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 really is. Ignore the fact that while he WAS in Australia, all he needed to do was walk outside, put his schooner in the sun for a few seconds, and he'd have his warm beer. You may think, well, I could just as easily walk outside and put my pint in the cold... which might be true, except that I don't like rain in my beer. So I maintain, beer should be served cold.  This has just been an example of the third reason Australians are disliked over here. There is a common and growing fear from a conspiracy that we are trying to overtake and run the UK. This was first brought to the suspicions of the British people by the supposed swarm of Aussies in their precious ( and possibly soon to be previous) capital of London.  While I would like to put my Brit friends' nerves at rest, I have no choice but to reveal that yes, we are trying to overtake Britain. You sent the convicts to Australia, and now we're sending them back! Hehe. trying to conquer the UK. Although lulling you into a false sense of security would have a kind of poetic beauty, and prove to be refreshingly satisfying in the long run... in true Aussie style, I really can't be bothered. Painstaking or minimal, such efforts are rarely conjured. Unless the ultimate aim is a lot more desirable... So whilst millions of other Australians have not yet succeeded by making London their stronghold, I have a cunning and masterful plan: imagine anyone would want to take over... AH HA! Coventry!!!  So far I have conjured an army of, well, ...one, but I have recently ordered an assortment of all sorts of these creatures from off the net to join me in my quest:     about in the dark back-alleys of Coventry. So, once my unholy army of the night has gathered, clad in thongs (the sort that you wear on your feet... thank GOD), VB t-shirts, holding stubbies, dragging cricket bats behind them, burping involuntarily into the night, along with slurred chants of "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!" - then England will soon be mine, MINE I SAY! No one will ever suspect. Before long this will be the view from space:
Or at least was my plan... until it was thwarted by my long-time very English and very silly friend Michelle Lovelock. Michelle has recently bought herself a house in Coventry, for those who don't know, with the intention of eventually taking over the 'city.' And for those who did, you probably were previously unaware that as a consequence, she has single-handedly saved England and the rest of the UK from Aussie dominance. Just shows the kind of hard-minded determination us lot from south of the equator have.
So you are safe. For now... but be very afraid if you start to hear the little twangs in Michelle's accent begin to alter, ever so slightly. If she begins to say things like "Kristina! Stop paying me out!" or "Aww... I could do with a nice cold VIC about now!" If in the early hours of the morning, in the delerium of sleep, she starts softly singing the words to 'Tie Me Kangaroo Down'...  will have come when you hear her muttering: "Bloody Poms!"  word.    |
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