USS
John Cooper
March 13, 2002
It had been a tough couple of days. Mac had managed to keep some distance between them while investigating and trying the case but it hadn’t been easy. She was probably harder on Harm the other day than she should have been. Her refusal to make a deal with him had been more her determination than that of Admiral Albrecht. She had just needed to prove to herself, and him, that she was still in control of her life. And she had won her case. So, why did she feel so lousy?
Standing here, on the deck of this carrier, Mac could finally admit it to herself. She was scared. She was so scared of letting him in. Sure it was a double standard, she was well aware of that, but that didn’t change the way she felt. Harm had been using that excuse for years, she was entitled, wasn’t she?
Still, the guilt was creeping in, worming it’s way into her resolve. Harm was being so kind, so understanding. She knew he was giving her space, letting her set the pace after what had happened between them in her bedroom.
Just the memories of their stolen moments together in her bed made her breathing grow shallow and caused her face to flush. The look in his eyes had told her so much, even more than if he would have said the words out loud. When he had leaned over to kiss her, instinct took over and she had reacted the only way her heart would let her.
Closing her eyes, Mac tried to will the memories away, but found she couldn’t. They would have made love that morning, there was no question. At the first touch of his hands her body had went up in flames. He was all heat and passion, just as she knew he would be, only this time it was for her. She would never forget the feeling of his rock hard body, aroused and ready, pressed tightly to her. Or the way his hands felt molding her breasts. And how was she ever going to get over the feeling of his mouth hungrily devouring hers...
“Hey, Marine.”
Harm’s tentative voice broke into her very vivid thoughts. Caught off guard Mac stammered, “Um...hey, Harm.”
Nervously, Mac looked away and out over the ocean so he wouldn’t see the flush staining her cheeks.
‘Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,’ Harm thought to himself. He had done his best to give her space, to let her set the pace. But after the trial was over they had talked briefly, shared a smile and well wishes from the skipper. Harm had hoped that maybe they could talk about what would happen next, but from the chilly reception he had just received, it looked like that conversation would just have to wait. “Do you want to be alone, Mac?”
Torn between the truth and a lie, she struggled again with her fears and doubts. Hold on or let go? Hold on or let go...
It was time to make a decision, a decision that would end all of their pain. Finally meeting his eyes, Mac answered honestly. “No, Harm. Stay with me?”
Harm could hear the fear in her voice but he could see the determination in her eyes. She was giving him his chance. He knew it was going to take awhile before she could totally trust him again but he would do everything within his power to prove to her that she could. “Always, Mac.”
That earned him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen grace her lovely face. Moving closer to her, Harm leaned casually against the railing. “Seems like we end up out here a lot.”
“Yeah, we do. We’ve had some pretty interesting conversations on the backs of aircraft carriers,” Mac replied feeling more comfortable with their familiar playful banter. She had a sneaking suspicion, however, that things were going to get serious in a few minutes.
He didn’t disappoint her. “Mac, I know things have been a little...awkward between us, with what happened between us that morning. But I just want you to know that I’m...”
Cutting him off before he could finish, Mac held up her hand to silence him. “Don’t, Harm. Please don’t say it.” She didn’t want to hear him apologize for almost making love to her. It had meant more than anything in the world to her, and to hear him say it was all a mistake would be unbearable. Turning to leave, Harm stopped her none to gently, pulling her into his embrace.
“No, Mac. I want you to know how I feel, what that morning meant to me. I’m not sorry, Mac. I won’t apologize for what happened because I wanted it to happen. I know it was a little fast, and I know I said I would give you time, but I can’t help it. When I’m close to you, it’s like I have absolutely no control. That’s what has always scared me about you, Mac. You make me lose control. You make me WANT to lose control. I’ve never needed anyone like I need you, Sarah Mackenzie.” By the end of his confession, his hands had made their way up, tangling themselves in the silky strands of her hair.
Not knowing what to say, Mac stood motionless, her mouth agape. Taking advantage, Harm’s lips descended, his mouth taking possession of hers. As the kiss grew deeper her arms encircled his waist, holding on, never wanting to let go. Mac returned his kiss, telling him with her body what she never could with her words. All she had ever wanted, or needed, was right here for the taking. With one heartfelt declaration from him, Harm had taken away all her fears and now she was ready to give him all of herself, body and soul.
Breaking away, breathless, Harm placed his forehead against hers. “Mac, let’s move this inside.”
The low, sexy rumble of his voice sent shivers down her spine. Mentally Mac took note of the time and sighed. Oh how she wanted to go inside and pick this up right where they had left off. But as with everything else in their relationship, it wasn’t that easy. “Harm, we can’t.”
Thinking he had misread her reaction to him, Harm immediately began backing away from her. “I’m sorry, Mac. I never meant to push you,” Harm faltered, looking away in embarrassment.
Placing her hand against his cheek, Mac turned his face back to hers. The hungry look in her eyes spoke volumes. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Harm. We have exactly 23 minutes until our ride leaves here to take us home. And when, not if but when I finally get you alone, I want a lot longer than 23 minutes, Sailor,” Mac purred seductively.
Harm groaned at the images her sexy words inspired. “Mmm, you’re right. I definitely want longer than 20 minutes the first time I make love to you. Although, as much as I want you right now, I don’t think it would take even that long.”
Mac was about to offer a witty retort when Harm whispered, “I ache for you, Mac.”
Deeply touched by his words and the evident emotion behind them, it was all Mac could do to get her voice to work again. “No more hurt, Harm, not anymore,” she replied breathlessly, as she brought his mouth back to hers for another hungry kiss. Once more they let their actions express what their mouths couldn’t seem to speak.
“Damn, Mac,” Harm managed to utter when they finally broke apart. “I know there’s a lot we need to talk about, that still needs to be settled between us. But God, I want you.”
“I want you too, Harm. And you’re right, there is a lot we need to talk about. But right now, we have a flight to catch. Soon though.” Slowly Mac began to pull away, taking one last opportunity to touch him, running her hands down his sides to lightly squeeze his “six”.
“Mac,” Harm groaned. “You’re killing me.”
“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, Flyboy. Wait till I really get a hold of you. Alone. No flights to catch. No interruptions. Just you and me.”
It was official. Harm was more turned on than he had ever been in his entire life. God, he needed this woman.
“Tonight?” Harm asked, willing to beg if that’s what she wanted.
“You can count on it. Let’s go home, Harm.” Pulling away completely, Mac gave him one last “come hither” look and a suggestive wink before heading back into the interior of the ship. When she was out of sight, Harm took a few more minutes to calm down before looking up, offering up a silent prayer, asking for patience.
It
was going to be a long ride home.