Luba Sokolovsky

Selected Poems

• Trial
• "The science of departing I have studied"
• Golem
• Holy Shower
• Mood
• Revelations
• To the Sky
• Wanderings
• Fragment
• Will
• Attempt at Wisdom
• Final Will
• Son
• Betrayal
• Thirst
• Germany - Rhine
• Freedom
• Dis - Order (lullaby for a mother)
• Game
• "The Gold of My Hair"
• Debt

Trial

-1-

Trial - by misunderstanding,
Spines together - crevasse between.
Look to side - step into exile,
Hands like briars - limp at the seams.

Through seams of nerves, joints and sinews
Blood does not gush - it drips from pores,
And not a man - a man's likeness
And all in surplus - excess of nerves.

-2-

Heart ahead - through body the current flows,
Eyes away - in darkness to look,
Heat, and cold, and in ribs the arrows 
Spine on spine beat out a spark.

Hands are touching - just like dry branches,
It is time - to start the game must.
Where eyes play, where the body's rejected,
Where success and failure compare the cost. 

Like a sword's stroke - sharp eyes opening:
To make prisoner and take away.
Two lakes - light, two lakes of sorrows,
To freeze - like a boa at prey.

And smoothness, and depth, and silence -
Play of crystals liquefied
Sin original, warmth and light too...
Understanding nonverbal - through the eyes.

-3-

Trial by misunderstanding,
Spines - and if sometime
To turn around in fit of delirium
With landslide of feeling - eye to eye -

But to cease in the blind enlightenment,
Not to fall - only to sway,
And to continue, moment to moment,
And with lips to fall into death.

"The science of departing I have studied"

"The science of departing I have studied"

 

The science of creation I have studied
By my own likeness and my own soul -
And sipping universe, in it delighted
That is but only under His control.

With arms - like wings - stretched out, on day the seventh,
I soared above the progeny of mine;
In moment of lucidity or madness,
I crafted me inside of space and time.

With like and understanding they perceived me
And did not think me foreign or a freak.
With interest and love they did receive me,
That was my world - the home I long did seek.

Paintings I made for walls of this my home 
From colors blended and made to delight.
I splashed the motifs also through the corners:
The music and the poems, intertwined.

And having filled with books the space around me,
Like God, harbor of Being having made,
On seventh day, at darkness of the twilight,
I keep just ONE - the heartache and the pain.

No one with me will glory in the color,
And none, lips smacking, sound with me will bite,
Or will divide the thoughts' birth pangs and horror,
Or, readying wings, soar with me into height.

The science of creation I have studied,
Each day became more clever and more sweet -
"The science of departing I have studied"
With universe, that HE did once create.

Golem

 
With eyes that he had closed
He headed where would look his eyes -.
And his lips with hands having closed
Wrathfully he asked the sky. 
He was omnipotent and mighty,
Miserable and despicable.
He was run by the strength of spirit
But also by a body frail.
He lived his life in dreams at night,
Saw but chimeras when awake,
Himself not having recognized
That he was actually full of faith
In his own significance 
And usefulness of human life -
He merely waited for a sign!
And for this he himself despised.
He cursed others and was accursed,
He prayed and yet did not believe,
And, on the fate having relied,
The cost of all things he perceived.

By desert and by pavement
He went not knowing where he went,
And houses argued with the sky
For air and space for rent.

---

City - chill of metal.
City - squares of roofs.
City - godlessly young.
Columns of dust - Rise above!

Windows at the sky's level,
Reflecting featureless sky,
Birds - in flight, wing-span
Chest - splinter's shine...

Sun, with a ball of fire,
Along the noisy streets,
Shines in the eyes of the walking,
Burns ones who stand or sit.

Some - ahead with no soul,
Others - with no will to stone.
City from shadow of birches -
Every daring - to burn!

Powerful symphony - crash
Of a keyboard in office,
In eyes - artificial shine 
Of a desk polish.

Dust, mixed with sweat,
Fill all the pores,
People blend with the city,
Open spaces - dusty holes.

Holy Shower

 
All's sent from above:
Both grace and horror
If I were a bit older
I'd have resigned long ago

But - ah these children!
What childishness!
And merger of body
And soul - in this.

And everything else - their personal lot.
Such a lot - undressed by God.
A deal, a trick, a giveaway, will-less-ness.
To ones who hunger - above, what expanse!

And - "fate" - we are brooding and muttering still!
And those who are stronger, assuredly - "will"!
What free will or freedom, when we are serfs.
In God's kingdom, the only ones free are the ghosts.

In this there is freedom,
But no souls are there.
Ah Holy Shower,
This one's from the stars!

Mood

 
Where there's frequent rain
And four seasons,
Soul lives in unison
With nature's inconstancy.

Lifting up the head,
You stare into heaven,
Freshen the thought with rain,
And feed body with ozone.

