| Physician, Heal Thyself |
| They met at 9AM Friday morning at Columbus Circle, the furthest SW corner of Central Park. By then, the worst of the morning rush hour was over. Of course, traffic in New York was never what you'd call good.
For the trip out, Jack planned to keep mostly to the interstates. It was easier to relax into riding when you could just keep going, rather than deal with stopping and starting. But he was hoping to take a more scenic route home as Emil got more comfortable with the bike. They headed up the Hudson Parkway, across the George Washington Bridge, picking up I-80 westbound. Despite the helmet mics, they didn't talk much. Emil was too busy just getting used to the bike, and enjoying the beautiful fall day. For the first time since Suzanne had kicked him out, he felt really good. Setting off on a new adventure, doing something he'd never have done with her. He was really starting to realize how stodgy his life had become. In his 20's, he had been an adventurous sort; the kind of guy who would try anything once, twice if he wasn't sure yet if he liked it. Lately the most adventurous thing he did was occasionally take the subway down to Battery Park and watch the kids skateboarding. When had his life gotten so boring? It took almost an hour before they got far enough away to really feel like they were out of the city. The highway was surrounded by trees now, a riot of color giving them their last hurrah before winter set in. It seemed there was more to New Jersey than dirt and grime after all! Emil was just sitting back and enjoying the scenery when Jack's voice startled him. "Hey, Emil, you there?" "Yeah?" "There's a rest stop ahead . I need to check something." "OK, you got it." They pulled into the rest stop and parked the bikes side by side. Jack got off and took his helmet off. Frowning, he crouched down beside the bike, his hands tracing some of the cables. Skoda watched with a bemused expression. "Problem?" Jack grunted. "Keeps slipping out of second gear." Disappointment fell over Skoda's face like a wet blanket. "Do we need to go back?" Jack's first instinct was to say yes, but when he saw the look on his friend's face, he just couldn't. He knew his friend needed this vacation. "It's annoying, but I can manage it. But maybe once we get there I can find a local garage to check it out." Emil was pleased, but a bit worried. He didn't want to put Jack in danger; this friendship was too new, too fragile to risk. "You sure, Jack?" Jack groaned as he stood up. He could see the worry in Skoda's expressive face. "Don't worry, Emil. I've been riding this bike for a long time. I know how to handle her." A little of his ornery streak insisted on showing itself. "Maybe you should have traded it in on a real bike, Jack!" He couldn't help grinning. Jack laughed. "Don't you start, Emil. If I hear the words 'rice burner' coming from you �" Skoda chuckled. "OK, ok, no need to get an inferiority complex about your bike!" Jack just glared at him. "Remind me not to ever let you psychoanalyze me, ok Emil?" They both laughed, reaching for their helmets. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An hour and a half later they came to the New Jersey/Pennsylavnia border, marked by the Delaware River. Everybody knew the image of the famous painting of George Washington crossing the Delaware, it had to be in every history textbook ever printed. In that vision, everything was barren with winter snows. But in October it was surprisingly beautiful. Just outside the town of Stroudsville, they left the interstate, picking up PA Route 209. Glancing around, Emil realized they were really out in the middle of nowhere here. This was small town America at its best. They passed a lot of little mom-and-pop stores, and aside from one McDonalds, all the restaurants were local places, not chains. They stopped for lunch at 'Abe's hot dogs and pierogies.' Collecting their food from the main stand, they settled in at a concrete table with an umbrella. Emil took a bite of the polish sausage and closed his eyes, savoring the flavor. "Damn, that's good. Just like my mother used to make!" Jack had stuck with the more traditional Americn hot dog. He had to chuckle at his friend's reaction. "Skoda � that Polish?" He had to wait for an answer until Emil had sampled one of the home made pierogies; pasta pockets filled with mashed potato and cheese, swimming in melted butter and fried onions. Skoda's eyes rolled up into his head at the taste; he was in heaven. Finally he answered Jack's question. "Not exactly. A bit of Czech, a bit of Slovak, it's all the same in that Eastern European jumble. God, I'd forgotten how good this stuff was!" Jack laughed at his friend's simple enjoyment. Even the lemonade here was fresh squeezed. It really was a delightful change. One thing that surprised Jack was how quiet it was. In the city, even in the middle of the night it never got this quiet. It was peaceful here. And beautiful; the fall colors were at their peak. The deep reds of maples mingled with bright golds of sycamore. An abundance of evergreens kept green in the mix, contrasting