CATCH ME NOW I’M FALLING
By Geoff Brantholder
As one commentator recently put it, “America is so last century.” No, they weren’t talking about the nation…although the 20th Century is often credited as the ‘American Century’…but rather about the woman known solely as Maiden America.
When she debuted in FAWN in 2003, this self-professed champion of Truth, Justice and Mom’s Apple Pie wasn’t pegged by anyone as a sure thing for the World title, but she was expected to do well nonetheless, and to quickly emerge as a credible contender. She definitely had all of the tools. While not as physically imposing as some of her contemporaries, she’s clearly fit, and she displays remarkable speed and agility. She’s also got an impressive array of moves, courtesy of having woodshed down in Mexico since at least 2000 (and her career may have begun even earlier, under a different name), and that experience seemed to have honed her battle instincts to a fine edge. Long story short, the Maiden hit FAWN with at least enough of the basics to rack up a reputable record.
And then she hit the mat. Frequently. Beating Maiden America seemed to be a right of passage for just about everyone else on the roster.
Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But she’s certainly had some rough going since setting sail on the FAWN seas. In her debut match, she didn’t just lose to Missy Daniel…Missy Daniel, whose main task in the league seemed to be holding sister Chrissy’s coat …but she got herself utterly demolished, with plenty of humiliation heaped on just for grins. It took three months…three long months filled with defeat after defeat on the house show circuit…before the Maiden scored her first victory, over Sascha Savarino, and even that was a very near thing. That seemed to give her some momentum, and she went on to win her next match as well, this time against Demetria Andrews. But that triumph proved bittersweet, as she was suddenly attacked and dismantled by an unknown woman later identified as Ilsa Von Falkyn, who was quickly signed to Fawn’s “farm team,” the F2 organization down in Alabama.
Von Falkyn’s assault seemed to have blunted whatever sense of forward momentum the Maiden had, and she quickly reverted back to her losing ways. It wasn’t long before she herself was relegated primarily to F2, save for occasional undercard matches at FAWN shows. And even in F2, where it was expected that the blonde would at long last begin living up to her potential, she has suffered more L’s in the column than W’s…including failing to get her revenge on Ilsa, who has gone on to become a dominant figure in F2.
One would be hard pressed to describe Maiden America’s career with the FAWN organization with anything other than a single word: FAILURE.
But if she is a failure, she remains a fascinating one. As already covered, she definitely has the talent and the ambition to succeed. And yet, she doesn’t. Maybe by understanding why she fails, other wrestlers can gain some important insights into their own shortcomings.
Its come to our attention that a psychology graduate student recently wrote a paper on Maiden America, terming her a “self-fulfilling prophecy for defeat. She has set an impossible standard for herself, declaring that she fights for the highest, proudest ideals of American freedom. And so she pushes herself, and she sets goals which cannot possibly be achieved quickly or easily. And as she fails to meet her goals in a timely manner, she grows depressed and desperate, and she makes further mistakes. It’s a vicious circle, and one which invariably ends with Maiden American unconscious on the canvas.”
There’s certainly something to his analysis. When she first debuted, the Maiden sought to make a big impression, literally wrapping herself in the flag and marching into the arena amid a shower of fireworks. She made a point of slapping the outstretched hands along the entire length of the aisle and all around the ringside, and would even pause to scribble a few autographs on her way down to the ring. Clearly, she wanted to be big, and she wanted to be liked.
But she never was that big nor that well liked. The fans seemed lukewarm about her. There were few homemade signs extolling her virtues in the crowd, and few Maiden America T-shirts and posters sold at the souvenir stand. Maybe she just seemed to be trying so hard, or maybe the fans are just too cynical these days to easily rally around the flag and chant “USA! USA! USA!” ad nauseum, but the decibel level for Maiden America never got anywhere near what Portia VanBuren or Kylie Saunders or Shea London routinely enjoyed.
So maybe that’s it. Maybe she’s that new kid in class who bent over backwards trying to be friends with everyone, and so turned everyone off with her over-earnestness, she wound up unliked, not to mention uninvited to the prom. And in her failure to be beloved, perhaps the Maiden is so hurt, she doesn’t give it her all in the ring. It could be an unconscious treason, but a devastatingly potent one nevertheless.
We here at GLADIATRIX still think that Maiden America has potential. But if she ever wants to hope to achieve it, she needs to have an American Revolution.