JAG Headquarters
1330 Local

“I’m so sorry, but I have an appointment I’m going to be late for. Meredith, I’ll call you later to talk about your summer program.” After giving her a smile, Mac turned the Admiral with a nod. “Admiral, I’ll see you later.” Mac headed back into the building, leaving the Admiral and Meredith standing outside chatting.

Smiling to herself, she thought things couldn’t have gone better. After their meeting at the elevator and the Admiral’s apology, they had all gone to lunch together. Her plan had worked perfectly. She almost laughed out loud as she recalled Harm and Sturgis and their pathetic attempts at matchmaking. Men are such idiots!

Pushing the elevator button, her smile faded a bit as she thought of Harm flirting at the bar with the woman Sturgis and Bobbi invited for the Admiral. Some things never change.

Deciding to think positively, she told herself, ‘Oh well. It’s not like he made a date with her or anything. And really, Harm was just responding to the blonde. (She consciously chose not to use the word bimbo, but it was very difficult.) who was very flirtatious with him It’s not like he chased after her or anything.’

Unfortunately, her less positive side also added a thought as she stepped into the elevator. ‘Yeah, well, he never seems to have to chase after woman. They chase after him. He just doesn’t put up much of a fight. Except with you.’

‘Stop it!’ Scolding herself sternly, she pushed away this line of thinking. It only caused her to be upset, and she was tired of it. She had no claim on Harm, and he was perfectly free to flirt and date anyone he wanted.

‘It’s your own fault. He did come to you on the Guadalcanal.’ Her traitorous mind continued, ignoring her previous order.

‘Yes, he did. But he still wasn’t sure enough; he didn’t want me badly enough to really try. And he gave up so fast.’

Stifling the argument in her mind, she exited the elevator as the doors opened on her floor and continued on to her office.

Mac’s Office
1830 Local

Mac leaned back in her chair and let go a big sigh of relief. Finally done with paperwork! Except for a few moments of teasing Harm and Sturgis about her success as a matchmaker, the afternoon had been spent bent over desk trying to catch up with the tons of paperwork her job seemed to produce. She could head for home with a clear conscience.

Glancing around the bullpen she noticed that almost everyone was gone. Both Harm’s and Sturgis’ offices were dark, and Bud and Harriet were nowhere to be seen. As usual, the thought of cooking left her uninspired, as did the thought of fighting the lines at the grocery store. Finally deciding to try that new Italian place that Sturgis had recommended, she ordered a pizza for pick up. Retrieving her purse and cover, she exited her office to get her pizza and head for home. The thought of doing nothing except giving Jingo a walk appealed to her, and she looked forward to a relaxing evening.

Mario’s
1850 Local

“That’ll be $15.95” The young girl at the cash register gave her a smile.

Returning the smile, Mac handed the money for her pizza to her. “Thank you. Where do I pick it up?”

Gesturing to a window at the end of the bar, the girl answered, “Right over there. It should be up in a few minutes.”

Mac’s eyes followed the girl’s pointing finger when her heart suddenly stopped beating. At a table near the bar, Sturgis, Bobbi, Harm, and the blonde (I will not say bimbo) were seated, on an obvious double date. As she turned to leave before they spotted her, Bobbi looked up and waved at her.

Forcing another smile to her face, Mac walked over to the table, determined to not let any feeling of hurt show. “Hi Bobbi, it’s nice to see you again.” Turning to the blonde bimbo (damn it, I can’t remember her name), she greeted her. “Nice to see you again too, Cathy isn’t it?”

The blonde (OK, maybe she’s not a bimbo) answered her nicely. “Caroline actually. It’s a pleasure.”

“Harm…Sturgis. Can’t seem to get away from you guys.” She kept her tone level and pleasant.

Sturgis and Harm couldn’t seem to get a word out. Identical looks of alarm frozen on their faces.

Not seeming to notice the two men’s panic, Bobbi continued, “Won’t you join us?” Mac noticed the look Caroline gave Bobbi at that invitation, but continued to smile as pleasantly as best she could.

“Mackenzie.” A large pizza box appeared on the bar as her name was called.

‘Thank God.’ Mac thought to herself. “Sorry, that’s my pizza and I already have plans for the evening, but thank you just the same. Maybe another time.”

As she turned, she didn’t miss the look of relief that came over the blonde bimbo’s (I can call her a bimbo if I want to) face.

After picking up her pizza she gave them another smile and wave before she left. Caroline and Bobbi returned the wave naturally. Harm and Sturgis managed half-hearted waves as well.

Sarah Mackenzie’s Apartment
2035 Local

Mac sat on the couch, Jingo beside her with his head on her lap and the untouched pizza on the coffee table in front of her. She had not cried, but she definitely kept thinking about it.

Most of the evening had been spent torturing herself with might have beens, should have beens, and what is wrong with me? What if Renee hadn’t needed Harm that night? What if she could have pulled herself together to talk to Harm on the Guadalcanal, or even after she got home? What if she had really pushed him to let go with her? She should have done more; she should have been more…what? What could she have done?

She could have insisted she needed him that night when Renee’s father died. No, she couldn’t have.

She could have continued to talk to him on the Guadalcanal. But he was so nervous, so unsure of himself and his feelings. She was tired of having to push for every gain with him.

She could have had “the talk” when she returned to JAG. But every time she talked to him, he was so uncomfortable, she felt like she was forcing him. And she had to have SOME pride, damn it. It didn’t have to be her declaring her love first. He shot her down in Australia; it was up to him.

She felt a sharp spurt of anger. What was it about her that terrified him? He never shied away from any woman he wanted, but when it came to her, there was always something holding him back.

Well to hell with it. I am done with mooning over Harmon Rabb. He’s my best friend, but that’s ALL he is and that’s ALL he’s ever going to be. I don’t have to have a man in my life to be happy. I don’t need Harm, Mic, or any other man to be happy.

‘Liar’ the little voice inside her head whispered. “I know,” she whispered back to it. “I do need Harm in my life to be happy. But I’ll just have to accept it and move on. Alone.”

The decision made, albeit not happily, she went to bed.

JAG Headquarters
Next Day
0930 Local

Sturgis approached Mac’s office apprehensively. She had seemed fine this morning, but he kept remembering her admission of love for Harm. She couldn’t be fine; it had to be an act. Plus, he didn’t want her to think that he had set Harm up with Caroline. He liked Mac, and in the course of working with her had come to respect her as well.

Of course, it had looked bad. If he was in her place, he knew what assumptions he would make. But the truth was that he and Harm had stopped in Mario’s for a drink and run into Bobbi and Caroline. Naturally, they all sat together. And there really was no easy way out when Caroline invited them all to have dinner with her.

Steeling himself to face her, he knocked on her door.

“Enter.”

“Mac, you got a minute?”

She gave him an amused glance and gestured for him to have a seat. “Of course Sturgis. What can I do for you?”

Entering her office and sitting down, he struggled with what to say.

“Sturgis?”

She seemed so calm and friendly that he almost decided that he was on a fool’s errand until he looked closely at her eyes. In spite of smile, her eyes held a sadness he had not noticed before.

“I wanted to explain about last night. It’s not what you think.”

With a sigh she rose from her chair and went to the door, closing it. She didn’t say anything at first.

Seating herself back at her desk she looked him straight in the eye. “Sturgis, I know I told you something I shouldn’t have and that it could put you in an embarrassing position. Please don’t worry about it.”

“Mac, honestly, it’s not what you think. Harm and I just stopped in for a drink. We ran into Caroline and Bobbi, it wasn’t a planned dinner date.”

A weary expression came over her face. “It never is Sturgis. Woman like Harm, and they chase him. You think I’ve never noticed it before?”

This was not going the way he had wanted it too. “Mac, he didn’t ask her out, we just happened to run into them.”

“OK. I believe you.” She tried to shut this conversation down. It was just too hard. “Is there anything else?”

Trying to get her to open up, he persevered. “It was totally innocent. We just happened to run into them.”