with the changing colors. After lunch, they headed down a side road to the campground. Jack had rented a small cabin for the week. It had a small galley-style kitchen, a wood stove and a somewhat beat-up sofa in the living area, and two double beds in back. Emil sat down on one of the beds, testing its bounce. "Not bad. Not the Ritz-Carlton, but it'll do." He glanced at the old battery-powered alarm clock on the night table between the beds. "At least they set the clocks right!" Jack laughed as they unloaded their saddle bags so that on the way back later they could stop for some supplies. "That thing doesn't know AM from PM, Emil!" "Yeah, and sometimes simple is better!" "Well, I guess I can't argue with that!" It was only a short hop up the highway to the town of Bushkill, home of the falls. They pulled in, parking their bikes in the big lot, and made their way to the Visitor's Center. There was a nice little 'village' around the parking area, gift shops, snack vendors, a wildlife exhibit center. Jack picked up a map of the trails, they paid their entry fee, and headed out. They spent the next couple of hours hiking around the lower trails, deciding to save the really long, uphill one for another day. The weather was just perfect, warm with just a hint of chill to remind you it wasn't summer. Jack rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, glad he'd left the leather jacked in a locker back at the visitor's center. Neither one of them said much as they wandered through the beautiful valley. Being Friday, it wasn't too crowded. It was quiet, and peaceful, and neither one of them seemed to want to disturb that, beyond occasionally pointing out some wildlife, or a particularly spectacular view. It was just such a wonderful escape from the pressures of life in the big city. By the end of the afternoon, Jack realized that as usual, Adam had been right. He'd needed a vacation. Needed to detox all the stress he'd been building up. As they were leaving, Jack asked the girl at the desk if she could recommend a good restaurant nearby. The lack of familiar chain restaurants forced them to 'go native.' Which turned out to be a very good plan. The food was excellent, and the price half of what they'd pay in the city. Finally, they stopped at a grocery store and picked up some supplies for the week. Jack noticed there was also a "State Store" in the plaza; in Pennsylvania, you could only by alcohol at a state-run liquor store. He ducked in and picked up a nice bottle of scotch. Back at the cabin, they unloaded the supplies into the kitchen, and quickly moved to get a fire going in the stove. Despite the warmth of the day, now that night was falling the temperatures were falling just as rapidly. Jack dug out the bottle of scotch from his saddle bags and got some glasses from the kitchen. He poured them each a drink, then fell onto the sofa with a loud sigh. "God, I haven't walked that much in years!" Emil grinned at him from the other end of the sofa. "And we haven't even done the long trail yet back out to the big fall, what did they call it? The Bridal Veil." Jack raised an eyebrow. So far, Skoda had studiously avoided the subject of his impending divorce. Jack decided to take a shot. "I figured you wouldn't be in the mood for Bridal anything?" Emil sighed. As a psychiatrist he vaguely recognized that he was in denial, the first phase of grief. Realizing it didn't make it any easier to deal with, he had learned the past week. When things first happened, he really hadn't had anyone he could talk to about it. But after the last few days with Jack, he was beginning to think maybe that had changed. Of course, the beers they'd had with dinner, and the scotch in his hand right now also helped loosen his tongue. So did the look of gentle concern on Jack's face. Of course, Jack understood, he'd been through this. Although not quite the same, Emil was sure. "Jack? Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "Why did your marriage break up?" That got a rueful smile. Jack realized that sharing his story would probably help Emil ease into talking about his. "She said I worked too much. Which is probably true. But then, I always did. We were young, I was trying to establish myself in the D.A.'s office. I guess she thought once we got married, I'd change. She wanted me to become her version of an ideal husband, who somehow brought home the huge paycheck AND came home at 5 every night. It just wasn't going to happen. It always seemed to me that from the start she had unrealistic expectations." He paused, looking at his friend. "What about you?" Emil sighed and shook his head. "I think we just got stuck in a rut. Too many years of long hours at work, raising a kid. I'm not even sure when the relationship stopped being about us. We used to enjoy doing things together; now I don't think we could come up with one thing we both like to do. When Jenny, my daughter, left home for college last year, I hoped we might reconnect. But Suzanne got involved with this organization that works with troubled kids. It's good work, important work, and she said she wanted to avoid 'empty