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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A BAND GEEK IF...

i know im one!

1. You hear music on the radio and you start marking time.

2. You're walking behind someone and you're in step with them.

3. You try to guess the tempo of your favorite song.

4. All your friends are in band.

5. You don't mind changing clothes on the bus (see below).

6. You know how to change on the bus without revealing anything.

7. People ask you about your social life and you say "Oh you mean my flute?"

8. You've had a "trombone-ectomy" (shudder).

9. You practice your instrument more than you talk to your dog.

10. Being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life.

11. "Armed guard" means a girl with a pole, not a guy with a gun.

12. You remember sharps and flats more easily than you remember the name of the president.

13. You've named your instrument.

14. You see your section more than you see your family.

15. Everyone wants to kill the other football team...and you want to kill the other band.

16. You have dreams about selling band candy.

17. You accidentally call your band director "Dad".

18. Reeds taste good.

19. You subconsciously start practicing with a pencil.

20. You roll step through the cafeteria so you don't spill your food.

21. You're alone and you suffocate because no one's telling you to breathe.

22. The band room is your second home. It is your home if you've got it bad.

23. You think a national monument should be built honoring John Philip Sousa. Hell, they should just chip off one of those president heads and put it there.

24. You've actually been to band camp and consider it the highlight of your summer.

25. You recite the alphabet A through G then start back at A again.

26. Someone could empty their spit valve on your shoe and you wouldn't care.

27. Spit rags/swabbers don't gross you out (see above).

28. You carry cork grease in your pocket.

29. You know what a shako is and insist on calling them that, threatening to kick anyone who dares to call them 'hats'.

30. 9/2 time scares the b'jeezus out of you, while dying a slow painful death in a pit of snakes doesn't.

31. Your philosophy is: "If you don't have your mouthpiece then what the heck is that noise coming out of your mouth?"

32. You and your pals have memorized the entire repertoire for the year and can play your respective parts together...on kazoos.

33. You hear a song on the radio and think: "Hey, this'd make a good pep band song."

34. You don't describe people by going "She's got brown hair, dark eyes, kind of tall..", but go "She's an alto sax."

35. Your conductor is your hero.

36. You have a designated section in your closet dubbed "for concert attire".

37. You have a harness/neck strap tan line.

38. Pep band is the highlight of your week.

39. You go around humming the last song you practiced, even if it's Bb major scale.

40. A random person could punch you in the face and you wouldn't respond, but you'll fight to the death over who in your section gets to play the solo.

41. Someone yells out "Hey Tuba boy!" and you respond.

42. Your biggest crush was/is your drum major.

43. You go to parades that you are not in and make sure lines are straight, horn angles are parallel, and everyone is in step.

44. You listen to the classical station and can name off songs that you remember playing in band.

45. You always start off on the left foot.

46. You find it complicated to get in step with your reflection.

47. You've seen "Mr.Holland's Opus" 26 times.

48. Everybody in band fights like they're family.

49. When walking down the hall you are in step with your friends. If someone is not, they fall behind or do a little foot shuffle to get in step.

50. You have dents in your furniture from hitting it with drumsticks or spit stains from emptying your valve.

51. You know how to play 10 popular-stand tunes, but know the words to none of them.

52. You point out key changes and dynamics when you listen to the radio.

53. You can strip out of your uniform in less than a minute WITHOUT getting it on the floor in order to use the bathroom.

54. You can carry four different food products at a time and eat them while standing with your instrument on moving bleachers in the rain and not drop any crumbs on your pep band jersey.

55. Having people help dress and undress you isn't even remotely sexually stimulating.

56. You know how to walk on mud without slipping.

57. You miss class to march in a parade.

58. You point out instruments from the music in cartoons.

59. You're still humming band music from three years ago.

60. You start screaming "LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" to the people that walk in front of you on your way to class.

61. You've never had to pay to get into a football/basketball game.

62. Your feet are together, your stomach is in, your shoulders are back, your head is up, and your eyes are "with pride." 24/7.

63. You've been wittness to a fallen xylophone, bells, chimes, or marimba.

64. Your English teacher is discussing banned bookes and you think - "band books?"

65. You sit at what is known by all as the "Band Table" in the cafeteria.

66. You pile as many band people as you can in one car to go and see "Final Fantasy".

67. You tell people in the movie theater they're humming the "Final Fantasy" tune out of key.

68. You either hate orchestra or are incredibly envious of it.

69. You never go anywhere without a deck of cards (see below).

70. Your deck of cards have been used to such a degree that they've been ripped and taped, have dog eared corners, are an odd pinkish tinge, can no longer fit into their box, and people ask if they'll contract chlamidya from them. Amazingly though, you still have all 52.