Giving him an exasperated look, she answered him more sharply than she meant to. “Look Sturgis. I’m not stupid. Let me lay out the evening for you, and you tell me if I’m right. You and Harm ran into Bobbi and Caroline, totally innocently. You all decided to have dinner together, totally innocently. Harm and Caroline got to know one another, totally innocently. And in a totally innocent way, Caroline suggested that you should all do this again some time. You, Harm, and Bobby, totally innocently, agreed, because it was fun in a totally innocent way. Then, Harm being the totally innocent gentlemen he is, followed Caroline home because Bobbi had ridden with her and you and Bobbi wanted to be together.”

A little stunned at her accurate assessment of the evening, he managed a short nod when she paused.

Her tone softened somewhat. “I’m sorry for the sarcasm Sturgis, but this is a painful subject for me. I’ll just say that I’ve seen Harm in action before, and I pretty much know what’s coming. I’ll deal with it. I’m a big girl, I’m not going to fall apart and you don’t need to worry that I’ll blame you. You’re my friend, but I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“The only thing you left out is that Harm was very upset when you saw him with her. I know him too, Mac. He’s not after this woman.” He wanted to add that it was obvious Harm cared for Mac, but he didn’t want to get in any deeper than he already was.

Looking down at her desk, she softly said, “He may not be Sturgis. But she is after him, and he never puts up much of a fight. He never does, except with me.”

“Mac…”

Cutting him off, she turned the chair to face the window as she replied. “I’m sorry Sturgis. I can’t talk about this anymore. Please leave me with some dignity.”

Feeling that she was wrong in her assessment of Harm, he was about to try again when the phone rang, interrupting him.

Pivoting in her chair, she answered the phone before Sturgis could speak.

“Mackenzie.”

A pause.

“Yes, hold on a moment, would you please?” She looked back up at him while placing a hand over the receiver. “Can we drop this now? I have work to do.”

“All right Mac. But I think you’re wrong.”

She rolled her eyes. “Can we just agree to disagree? Please?”

Giving up for the moment, he nodded and rose to leave.

She smiled at Sturgis as she spoke into the phone. “Hi John. I haven’t heard from you in ages. How are you?”

He didn’t hear the rest of the conversation as he closed the door behind him.

As he was returning to his office he ran into a nervous Harm.

“Hey Sturgis. Have you talked to Mac this morning?”

“Yeah, why?” He didn’t want to give anything away; it wasn’t fair to Mac.

“Oh, no reason.” Harm shifted on his feet and seemed to have trouble looking him in the eye. “Was she OK?”

“As far as I know. Any reason she wouldn’t be?”

Harm shot him an anxious smile. “Of course not. Just wondering.” His gaze shifted off to Mac’s office where he could see her smiling as she talked on the phone.

“Uh, I’ll catch you later Buddy. I gotta talk to Mac for a minute.”

‘Good luck Buddy.’ Sturgis thought as he watched Harm knock on Mac’s door before entering.

Harm sat nervously in Mac’s office trying to figure out where to begin. Technically he didn’t have to explain himself to her about last night, but he didn’t want her to have the wrong idea. There had been too much of that in their lives.

As she waited for him to begin, Mac could almost smile at his actions. Sometimes he could be such a big teenager. Trying to give him a break (she didn’t know why), she asked him, “So Harm, what brings you in here?”

Leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees, he began. “Well, I…uh…well…I wanted to explain about last night.”

Repressing the urge to roll her eyes and sigh, Mac asked him, “What about last night?”

“Uh…well…I…wasn’t out on a date.” Inwardly Harm cursed himself, knowing he was screwing this up, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.

Trying to help him relax, Mac gave him a warm smile. He was too nervous to realize it didn’t reach her eyes. “Harm, it’s OK.”

“It is?” He had been prepared for anger, even tears, but not for calm acceptance.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Mac actually was proud of her quiet tone. She would be damned before she would let him know he hurt her. She didn’t need his pity or his explanation of the obvious.

“Well…I thought you might be upset.” In fact, he was so sure of it he had been scared to talk to her.

Leaning back in her chair, she looked up at the ceiling as she considered her next question. “Harm, are we friends?”

Surprised at the question, he sat up straight as he answered the only way he could. “Of course.”

Meeting his eyes with as steady a gaze as she could, she continued. “As your friend, let me give you some advice. When you don’t have a girlfriend or significant other, you can actually go out on a date, talk to other women, and basically do whatever you want. You don’t have to clear your actions with me.” Mac couldn’t believe that she was actually saying these words to him, but the facts were clear. They had no understanding, no commitment. And it was pretty obvious there wasn’t going to be one.

“But I don’t want any misunderstandings between us Mac.” She had totally confused him. Everything she was saying was true, at least on the surface, but he thought they had been working towards something more.

Deciding to let him know how well she understood him, she fired off a few shots. “Harm, did you have dinner with Caroline last night?”

“Well, yeah, but it really wasn’t like a date.” He kept shifting in his seat and having trouble meeting her eyes.

“Did you see her home?” She didn’t mean to assume a prosecutorial tone with him, but he was leaving her with no choice.

“Uh…yes. But I had too, it was late.” Oh god, that didn’t sound good at all, but he could detect no change of expression in her face.

“Did you make plans to see her again?”

Honesty compelled him admit that he had agreed to go out with Caroline again, she had backed him into a corner about it. He found it very difficult to be rude to beautiful women. “Yes.”

Her heart sank at that single word.

“Then I would say that even if last night wasn’t a date in your eyes, the next one will be, right?”

Shit, this was not going well at all. She was treating him like a witness and forcing testimony her way.

“Mac, there are mitigating circumstances. Sometimes things appear one way, but are really another.”

“Really? Why don’t you explain how things are then.” A faint hope clutched at her heart. Maybe this was the time he would really tell her how he felt and end all this dancing around.

There was a short silence as he struggled to find the words.

Finally she broke the quiet with a sigh. “Harm, I’m not mad at you. You are and always will be my friend. It really is OK.”

Once again, his silence had damned him in her eyes. She had given him the chance to explain, and as usual he had frozen up.

Trying to leave thing on a positive note, she informed him briskly, “So everything is fine. I understand, and I’m not mad. Now, I have an appointment coming in at 1100 hours, which is in 12 minutes. I need a little time to prepare for it. I will talk to you later, OK?” With that she gave him a big smile, all the while just wanting to be alone to scream for few minutes.

Unsatisfied with the conversation, but unable to change the way things were, he rose as he answered her. “Mac, you are my friend, but you are more than that. You should know that by now.”

“I do Harm. I feel the same way.” Praying he would just leave before she broke down in front of him, she shooed him out of her office. “Now go on. I have work to do.” She softened her words with another smile.

Mac’s office 45 minutes later

It was great to see John Farrow again and it was wonderful to see him happy. He was one of the few men she had been involved with that had never hurt her. In point of fact, it was she that had hurt him, more than once. In the course of her duties, she had had to prosecute him, and then later he had been charged with the murder of her estranged husband along with her.

As much as she tried to deny it to herself, Harm’s comment that day to Sturgis had hit home in a big way. Men who had been involved with her either were dead or wished they were. She had always had a special place in her heart for John, and a large load of guilt as well.

When he called her and asked to see her earlier this morning she had been apprehensive, but those fears had been completely unfounded. He need her help with some legal matters regarding his will and some other things. He was getting married.

Looking across her desk at the man who had made such a difference in her life, she was pleased to see the shine of happiness in his eyes. He was dressed in civilian clothes having retired from the marines after their trial for murder.

The legal part of their conversation was finished, so she leaned back in her chair and asked, “So John, when do I get to meet the lucky lady?”

A grin crossed his face as he answered. “Soon Mac. She’s out of town right now, but I’ll call you. I’d love for you to meet her. She’s really great.”

She stood and went around the corner of her desk as he rose to leave. Taking his hands in her, she looked into his eyes. “Congratulations John. I’ve always wanted you to be happy.”