nest' syndrome. I couldn't argue with it. But it ended up leaving her with even less time for me." The shrink gave a heavy sigh and a big gulp of scotch. Jack raised an eyebrow. "And none of it in the bedroom?" Emil just grunted his agreement. He wanted to talk about it, and yet he didn't. Taking some courage from the alcohol, he continued. "We � back when we were young, Suzanne was very adventurous in the bedroom. There wasn't anything she wouldn't try. But the last 10 years or so, that spark has been gone. She's always too tired, or even when we did something it was the same old same old, nothing ever varied. And I always got the feeling she would have rather not, you know? I can't even remember the last time I tried." Jack raised an eyebrow, thinking he knew where this was going. "Were you cheating on her?" Emil took another drink. "Not yet. I thought about it, but no, I never did." There was something in Skoda's voice; something he wasn't ready to talk about yet. Jack decided not to press him. If he wanted to talk, they'd have plenty of chance this week. He laid a reassuring hand on Skoda's shoulder. "Well, then you don't have to worry about her dragging THAT up in the hearing!" // No, she'll have something worse � // Emil schooled his face to hide that thought. "Yeah, small blessings, I guess. I hope we can keep this from getting ugly." Jack shrugged. "Probably not, if she talks to a divorce specialist. You think ambulance chasers get a bad rep? Divorce attorneys are the worst. Pit bulls. I sure as hell couldn't do the work!" Emil had to laugh at Jack taking shots at his own profession. "I suppose I should talk to one too �" Jack nodded. "Remind me when we get back. I'll point you in the right direction." "Thanks, Jack." McCoy got up to retrieve the bottle, bringing it over and topping off both their drinks. He knew he wasn't going to get anything more tonight, so he looked around for a change of subject. The small end table by the couch had a drawer. Opening it, he found a deck of cards. Smiling, he turned to his companion. "Game of gin rummy?" "Sure, why not!" They relocated to the small dinner table, taking the scotch along, and spent the next couple of hours playing cards and getting pleasantly drunk. Eventually, they ran out of scotch and decided to call it a night. Jack threw a few more logs on the fire while Emil ducked into the small bathroom to change into the medical scrubs he wore for bed, an old habit he'd never gotten rid of. // Well, that could be part of why she stayed away! // Jack chuckled to himself as he stripped to his boxers and crawled into the other bed. Lying there in the dark, Emil thought about the real reason Suz had thrown him out. Part of him wanted to tell Jack, to tell SOMEONE. But he didn't want to weird Jack out just when they were really starting to become friends. He found himself thinking about the event that had brought everything to a head � Timothy McKenzie was an attractive man in his mid-50's. Like many of Skoda's patients, he'd been a victim of violence. It had taken a couple of years of intensive therapy, but he was mostly whole again, able to engage in the same kind of sexual relations he had before the attack. To do in love � or at least for pleasure � the same act which had been done to him as violence. A gay man who has been raped has a whole extra set of issues to deal with. When working with a patient, you were supposed to keep all personal references to a minimum. But when you're working with someone for that long, and they're pouring out their most personal thoughts, it's unavoidable that a few of your own come through. Somewhere in there, Tim had picked up on the fact that Skoda had done some experimenting with gay sex in his youth. In their last session together, Tim had made a very good pass at him, saying that now that Skoda wasn't his shrink anymore, maybe they could become friends. Or more � And damn it, the doctor was tempted. Tim was a handsome man with a great sense of humor. He really hadn't thought about sex with another man in years. But now that Tim had brought it up, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Gay sex tended to be uncomplicated, at least emotionally. Pleasure for the sake of pleasure, without all the baggage women tended to bring to the plate. // You know that's not true � // No, not always, he amended. He'd seen gay men who were as emotionally messed up as any straight couple. There seemed to be something about long-term relationships. People changed over time, and if you grew together, it was the most wonderful thing in the world. But when you've made a lifetime commitment to someone and you change in different directions, it was a disaster waiting to happen. The thing that appealed to him about a gay relationship right now was the fact that it was less likely to become long term. And the last thing he wanted right now was another commitment. // Maybe when we get back to the city I'll see what I can do to scare up a fuck-buddy � // he thought as he drifted towards sleep. Continut on to Chapter 3 Back to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Chapter 2 |