71. Instead of doing the "L = left" thing with your hands, you take one step forward to figure out which is right and which is left.

72. You'll clean up the uniform room for a free soda.

73. You're feeling sick at school, but you don't go home until after band.

74. Your friends (uh... friend) who aren't in band hang out in the band room before class starts.

75. You've never ever sat in your class section at a pep rally because you're playing.

76. You still and always will find "Sax-a-ma-PHONE!" entertaining.

77. You find yourself drawing characters in uniforms with instruments.

78. You're in band, but you don 't play an instrument (see below).

79. You like band so much but you don't know how to play an instrument, so you join and become a runner for the band.

80. Normal people bet on horse racing, you bet on the DCI Championship.

81. People you haven't seen since elementary school go up to you and say "Hey, you're that one clarinet girl!"

82. In the hallway at school, someone drops a pencil and you holler "STICK!!!"

83. Someone starts clapping and you get nervous.

84. If your dog called you to attention you wouldn't faint out of surprise until the at-ease.

85. Friends tell you to "pee clear."

86. If you actually get to watch a parade in the off-season, you get the urge to say things like "Second rank, left file, watch the intervals!"

87. You name the city and the show, your friends know exactly when you're talking about.

88. Immediate respect for any drum major.

89. "Beef" has nothing to do with cows.

90. (If you tour) You have a refined ability to walk down an aisle on the edges of bus seats.

91. (See above) You fight over who gets to sleep on the floor.

92. You go into spasms if you aren't in the same room as your instrument for more than two hours.

93. Someone asks you who your favorite band is and you say"High school or college? 4A or 5A school? DCI or what?"

94. Wal-Mart is having a sale on lawn ornaments and you think "Wow, they're selling pit members now?"

95. You dent a tuba and blame it on flag line.

96. When you do squatt and go's to get to a class you are late for.

97. You go to other football games to watch the other band.

98. You play the fight songs for FUN!

99. You listen to band demo CDs in your car.

100. Your CDs consist of mainly orchestral/band music.

101. You can measure 5 yards without a ruler- all you need is to count your steps while you're walking.

102. You end everything with the word "hut".

103. You can stand absolutely still, staring at the wall, for 15 minutes straight.

104. Normal people argue about the Vikings vs. the Packers, you argue about brass vs. woodwinds.

105. Looking at pictures of new instruments turns you on.

106. You know the difference between a baritone and a euphonium.

107. Every research paper you've ever done has been on a composer or arts in the schools.

108. Your band director bans "Louie Louie" in order to play new music.

109. You're upset when you make a 99 in band.

110. You've broken into the band room at least once.

111. Your friends have kids and force them to be in music.

112. You're copying an assignment for another class and you write "Reed pgs150-267", and don't notice it's wrong.

113. You can tune a sax.

114. You don't take "double tounging" as a dirty joke.

115. You sit around in class and try to think of new band nerd jokes.

116. A piccolo doesn't hurt your ears.

117. You can play four different instruments, and your mood decides which one you play.

118. Your idea of a recliner is a music posture chiar.

119. You talk to your plume.

120. You've been in a room with over 300 people practicing breath accent cut offs... and there wasn't a director in sight.

121. People call you Flute Girl, but only because you look and sound like her - you really play the trumpet.

122. Your curfew is later if it's an away football game.

123. You've seen the entire band in their underwear.

124. You've stood at attention for half an hour.

125. Even when you're in concert season, you come too close to saying "drop"/"and down" at the end of every piece.

126. You can sit or hold hands with any band member of the opposite sex, but it doesn't mean anything - you're just cold.

127. You have an underground stash of hand warmers.

128. People call where the band room is "The Band Cave".

129. The band director makes you do push-ups for playing "Iron Man" too often.

130. You wish you were at school on the weekends because you forgot to bring your instrument home.

131. You compose music in all of your classes and during lunch.

132. You build a website just for your band. Hmm, should I take this as inspiration..?.

133. You start humming a show tune from three years ago and your friends join in with their respective parts.

134. On band trips (or anywhere), you and your friends play "Guess That Song" - one person hums a song the band has plays and the others guess what it is.

135. You've had band camp nightmares.

136. You sit with your band director during band trips. Or on the city bus.

137. The only reason you're looking forward to Spring Break is because that's when the band trip is.

138. Watching DCI turns you on.

139. You stay after school or during lunch to play around with songs with your other band friends.

140. You consider your band director one of your closest friends. Nathan.

141. You don't like people because they don't like band.

142. The ring tone on your phone is an excerpt from your show.

143. You enjoy going to early/late band. Who cares if it's at the crack of dawn, it's the highlight of your day.

144. You weep tears of joy when you get a Superior. It's kind of like Halle Berry at the Oscars. Only for a more legitamate reason.