A little embarrassed, he looked down at their joined hands. “I’ve always wanted the same for you Mac.”

Emotion overcame her for a moment, then she reached her arms up and hugged him. He responded by hugging her close in return. Kissing his cheek, she spoke quietly to him. “Be happy John. I wish you all the best.”

Pulling back a little, he brushed a stray tear off her cheek. “Hey, you’re supposed to be happy here. Crying isn’t allowed.”

Laughing as they separated, she wiped the other tears that had welled up unexpectedly. “I guess I’m a sucker for happy endings. Take care John, and I’ll forward all the paperwork to you next week. And I expect to hear from you, I really do want to meet her.”

“I’ll call you Mac. See you soon.”

“Bye John.”

He left the door open as he exited.

Same time Harm’s Office

After his talk with Mac, Harm sat in his office brooding. Irritation shot through him as he thought about their conversation. Damn it, nothing had gone as he had meant it to. She kept pointing out things to him, like he didn’t know what was going on. He knew he didn’t owe her an explanation, he just wanted her to know he wasn’t interested in that woman.

He knew he had screwed up with her, and not just today. Nothing ever seemed to go right, and this was just another mistake in a long series of mistakes.

Wait, who was that in her office? It was John Farrow.

Unable to keep his eyes off them, he watched through the glass wall of his office, jealousy coursing through him. Why was he here?

Stunned, he watched as she stood and hugged the son of a bitch. And then she KISSED him! What the HELL did she think she was doing!

His temper started to boil as he watched them say a tender goodbye, Farrow’s hand brushing at her cheek. He heard Farrow’s last statement to her. “I’ll call you Mac. See you soon.”

Rage overtook his good sense when he heard that. What was this, payback? He couldn’t believe she would stoop to playing this game again. He would have thought she learned her lesson with Bugme.

Leaving his office, he strode purposefully toward hers, fully intending to give her a piece of his mind.

***

Mac took a sip of her coffee as she sat back down at her desk. Reflecting back on John’s happy announcement, she smiled to herself. It was a great relief to her conscience to know that he finally was getting something good out of life. She really did wish him all the best.

Harm’s sarcastic voice cut into her thoughts, startling her into almost spilling her coffee. “What’s with the satisfied smirk, Counselor?”

Looking up in surprise, she saw that he was standing in the doorway of her office with his arms folded against his chest, an angry expression on his face. Astonished at his attitude, she tried to diffuse the situation by smiling at him. “Is something wrong Harm?” As far as she knew, she had done nothing that would warrant his irate tone.

“I don’t know Mac, you tell me.” Walking into the office, her apparent attempt to goad him with bogus innocence made him forget to shut the door as he stalked angrily to her desk.

Still taken aback by his demeanor, she couldn’t imagine why he was acting this way, but she knew she couldn’t allow it to continue. The smile dropped from her face as her tone became noticeably colder. “I don’t know what you’re problem is Harm, but I will not tolerate you talking to me like that.”

Further enraged by her lack of embarrassment or remorse, his volume heightened considerably. “Well, if you don’t know what my problem is Mac, let me just tell you. I have a problem with you carrying on your affairs here in the office. You did it with Brumby, which apparently taught you nothing, and now you are actually bringing them into the office to make sure I know about it.”

Already in a high temper, Harm failed to notice that his tirade had stopped noise and activity in the bullpen and everyone was witnessing their argument. His inflammatory statement so enraged Mac that she also failed to notice. The entire office had been aware of a general tension between the two officers, but in the last few weeks that tension had seemed to dissipate. Until now.

Stunned by his attack, her first reaction was a drop jawed gape of incredulity. Then her own high-voltage temper kicked in. Walking around her desk to argue with him face to face, she unconsciously raised her voice to match his. “First of all, what I do, whom I do it with, and where I do it is no business of yours. Secondly, I don’t require your permission or approval for anything I decide to do, and thirdly, you are sadly mistaken if you think I am involved with John. He is…”

He cut her off, completely furious and out of control by now. “He’s what Mac? Just a friend? Like Brumby was just a friend? You forget I know your history with Farrow, and it’s not real pretty, is it? You present the ‘oh so perfect’ marine image so well Mac, but I know the real you. You just can’t stay away from men, can you?”

Totally incensed by his cruel remarks, she lost it completely. Her arm went back to give him the slap he so richly deserved. “Why you…”

“YOU TWO! IN MY OFFICE! NOW!” The Admiral’s command voice interrupted her swing and their argument.

Mac dropped her hand, amazed to find she was actually going to slap Harm, no matter what the provocation. Both officers turned to the Admiral automatically to acknowledge his order, their anger still apparent in their faces.

“MOVE IT PEOPLE!” The Admiral turned on his heel to look out over the bullpen. Immediately everyone began to work again, not wanting to anger him further and face his wrath. He headed towards his office. Harm and Mac fell in behind him, not looking at each other or anyone else.

The Admiral closed the door to his office as they came to attention in front of his desk. There was a long silence as AJ observed his two officers. Harm had vented some of his anger and was managing to appear calm, although a telltale flush still remained on his face. Mac, on the other hand, was still in the throes of anger and was having a difficult time controlling her breathing.

Slowly AJ walked around to stand at his desk and lean across it to face them. In a menacingly quiet voice he began. “Never, in my entire career, have I seen such a complete lack of military decorum and such a display of childish temper from two senior officers. Now, I don’t know what caused this, but I damn sure want an explanation.”

There was another silence as neither Harm nor Mac volunteered to explain.

AJ knew that this type of situation had been brewing for a long time. Contrary to what a lot of people might think, he was not blind to the feelings between these two. In fact, he had been expecting a blow-up for quite some time, just not in such an inappropriate place as the office. He made the decision to talk to them separately.

“All right, we’ll try this a different way. Rabb, wait outside my office. I will be calling you back in after I finish with the Colonel. I expect you to be there when I finish, no matter how long it takes.

“Aye Sir.” Harm turned on his heel and exited the office.

AJ looked at Mac, still standing at attention. He could see that she was struggling for control, tears in her eyes that she refused to let fall. “At ease Mac. Sit down.”

Still tense, Mac sank into the chair apprehensively, not knowing what to expect from him. There was no excuse she could offer that would justify the scene that had just taken place in her office, and she dreaded discussing it.

“OK Mac. Let’s have it. What happened?” His soft voice broke down the barriers more effectively than any good chewing out would have done. Her hands began to tremble and she clenched them tightly together, momentarily unable to speak.

Sighing, the Admiral handed her his handkerchief as the tears finally overflowed. Embarrassed, she took it from him and wiped her eyes as she managed to choke out, “Thank you Sir.”

He waited as she composed herself before asking again. “What happened?”

Trying to think of a way out, she finally gave up. She was too rattled to give him anything but the truth. “I’m not completely sure Sir. Apparently Commander Rabb didn’t like the fact that John Farrow was here. He thought my behavior with John was inappropriate and objected to it. I’m afraid that I lost my temper Sir, and just forgot about where we were. It was an inexcusable breach of protocol and decorum Sir, and I apologize. There is no excuse for my behavior.”

AJ noticed that in spite of her considerable anger towards Harm, she never attempted to put the blame on him. Knowing Harm as well as he did, he was sure Harm would take the same attitude and try to accept the blame as well.

AJ had also heard Harm’s last remarks to her, and was fairly sure that jealousy had caused Harm to lose his temper completely. The only question he had was if Mac had provoked Harm in any way. He doubted it. He noticed that Mac never backed away from a fight, but she rarely started one. Rabb was by far the more hotheaded of the two officers.

“So, was he right? Was your behavior inappropriate? Or did you provoke Rabb in any way?” AJ did know she had a history with Farrow, and she might have decided to see him again.

She flushed with shame that he even felt he had to ask those questions. “No Sir, I did not provoke him. And John was here with some legal questions and told me he was getting married. As he was leaving I gave him a congratulatory hug, Sir. That’s all. There was NOTHING inappropriate going on.”

