| A Matter of Trust |
| As they lay there catching their breaths, Lennie�s stomach growled. Jack laughed. �Hungry?� Lennie glanced at the clock. �Well, it is getting to be dinnertime. You wanna order something?� Jack hesitated. He had to admit, this was nice, but there was a part of him that was ready to move on now that the main event was over. �How about we go out? There�s a little pub not far from here � good burgers.� A pub might have pool tables; Lennie jumped at the chance to show off his prowess. �Sounds great.� Jack was already getting up and digging in a dresser for clean underwear. Lennie followed suit, scavenging the floor for the clothes he had abandoned earlier. Once dressed, he glanced in the mirror and dragged his fingers through his hair for lack of a comb, taming it down. They walked the couple of blocks to the pub, grabbing a couple of seats at the bar since the restaurant portion had a long wait. Scotch and club soda were served and their burgers ordered. Dinner conversation revolved around ordinary things; work, baseball, headlines from the newspaper. Just two guys chilling out on a Saturday evening. Much to Lennie�s delight there were several pool tables, so when they finished eating he asked Jack if he played. �A bit, although darts is really my game. But I wouldn�t object to a game or two.� Lennie got up and wandered over to a table where one guy was making short work of clearing the table. When he won, the loser grumbled and headed off to the bar. �Any takers?� Lennie grinned at Jack. �This won�t take long �� He selected a stick and nodded at the table �owner.� �Name�s Lennie.� �Tony. You wanna make a friendly bet?� Lennie shrugged, his best poker face in place. �Sure, why not.� Tony placed a $20 bill on the table, Lennie matched it. Jack settled into a bar stool with an amused smirk; he had heard about Lennie and pool � Tony racked the balls, gesturing to the challenger to take the break. That was the only mistake he got to make, as Lennie sank a stripe on the break and proceeded to run the table. There were a couple of real tricky shots in there, and Lennie realized at one point that he was definitely playing to his audience. Jack watched from the bar, raising his scotch in a toast after a particularly difficult shot. As the 8-ball sank in the corner pocket, Lennie grinned and picked up the bills. �You want a rematch?� Tony just shook his head and wandered back to the bar as Jack joined Lennie at the table. �Damn! Impressive, Lennie!� Lennie chuckled. �Hey, how the hell do you think I pay off two ex-wives and put 2 kids through college on a cop�s salary?� �Lennie!� Lennie just shrugged as he racked the balls. �Hey, not all of us are rich lawyers.� Jack actually managed a decent break, sending in the 2-ball. �I hear your pain, Lennie. I�ve got an ex and college-age kid too. And civil servants don�t make as much as our esteemed opponents in the courtroom �� Unfortunately, his shot at the 4 missed by a mile. Lennie chuckled. �That why you don�t do �relationships�?� Three stripes sunk in quick succession, then he took pity on Jack and deliberately missed a not-too-easy shot. Jack wasn�t sure if Lennie had really missed or just let him play, but if he had, he appreciated the gesture. �That and my folks. My old man was a real piece of work.� �Yeah, you said before.� Two more solids found pockets to hide in before Jack missed again. �You know, considering how bad that example was, it�s kind of a miracle I ever got married in the first place �� In between sinking another 3 balls, Lennie looked up at him. �Why did you?� Jack shrugged. �Because it was expected? Because I was still hiding from myself? Who knows? I was young and stupid, and I�m still paying for that mistake today� Lennie sunk the last stripe and targeted the 8-ball, sinking it easily. �Well, good thing you didn�t bet or you�d be paying me!� Jack laughed. �I�m not THAT stupid, Lennie, I�ve heard your rep!� Nobody was hovering waiting for the table, so Lennie re-racked for another game. Again, he gave Jack the break, but the attorney wasn�t so lucky this time. As he lined up his first shot, Lennie asked casually, �Seems to be a kind of lonely lifestyle �� Jack sighed. �It can be. But with the long hours I work, I usually don�t miss it. And besides, I�ve always had good friends at work, people I�ve trusted �� Lennie had picked off the easy shots, clearing half of the solids before missing a tricky bank shot. He looked up at Jack, hearing just a tinge of sadness in his friend�s voice, and guessing what he was thinking of. �You still miss her, don�t you?� Jack moved in, eyeing the table. He turned suddenly to look into Lennie�s sad eyes. Both knew who he was talking about. �Yeah, I do,� he said softly. And in that moment he missed her terribly; Claire would have helped him sort this out. Why was he having this conversation with Lennie? It seemed far too personal after what they had done this afternoon. And on the other hand it felt absolutely right and natural. Lennie was his friend, they had a lot in common. If anybody could understand his life, it was Lennie. Jack shook himself out of the reverie and addressed the shot in front of him, missing badly. Lennie�s hand was on his shoulder. �Sorry, Jack, shouldn�t have brought that up.