145. You refer to other schools as "Oh yeah, that's the one with the band that played _____", or "We beat their band."

146. You e-mail random people you don't know with "You know you're a band dork" jokes. YEAH!

147. You go into a field and wonder why there are football players there.

148. You compare yourself to others based on chair placements in band/regionals/all-state.

149. You sometimes wonder why people don't also say "Sousa-ma-phone!" Psh, I don't know what's wrong with the people in THIS guy's band... It's complete with "Clar-a-ma-net!" and "Tuba-mab-aaa" in my neck of the woods.

150. You and your friends try to launch a full investigation to find out who put graffiti in the brathroom closest to the band room.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

Because they kept on saying: "Bach Bach Bach."

151. You wonder why band doesn't have their OWN bathroom.

152. Your director is throwing out old percussion uniforms, so you ask if you can have one, and then you and your friends wear them around school the rest of the day - frilly tassles not withstanding.

153. You read pages about band geeks. Is that so wrong?

154. If you're from a warmer state, you wonder why they're talking about hand warmers.

155. You hate American Pie because if you mention band camp to a non-band member (or, as you may call them, a blasphemer), they ask you if you've ever stuck a flute up your... yeah (even though you're a guy), and they still think they're really being original with that one.

156. When people make said joke, you threaten to stick them in the old tuba case.

157. You've tested to see if you can fit in a tuba case.

158. You can confidently tell your friends whether you can or cannot fit into a tuba case.

159. You do the same with a sousaphone case. You guys HAVE sousaphone cases!? Shows what kind of underfunded band I was in.

160. You know what a piccolo trumpet is.

161. You're talking about instruments with your friends, and you all know what every letter before or after a standard model number stands for.

162. Your "You Know You're a Band Geek when..." page is so successful that people plagarize it. Exhibit A: This site. Hmm, it's magically disappeared...

163. You dress the lunch line.

164. You've memorized the bumps on the road from the school to the football field.

165. Instead of doing physics homework, you figure out the frequencies (in Hz) of every not in band. (See below)

166. You notice the tuba they refer to on the final is almost exactly a quarter step out of tune. Jesus Christ. An entire quarter step?!

167. You figure out the exact hearing range of a newborn child... in concert pitches (almost 11 octaves: low Eb to high D). I am entirely amazed.

168. You actually practice.

169. Every person you're currently interested in dating is a band member.

170. You refer to people by their instrument, as in Tuba Mike. Geez, does EVERY band have a "Tuba Mike?"

171. You force the entire AP US History bus to watch BOA finals (rewinding back to when the guys fall down... repeatedly).

172. You plan a military coup of the band when your candidate doesn't win Band President. I feel you, man.

173. Your trademark is your instrument's name and then the band that you play in (eg: Bob-Asj).

174. You can't see the material on your letterman jacket because it's so crammed with patches from honor bands.

175. You've tried out every instrument in the band room, regardless of who played it last.

176. The word "fluglehorn" doesn't send you into a fit of giggles.

177. You've spent more money on reeds than on food.

178. Your most used turn-down line is "Sorry, I've got band that night."

179. Telling someone they blow is a compliment.

180. You subdivide while talking.

181. You can quote current prices for mouthpieces.

182. You can identify any instrument and who it belongs to by it's case.

183. You know where every single dent in your instrement came from, or:

184. There isn't a single dent in your instrument because you flip out any time it gets one, so you sprint to the repair shop right away to get it fixed. Bill the repair man won't care if it's 11:30 at night, right?

185. "Rushing" and "dragging" are technical terms to you.

186. You tell time in measures.

187. Having a metronome has gotten you into trouble. Bomb scare my butt.

188. At church you march up to communion in the attention position instead of a praying position.

189. You don't care if you reveal anything on the bus - all the band guys have seen it before anyway.

190. You've marched in your room, back yard, and/or driveway.

191. You've ever marched in front of a mirror to see what you look like and see if you can do certain moves correctly.

192. You tell the incoming freshmen "This one time, at band camp" stories... like the time that one guy caught his car on fire Was he a percussionist? I bet he was a percussionist. and act it out in detail like it happened an hour ago, and your best buds laugh so hard they cry. Good times, man. Good times.

193. After the uniform, you'll never be threatened by any outfit that has more than 20 steps to get in and out of it for as long as you live.

194. You and your friends eat lunch in the band room.

195. You and your friends march your show from 2 years ago in gym while humming your parts as you go.

196. The word "fingering" doesn't make you think gross thoughts.

197. You can scale the stadium seats with ease, but you trip on the stairs in your house.

198. You know all the cheers that the cheerleaders yell at all the football games.

199. You hum pep band tunes in the shower.

200. Out of boredom, you learn how to play your show on harmonica.