Letters

This is where we'll post some of the thought-provoking correspondence we get from our readers.  We'd like to stay on the topic of FAWN and its many going-on and colorful personalities.  So if you're a jealous fed head from another promotion, feel free to send all the emails you want.  We'll just acquaint you with Mr. Auto-Delete.  If you have feedback about this magazine, we'll take it and do what we can to make the product better, but we probably won't post it here. 

 [email protected]

March 26, 2005

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR [Expletive Deleted] MINDS?!?

I always knew you were a pack of [Expletive Deleted] idiots, but I never thought you were this [Expletive Deleted] stupid, too!  [Expletive Deleted]!

What the hell ever possessed you [Expletive Deleted] to put me on your half-assed "Overrated" list?!?  Me, the single greatest woman to ever step between the ropes and dominate the FAWN ring!

Well, all I've got to say is, you were [Expletive Deleted] smart to hire the extra security, because I AM NOT HAPPY.

Of course, I don't see how the hell anyone can take your little story seriously, considering some of the choices you made in it.  I mean, who can believe any list that claims that Portia Van Buren, Kylie Sanders and...this is the really funny one...Shea London are even worth anyone's time, much less their respect?

Anyone with an IQ greater than 50 (which pretty much rules out your staff) knows that I'm better than any of those [Expletive Deleted].  I could beat any of them any day of the week.  I could beat anyone your pea brains could name!

Have a [Expletive Deleted] day, you [Expletive Deleted]!

Yours truly,

Chrissy Daniel

Dear Miss Daniel,

We're pleased to see you still read our publication, despite your assertions in a previous letter dated January 1, 2005 that you were canceling your subscription.

Here at Gladiatrix Magazine, we strive to be fair.  So, when a former World Champion requests a chance to make a statement to refute what we've published, we feel obligated to help her be heard.

We also strive to highlight up and coming wrestlers who are trying to break into the stratospheric ranks of FAWN. 

To serve both ends, we humbly accept your challenge and suggest your next opponent be fawn2 standout Megan Lilly.

Yours Truly,

Charlie Wembley

Editor-in-Chief

January 10, 2005

FROM THE DESK OF A PRINCESS

Dear Magazine People,

How are you? I’m ok. I mean ~ ok ~ so it’s raining and I so hate that. But I think soon there will be more sunny days. Yippie!

 Anyhoo ~ um ~ I’m very mad at your magazine right now. Ok ~ so ~ like ~ you guys said I lost a few matches? And also ~ um ~ ok and even meaner ~ you said I was strange! You guys so suck! Yeah ~ I’m talking to you! Well I don’t see anyone else around here so I guess I’m talking to you! Yeah! You talking to me? You wanna start some static? Hehe ~ you watch yourself ~ um ~ asswipe! I’m Princess of the streets!

 Also ~ ok ~ even a blindfolded monkey with extra parasites knows that Ivy Hell Armweak so cheated in our matches. Plus ~ um ~ she has extra parasites. I saw ~ uh ~ Cynthia Mitchell ~ like ~ pulling them off her and eating them. And then one of the parasites ~ like ~ looked at me. It was so gross. They’re bi. And bi women have parasites. I think Ivy Hell is lez and Cynthia Mitchell is bi. Isn’t that ~ like ~ so perv?

 You people have made me super mad. If I wasn’t forced by my psychiatrist (Dr. Paul Ruth) to take the drug Efemerol ~ I would so scan everyone in your office and make their heads explode just like my good friend ~ uh ~ Darryl Revok does. Hehe ~ your heads would go ~ KABLOOOWIE! But I would be in the other room so I ~ like ~ so wouldn’t get any on me. So there! Loser!

 In closing ~ if I see any of you on the street ~ um ~ we throw.

 Smilies,

 Princess Catlain Landers.

 P.S. Have a super happy day!

Dear Miss Landers,

Up the dosage.

Charlie Wembley

Editor-in-Chief

January 1, 2005

Dear Putz-in-Chief,

Let me see if I've got this straight: The single greatest competitor to ever set foot in the FAWN ring returns to launch another run for glory, and how does your rag commemorate this? By putting yours truly on the cover? NO! Instead, the world has to look at Holly Hotbody's miracle of science mug! I don't know what she pulled to land the November cover...and I've got a pretty good idea just what she's used to wrapping her hands around and pulling, but I don't think you've got the equipment for that, Charlie...but I'm sure this issue had to be your absolute worst-seller. Except for the issue when you had Lansdale on the cover. And that one that had VanBuren on it. And especially the one with London. Geez, it's a miracle you ever sell any issues at all with all of these skanks on the covers!

Anyway, Numbley, consider this the cancellation of my subscription...at least until you develop some taste and select someone worthy of being on the cover.

Your truly,

Chrissy Daniel

Dear Miss Daniel,

Thank you for your letter.  We request that any wrestler who lost her last matches against Holly Hotbody, Jeanette Lansdale, and Portia Van Buren please wait her turn.

Happy New Year,

Charlie Wembley

Adequately pleasured Editor-in-Chief

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