Gertrude isn't a queen at all,
Not if queens must be enclosed by a castle wall.
She's not like England's royal family with crowns blessed.
But, Gertrude is bonafide royalty none-the-less.
How did Gertie get to be queen?
She had ancestors of royal mein.
And, as with all queens as history records,
Her pathway's littered by bodies of her wards.
There are those who flew in the fray
But fell to earth along the way.
Once she was very pretty
Full of youthful vigor, and quite witty.
Swains arose from the very ground
To swarm about her, all around.
They pledged themselves; in ways too numerous to mention,
Fighting and dying for her attention.
Her many suitors paved the way
Making it possible for “Gertie” to reign this day.
Her dream was to prosper but most of all survive
And keep her royal subject's hopes alive.
Today, her brood is assembled about,
Doing her every bidding; she need not shout.
They provide for her every need;
She is their queen - from royal seed.
As queen, she has duties befitting her alone,
And pleasures not known to the common drone.
But the role of a queen is taxing.
The reason for outburst of waxing.
Moving slowly through her chamber,
She rubs her growing belly, but can't remember,
The cause of the rumbling inside.
Which was it? She ask the aide by her side.
A bit of bad food, too hastily eaten;
Something from the gardens, with nectar sweeten(ed).
Perhaps old age? Or was it possible
Pregnant again by that flying rascal.
Perish the thought of love and woo,
But a queen does what a queen has to do.
A bit of indiscretion by royalty
Overlooked by those at the same party.
Knowledge of biology
Or at least a bit of physiology,
Would have been helpful.
But too late. She now has a bellyful.
Gertie stretched out on her queenly bed.
And took an offered toothpick instead
Of the largess from the royal field.
Twas just right for the end of a meal.
Always observant, she noticed the workers
Including the ever present shirkers,
Seemed less at ease since the past morn,
Now all seemed most forlorn.
The very floors and rafters of the palace were shaken,
By nearby construction, which could have the very dead awaken.
It threatened collapse of the myriad of tunnels
Through which the workers activities were funneled.
The castle with its carefully concealed false walls
Hid royal chambers, riches and all.
Means were there to block passage of invaders
And weapons of mass destruction by foreign raiders.
The queen reflected; not much has changed with new masters,
In centuries of war, pestilence, floods and other natural disasters.
Weapons have changed but the best defense
Begins with being prepared and vigilance.
The rumble of the railroad no longer does disturb
The chambers and the royal herd.
Here was the ideal place for a castle such as this one
Started generations before by another queen mum.
The railroad supplied a never ending bounty of goods
Material for building, and lumber from the nearby woods.
No less important, a means of spreading
The empire to distant lands with other queens wedding.
By sneaking a few warriors and others of her kind
Aboard a passing train, they to new territories did find.
Alas, she never heard if the settlements in the fall
Were successful or not, and Gertie cared not at all.
Railroad barons with their finely fitted cars
For viewing; dining and games played under the stars,
While others slept, made fortunes by harvesting trees
And shipping timbers to far off cities, as they please.
They owned the forest, the mills, the trains and the very
tracks on which they rode.
So that roads would be laid, title to the lands was to them bestowed.
And it was just such a way in which Gertie
Came to possess her royal kingdom in eighteen thirty.
The barons cared less for the land
To sell products in the market was their plan.
They knew with a population explosion
There would be benefits if they took a notion.
But like most Government and Business ventures,
This one had a dark side in their well meaning adventures.
Little did they know that the likes of Gertrude
And her hoards would thrive on their lassitude.
Soon were to come, these mini-kingdoms of settlers,
Feasting on the largess of the environmental mettlers.
Impossible to quash as they produced many offspring
Swarms to behold with each coming new spring.
It was a war to be wage(d),
With outcome in no way certain to this very day.
It was discovered that in the colonies about,
Once established were near impossible to root-out.
They spread until the whole continent
Was in danger of succumbing to these evil malcontent(s).
Mankind was alarmed and a path of fire and destruction
Was at first tried against Gertie and her production.
