With his back turned, Harm missed the look of longing that passed over his partner’s face as his chest was bared, a look that she didn’t even know was there. Grabbing his shirt off the couch, he pulled it over his head before turning around. Noticing her staring, a lazy grin spread across his face. “I guess we’re even now.”
Snapping out of her reverie, Mac started for the kitchen. “As I said before, Harm. I can take care of myself so you can go on home.”
Following her into the other room, Harm replied. “And as I said before, I’m not leaving you.”
Whipping around, Mac found him leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t want you here, Harm. Why can’t you get that through that thick skull of yours?”
“Because I don’t believe you. And because I care about you. You’re hurt, physically and emotionally, and I want to take care of both.”
“You arrogant...” She started to stomp passed him when he reached out to stop her.
“Mac, please,” Harm tried to sooth her. “Hear me out and then you can throw my ass out on the street if that’s what you really want. Just let me explain why you saw me with her today. Okay?”
The pleading look in his beautiful eyes was her undoing. Unable to find her voice, Mac nodded before pulling away from him to take a seat on the couch. About ten minutes later, Harm came out of the kitchen with a mug of hot tea. “Sorry it took so long. I made you some tea. Here, drink. It’ll help.”
Mumbling her thanks, Mac made room for him on the couch. There they sat, neither speaking, both looking everywhere but at each other.
Then Harm spoke. “Mac, I’m sorry about earlier today. I only agreed to meet Caroline to tell her there was no way we could see each other. That I was already in a relationship...or at least, I wanted to be...in a relationship with someone else.”
Mac sat, the mug stalled at her lips. Did he just say that? That he wanted to be in a relationship? Searching his face, Mac tried desperately to read him but found, as usual, that she couldn’t. Placing the mug on the coffee table, Mac tried to clarify. “Harm?”
“I don’t want to be with Caroline. I don’t know why I flirted with her at the bar last week. Maybe it was because I’m lonely. Maybe it was because you were there and I was trying to get a reaction. Maybe it was because she was stroking my ego. Hell, Mac, I don’t know why. The only thing I do know is that I want us, Mac. Me and you. I know I totally fucked all of that up today by not telling you why I couldn’t go with you, not telling you the truth. I just didn’t think you’d understand.”
Finally meeting her eyes, Harm took her hand in his. “I’m so sorry. Please, whatever you decide to do, please don’t leave me. Don’t take your friendship away from me, Mac. I was serious when I said that I never wanted to lose you. I want more from you, but if all I ever have from you is friendship, I’ll take it.”
Feeling completely overwhelmed, and not knowing where to start, Mac groped for the right words. “Harm, I’m not going to lie to you and say that everything is okay. You have no idea how bad it hurt to see you walk into that bar with her not twenty minutes after turning me away.”
“But, Mac, I didn’t mean to turn...”
“It doesn’t matter, Harm. The fact is you DID turn me away. I’m glad I know the reason why, and I know you mean it, but the hurt is still there. I needed you. I needed you and you left me on my own. And this isn’t the first time. When am I ever going to come first with you, Harm? When is whatever I need going to be important enough to come before your list of priorities and your sense of duty? When will I ever be able to really trust you?” Mac had to look away again, not wanting him to see the tears that threatened to fall.
When she looked away, Harm felt the cinch around his heart tighten a little more. It wasn’t long before Harm saw the lone tear slowly make it’s way down her face. He’d made her cry, again.
“What can I do to prove it to you, Mac? Tell me how to make you trust me again. I’ll do anything.”
The desperation in his voice tugged at her, but the truth was she really didn’t know. “I don’t know, Harm. I really don’t know. Look, I’m tired. It’s been a long day and I think I just want to sleep.”
Wanting to keep her with him a little longer, Harm grasped at anything to keep her there. “But you haven’t eaten yet. You need to eat.”
“I’m not really hungry.” Rising from the couch, Mac started toward her bedroom door then stopped abruptly.
Without turning, Mac quietly asked. “Harm? Would you do something for me now?”
“Of course. What do you need, Mac?”
“Could you hold me tonight? I just need you to hold me.”
In an instant Harm was at her side. “I would love to hold you, Mac.”
Again, without looking at him, Mac took his hand and led him to her bed. Pulling back the covers for her, Harm made sure she was settled before tucking the covers around her. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to turn the soup off and shut off the lights.”
Nodding in acknowledgment, Mac waited until he returned before turning to face him. Without words Harm wrapped his arms tightly around her, almost sighing at the sheer perfection of the moment. If nothing else happened, at least he’d have this one memory to cherish. How her body felt molded to his, her arms wrapped just as tightly around him. She felt incredible.
When her breathing slowed and he was satisfied that she had fallen asleep, Harm placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and whispered, “I promise, Mac. I promise whatever it takes, whatever I have to do, I’ll win you back. I’ll make you fall in love with me. Whatever it takes.” Succumbing to sleep, Harm didn’t notice the faint smile that graced her lips. ‘I already do, Harm. I already do.’
Caught up in the security of each other they slept.
JAG
Headquarters
Admiral Chegwidden’s Office
March 10, 2002
“We’re, uh, a little confused. You want us to investigate a galley fire aboard ship?” Not that Harm didn’t want to spend some time away on an investigation with Mac, but a galley fire?
A.J. exhaled slowly. “I do.”
Incredulously, Mac queried. “Both of us, Sir?” She wasn’t sure she could handle being paired with him, away from JAG, so soon after...well, everything that had happened.
“That was the SecNav’s request.”
“He doesn’t consider it a waste of resources, Sir?”
Harm looked over at her. Even though everything she said was true, Harm knew the real reason for her reluctance to be paired with him.