And experiencing the trees �
With hungry, exhalted sight:
�What if I had their seasonal change
And also their height��

Revelations

-1-

Light flushes the eyes!
Breathing in � let breath freeze!
With the chill � tears of repentance
Existence � lucid dreams�

All is measureless, of wrong size,
Tree crowns let through only light,
Shimmering of emerald gleams
And the laughter of circling dust.

Weightlessness, calm, depth,
Ablution and ecstasy both.
Striving of waters to source,
Plenty anticipations and hopes.

Light flushes the eyes, 
Breathing in � let breath freeze!
Being blinded � dimness
And endless pastures of darkness.

-2-

With a thin spider web �
Over the sky with ancient pen.
In the framing of the green curls,
The sweetest contentment.

Pressing the blades to the ground,
Pressing into the moss the head,
My eggshell I abandon
And into it enters God�

With a plump cloud � into shells' bed,
Joints, vessels � rule and fill! 
In crusts and roots - of your will
As you observe - I rule instead!

To the Sky

 
Finger into the sky - sky is higher.
It is too blurry to take a risk.
How immeasurable, but it fears
To discover the secret and "lose the face."

Tears of rain - lean down the forehead,
Cover with an umbrella, hide behind porches.
Sky is getting dark, sky is cold
To you - bad weather, to him - misfortune.

The sky has cried, has weakened.
Sun unapproachable - now it burns,
In the worst case it will yield to the moon,
It wheels around - planets before him.

Finger into the sky - sky is higher.
May they all to the sky head.
Icebergs of haughtiness is the air,
Aim is near - may Devil them lead.

Wanderings

-1-

Unsavorily - from slavery - the people appeared.
They tossed - they turned - and they stirred everywhere.
They lined - they approached - they made bets,
They ran, ran away, flowed away back...

And in their homes - mold, stench everywhere.
Though you tear, though you rub - dirt, smell of liquor.
All that in hands - out of hands, and out of sight:
No prophet, no saint, no hero in sight.

One candle for hundred miles at night.
Hundred springs in length - path from candle's light.
Through hundred winters and summers,
Through heat and through cold,
Purgatory - path from a cloud.

Souls wander under the sky,
Bump into each other in the night.
Call each other during the day - 
Can there be a candle here, or a trail?

The candle grows weak and pale,
With weeds overgrows the trail.
Connection with sky is cut,
Sky without souls - not for us.

-2-

Like clearing - the thought,
And behind the thought - sorrow.
To fallen angel - fallen role.
Devil repentant,
God in tumult -
Place in the darkness - for wanderer eternal.

Behind mirages - the same scenery,
Behind the clouds - but not for us, really.
To the side, to the depth, to the height, nowhere -
The fallen - were extras,
Praise to the fallen ones!

By curve - ahead,
Straight way - behind.
Behind every victory - retreat to jail.
The clouds are soft - the ground is fertile:
The fall from the height - threshing the seeds.

All shoots - with with weeds,
The crop mow down!
Lick over the wounds,
The edge is charred.

Each one has a place,
And sun above all.
Sleep peacefully,
From crib � best of all.

Fragment

-1-

My dreams - over future, a flight,
Not the far - the worried, near.
Atavisms of the Biblical times,
Brought down by the burden of living.

They disturb, frighten, irritate -
Hanging like a cliff over the present,
Customary way violate,
Hidden meaning, in the flight vanish.

We are fragments of the same Fate,
And begun with the Same beginning,
Broken up in a fit of angst:
To Perfection unity is insufficient.

-2-

Broken up, tiny, aimless ones,
The farther away, the connection is weaker,
And reason is foggy, and brighter is
The thoughtlessness in the eyes' glimmer.

The primal unity - without measure
For our splintered, broken minds.
The measures and the semi-measures -
For understanding - and for eyes.

-3-

Against their will, their souls taken forth,
The shades are walking in God's garden,
Discussing the fates of earth
In categories of hell and heaven.

-4-

Good or evil, truth and falsehood.
This way it's easier, simpler to fathom.
In that Unity there was harmony
And the fragments stood like anchors.

Mind with measurelessness crawls to sides,
How would fragments embrace the sun?
With God's son in the flesh and blood
They exchanged the primordial bond.

Thus it's easier and more understood,
And those, more hard-headed,
Having stayed alone with God,
Covered him with lampshades and shawls
Made of prohibitions, secrets and laws,
With pales and wigs - and out of sight -
That they would not reflect the Light.

Will

 
Broken, torn apart, all the way bent -
Tender reed, now it's a whip.
Reed with bells in a white sled - 
Behind the sled, carriage with kids.

Children are helpless and tender.
Children are fearless and courageous.
Children will take the reed in hand and
Don't let you sleep as they caress.

The children are almost blooming in full,
Will reciprocate reed for its labor in full.
Sneers the old dark one:
"After the flowers - berries come."

