| THE FRIEND ZONE |
| LIKE MY FRIEND JULIE...BOY COULD SHE SPIT, AND DRINK BEER BETTER THAN ANY MAN I KNOW..THATS IT REALLY. I'LL NEVER FORGET HER. |
| GOOD OLE ROSMARI, YEP ONE XMAS SHE GAVE ME BACK MY OWN EARRINGS AS A GIFT. APPARENTLY SHE HAD TAKEN THEM TO "FIX" FOR ME. FUNNY THING IS...THEY WERN"T BROKE. (GOTTA WATCH HER...SHE'LL RIP YA OFF) |
| WELL POOR KAREN AND KENNY, I WAS RIDING IN THIER BACKSEAT ON THE WAY HOME FROM A DAY OF DRINKING AT THE LAKE...AND I SAID "PULL OVER ..I'M GONNA PUKE" SO THEY DID, AND i GOT OUT AND COULDNT PUKE. SO WE CONTINUE ON OUR JOURNEY...AND i SAY, ""HURRY PULL OVER, I'M GONNA GET SICK"...SO THEY DO, I GET OUT, AND ICAN'T GET SICK., SO BACK IN THE CAR I GO...A FEW MILES DOWN THE ROAD, AGAIN I SAY,"OK GUYS THIS TIME IM REALLY GONNA DO IT" WELL THEY SAID, " YOUR OK...YOU CAN MAKE IT..WE ARE ALMOST HOME" WELL THEY SHOULD HAVE LISTENED CUZ RIGHT ABOUT THEN....BLECHHHHHHH!!!!!!! OH MY GOD I PROJECTILE VOMITED MY GUTS ALL OVER THEM AND THIER DOG!! |
| MY FRIEND SHELL NOW SHES A TRIP. ONCE SHE TALKED THIS GUY INTO PUTTING ON A LEOTARD AND MODELING IT FOR US. AND AT A TOTALLY DIFFERENT TIME WE WENT OVER ANOTHER PERSONS HOUSE AND FOR A PET THEY HAD A GREAT DANE...WELL SHELL WAS ALL "HI THERE DOG" WELL DOG LIKED HER A LITTLE TOO MUCH, AND PROCEDED TO TRY AND MOUNT SHELL, I WAS ROLLING IN LAUGHTER , SHE WAS FREAKING OUT. "GET THIS DOG OFF OF ME" DOG WASNT BACKING DOWN EITHER, THE OWNER HAD TO GO AND PULL THE DOG OFF OF HER...YA HAD TO BE THERE!! |
| DEBBIE NOW...SHE WAS MY DRINKING BUDDY, WE'VE HAD ALOT OF FUN TOGETHER, MOST OF WHICH I CANT REMEMBER. BUT WE WERE PRETTY DUMB THATS FOR SURE. HELL FOR 3 YEARS OUR OLDMEN WERE JUNKIES AND WE DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT. HER OLDMAN WAS THROWN IN PRISON AND WE WENT TO VISIT HIM IN SAN QUINTON, WELL NEEDLESS TO SAY WE WERE SPUN OFF OUR ASSES AND ARRIVED IN SAN FRANCISCO THE NIGHT BEFORE AND NOT A MOTEL TO BE FOUND. SO WE DROVE AROUND ALL NIGHT. WE USED TO DRESS REALLY WEIRD BACK THEN SO WHEN WE WENT TO VISIT HIM AT THE PRISON AFTER AWHILE Ii HAD TO GO PEE REALLY BAD...I GET UP AND THE BATHROOMS R LIKE A MILE AWAY AND THE PLACE WAS JAMMED PACKED WITH A TON OF LEERING WEIRDOS...I GET TO THE BATHROOM, AND ITS ALL MIRRORED AND I REALIZE I CANT GO PEE UNLESS I COMPLETELY STRIP DOWN, CUZ I HAD A LEOTARD THING ON OVER THESE LEG THINGS AND BLAH BLAH BLAH WELL THIS STORY IS DUMB CUZ YOU JUST HAD TO BE THERE TO UNDERSTAND. |
| ERIC AND AMBER, OLD NEIGHBORS OF MINE . I miss them. i WONDER ABOUT ERIC'S BALLS. AND HOW HE RAN SO FAST WITH BALLS SO BIG. ERIC ONCE WAS ASKED TO TURN AROUND AS A POLICE OFFICER PREPARED TO HANDCUFF HIM. WELL ERIC GETS A WILD HAIR AND TAKES OFF RUNNING. HOPS ABOUT 4 FENCES BEFORE THE COP COULD EVEN GET OVER ONE, AND JAMS INTO MY HOUSE AND INTO MY ATTIC. THAT NIGHT HE TRADED HIS CAR AND SPLIT TO LA. GOT BUSTED DOWN THERE FOR AN UNRELATED CHARGE I HEARD. |
| I REMEMBER BEING IN MY GIRLFRIEND LAURA'S WEDDING AND THE BLUE FLORAL BEDSPREAD PRINT DRESSES SHE HAD US WEAR.. OMG THEY WERE SO "FLOWERY" |
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| well we went camping once...and guess I had too much to drink or something...cuz I thought I saw a buddy of ours stab his girlfriend. Well they wernt even there, but I thought they were. I told my husband and kids to get in the car cuz Brian (the killer) said he was gonna kill me next. Leaving our camp site and everything there, we jammed to the rangers station to report the killing that had just took place, (in my mind) they informed the sherrifs and an ambulance and told us to go home. well I was afraid to go home and knew my girlfriend was house sitting and told my hub to drop me off there. I pointed to a house and said that is where she is at. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I told my hub to just leave me there, but when he tried to start the car it wouldnt start. Afraid Brian was about to catch up to us we broke into the house and called the police from there. Well the owners of the house also were on the phone with the police,(someone was in there house) and Brian and his girlfriend were also at the police station being questioned (for a killing that never happened). Well I went to Jail that night for under the influence. What a nut case huh? |
| 5 years later..Im cruising to go pick my 16 year old daughter up from a highschool football game, I never made it, one of Madera's finest pulls me over, said I didnt come to a complete stop, or some bullshit, runs my drivers license ..it comes back ..a 10 thousand dollar warrant... and Maderas finest takes my ass to Jail..I sat in Jail for 5 fucking days.,(excuse my potty mouth, but thats how they talk in jail) |
| what happens when you dont comply with court orders??? read this: |
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| Friends are way over rated, when you really think you have found a true friend, they go and stab you in the back, or just disappear, never to be seen again. I always wonder about my old friends and wonder if they think about me. I think about them....and I laugh and laugh and laugh. and sometimes cry. But then im a biggo crybaby. |
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| STORY BELOW IS DUMB AND BORING...BUT AFTER ALL THAT TYPING ITS STAYING |
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Speaking of Jail... PoorJoni...I thought I had bad luck, but shit, there she was on her way out of this fucked up town , leaving california forever. Just she had to wait one more day, so she could pick up a check..then jam. Well... poor thing picked up her check, her truck loaded down with all her belongings, when along came Mr Probation officer, chased her down, ran her ID, She had 2 warrents now her Truck was impounded and shes sitting in Jail, no doubt in a state of shock. I feel bad for my friend Joni with an eye. |
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The Jack Schitt story --------------------- For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them. |