In an instant AJ knew exactly what had happened. Rabb had been bitten hard by the green-eyed monster and totally lost his temper and his good sense. He’d seen similar behavior from Rabb when Dalton Lowne and Mic Brumby were in the picture, but never to this extent. Resisting the urge to laugh out loud at his idiot male officer, he regarded the solemn marine in front of him.

Obviously still upset, although calmer than before, the hurt in her eyes stilled his laughter. Aware of her background, he knew that she presented an image of strength and fortitude, and rightly so. He also knew that she was particularly vulnerable, especially when Rabb was involved. Sighing deeply, he rubbed his eyes as he considered what to do.

“Colonel, I find this type of behavior unacceptable, both from you and Commander Rabb. You are two senior officers who should know better and be able to control your tempers no matter what the provocation. You are relieved of duty for the rest of the day. Be in my office at 0900 sharp tomorrow morning. Dismissed.”

His abrupt change from friend to commanding officer did not startle her. She simply nodded and accepted his instruction with “Yes Sir.”

As she rose to leave, he added one caveat. “Mac, try to take it easy.” She answered with a brief smile before she exited the office.

Harm was standing outside the Admiral’s door, waiting for his turn. As she passed him, he called softly to her. “Mac? I’m sorry.” When she turned her eyes on him, his own guilt threatened to swallow him at the hurt and anger he saw there.

She didn’t answer him. She just turned and continued on her way.

Harm had spent the time waiting thinking over his actions of the last 24 hours. He was deeply ashamed of himself, and terrified that this last argument would be the end of their friendship, let alone the relationship he truly wanted to have with her.

He realized that he had let jealousy overpower him. Knowing that he had mishandled the entire “Caroline incident” had left him feeling confused and irritated. Seeing Mac with Farrow had ignited an anger in him he did not know he was capable of. He would be lucky if she ever spoke to him again.

Knocking on the Admiral’s door, he opened it and came to attention in front of the Admiral after the Admiral called “Enter.”

This was not something he was looking forward to. He had definitely made a huge mistake in confronting Mac in the manner he did, but it was made ten times worse by the fact he had done it in the office. Try as he might, he could not come up with any logical excuse to appease the Admiral. This was going to be bad.

The Admiral surprised him by saying “At ease” and gesturing for him to sit down. Taking a seat warily, he waited for the Admiral to begin.

“Harm,” AJ began. “You know you have totally screwed up, right? Surely you’re not that clueless?”

Expecting to be reamed out for unprofessional behavior, Harm was unsure how to respond to this. “Uh…Yes Sir?”

AJ rolled his eyes and let go a deep sigh of exasperation.

“Harm, in spite of the fact that Mac did not suggest that your behavior was disgusting, I was able to read between the lines and figure out what really happened.”

Harm felt the blush start all the way at his toes. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“Now, I’m going to let you in on just how badly you screwed up, because you probably don’t realize all the crap you just let yourself in for with her. Did you know that Colonel Farrow is getting married, and she gave him a congratulatory hug?”

Harm’s stomach started to churn as he realized just how big of an ass he had been. Wordlessly, he shook his head.

AJ let that sink in before he continued. “That is what started all this, isn’t it?”

With a groan, Harm slumped forward and put his head in his hands. “No Sir, it’s even worse than that.”

“How could it be worse?”

Pulling himself back up, Harm met his superior officer’s gaze shamefacedly. “Last night Sturgis and I went out for a drink. We ran into Bobbi and Caroline, the woman from the other night, and we decided to have dinner together.”

AJ knew what was coming, but asked anyway. “And?”

“Mac saw us together.”

AJ winced at that. “And she was mad about that before this happened?”

“No Sir. In fact she went out of her way to assure me that we were still friends, and that she was NOT mad.” Harm paused, unsure how far he should go with his confession, then decided to hell with it. “I think she has given up on me Sir.”

AJ looked at his officer, again stopping to consider how to handle this. As the CO, he should be chewing out both officers and taking disciplinary action. But he knew them both too well. He knew that they had struggled with their relationship for years. And he knew that if ever two people belonged together, it was these two people. Plus, he admitted to himself, he was an old softy.

“Have you given up Harm? Do you love her?”

Harm struggled with the emotions that roiled up at that question. Finally he opened up and said it out loud for the first time. “Yes, I love her.” Again he fell forward, his head in his hands. “But I’ve screwed this up for so long, and now so badly, that I think I’ve blown it for good.”

AJ rubbed the bridge of his nose as he regarded the distraught man in front of him. He cursed himself for opening up this can of worms, knowing that somehow he was going to have to help.

He sharpened his voice. “Commander, listen up.” Harm’s head snapped back up, and AJ could see him mentally pulling himself together at last. “You are relieved of duty for the rest of the day. Go home, keep yourself busy. Do not, under any circumstances, try to contact or talk to Mac tonight. She needs some time to cool down.”

At Harm’s immediate protest AJ cut him off. “I mean it Harm. Listen to me. I’ll make sure that someone checks on her. Be in my office at 0930 sharp. And I mean 0930, not one minute later, not one minute before. Can you handle that?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

Harm rose to leave. As he reached the door, AJ gave him one last order. “And for the love of God Harm, don’t get drunk tonight and don’t go out on a date. That is an order. You will need all your faculties alert and ready to go very soon.”

“Yes Sir.”

‘Shit. The things I get myself into’ thought AJ as he reached for the intercom. “Tiner, get me Lt. Sims ASAP.” Another thought hit him, an evil one. Reaching back over to the intercom, he barked out “Cancel that order Tiner. Get me Commander Turner.”

AJ smiled as he thought of a little payback for Sturgis’ interference in his life. It was time for “Dolly” to do some work.

JAG Headquarters
Same Day
1430

Sensing uneasiness in the air, Sturgis looked around s he entered the bullpen. Shortly after his talk with Mac, he had gone out to chase down a witness in one of his cases. Everyone was working, but there was definitely something wrong.

Hoping to collect a little information, he looked around for Harm or Mac; they were nowhere to be seen. He spotted Bud in his office and headed over to see what was going on. Harriet was in there, and they seemed to be having an intense conversation.

His knock at the door seemed to startle them; they both jumped and looked at him in guilty fashion. He smiled to reassure them; privately wondering what they could have been talking about that would cause that reaction. “Hey Lieutenants, what’s going on around here? Everything seems a little out of kilter for some reason.”

Bud and Harriet exchanged a worried look before answering; confirming his suspicions that something was going on.

“Excuse me Sir. I need to get back to my work. I’m sure Lieutenant Roberts will be glad to give you any information you require.” Harriet seemed nervous as she spoke, and Bud gave her an exasperated look as she escaped, leaving him holding the bag.

“Uh…What can I do for you Sir?” Bud also appeared anxious.

“Well for starters, where are Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie? I was hoping to speak to them this afternoon about a case.” Sturgis decided to drop his original line of inquiry, he didn’t want to make Bud uncomfortable.

For some reason, this question seemed to throw Bud for a loop. He started stammering and looking around the office as if seeking escape. “Well Sir…uh…well…they are…they have both left for the day.” Bud really didn’t want to seem like he was gossiping or telling tales, and the whole situation was very difficult to explain to someone who hadn’t been there from the beginning.

A suspicion was growing in Sturgis’ mind, and he hoped he was wrong for his friend’s sake. “Relax Bud. Just tell me what’s going on.”

“They had a fight Sir.” The story burst out of Bud as if he was trying to get it over with quickly. “A bad one. The Admiral heard them and sent them home for the day.”

Oh no. He was afraid something like this would happen. Knowing Harm as well as he did, he figured Harm must have done something pretty stupid for Mac to fight with him badly enough in the office for the Admiral to intervene. “Can you tell me what it was about?”

Tiner knocked at the door before Bud could answer. “Commander, the Admiral has been asking for you. He wants to see you as soon as possible.”

