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For the next two weeks I avoided being alone with Justin. I couldn’t risk a repercussion of that night at the club. It was easy to avoid him since he didn’t intentionally seek me out.
How could he just almost kiss me and then never explain why? He acted as if it had never happened, as if the near kiss had been a figment of my imagination. I knew that it wasn’t right for me to think this way.
But still, had it meant nothing to him? Had he just been caught up in the moment, or did he really feel something? My mind whirled with questions.
The thing the confused me the most was the way his inconsistencies made me feel. It relieved me, yet infuriated me.
While we were together he acted just the same as he always had. He was attentive and teasing, with no note of romantic under tone. It was as if what had happened in the alley that night had all been a dream.
The only sign of what had happened was the small scab on the middle knuckle of Justin’s right hand. When asked about it, he would rub it thoughtfully and shrug, claiming them that he didn’t know where it had come from.
We hadn’t told the other guys about my brush with danger in the alley. I was a little embaressed by it. It had been extremely stupid of me to be out in an alley after dark in a big city. It was like asking for an attack.
Justin seemed to sense the fact that I didn’t want anyone to know. He was very discrete, stating that he had seen me leaving and went to see what was wrong.
But even though Justin’s attitude hadn’t changed, JC’s words and the incident in the alley were still fresh in mind. I decided, for the second time in our short acquaintance, that I would have to watch myself with Justin Timberlake.
I sighed as I turned over, trying to get comfortable, but the hotel bed had a decided lump in the middle and the pillow was flat.
Frustrated, I kicked off my blankets and sat up. There was no way I was going to get to sleep anytime soon. I decided to go into the main room for a drink.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stumbled through the dark room to the door. The dim bulb over the kitchenette provided enough light for me to make it across the room to the refrigerator without running into anything.
I was about halfway there when a dark figure on the couch sat up. I jumped back with a small cry. “Justin! You scared me!” I said.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. He stretched and I couldn’t help but notice his shirtless condition.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked, trying to avoid looking at him by getting myself a glass of water.
“I was waiting for my mom to call, but I guess I fell asleep,” he answered, then he added in a slightly dejected tone, “I guess she didn’t call.”
I glanced down at his phone, which was laying on the coffee table. “Doesn’t that little flashing light mean you have a message? I bet you just slept through it.”
“Oh!” Justin grasped the phone. I saw his face brighten as he obviously heard the voice that he had been longing to hear.
“Yeah, she left a message,” he told me. “I’ll have to call her tomorrow.”
I nodded, taking a sip of my water.
“So, why are you out here?” Justin asked after a long pause.
“I couldn’t sleep.” The sight of his bare chest gleaming in the low light unnerved me. I tried to avert my eyes, but I had a hard time controlling my gaze.
“Anything particular on your mind?” Justin wanted to know. He shifted, leaning back on the couch.
“Not really,” I lied. He was on my mind.
“You look tense,” he commented.
I shook my head. “I’m just kind of worn out.”
Justin nodded. “Bet you’re glad to be going home in a few days.”
I paused. “Yeah, but I’ll miss you guys.”
“All of us?” Justin’s voice held something that put me on edge.
I smiled tentatively. “Of course.”
“Even me?”
“Of course I’ll miss you, Curly!” I told him, trying to keep my voice light.
“Gwen?” Justin’s voice was suddenly unsure and embarrassed.
“Yes?” I answered in the same tone.
“Can we stay in touch?” he asked.
I hesitated. I knew I should say no, but instead I found myself saying, “Sure.”
Justin was silent for too long and I forced myself to look at him. His dark eyes were on me. I found it impossible to look away. For one torturous moment we just sat there staring into each other’s eyes.
It was if we we’re moving in slow motion as we leaned toward each other. Our eyes remaining locked as Justin brushed my lips with an experimental kiss. I felt myself responding despite the warning bells that were going off in my head.
My eyes fluttered shut as his lips pressed more urgently against mine. His arms supported me as he tipped me back, tangling his long fingers in my hair. His skin was smooth as I trailed my fingertips across his bare chest.
When he pulled away, the reality of the situation came crashing over me. I scrambled to my feet.
“I-I-I’m s-sorry,” I stammered. “I h-have to g-go.” I fled to the safety of my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
I collapsed into a heap by the door, my shaky legs, no longer able to support my weight.
There was a tap on the door, followed by Justin’s voice calling out to me, but I gave no answer. Instead, I burrowed into my bed, hiding my head beneath the pillow.
What had I done?
