krakhozia via CNN and he's stuck in the JFK international terminal until who-knows-when.

It's not long, at least, until we get more comfortable and learn how Viktor is clever and lovable. (Duh, he's like a Forrest Gump from another country!) He makes himself home at Gate 67, learns to speak English via Fodor's travel guide and gets gainful employment. The film gets livelier, much more humorous and full of spirit. In terms of the old "Saturday Night Live" skit, this Eastern European with an autumnal wardrobe is a wild and crazy guy!

Did I mention the love interest is Catherine Zeta-Jones?

Va va voom! But no zoom, eh?

Problem is, the movie is not helped one bit by the arrival of love interest Amelia (Zeta-Jones), a flighty and unlovable stewardess flight attendant. She's crude, talks about sex and curses frequently, and is self-destructive, seemingly bringing Viktor down her emotional spider hole with him as she can't make up her mind whether to stay in a long-term relationship with a married man. The only thing that makes Amelia tantalizing at all is that she's played by Zeta-Jones, who deserves a little leeway from every other film I've adored her in.

Yikes. Then how about the supporting characters from actors we've probably never heard about?

A fine melting pot of Americana. Naturally, everyone behind-the-scenes in the airport, from clerks to security guards, latches on to Viktor, who soon becomes a legend for his personality and humanitarian good will. There's Gupta, an abrasive and paranoid elderly Indian janitor, getting his entertainment by mopping a section of the floor, then watching people ignore the warning signs only to land butt down in funny positions. Viktor is befriended by Enrique, a driver for the food companies, who asks Viktor to inquire about the attractive customs officer who keeps turning down his visa requests.

There's gotta be an antagonist, so who is it?

You mean, besides the self-destructing Zeta-Jones? Okay, then there's Stanley Tucci as Frank Dixon, the director of customs who watches over the terminal as creepily as that Baldwin brother in Sliver. When told he's next in line to be the big kahuna, Dixon gets wild-eyed with power and resents the huggable Viktor.

Seems a fitting time for the movie since it seems like folks spend months in line because of the TSA's slow security lines nowadays.

Ba-zing!

As improbable as it seems, there is a true story that inspired The Terminal. The hapless foreigner was Mehran Karimi Nasseri, an Iranian refugee who lived in Paris' airport for 16 years when his identity papers were stolen in the city, leaving him in legal limbo and snoozing in the airport.

Nasseri and Viktor should have looked ahead to this site, Buget Traveller, where cheap frequent fliers talk about the best airports in the world to slumber overnight instead of getting an expensive hotel nearby.

You seem more mixed up than Mary-Kate Olsen at a Chinese buffet.

I can't give The Terminal four stars, or even three, but at the same time will still post the happy Eeyore picture because the movie is entertaining. I liked Hanks, I liked the style, I liked the story, and that makes three me-likeys.