“OK Tiner, I’m on my way. Thank you.” God, he hoped the Admiral didn’t want to talk to him about Mac and Harm, but seeing as how the Admiral took an interest in his officer’s personal lives, it was entirely possible. Sturgis comforted himself with the knowledge that he wasn’t even here during the argument and couldn’t possibly have pertinent information.

Giving Bud a nod and a thank you, he followed Tiner back to the Admiral’s office. He noticed Bud looked visibly relieved that he left. The argument must have been really bad.

Sturgis knocked on the Admiral’s door and entered as he received the familiar gruff “Enter.” Before he could come to attention and report in the Admiral waved him into a chair.

“Commander, I understand you were out for most of the day. Is this true?” The Admiral had that cat and the canary look in his eye.

Wary of what was coming, Sturgis answered carefully. “Yes Sir.”

“Then you don’t know what happened between Harm and Mac earlier?”

Relieved that the Admiral only wanted information he didn’t have, Sturgis replied easily, “Not completely Sir. I have only heard that there was some kind of argument between them, and you sent them home.”

Nodding as if in agreement, the Admiral continued. “That’s true, but there is a great deal more to it than that. However, before I go into any details, I need to know one thing. Are you still up to fulfilling your Dolly Levi roll?”

Embarrassed, and very apprehensive, he was not sure how to answer that. “I’m not sure what you mean Sir.”

The Admiral gave him a big grin. “I mean that Dolly was a matchmaker, and I need someone who likes to matchmake.”

The words were out before he could stop himself. “I thought you didn’t want your office to look like a production of ‘Hello Dolly’.” Inwardly he flinched, hoping he hadn’t offended the Admiral.

The Admiral’s smile faded as he sat back with a sigh. Rising from his chair, he walked around his desk to lean on it in front of Sturgis. “I did say that Sturgis.”

Sturgis noted the change to his first name.

AJ continued on. “But this is Harm and Mac were talking about. Two of the finest people I know, and also two people that I know were meant to be together.”

Sturgis didn’t know why, but he wanted to give AJ a difficult time. “Isn’t it a little unusual for a CO to be matchmaking two of his officers?”

AJ crossed his arms as he looked up at the ceiling, thinking about his answer. “Yes it is, I know that. But I’ve known these two for several years. I was there when they met. I’ve watched them each go through significant others, hell I was going to give Mac away at her wedding to Brumby.

I’ve never seen two people who will fight for each other and be there for each other like those two. Defend each other, cover for each other, and follow each other to the end of the earth. And for some strange reason they never can seem to face their feelings for each other. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. You’re not that unobservant.”

Sturgis gave in. “Yes Sir. I’ve noticed, but I was hesitant to interfere in something I didn’t have full knowledge of.”

“Hmmmm. Didn’t stop you from interfering in MY life.” The Admiral’s tone was sour.

“Yes Sir. I’m sorry about that.”

“Never mind. The point is, Harm has really put his foot in it this time. He’s not going to be able to get out of this without some help. That is one really pissed off marine.”

“What happened Sir?”

“Well, you know that Mac knew about Harm’s date last night?”

“It wasn’t really a date Sir. We just…”

“I know…I know. Harm explained the whole thing. Unfortunately, he couldn’t explain it to Mac very well. Apparently he left her thinking he went on a date.”

“Sir, with all due respect, he can go on a date if he wants to. Mac really has no right to start a fight with him about that.” Sturgis couldn’t believe a huge fight would come out of that misunderstanding.

The Admiral rolled his eyes. “I know that, and she didn’t. If anything, she told him to go right on and do whatever he wanted, they were friends.”

“So why the fight then Sir?”

“A former friend of Mac’s, someone she was involved with several years ago came by the office to see her about some legal matters and inform her he was getting married. She gave him a congratulatory hug as he was leaving.”

There was a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Oh no. Tell me Harm didn’t…”

“He did. He lost his temper, and in full view of the office basically told her she was playing games with him and wouldn’t leave men alone. That’s the polite version. Fortunately, I interrupted them before she slapped him or did anything worse to him. I’m glad I don’t have to bring charges about striking a fellow officer.”

Sturgis closed his eyes and shook his head for a moment, unbelieving. He had witnessed Harm screw up with Mac before, but this was just preposterous. What could the man have been thinking? Well, obviously he wasn’t thinking.

Finally he looked at the Admiral. “What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to go check on Mac tonight at home, and see if you can get her to open up.”

“But Sir, I hardly know her well enough…”

“I know, I know. But it’s you or Lieutenant Sims; and Lieutenant Sims is her junior officer. Mac won’t open up to her, even though they’re very good friends. You’re the only other one I can think of.”

“What about yourself Sir?” Sturgis really didn’t want to do this. He liked Mac very much, and considered her a friend, but this was really more than he wanted to get into.

“I can’t, I’m her CO. Let’s face it, I’m not supposed to be doing this at all, and she is not going to be able to open up to me either. You’re elected Sturgis.”

There was a pause as Sturgis considered the Admiral’s proposal.

“Do you have any idea what I should expect?”

“I would say that she will insist she is fine and is handling everything. That is her style.” AJ decided to be a little more forthcoming with him. “You should know that her Father was an abusive alcoholic, and her Mother abandoned them when Mac was fifteen. Mac has learned some hard lessons, and the biggest one is handle everything yourself and keep it inside. She never expects help, and never asks for it. The only one that could get past that was Harm.”

Sturgis had not known her background, and his respect for her went up a few more notches when he realized just how much she had overcome to become the successful person she was today. “All right, I’m in. I’ll go see her, but I don’t’ know how much good it will do.”

“Just do your best Sturgis, I’m sure that will be enough.”

“What about Harm? I should check on him too. He’s probably beating himself up pretty bad right now.”

“I’ll take care of him Sturgis. I’m going to stop by his house later and give him a well timed lecture and some free advice. Let’s just hope all this works. If it doesn’t, I’m going to lose one or both of them, because they won’t be able to work together after this.”

“You might lose one of them if it DOES work Admiral.” Sturgis was amused by the Admiral’s obvious attempt to make this meddling seem like it was really business related.

The Admiral shot him a grin, aware that he hadn’t fooled Sturgis for a minute. “There’s always Admirals Privilege Commander. Good luck on this mission. You’re gonna need it.”

“Any other helpful hints Admiral?”

“Yeah, take her Beltway Burghers. Lots of them.” The Admiral started laughing at the look on Sturgis’ face. “Dismissed.”

‘Beltway Burghers? Why the hell would I do that?’ Thought Sturgis as he left.

Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station
1850 Local

Taking a swig of his beer, Harm thought again about the Admiral’s last orders to him. He had every intention of keeping them, but it was hard. This was his second and final beer. More than anything he wanted to have several beers and try to forget the wounded look in Mac’s eyes. It tore at his soul.

Swinging his feet up so that he was prone on the couch, he still managed to take another swallow of beer. In spite of the Admiral’s order not to contact her, he had reached for the phone several times, only to set it down as he realized there was nothing he could say to make this better. An apology wasn’t going to cut it, and with his track record, an explanation was out of the question.

Hoping for some basketball to take his mind off everything, he had tried to reach Sturgis and only reached voice mail, both at home and on his cell. ‘Just as well,’ he thought morosely. “Sturgis would only give him hell for what happened with Mac. He didn’t know why, but since Sturgis and Mac worked that murder case together, Sturgis was a little protective of Mac.

Well, everyone was a little protective of Mac, even the Admiral. When he had upset Mac before the Jagathon race, the Admiral had called him on it. Even Bud had stopped him when he had been picking at her about her testimony at Bud’s trial.

Sighing, he set the beer down. Shit. That’s all he could think. He had behaved like a complete and total shit. Even as the hurtful words were coming out of his mouth, he was horrified at his behavior. In all of his life, he had never spoken so hatefully and so out of control. Sure, he had been angry before, even with Mac. But this was different.

