"Squire" spoke the Don, "A mighty disturbance infringed upon my thoughts this past eve. Do you perchance know the source?"
"Ah, most noble and illustrious knight-errant, protector of maidens, absolver of past criminal act, resolver of injustice, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera ; yes, I know that of which you ask. As I was partaking a bit of autumn fruit of the grape, my brother, for all men are my brothers, ask that I accompany him in the makings of stable cider. Not knowing of what he spoke, I agreed to go and aid him in his labors, although with much anguish as we must depart from so pleasant surroundings in the tavern to the area adjacent to the pissoir."
Sancho continued, "Not far from the inn's second exit, that from which we have just past as we left in the early morn, is a most noble experiment and testimonial to the Gods of War. In cask, perhaps that once saw more honorable task as keepers of the fruit, my brother had arranged a most fragrant brew. These large cask had been recently outfitted with a new bung in a place unfamiliar to those who make wine. The bung was some six or so fingers from the bottom and firmly fitted with cork from our native tree. The contents I am about to describe and the product obtained were surely the invention of Merlin."
"Several fold barrels were thus outfitted, some being fully filled and ripe, others while full were in the immature stages not unliken a young maiden of the village, bubbling and passing gaseous discharges, making said young maiden blush. Jose, for that is my brothers name, insisted that I aid him in preparing further cask for their chemical magic. It was then that I remembered that the pissoir barrels outside the tavern were filled with the same yellow fluids used in Jose's brew."
Quixote could contain himself no longer and commanded, "Honest squire, if you do not hasten you tale, we shall arrive at our day's end and I shall still be suspended in mid-air like thistle down, going all ways without direction as the wind chooses to blow and knowing not what."
"Patience noble one, the tale has many branches not unlike the mighty oak, and like the oak when too much wood is removed, it dies without passing on its produce, the acorn." replied Sancho.
"Let it be then, Sancho, continue." saith the weary Don, as he adjusted his bones against the not too well padded pommel.
"Thank the my lord. As I was about to begin, so shall I continue. This is the recipe that Jose has entrusted to me and I now impart to thee." so spoke Sancho.
"Barrels from the pissoir sat awaiting Jose's attention, as did a major pile of goodly horse manure to which had from time to time been added products of other animals, the chickens, cows and perhaps those who only stood and waited their turn. In addition from the fires of the hearth was a quantity of ash that instead of being returned to the fields or spread on the courtyard to make it hard and resistant to water was kept in a protected place. Further, lime which is used to enrich our fields was in a separate pile but it need not be protected.
While I know not why, Jose had specifically selected by hand, for there is no other way, those horse briquettes that were rimed in white. Jose insisted these were the finest product of our stables and surely Rozinante would agree. I, as the apprentice, was directed to do exactly as Jose did, and I add that I am very good at this enterprise and once at home will teach my wife and daughter the practice for it will surely make us wealthy. And, I share these secrets with thee so that you may also be enriched if you desire."
"Sancho, Sancho please, on with your story." the weary Don begged.
"The filling of the pot is of great importance, so pay careful attention. Of the selected muffins of the stable, they were carefully placed until four fingers deep in the cask. Layering commenced with the addition of two fingers of the hearth ash and then one finger of lime. The process was continued muffins, ash, lime until the cask was nigh onto overflow. Jose invited me to be the first to cast into my barrel and I did as he, and caused a mighty flow of my waters. These were of course not enough to wet the contents so taking the oaken bucket afloat in the barrel from the pissoir, we did wetten the contents until they were most liquid. Jose insist that the product from the tavern are best but if not adequate, that from the night bucket can be used as well Listen carefully for the next step is necessary for success."
"Taking up a stout stick, not unlike an oar, the brew was stirred. But as it was most heavy with the solid, the stick was set aside and I was instructed to do as Jose did and so removed my shirt so that I could more easily immerse myself into my sorcery. The larger lumps were broken only by grasping them between the hands and squeezing them with force. And we thus continued to kneed the product until we were much tired and in need of rest. I must take leave from the making of our soup to impart a side of information regarding the disturbance about which you asked."
"The tale is at end you say. Be-on with it."