“They’re not his resources, Colonel,” the Admiral effectively cut off any further protest.
Giving up hope of a reprieve, Mac thrust herself into her duty. “What are the issues, Admiral?”
“Admiral Albrecht believes that one of his destroyers, the USS John Cooper, is suffering from a lack of leadership.”
‘Ah,’ Harm thought. “So, you really want us to investigate the skipper?”
Nodding A.J. replied. “Discreetly.”
Mac chimed in, “Have there been complaints?”
“No. But the fire is one of a recent series of incidents aboard that ship.”
Cutting in, Harm tried to reason. “Admiral, the skipper will sense what’s going on.”
“And he’ll deal with it. Look, I made it quite clear to the SecNav that you will be acting as attorneys and not some...hatchet men.” At Harm’s grimace, A.J. continued. “Your job is to take a look at the circumstances only.”
Sharing a brief look with her partner, Mac asked the million dollar question. “And if our findings don’t concur with Admiral Albrecht’s suspicions?”
“Well, let’s just hope he can be as objective.” When nothing else was said, A.J. spoke up. “All right then, people. If there are no further questions you are dismissed. See Tiner for your travel arrangements on your way out.”
“Aye Aye, Sir.” Both chorused. As they made their way toward the door, A.J. called out. “Colonel, could I have a moment?”
Looking at Harm quickly, Mac turned back. “Absolutely, Sir.”
A.J. waited until Harm had closed the door behind him before asking, “How are you, Mac?”
“I’m fine, Sir.”
“Really? Because Harm sounded frantic yesterday and today, you’re both calm and collected. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, Sir. I just had a slight cut on my forehead.” Mac lifted back her hair showing A.J. the small cut in her hairline. “The Commander took me to the hospital and then stayed to watch over me last night.”
There was more to this story but A.J. wasn’t going to push it right now. “Well, as long as you’re okay.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
“Dismissed.”
Snapping to attention, Mac turned and left the office.
Something was up between those two. Oh, well. Wasn’t there always something up between them? A.J. sat back down at his desk, shaking his head in disbelief at his two incredibly delusional senior attorneys, before concentrating on the case file in front of him.
“Hey, Mac.”
Harm was waiting for her when she arrived at her office. She had been dreading this meeting after what had happened this morning. “Hey, Harm.”
Trying to set her at ease, Harm hurried into his speech. “I was wondering if you wanted me to pick you up and we could ride to Andrews together.” The last thing he wanted was for her to be uncomfortable around him.
“That’s not necessary, Harm.” She couldn’t help it. If she was going to have any hope of getting through this assignment with him at arms length, she had to put the distance between them now.
“It’s no problem really.”
Not wanting to strain things even more between them, and because she really wasn’t that strong, Mac relented. “Sure, Harm, that’s fine.”
“Great, I’ll pick you up.”
“Fine.”
Harm was almost out the door when he turned to ask, “So, we’re all right then? After this morning I mean?”
Great, just great. Wasn’t this how it was supposed to go? They were just supposed to forget it all happened. Like the kiss on the Admiral’s porch at her engagement party. It was all magically okay. “Yeah, Harm. We’re all right.”
Satisfied for the moment with her answer, Harm spoke. “I’ll see you later then.”
“Yeah, later.” Watching him leave, Mac was torn. Did she risk reaching out to him again or keep pushing him away? In a split second she made her decision. “Harm.”
Stopping in mid stride, Harm turned to answer. “Yes, Mac?”
“Want to go get some lunch before we ship out?” she asked, anxiously waiting for his reply with a small smile.
His answering smile said it all. “Sure, I’m ready whenever you are.”
Picking up her briefcase and cover, she met him half way. “Let’s go.”
“Just let me get my case and cover then we can head out.”
Neither noticed the courier place the large manilla envelope on her desk before walking discreetly out of the building.
Walking her out to her car, Harm was relieved. After this morning, he really didn’t know how they were going to handle things. When they reached their cars they parted ways, agreeing that Harm would pick her up at her place as soon as he had his bags packed for their trip. On the way home, Harm let his mind drift back to this morning.
It had been the most incredible feeling in the world, waking up next to her, her body pressed tightly to his. He had just laid there, watching her sleep, her face peaceful. Unable to stop himself, he had reached out, tracing his fingertips over her face. He caressed every feature, every line, every curve. Over her full lips, her cheekbones, her eyebrows.
When those beautiful brown eyes opened, gazing up at him, Harm was lost. Leaning in, he let his lips brush over hers, barely touching. Then he was stunned when, instead of pulling away as he had expected her to, Mac reached for him. This time when their lips met it was fire and passion. Harm’s body reacted immediately. She could feel his desire for her pressing into her stomach, and before either knew what was happening, hands were roaming, caressing, fondling.
Mac couldn’t stop the moan from escaping her throat as his hands moved up under her shirt, molding her breasts, pinching her hardened nipples. “Oh, Harm. Please don’t stop...”
Mac’s hands weren’t idle either, slipping her hand into his sweats between them to grasp his throbbing member, rubbing him, stroking him. “God, Mac, that feels so good.” His mind was swimming as sensation after sensation washed over him.
Then reality had intruded.
After taking the call from Webb, Mac had been reserved again, barely speaking to him as they readied themselves for work. Not knowing where they now stood, Harm had given her her space, not wanting to push her into talking about it. But Harm knew one thing for sure, he wasn’t going to apologize for it. Touching Mac, kissing her, was something he had only dreamed about and reality blew all of those dreams right out of the water. She was so amazing. He would prove to her they belonged together, no matter what it took, no matter what it cost him.
He
loved her. He knew it. Now he just had to convince her.