He covered his eyes with his beer-free hand as if he could block out the sight of Mac swinging an arm back to slap him. He almost wished the Admiral hadn’t interrupted them so she had actually done it. He was sure it would have hurt, she was a marine after all, but just maybe it would have allowed her some satisfaction.

Again his thoughts returned to the look in her eyes as she left the Admiral’s office. He downed the rest of his beer and thought about risking another one. Three beers really wouldn’t make him drunk. Hell, he could probably have four and not even feel it.

Pushing himself up off the couch, he headed towards the kitchen to toss the empty bottle in the trash. A knock at the door interrupted the debate over another one. A surge of hope entered his heart. Maybe it was Mac. Realizing how unlikely that was, he walked toward the door unable to suppress that tiny voice of hope.

The tiny flicker died as he opened the door to find the Admiral, dressed in civvies and carrying a bag of what looked like Chinese food. “Come in Sir. This is a surprise.”

AJ entered the apartment as he looked Harm over. He looked like hell. His normally dapper officer was dressed in sweats and an old T-shirt, and as he passed he caught a whiff of beer. But it was Harm’s whole demeanor that really caught his attention. The slump in his shoulders, tousled hair, and the haunted look in his eyes all told the story of a man who was in deep pain.

Catching a glimpse of the beer bottles in the trash as he set the food on the kitchen island, his first comment was “I thought I told you not to get drunk.” He smiled at Harm to let him know he was kidding.

“I’m not Sir. I only had two.” Harm’s ghastly attempt at a smile made him realize all the more how much work had to be done to salvage this mess. He just hoped Sturgis was not finding Mac in as bad a shape as Harm.

“Call me AJ, Harm. This is a social call.” AJ began unpacking the food and gestured for Harm to sit down. “I got something vegetarian for you, I hope it’s OK.”

“Thanks AJ, I appreciate it, but I really don’t have an appetite.”

“Sit down and eat Harm. We have a lot of talking to do tonight, and you’re going to eat first. You’ll feel better if you do. Plus, if you eat, I might let you have another beer.” The amused twinkle in AJ’s eye made Harm smile for real this time, if only briefly.

As he seated himself at the island, Harm realized that he wasn’t in this alone. For some reason, his CO and friend was in it with him. He didn’t know why, but he was glad.

Nothing of consequence was talked about while they ate, for which Harm was grateful. They chatted about cases, Francesca, and Bud’s trial (with a careful avoidance of Mac’s testimony) and what kind of effect, if any, it would have on Bud’s career. Finally, the meal ended.

“How about some coffee Harm. I think that that might be better than beer at this point.” The Admiral’s tone was jovial, but Harm knew he was serious. The time for “the talk” had arrived.

“I’ll make it. Just give me a second AJ.” As Harm began preparing the coffee, he realized the desire for beer had dissipated anyway. As the coffee maker began its brew cycle he asked the question had wanted to ask since this whole thing started. “Sir, why are you doing this?”

“I said call me AJ, Harm. I’m not here as your CO tonight, but as your friend.” AJ paused as he thought over his answer. “The reason I’m doing this, Harm, is because I care about you and about Mac.”

“AJ, this is different. I have always thought of you as a great CO and a great friend, but this is different.”

Pleased to hear Harm acknowledge their relationship, AJ answered him honestly. “Because I have never seen two people who belong together as much as you and Mac do. And I have never seen such a screw up as this mess is. You’re going to need help to fix this.

Harm, you and Mac have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life, even when I didn’t want you too. You were both there when Laura died, when Francesca was kidnapped, and when that crazy man was killing off my friends and trying to kill me. You both have given me a lot of indigestion over the years, but I never doubted your loyalty or your friendship. I would like to return the favor. It’s that simple.”

Mulling over AJ’s answer, Harm found himself asking another question, knowing the answer would be more difficult. “So how do I fix this AJ?”

“Before we get into that, I need you to answer a few questions for me. They’re very personal questions, and for that I apologize in advance, but I need to have background information so we can plan this right.”

At Harm’s nod, AJ began. “First, are you prepared to follow through with this? I mean, if everything works out, you’re going to be in a serious relationship with her. You are not going to back out of that, are you?” AJ knew his friend, and he wanted to make sure that Harm was not going to falter at a critical moment.

Harm met his gaze squarely. “No Sir, I’m not going to back out. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to get her ever since Mic left. Really before that, but I couldn’t do it when she was involved with him.”

AJ hid his exasperation, but couldn’t stop a small jab of sarcasm. “Did you ever think of just saying ‘Mac, I love you. I want us to be together’ or was that just to difficult?”

Embarrassed, Harm busied himself with pouring the coffee and carrying it over to the coffee table as they seated themselves on the couch. “Believe me, I’ve tried to do that a thousand times, but the timing was never right.”

“You’re serious? As many times as you have worked and traveled together, the opportunity never presented itself? What about in Australia, before she was even involved with Brumby?” AJ was not above trying to find out what happened there. Something big had happened, and Mac had returned wearing Brumby’s ring, something AJ had never expected. He’d thought Harm would win the two men’s obvious competition for Mac hands down.

Harm leaned back against the sofa and let his head fall back. Staring at the ceiling, he tried to tell the short version of his first major screw up with Mac. “One night when I was out with Mac, she indicated that she wanted more from me, but I froze up. The next thing I know she’s wearing Brumby’s ring and out of my reach.”

“What happened exactly Harm?”

His eyes still on the ceiling, Harm began the story. “After I returned from flight duty, everything was different with Mac. It was like there was this barrier between us, plus I couldn’t seem to find my feet. When we were in Australia, I was only just beginning to feel like things were normal again. Mac and I had dinner together one night. We were riding the ferry, and somehow the conversation wound around to the her being on the beach topless, with Brumby.”

“Whoa. Mac was topless on the beach?” ‘Sorry I missed that’ AJ thought to himself, ever a man.

“No, I just thought she was.” AJ wondered how Harm could mistake if Mac was topless or not, but didn’t want to interrupt. “ And I didn’t like it. Anyway, I said something to the effect of she wouldn’t go topless in front of me would you, and she got this look in her eye that stopped me cold. Then she answered me with ‘Is that a request?’ and I froze. I mumbled something about the bridge we were passing under, and it just went downhill from there.”

The Admiral resisted the urge to clap his hand to his head and groan. The man is on a romantic ferry ride in Sydney with a beautiful woman who asks him if he wants her to go topless, and he FREEZES!

“I don’t know how you got your reputation as a ladies man Harm. Do you have this much trouble with all your woman?” Sarcasm had always been AJ’s forte.

“No, I don’t have this much trouble with woman usually. It’s just Mac, damn it. Whenever it gets personal, my brain goes blank and I panic.”

Irritation made Harm lift his head from the back of the couch and glare at AJ. “It always happens around her.”

“Any other near misses I should know about?” AJ tried valiantly to hold his laughter back, but it was very difficult.

Resignedly Harm related the events of the Engagement party, the night Brumby left, his abortive attempt to talk to Mac on the Guadalcanal, and finally the short talk after the Jagathon. “And after all that, we were finally getting back our friendship. I wanted to give us time to know each other again before I told her I loved her. I wanted to make sure everything went right this time, but before I knew it, everything snowballed and here we are.”

AJ was silent as Harm spoke, sensing Harm’s need to finally get it all out. After Harm finished, he asked one more question. “What are you so afraid of Harm?”

“Everything!” Harm burst out. “I’m afraid it won’t work out, that she doesn’t feel the same way, that I’ll lose the best friend I ever had, that…” His voice stopped suddenly, before finishing quietly. “I’m afraid that I won’t be able to make her happy. And it would kill me to lose her. Because after her, I know there can never be anyone else for me.”

Although he had been aware that Harm had strong feelings for Mac, AJ marveled at the depth of emotion that turned the normally smooth talking lawyer into a fumbling teenager around her. Somehow he had to help them. The closet romantic in him refused to acknowledge that love like this wouldn’t somehow carry the day.

“All right Harm. We’ll work it out.”

“I don’t see how AJ, but I hope you’re right.”