The next day I avoided Justin at all costs. This was no easy task due to the smallness of the tour bus and the fact that he deliberately tried to corner me several times.
It was easier when we reached the venue. Justin was too busy with sound checks and interviews to seek me out and I was left in peace for the afternoon. But then came the time where the guys had a little bit of free time before the show to do whatever and I had a feeling that Justin would be looking for me.
Hoping to avoid him I ducked into an empty lounge. I shut the door behind me, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Just the woman I was looking for.” I froze. It was Justin.
I turned slowly to see him stretched out across the couch at one end of the room. “Justin, hi,” I said with a smile. “I was just looking for Lance, but since he’s not here-“
Justin cut me off. “You’re not getting out of this that easy this time.”
“Get out of what?” I asked innocently as possible.
Justin sat up, swinging his long legs down over the edge of the couch. “C’mon Gwen. You must think I’m a complete idiot if you expect me to think you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
I looked down at the floor, embarrassed.
“Okay, now we need to talk,’ Justin continued in a business like tone. “What is going on between us?”
“There’s nothing going on, Justin,” I said. “We just got caught up in the moment that’s all.”
“That’s bull,” Justin told me.
“Is it?” I challenged.
“Yes, it is.” Justin was standing now. “You know something has happened between us. Admit it!”
I turned away, trying to escape his piercing gaze. I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t bring myself to deny the fact that something had happened between us.
“Well?” he prompted.
“Justin, please don’t.”
He crossed the room in two strides. Clutching my arm, he turned my body to face his. His hands captured my face so that I was forced to look him in the eye.
“If you can look me in the eye and tell me that there is nothing, then I’ll leave you alone.” His clear eyes burned into mine.
“I can’t say that there’s nothing,” I admitted. “There is something, just not something that we can act on.”
“Why not?” Justin demanded.
“There are a million reasons!” I cried. Couldn’t he see?
“Name one,” Justin challenged.
“You’re famous.”
“So, what? You aren’t.”
“I’m not the best looking.”
“You’re ravishing.”
“I’m as stubborn as a mule.”
“You’re an absolute angel.”
“I’m engaged.”
“Yes, that is a problem.” Justin sighed.
“And you live a complicated life that would drive me crazy,” I added. “Besides…” I trailed off as he ran his thumb across my bottom lip.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to remember what I had been saying. It didn’t help. If anything it weakened me. His familiar scent filled my nostrils and the feeling of his skin on mine set me on fire.
“You know you don’t feel the same way about Keith as you do about me,” Justin implored.
I couldn’t deny that either, but still I owed it to Keith to keep my distance. At that moment I realized how weak my excuse really was. In a vain attempt to regain my senses I turned away from Justin saying, “Move on Justin. I‘m engaged. I can’t give you what you need.”
“But you’re all I need.” Justin put a hand on my shoulder. “I love you.”
“You can’t,” I said, although the words made my heart soar.
“I can and I do.” Justin moved his hand down to my waist.
“Justin, I told you to move on.” Even I could here the insincerity in my voice.
I felt Justin’s lips on the side of my neck and I stiffened. My pulse picked up speed as he continued to trail kisses along my collarbone, working his way around front.
“W-what are you d-doing?” I stammered.
Justin didn’t answer. He just continued working his way around my throat.
I tried to keep myself from sighing with pleasure, trying to keep my eyes firm, but when he continued along my jaw line I could feel my resolve weakening.
Suddenly, he pulled back slightly. His intense blue eyes burned into mine. His breath was warm on my cheeks.
“Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,” he whispered.
I swallowed. “It’s not fair to ask when you’re this close.” I was unable to keep my eyes off his perfect lips.
Just then, Justin pressed his lips to mine. For a split second I tried to resist, then I found myself responding. My arms snaked around his neck and I held him as if I’d never let him go. I felt my knees grow weak until I knew that if Justin let go of me I would sink to the ground in a sappy heap.
Luckily, Justin showed no signs of letting me go. His arms were like iron bands around me. One was wrapped around me, pulling me closer. The other was across my shoulders, his hand holding my head as his lips moved gently over mine.
A knock on the door brought us back to reality. Justin pulled away slowly, kissing me lightly on the forehead. I saw him take a deep breath before going to answer the door, which I hadn’t even realized, had been locked.
It was too much for me to see him like that when I knew I’d have to leave him. I also knew that he had interpreted the kiss as a vow that I would stay with him. I knew I couldn’t. It was against everything I had ever known. It made no sense. It was chaotic. It was…perfect.
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