When that failed, chemical warfare was attempted,
Painful to Gertie's hoards, but its danger preempted.
As it also played havoc on the perpetrator as well
And for the most part has been abandoned as a difficult sell.
Now a new terror was being spread,
Biological Warfare was its name and something to dread.
It had never been tried before to bring down the curtain,
And the outcome was in no way certain.
Gertie was reminded that in a different war,
In a different area, the Government had tried this before.
Flooding the countryside with men,
To compete as lovers and the ladies best friend.
At first that didn't sound so bad to this queen,
That with a smirk, remembering
The saying of the marines who had battles to win,
“We can always use a few good men.”
But when was discovered that the men sent far and near
Were sterile and the resident population suddenly had much to fear.
The new crop of babies never appeared,
And the Government's strategy was thus revealed.
Would the enemy use such a tactic,
Certainly a possibility for this group of fanatic(s).
A messenger has returned with bad news,
She and her kind may have to vacate this old castle and its mews.
As a tenant, even though a queen, she has few rights.
The new owner does not abide the wild parties and flights,
That her kind encourage, with friends swarming about,
Now the landlord insist in throwing her out.
He's taken steps toward evicting Gertie and her tribe.
There's no time to gather up treasures or the children to hide.
It's each for him or herself as case may be,
No time to think, and no place to flee.
The exterminator's here!
*****
Epilogue -
Gertie noticed a sickening green
Of workers that served this old Florida queen.
When asked if their stomach's upset
They replied; “Must have been something they had et.”
The toxicologist was called into the fray
And enlisted science to save the day.
Seemed that Dastardly Hudibras Brill
Had devised new methods her troops to kill.
Into the garden in dark of night
Crept this madman to bring affright.
No more evil could have been
Created by this modern day, Fessenden.
Poison! Wolfram the other element's twin
Was nough to stop the fix that's in.
Their bellies ached and digestion ceased
As more workers fell to their knees.
The greenness spread throughout the land
As Gertie's troops died by Winston's plan.
Halls grew silent as the moaning ceased
The battle lost to this new disease.
Gertie lay on her couch alone
And gave out a final woeful moan.
Her dreams of living at other's cost
Forever gone - Paradise Lost!
Sidi Mahtrow
****
When the Railroad Baron's invaded Florida, the land was covered with vast forest, savannas, swamps, pristine lakes and sand beaches, only Indian trails existed and they for the most part wound through the high lands, bypassing trees and other obstacles; with the arrival of settlers, straight roads were cut, but to the settler's dismay, it was discovered that God had not placed lakes and rivers to accommodate them. You can grid the state with lines and squares containing 640 acres each, forgetting that the world is round so add a gore here and there, as necessary to make it all come out even, but with all that, the roads still in the early days had to pretty much follow the Indian trails. However, trains require tracks and the tracks must be either straight or have gentle curves and so it was that the State gave to the barons vast tracts of land in exchange for their building the railroads. Such it was, that land to the side of the rails had great value and it was never thought having a railroad in your front or back yard was anything but good. Also, if you wanted to travel, man just stepped to the middle of the track and waved a white flag or whatever and the train would stop and pick him up. Not bad.
But progress, at least in the name of progress, has brought change. Those trees, some so large that three men could not join hands in reaching around, and so tall they seemed to reach to the very sky, down they came under the merciless axe and crosscut saw. Sawmills moved to the trees not the other way around and vast piles of softwood and bark grew by the day. No one would consider using the slabs of white wood, only heart of pine would do. Heart of pine is laced with a heavy dose of rosin and darkens with age to became known as a hard wood, not at all like the materials of today. So it was that this very castle that Gertie called home was built not a block from the tracks and of yellow pine.
Gertie's castle was built in style. Her's used dolomite blocks mined from pits not too far distant as foundation. The wooden structure began about two foot off the ground and was open permitting air to sweep beneath the floors. Besides being a place for the chickens, hogs and dogs, it meant that the area was dry and dark. Not a good place for termites that require a source of water, but Gertie's family moved in and established themselves in the hard dry timbers.