The reed - after the babies,
The switch - after the brave guys.
The reed-switch - all the same -
Still better, than log enflamed.

The switch bends - it's so tired;
Gets rougher, gets full - it's on fire.
The brave guys from mother run -
Without whip - to fields they come.

Oh, the reed is tender - it's a whip now
The butts and the fools all around.
Can you break the back with the whip?
You'll get the bark and the leaves.

Wound at the fire in three rings,
Burned, wound up, now it swims...

On the leaves shriveled, terracota,
  On the grass juicy, cross-eyed,
    With moss velvet, a speck of dust,
  With stumps with new growth and blade of grass,
    With young trees - reeds,
      With grown and mighty trunks -
        Between the branches - yes between the clouds...
            Not the three rings - a spiral,
              But with each turn - further, higher!
        The crowns prop up the heaven,
        And in each branch - fate and eternity!

Spark, fire, the burning lash.
Did not come together - burn up in flash!
Into pipe - smoke, all still - the clouds,
And then, more fresh dampness - into the woods.

Attempt at Wisdom

-1-

In sparkly foam of glorious Olympus,
In the variety of sights and icons,
The child, at dawn, selected Athena -
The goddess of war and of wisdom. Well-done
She to him appeared - or with plan imparted
By treacherous gods, lazy, light-hearted,
That gifted the child, like with ugliness,
With dusty and dry selection
Of "eternal truths."

The young woman - the truths without feeling.
More dangerous than satan - the beautiful dream.
For the Greek drama - the kindly basis
The premier is near - be ready for exit!

-2-

Book in one hand,
Bow in the other -
Young, patched up, and halo-clad -
The young woman enters the world.

For the beloved, to be loved by the lover.
For the postulate - to receive and to rule over.
And for love? Your love, give as gift -
Cherished and unblemished, gived and received.

-3-

The door has opened, and... Crash!
Thought and will scatter to bits.
Before you, a weak piece of trash -
The child on a mine field.

The earth has for first time swayed,
Opened wide - run without looking!
Closing doors after himself,
Hide and seek - like children fooling...

Elegant, brave, tall -
Same age, but he is man.
Will fall apart all your world -
It is for him - amusing mien. .

-4-

Athena - help, save!
Foggy is Her response:
"There where the heart reigns,
The Gods have no haloes."

Leave the halo - let hunt begin,
Start the hunt with yourself.
Better chains of goodwill
And otherwise - away, delve!

-5-

And to lie, and to embrace,
And to press, and to reject,
No looking back � no shame.
Shame for those outside �
Two � on the ground�
And you � over Olympus soar!

�All earthly solidity?�
�Tear away!�
�How without wings � up?�
�Fly high!
Thoughts for nothing � switch off!
In the realm of the heart, thoughts are foes��
�And where�s honor?�
�Balderdash! Fate does not twice indulge.�
�Perhaps it�s just early?�
�You�re right� Early � just moments,
In turn � years.
And too late, and too hard � worry.
No kingdoms, prince not comes � error.�
�You are tempting me in vain � I am strong
I will never betray myself � not at all!
Over earth honor and thought I�ll extol!�
�You my poor and silly child � God with you!�
�God or Goddess be with me � I keep faith!�
�You�ll lose life � in January
You will be sorry.� 

-6-

Autumn leaf, final fruit � winter�s here�
I have conquered myself � I�ve succeeded.
Gods are too unprincipled � I�m without them too
�I NEED, I MUST HAVE� � strength and will for two.

Hands to throat � tighter, tighter,
There are none that could tear apart.
�I NEED, I MUST HAVE� � bird in cage here
To survive � not to breathe or have beating heart.

With a thundercloud, storm or hurricane 
Into the eye, between eyebrows:
�I NEED, I MUST HAVE� � better straight
Into the kingdom of the shades.

Final Will

"Do you know what the bead smells of? Suicide� � Voznesensky

 
The fall from depth to heaven
Is rapid and is swift.
A moment � inspiration,
Against the brow bead beats.

The body�s fleshly innards
Predict the touch of fire,
And the nonbeing pierces
With tiredness and desire.

And whisper in a prayer:
�Allow, for one last time,
To feel the final languor
Through darkness of dimmed eyes.

Allow, just once, my sire,
Denuding all the pores, 
To be pierced with desire
To veins that are turned over.

With cold, with heat, with hunger,
Allow the dried within
Through autumn to encounter
The fiery game of spring.�

Chills through the body � whole,
And there � add spark of flame -
With smile of being owner
I�ll say to you my name. 

Son

 
My son � as if not my own -
Rejects all that I cherish,
Espouses what I loathe
And laughs when I�m in anguish.

And, despairingly, I am trying
To guard from him my world,
Grown for the sake of the coming
And vulnerable to the core.

