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PROPER FARTING DIET

As for diet- 3 things affect the common fart; 

  • Meat vs. Fish consumption.  Diets that contain red meat will add to the stench a fart makes. Fish creates an even more pungent aroma, because they have a higher protein to fat ratio. Meat or fish alone will make very smelly farts, but this type of diet produces infrequent flatulation. 
  • Veggies/Fiber. Veggies contain lots of fiber, which increases bowel activity and creates a higher frequency of farts. Veggies alone, however, do not create very smelly farts. Why care if someone eats a odorless fart?
  • Air/carbonation intake. Extra air in the stomach, or an increase in carbonated beverages will exponentially increase one's level of flatulence.

In summation, meat for quality, fiber for frequency, carbonation for immediacy.  A 30/70 split between fish/meat and veggies washed down with a carbonated beverage will produce the perfect Uberfaarter!

As for physical activity- The only thing a good fart hander needs is quick arm reflexes. Other than that, feel free to become fatter than Jabba the Hutt after having swallowed Fat Albert, because your increased buttocks will only amplify your farts!  Good exercises include channel surfing, changing your baseball hat, pretending to salute yourself in the mirror, and pounding down Cheetos (the latter which has a bonus effect!)

BONUS INFO:  Wanna get a leg up on the competition?  Pour Beano on his dinner before the big game.  He'll be mystified why the chili con carne is producing such sound farts for you and nary a rumbling for him.  Think of the fun!

 

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