"As we bestirred the brew, a trooper of the holy brotherhood approached us and did ask of what we were adventuring. Brother Jose withdrew from his cask, a well shapened piece which because of his efforts were now well covered with the fly of the oven and the lime of the fields and in the darkened evening light would appear to the uneducated as more liken unto a rock that the outfall of a horse. He offered the product to the good boy in the King's uniform and placed it well within his hand, the liquid did drip from and so spoil the fine clothes of the gentleman, I might add., Jose said, and I quote, "We are making saltpetre for the King's cannon." This was a most apt reply to the trooper who even in the darkness was seen to become somewhat ashen faced. Of fine military discipline was our man who asked how the chemistry was proceeding and other learned questions of which I know not. Seeming satisfied with Jose's response and wanting to relieve himself of the prize he held still in his hand he passed it to me and withdrew from our presence, although I do believe him to have muttered some vile sayings under his breath and would have sought vengeance upon us had not our number been twice his."
"Now the most important telling of the tale follows but I shall not be able to describe it in detail as the brew requires careful attention of the sun on the cask and protection against rain which is most unlikely in this season. We must trust in Jose that the process continue for a fortnight and then the contents be stirred with vigor and allowed to continue for yet another period. If all goes well, as is obvious from the fetid smell of the adjoining cask, the stable brew will be ripe and ready for harvest in three fortnights."
"Sancho, you hast promised to bring this tale to an end and I have yet to hear the reason for the disturbance, have you lost you way in this story that appears as in Dali's endless enigma."
"I know not of Salvador Dali of which you speak. Perchance you have slipped into the past or future in your daydreams. But let me continue and I am sure you will be rewarded for you patience."
"Brother Jose, now approached one of the barrels that was most ripe and had a delightful scum of beautiful verdite. He instructed me to do likewise, and as he did, so did I. We plunged our hands to the very bottom of the barrel which caused the soup to spill onto our chest as we at this stage in the process must use both hands. Seeking out the area wherein lay the bung, he (and I as well) stirred the morass until it was finely distributed. Now standing erect and stretching our arms so the fluid flowed easily from them, we sought out a clump of straw from the stable. Jose showed that it should be carefully plait so that it formed a web, the use of which was soon to be revealed. A second barrel was placed nearby so that the liquid could be contained when the bung was removed. And several buckets were at the ready as well.
With the straw mat in our left hand we once again approached the stable wine and placing both arms to their extreme into the barrel, with our right hand sought to remove the bung while holding the plaited straw at the ready in our left hand. Much struggling was necessary to remove the cork as it had been well wetted by the liquid and swollen, but at last, the cork was removed, and the straw put in place. A mighty gush of liquid exited the barrel and we worked in haste to catch the outfall and save it in the near barrel."
"Did the passing of the liquid from the barrel make the commotion that disturbed my sleep, I think not, you dolt. Is this another of your trickeries of story telling to spend my time so that I must guess the answer of which there is none?"
"Nay, Nay, master the telling is near finished and you shall be rewarded. But have patience."
"As we straightened from our task, two comely but cupshotten women came from the tavern looking to the pissoir and seeing us engaged in they knew not what, stopped to seek the reason for our fun. From their state of pleasure in sampling the fruit of the vine, their noses had been made unaware of the kettles aroma. One enquired of me the contents of the various caldrons. The other having seen Jose in his most manly form without shirt and with muscles most prominent, gave evidence of finding him most attractive. (In the light of day, Jose is built not unlike myself, somewhat rotund, hairless on top but much encumbered of body hair, and what most would consider to be of a state of ugly that can only be compared to the back end of Amadis.) So besmittened by his manliness, the fair maiden began to run her fingers up and down Jose's arm, caressing his back in a most seductive fashion. She seemed indifferent that the arm that she so much desired was well lubricated by the products of man and his beloved horse. Speaking to the lass who stood near me, I informed her of our mission to which she, not being quite so far into her cups quickly grasp the situation. Whereupon, she gave a mighty laugh and shriek that surely would have awakened the dead and must have aroused you from your slumbers. Pointing out the delicious substance that encased Jose, she entreated her sister to taste the pleasures and fruit of our labour. Tasting her fingers, the other gained some momentary sense and her tongue revealed what her nose would not. Seeking out the maiden at my side, she did wipe her hands on her shirt front and if not enough, also into her hair as well."