A two by four in those days was a true two inches by four inches when finished which meant that if rough sawed timbers were used the dimensions were closer to two and a quarter by four and a quarter, or more but never less. By the blessing of that same railroad, finishing touches could be shipped in from the far off East coast and Central states, as example, the ever popular beaded ceiling (and walls as well) in Gertie's castle. The castle really didn't need painting it weathered to a rustic grey-brown, and it was only some fifty or so years later that it saw its first coat of lead paint on the outside walls.
In those simpler times an outhouse provided the necessary place to rest and spend time with the catalogues, but with progress came indoor plumbing and its attendant problems. A septic tank had to be provided and a drain field, of course placed away from the source of drinking water, the well. Then it was discovered that pouring dishwater and grease down the drain killed the septic tank, so a grease trap became a necessity. Since Florida, at least in Gertie's neighborhood, is not without freezing weather, the water pipes had to be protected or else the galvanized pipes burst, which they did every winter or so, regardless. Draining the pipes or wrapping with bits of cotton or woollen cloth was no match for a relentless cold snap.
Cooking and heating were the next issues to be addressed. Wood burning stoves and fireplaces were of course in every house but with the forest retreating, another source of fuel was needed and so it was that some used oil and others used gas and others used electricity. Ah electricity, how wonderful it is. The meter which was installed inside the house to be protected and read was for ten amperes, just enough for a light bulb in each room and perhaps a radio or some other device like an Edison electric fan. Those marvelous bare copper wires were spread throughout the house in the ceiling on porcelain post or perhaps covered in rubber and wrapped with cotton cloth before being given a coat of shellac or some other preservative. In some instances the bare wire were placed in a wooden groove to be covered with a thin piece of wood, all this was necessary as it was quickly discovered that mice, rats and other vermin like to chew on the wires and more than just a few grand old places went up in flames as the result.
Gertie's castle changed with the times until the present when air conditioning and central heat is added. The kitchen and bathrooms look nothing like those of the past which is both good and bad. Certainly the house is more comfortable but upkeep is now so much more necessary than before and in Florida, a house will seemingly melt right before your eyes not unlike a South Dakota snow bank, if not protected and maintained.
Gertie's castle has survived the passage of time which is more than can be said for most of those that once stood on half acre lots across the street. All that remains of one is the shed used to collect honey from bees that were kept in the back yard. The neighborhood has gone into decline and none of Gertie's many relatives live in the area.
In the back yard stands a sentinel of times past, a mighty oak tree said to be one of the three or four largest oaks in the state. Gertie at one time eyed the tree as a source of wood but even Gertie saw it as too much of a challenge to make something of it, so there it stands.
***
Gertrude really did exist, not as a termite but as a person, living the good life in Florida, having acquired title to the property from the railroad. The family that now owns Aunt Gertrude's home has decided to sell this historic place not far from the railroad tracks. Trains no longer follow this tree shrouded route; it's a recreational trail. The house no longer shows the character of a hundred years past, its been remodeled and “upgraded” to something of beauty but like a virgin, has lost that which can never be recovered. Only the old oak tree in the back yard reminds you that this is 7052 Grand Oaks Drive, Floral City, Florida.
**
Winston (Hudibras) Brill hails from the town described as forty square miles surrounded by reality brought this bit of science to the entomologist arsenal. When Wolfram is substituted for Molybdenum the bacteria in the termites gut can no longer fix nitrogen and the termites die. But before they go they take on a nice green glow. Perhaps its time to mention Thomas Fessenden or Christopher Caustick LLD, as he liked to call himself when writing on subjects that aroused the ire of the Jeffersonians and such. He published poems that earned him the title of America's Hudibras (or Sam Butler) and had much to say about agriculture in his New England Farmer's Almanac and the journal, The Complete Farmer, published in the early 1800s. Fessenden would have surely provided words of wisdom on how to avoid the termite, but alas, in the Northland where he lived, termites do not exist.
****
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