AJ’s cell phone rang before he could answer him.

“Chegwidden.”

Harm’s attention drifted as AJ carried on a conversation in which AJ’s side consisted of ‘Yes, I see’ and ‘And then?’ and ‘hmmm, ok’. His attention was caught when he heard AJ say, “No Sturgis, Harm is fine. I’m here with him now. Yes, I’ll tell him. I’ll see you in the morning then. Good Night, and thank you.”

“That was Sturgis?” Harm’s curiosity was up now. What were his friends up to?

“Yes. He wanted me to tell you that Mac is OK.”

“He was at Mac’s tonight?” Harm’s head was spinning.

“You didn’t think I was going to let her just brood and work herself into another rage, did you? I told you I was going to help you. I sent Sturgis over to make sure she was OK and calm her down.”

“Was she really OK Sir?”

“Harm, she’s a marine. She will be fine as soon as we clear this whole thing up. She was very upset and angry, but she’s calmed down some. It’ll be fine.”

“I hope so Sir.” Harm had a slight feeling of hope for the first time since this whole thing started. Finally telling someone everything had a cathartic effect, and allowed him some perspective.

“OK Commander”. The Admiral switched back to command mode. He wanted Harm to listen closely. “You will be in my office at 0930 sharp, but don’t come in until I tell Tiner to send you in. Mac will already be there and I don’t want you to interrupt us. By the time you come in, she will be calmer and more open to listening to you. I am going to order you two to discuss it in my office, and leave you alone. This is your big chance Harm. Don’t blow it.”

Inside, Harm felt the feeling of hope grow steadily, along with a severe case of nerves. “I won’t Sir.”

“Then I’m going to say good night. It’s late. Get some sleep and be sharp tomorrow. Tell her how you feel, and don’t forget to crawl for forgiveness. A little groveling is good for the soul.”

“Aye Sir. Good night.” Harm escorted him to the door. “And Sir? Thank you, for everything.”

“Your welcome Harm. You can repay me by being happy and making that marine happy.”

“Yes Sir.”

After the Admiral left, Harm took a shower and got into bed. Sleep eluded him as thoughts of tomorrow and what might happen raced in his brain. He prayed for the right words to come to him, and he prayed that finally he and Mac would finally work it out.

Sarah Mackenzie’s Apartment
Georgetown
1850

Mac stepped out of the bathtub and began toweling herself dry. A stop on the way home at the gym had done little to relieve her nerves. An hour of kickboxing followed by 30 minutes of weight lifting had exhausted her, and she had hoped a nice hot bubble bath would finally allow her to really relax. It hadn’t.

Running a comb through her hair, she felt another surge of rage pulse through her. How dare he! She threw the comb back on her bathroom vanity with a little more force than necessary. Crossing into her bedroom, she pulled out a pair of her most comfortable sweats and dressed, all the while trying to calm herself with the mantra “I do not care what he thinks or feels. His opinion means nothing to me.”

Unfortunately, this mantra had done little to assuage the fury that coursed through her, or the hurt. She had been using it since before she began her workout at the gym. As had happened frequently since the whole thing began, her mood shifted and depression took over. What was it with that man? What was it about her that seemingly brought out the worst in him?

Heedless of her wet hair and its effect on her pillows, she threw herself on her bed. The ache in her heart assumed monumental proportions as she thought about Harm. Why? Why couldn’t her just at least try with her? She knew he at least desired her, and had some type of feeling for her. That much was obvious from her “discussion” with him on the Admiral’s porch the night of her engagement party. And it was obvious from his jealous reaction to every man she dated. But let her be free from any romantic entanglements and emotionally ready to face him, the man ran faster than a chicken with its head cut off.

Tears welled up as she rolled on her side and hugged a pillow close. He didn’t want her enough. He only wanted her when she was unavailable. And even then all he could do was snipe at her or whatever man was in her life. He never made a real move to let her know he wanted her.

Abruptly she threw the pillow down and stood up. She would not cry. Not over that son of a bitch. As the ire took over again, she walked towards the kitchen intending to find something to eat. That sorry SOB would rue the day if he thought he was going to basically call her a whore in front of the entire office and get away with it. Not that he had used that word, but his intent was perfectly clear.

It had been many years since anyone had talked to her that way. Her father and Chris were really the last ones to verbally attack her like that. The scars were still there, even after all this time. Fortunately she was not some helpless teenager lost in a drunken haze most of the time. Now she could defend herself, and she would not tolerate that. Not from anyone.

On one level she knew she was being oversensitive, that her abusive early years had honed her feelings to a point that the wrong word to her could cause an over reaction, but she didn’t care. Her anger at Harm was based on far more than just the argument they had this morning. It was a deep abiding frustration that was based on years of feeling that she wasn’t quite good enough for him. The scene at the office today just pushed that anger all the way to the surface.

She searched the cupboards in her kitchen looking for something quick to fix when she came across a half empty bottle of vodka. She froze, and then slowly reached for it and set it on the counter. It was Mic’s. He liked to have a drink once in a while, but usually had one when she wasn’t around. She had forgotten this was here.

Staring at the bottle in front of her, she thought about how nice it would be to hide in the oblivion that it offered. With a sigh she picked up the bottle, opened it, and poured it down the drain of her kitchen sink. She knew too well where that would take her; it was definitely better to get rid of the temptation.

A knock at the door startled her as the last of the vodka drained out of the bottle. ‘That had better not be Harm’ she thought as she set the bottle down beside the sink and headed towards the door. A look through the peephole revealed a nervous looking Sturgis dressed in jeans and a button down shirt, standing with his hands behind his back.

Puzzled, she opened the door. “Sturgis, what can I do for you?”

Smiling sheepishly he pulled his hands out from behind his back and showed her 3 Beltway Burgher bags. “I want to talk to you.”

Astonished, she looked at the proffered bags and then at his face. “This is very nice of you Sturgis, but actually I’m kind of busy right now.” She didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she was definitely not in the mood to talk to anyone.

“Come on Mac. It’s important. Please.”

Giving in, she opened the door further and gestured for him to enter. “Why don’t you take those bribes to the kitchen” she teased. “Follow me.”

As she lead the way to the kitchen she asked jokingly, “So, did you just guess what I like to eat, or did someone fill you in on the best way to my heart?”

In his calm way Sturgis answered her honestly as he set the bags on the counter. “The Admiral actually let me in on the secret. He’s concerned about you Mac. So am I.”

The smell of vodka was strong in the air, and the empty bottle was still beside the sink. “I thought you didn’t drink Mac.” Even though he didn’t know she was an alcoholic, he was concerned that his friend had reached for a bottle to solve her problems.

Embarrassed, she rinsed out the sink and threw the bottle in the trash as she answered. “I don’t. This was Mic’s. I was just getting temptation out of the way. I’m a recovering alcoholic.” The last statement came out before she could stop herself. She hadn’t really meant to tell him that, but intuitively she knew she could trust Sturgis.

Surprised at her admission, Sturgis met her eyes compassionately. Again he was amazed at this woman and what she had overcome in her life. Deciding to say nothing, he busied himself taking out the dinner he had brought. “I didn’t know exactly what you liked, so I guessed. Double bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake. Sound okay?”

“Perfect.” Relieved he wasn’t going to pursue the topic she had unintentionally opened, she reached up and pulled a couple of plates out. Silently they arranged the food on their respective plates and then carried their plates out to the table and sat down to eat.

After a few more minutes of silence, he finally threw out his first shot. “Are you all right Mac? I heard about what happened at the office today.”

Her answer was quick. “I’m fine.” She took another bite of her cheeseburger after answering, effectively cutting off her ability to speak for the moment.

Sturgis mentally gave the Admiral points for knowing his people. Looking her over, he decided that she was not fine and tried to decide the best way to get her to open up. As he surreptitiously looked her over, he could see the pain and anger in her eyes, and the slight tremble to her hands. She also only ate a few bites of the burger, none of the fries, and only a small sip of the chocolate shake before pushing it all away.