He falls with me into Lethe �
He�s my proud orphan,
Raised with a pregnant spirit
And in a fit of cognition born.

And he, raised within my belly
With my own flesh and blood,
In forty three years
Will marvel at his own son:

�My son � as if he�s not my own -
Rejects all that I cherish,
Through what circular road
Was he born in his grandmother�s image?�

Betrayal

 
Smell of betrayal - it's a smell only -
Not on the outside, but from within.
With fresh roses, scarlet roses -
Path through the darkness' purgatory.

And there carefully - cover after cover -
The good scratch away at the aim,
Sighing in lightness: "He kept from error,
Here for you, dear, is the way."

And fire burns, shades on walls throwing,
Bringing naked truth to the world:
Without bottom in the Inferno
They will recognize one of their own.

Thirst

 
The blood is hot - the vessels are taut,
All to the pale - in best apparel,
With readiness (hopefully) till next day!

Of patience - not a penny,
Awaiting - another's game.
Since we had pleasure of it catching fire -
Till the ashes burns the flame!

Suddenly, hot streams over the body
Stop... and follow the road
Of the pristine, volitional pathway:
Shifting mercury of the world.

Being poisioned, and Inspiration -
Intoxication - all the way.
Slaking the thirst of Creation -
Thus you enter the earthly Heaven.

Germany - Rhine

 
Boat's sharp mast into the sky -
Daring and pretentious,
It's like a mosquito bite
Into very heaven.

If mosquitos, thousands,
Pierce God into chest,
He might shiver.. and then God
Will around cast a glance?

Noble waters of the Rhine
Forests - with holy shadow,
Grape fields - carpets on hillsides,
Mountains with crowns of palaces.

Place of vignettes, rosettes, doves,
Sparkly wine and light beer.
Place of legends, thinkers, poets,
Sweet romantic motifs - all here.

How you celebrate it, God!
Kindly through centuries on it dote...
And look! Like the thinnest cloud
Ash of your people here floats.

Freedom

 
Freedom from myself.
Freedom from yourself.
Freedom from life itself.

Freedom to be me.
Freedom with you to be.
Freedom just to be.

For me and with me,
With and without thee -
As I live and be,

In you to place my trust,
Not to cut off - decide,
Choose another fate I must.

Dis - Order (lullaby for a mother)

 
My dear little one,
My own very part -
To exist for you.

Two arms to displace
And you to embrace -
To protect, hide you.

To go after you
Paths you travel through -
Just let me do so...

Catch each sound and sight
And to drink delight -
Only to devote...

The first things you say,
The first steps you take -
And then you yourself!

And without my hand,
On your own way:
Go don't be afraid.

And then for how long
He without me gone -
Keep him on his way...

My dear little one,
You're completely foreign...
Better to forget.

Game

 
The end of the game - more ponderous than beginning -
Without it game - dusky water without mooring.
Rivers and seas - stagnant water, holes full of sand -
To pull by the throat, then all the way to the head,
Not game - a play!

Just to sip - no half-measures - drink to the brim!
With the last drop - the final limit - to overcome!
Drink to the end - wormwood or honey - as your luck must,
"Oh, and if!" "Pity" and "Alas" - let it bear past!

I know I lived - I know I've been -
And did not scream,
Tomorrow anew - again to brim -
I would not otherwise - live!

"The Gold of My Hair"

"The gold of my hair quietly turns to grayness"

- Marina Tsvetaeva

 
"The gold of my hair"
Will never become gray.
Unnaturally I did live -
Unnaturally I did sing.

Having got a lot of gray,
And ashamed of faceless fate,
I invented self from scratch, yes:
Colors of will - sunlight's patches!

"Honey color of your hair
Is unusual and it lures,
How delightful is this freshness
Midst the black of Asian eyes!"

But the roots come through again
Scolding with the banal gray.
To depart from you beneath?
Smoker's living? He is me!

Debt

 
I run along - aside from roads,
Although through a studied path,
And over an enchanted circle -
In temple surf beats out a pulse.

The surf - come forth - almost like playing;
Come forth - break down - the round I hate
Break down - develop - to the limit:
Develop - and the self forget.

Forget yourself - forget him too,
Forget your torment,
It only is the cause of all,
Your only burden.

I conjured, divined and I dreamed
And I imagined and I waited -
I lived, gave birth and I created
And they, looking back: "Where is she?"

She? With the northern star,
A trail that's shining but for me,
She? Between storm and tide,
The shining time for all my feats.	

She and for her? What kind of evil
All of this good impressed in her?
She and for her? From birth, on scaffold
And in the ceaseless pulse - the fear,

That I won't bring it to completeness
That there are unpaid dues untold,
That I will never pay back even
The debt for living in the world.

* * *

Eyes - till the sky,
Arms - to the stem,
And legs - magnet to ground.