"This quieted my fair maiden (who I might add was neither so comely as would have been imagined had I not been partaking of the taverns rewards, nor as slender and spry as one might envision) but by Merlin's magic, the mirth became umbrage and she did reach into my well fermented kettle and removing a magnificent muffin did attempt to feed it to her friend as a mother offers peas and such to her child."
"By degrees the battle was engaged until both having lost their footing in the slipperiness of the area which was well wetted by the labors of our love, did find themselves in firm embrace. I must admit that Jose and I neither desired to enter into the brawl but did with great cheers of encouragement urge on the combatants. This cause the patrons of the tavern to exit and come thither. A great crowd assembled and lively betting on the winner was entered into, with of course, he who had wagered encouraging his selected fair maiden. At this point in the story we must return to our soldier of the holy brotherhood."
"As you acknowledge, the braying and yelling of the visitors did reach a high pitch. Our trooper not knowing the reason for the disturbance but intended to get his rewards from Jose, for having passed onto him a product of our stew. The trouper of the holy brotherhood returned with other members of his troop, but to his dismay found a crowd well out of control, drinking, cheering and wagering. With bravado only possessed by a man of fortune, he approached and grasp Jose by the arm, discovering in the process what the fair maiden had likewise found. He in a moment of unwise decision attempted to restrain good brother Jose who is well known to the tavern and surrounds and held to be a friend. At their imprudent act, the crowd suddenly had other thoughts from the maidens now well encrusted in the products of the stable and mire as well. They surged forward and grasping our King's man, did capture him and place him within the caldron that bore the ripest fruit."
"And we all, maidens, brewmeister, tavern dwellers and all, quickly departed and sought our beds."
"That" said Sancho, "is the disturbance of which you ask."
"May you grant me pardon, honest Sancho, for I seemed to have lost my way in the cobwebs of my mind and was absent from your telling of your story. Perhaps you can repeat it at some time when we are at a place of rest."
"Of course, Sir Quixote, a story becomes better with the second telling." so said Sancho.
And it is truly so, as this trice told tale was first from the fertile imagination of Birringucchio in 1540. Later told by Sir Tom Perigrin who is cloistered at the University of Arizona and passed to honest Sancho Panza for the telling by the noted if somewhat backward historian, S. J. Mathrow.
Regarding the production of black powder of which potassium nitrate (saltpetre) was a necessary ingredient for the King's cannons (and El Cid's as well). It is recorded that the urine of animals contains urea which in its chemical state when acted upon by bacteria produces ammonia the smell of which we all are familiar with both as household ammonia and in the fragrance of not too clean public facilities. Ammonia cannot in itself be used in the production of explosives but instead must be first converted to the nitrate, a process conveniently conducted by bacteria who reside, where else, but in the muffins produced by horses, as well as in dirt. The process called oxidation converts the reduced form of nitrogen to an oxide, thus nitrate. Herein, lies the processes of Jose and Sancho. The nitrate is soluble but highly acidic but in the presence of lime which serves to keep the process neutral and thus beneficial to the bacteria, the calcium salt of nitrate is formed. However, what is desired is potassium nitrate which conveniently may be formed when wood ashes which are rich in potassium carbonate are added to the brew. The potassium nitrate, saltpetre or salt peter if you wish, is soluble and easily extracted from the brew. On removal of the water in which the saltpetre is dissolved, crystals of potassium nitrate form. It is only a small step to mix the dried saltpetre with charcoal and sulfur to produce black powder. Black powder does not explode, it instead burns rapidly which permits cannons to be made of brass. Once a spark is set, the gasses from the burning mixture expand rapidly but from a slow start, thus propelling whatever has been loaded into the muzzle into the direction of a target. From Sancho's time until the civil war in this country, black powder was used.
But enough of Merlin's wizardry, let us continue on with the travels of Sancho Panza and his knight-errant, Don Quixote.
Alas, the recording of their further travels seems to have been mislaid but perchance will be found and added to this most interesting history.
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