Ignoring his own food for the moment, he reached over and took her hand in his and said softly “Mac. This is Sturgis. I know, remember? This has got to be hurting you.”

Unexpectedly, she clutched at his hand as tears welled. Standing up, he pulled her up and put a comforting arm around her shoulder as she cried, the first real release of tears she had allowed herself. After a few moments she pulled away. “I’m sorry. I almost never do that.”

Guiding her gently over to the couch he sat beside her and continued to hold her hand. “I think you should do it more often. It would probably help.”

At that she gave a teary chuckle. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She flopped back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. “What am I supposed to do now Sturgis? How am I even going to work with him again?”

Settling himself back against the couch himself, he replied “Why don’t you tell me what happened this morning? I don’t know all the details, and I might be able to help better if I do.”

She gave him a knowing look. “I’m sure the details and then some were all over the office today.”

“Of course.” He was going to insult her by lying to her. “But I want to know the truth, not scuttlebutt.”

Looking down at her hands that were now in her lap, she played with her Marine Corps ring as she answered. “First he came into my office to explain about his ‘date’ with you and Bobbi and Caroline. He seemed nervous, as if he thought I was angry. I tried to assure him I wasn’t, and that I understood. He then tried to say it wasn’t really a date. I asked him if he had made plans for another date with her, and he said yes. I again assured him I understood, and wasn’t angry and that I was still his friend. Honestly Sturgis, I didn’t try to be mean or nasty, I didn’t want to fight. He left, and though he still seemed upset, I thought everything would be okay.”

She paused and looked at Sturgis again. “I mean it Sturgis. I really had accepted the fact he didn’t want to be with me. It was hard, and it hurt, but I can’t force him into something he doesn’t want.”

Sturgis nodded, knowing that Harm really did want to be with her. But he also knew that now was not a good time to even bring that up.

“So, then a friend of mine came in for some legal advice. I had been involved with him several years ago, and…” Another pause as she tried to find a short way to explain her relationship with John. “Well, he was my CO, and we got involved when I was transferring out. All this came out during my trial for murder. Do you know about that?”

“Yes, I do. Lieutenant Singer filled me in.”

Grimacing at the thought of what Singer might have told him, she nevertheless continued on with her story. “Well, as he was leaving he told me he was getting married. I was so happy for him. His involvement with me had cost him so much, and I always felt guilty about that. It was so nice to see him finally happy.”

Sturgis thought about that comment Harm had made in front of the elevator about Mac. At the time, he didn’t realize how much that statement would have hit home with her. Now he saw just how much it must have hurt.

“Anyway, I gave him a hug as he was leaving, and he told me he would call me. I wanted to meet the future Mrs. Farrow. And then he left.”

She took a deep breath to steady herself as she related the next part. “Harm came in my office. At first I didn’t understand why he was being so sarcastic and nasty, but I finally did. He thought I was involved with John again, and trying to pay him back for going on a date. I told him it was none of his business, and I tried to tell him that I wasn’t involved with John when he cut me off.” She looked away as she told him the next part, her voice beginning to waver. “He told me I never learned my lesson about men and that I couldn’t stay away from them. I guess I lost my temper because the next thing I know I was about to slap him when the Admiral interrupted.”

A hurt expression crossed her face. “All this would have been bad enough, but he did it in front of the entire office. Now I have to face these people again after he basically called me a whore in front of them.” Her voice trembled more strongly. “I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to face him, the Admiral, or anybody after this.”

She leaned over and put her head in her hands. “I honestly don’t know how we got to this point. There actually was a time when we really were best friends. We would do anything for each other.”

He could tell she was on the verge of tears. Reaching over, he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Mac.”

Her reaction surprised him. Throwing off his hand, she jumped to her feet and paced around the room angrily. “Don’t tell me it’ll be okay. I don’t go for that ‘there there’ crap. It’s NOT going to be okay. The man I love, the man I thought was my best friend in the world, doesn’t want me, even as a friend. He thinks I’m a whore. And he said so in front of all my co-workers, people who’s respect I’ve worked hard to maintain. How am I supposed to believe it’s going to be okay?” She turned and glared at him.

Keeping his composure in the face of her obvious anger was not easy, but he did it. Rising from the couch, he walked over to stand in front of her. “It will be okay Mac.”

Her expressive brown eyes met his; still shooting sparks of anger before the hurt crept back in. “Oh God Sturgis. What am I going to do? Every time I think about it I get angrier and angrier, then it swings back the other way and I get more depressed. How do I face him again?”

He pulled her to his chest as she broke down in tears again, just holding her as she cried. How he wished he had his Father’s wisdom. He could use it right now.

Gradually her tears waned, and her shoulders shook less and she pulled away. “I’m sorry again Sturgis.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He tried to give her an encouraging smile, which she tried to return.

“I’m gonna wash my face. Be right back.” She turned and went into the bathroom.

Sitting back down on the couch to wait for her, he mulled over everything she had told him. He had seen Harm with woman many times over the years, and he was normally very smooth with them. Almost too smooth. It was when the relationship got deeper that the problems set in, when Harm couldn’t commit or let the woman in completely. Apparently he was so afraid of this woman that he screwed it up before it even began.

When Mac returned, she looked a good bit calmer. This time when she gave him a smile, it almost looked natural. “Sorry about that Sturgis, really. I’m so sorry for putting you in this whole situation.”

“It’s okay Mac. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.” Strangely enough, it was true. His initial reluctance was only that he didn’t want to intrude on her privacy, not that he didn’t want to help.

She sat down next to him on the couch. “Mac” he began. “I can’t begin to fathom your relationship with Harm. Coming from an outside perspective, I can say that it is confusing to say the least.” He met her gaze steadily, wanting to convey his support. “But I can say that you should take a little step back from today and remember some good things Harm has done. There are some good things, aren’t there?”

He watched as she nodded and smiled. “Yes, of course. Many good things.”

“Then why not remember those things too? If he were all bad you wouldn’t love him. Now I’m not defending his actions of today, but I am suggesting that maybe he has done enough good things for you that he’s earned a chance to apologize and explain. Is that possible?”

The war she was struggling with internally showed clearly on her face. It was so much easier to hold on to the hurt and anger than to give in and risk being hurt again. Finally she nodded. “Yes, he’s done many wonderful things for me. I guess I owe him a chance to explain.”

“That’s all I’m saying. Don’t throw away years of friendship over one bad argument without at least giving a try at fixing it.” He felt relieved and tense at the same time. Relieved she would give Harm a chance, tense because he was afraid Harm would blow it.

She tensed slightly at his words. “I’m not going to fix it Sturgis. I’m going to give him the chance to fix it. That’s all.”

“I know.” He hastened to reassure her.

Quizzically she cocked her head. “Why are you here anyway? I thought you’d be with Harm. He’s not alone, is he?”

Smiling at her unconscious worry about Harm, he told her the truth. “No, the Admiral’s with him. He suggested I might be able to let you vent. He’s doing the same thing with Harm.”

She should have known. As long as she had known the Admiral, he had tried to portray himself as a gruff, tough CO. And he was, to a certain extent. She just knew that deep inside he cared deeply for his friends, and would go to the ends of the earth to help them. Much like Harm.

Exhaustion finally overtook her. Sturgis noticed it immediately as she stifled a yawn. “You’re worn out, aren’t you? I’m going to get going now, but you call if you need anything. OK?”

“Yes, Thanks Dad.” He was glad she felt good enough to tease him.

As they walked to the door she reached over and hugged him. “Thanks for everything Sturgis. I’m sorry for carrying on like that, but it helped. Thanks.”

“Anytime Mac.” He shot her a grin closely resembling Harm’s flyboy arrogant grin. “After all, someone around here has to be the sane one.”

Laughing she shut the door behind him.

As she made her way to bed, she thought out loud, “OK Flyboy. You get one chance. One. You screw with me tomorrow and I will kick your ass all the way to Afghanistan.”

2/3

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