� He shook his head, managing a smile. �It�s ok, Lennie.� Lennie didn�t believe him for a minute, so he quickly changed the subject. �Think I can sink the 13?� It was a particularly tricky shot from where Jack had left the cue. Jack�s raised eyebrows conveyed his doubt. Lennie grinned and dropped into trick-shot mode, going for the most elaborate and entertaining shots he could find. The fact that he actually missed them occasionally let Jack get in some playing time. They played a few more games with Lennie showing off outrageously before surrendering the table to somebody else. Lennie paid their tab with his winnings and they wandered out into the summer night. Even this late, it was still pretty hot. They chatted companionably as they walked the short distance back to Jack�s apartment. Things got awkward as they approached the door to the apartment building. Jack hesitated outside; part of him didn�t want this pleasant evening to end, but he just couldn�t bring himself to invite Lennie to stay the night. Lennie sensed his hesitation and thought again about the �no relationships� rule. As much as he wanted to go home with Jack, he realized his friend wasn�t going there. �So � guess I�ll call it a night, Jack.� Jack hoped Lennie couldn�t see the relief in his posture at not having to make the decision. �Yeah, ok.� �Give me a call tomorrow?� �Sure. That�s great.� Out here in the open, they couldn�t risk any real display of affection, so Lennie just squeezed Jack�s arm and turned toward his car. Jack stood there, watching him drive off, uncertain of what he was feeling. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie parked in the alley behind his building and trudged up the stairs to his apartment. Letting himself in, he left the lights off and locked the door behind him, heading back to his bedroom. After a quick trip to the bathroom, he tossed his clothes into the hamper and crawled into bed in his boxers. It had certainly been an interesting day. Oddly, it almost felt like two separate days; the afternoon spent having outrageous sex, and the evening out with a good friend. He finally realized what was bothering him; it was like he had been with two different people. The Jack who had made his body sing in the bedroom wasn�t the same person he had laughed with this evening. It was as if when he was in an erotic mode, Jack focused on the physical but kept his feelings entirely out of it. It had been a game, that was all. He had even called it a game in his message last night. // No relationships. // That was what this lifestyle was supposed to be about, wasn�t it? Sex without entanglements? Without opening your heart to be trampled on? The question was � was that what he wanted? Certainly that had been his MO with women since his second divorce. Twice burned, he wasn�t eager to open himself like that again. But even so, he had put SOME of himself into it, even when his body was less than enthusiastic. This total distancing trick of Jack�s bothered him. The truth was, he really enjoyed their friendship, and knew that a real affection was growing in his heart for the crusty attorney. He felt that if somehow he could get Jack, his friend Jack, to stick around for the sex, it could be something really special. He remembered back when he and Gloria had gotten married. His first marriage had been a total mistake, but Gloria, he really had loved. There were a million reasons why it hadn�t lasted, not the least being his not-even-realized preference for men. But there at the beginning, it had been something special. He tried to imagine that kind of emotional bond with the kind of sex he now knew his body craved, and wondered if he would ever experience such a thing. He sighed and rolled over, tossing off the blankets; the night was a bit warm, and he was feeling restless. He was well into his 50�s; now was not the time to be looking for �true love.� And certainly not in the gay community. But maybe, just maybe, if he could get Jack to loosen up just a little, they could find something in between? // Or was that what Gloria wanted from me � to change the core of who I am, to be what SHE wanted me to be? // Jack seemed content with the choices he�d made in his life; who was Lennie to insist that he change? Maybe he ought to hold back, build his own barriers? But no, that wasn�t who HE was. Hell. He never should have taken that nap this afternoon between the rounds of Jack�s �game.� Realizing he wasn�t getting to sleep any time soon, Lennie sat up and grabbed the remote, turning on the small TV on his dresser. He sat there, alone in the dark, the only light coming from the flickering of the small screen � Continue on to Chapter 12 Send me some Feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Chapter 11 |