| A Matter of Trust |
| Rey watched Lennie from across their desks. The older detective was positively fidgety today. Nervous energy charged the air around him. Rey noticed that Lennie kept glancing over at him, as if he was waiting for him to not be there. He finally took pity on the guy. �Hey, Lennie, I�m goin� down to the vending machines downstairs. You want anything?� Briscoe�s head snapped up. �Uh, yeah, Rey, grab me a cola, will you?� �You got it.� He watched as his partner disappeared down the corridor toward the elevators. // ok, this is it. // He picked up the phone and dialed the number he had memorized. �McCoy� �Hey, Jack, it�s Lennie.� He kept his voice low, but hopefully not noticeably so on the other end. McCoy smiled at the call from his friend. �Hey Lennie, what�s up?� �Um, I was just wondering if you had any plans for the evening?� �No, why?� �Well, I just thought it might be nice to get together when you weren�t worried about something for a change.� Jack laughed. �You�ve got a point. What did you have in mind?� �I thought maybe you could come over to my place and we could order out some Chinese and watch the game tonight.� �Sounds great. What time?� �Around 7?� �You got it. Uh, Lennie? Where is your place?� �Oh, yeah.� He gave Jack the address and directions. �See you around 7 then?� �It�s a date.� Jack�s last words twisted his stomach into knots. Did he know? How could he? No, it was just a joke. But eventually it got through his thick skull that he�d actually done it. Even if Jack didn�t know what he was getting into yet� By the time Rey returned with the sodas, he was still nervous, but smiling. Rey laughed as he handed Lennie the cola. �I take it she said yes?� Lennie shook his head. �What are you talking about?� �Lennie, when I left you were about as antsy as a canary at a cat convention. Now you�re looking like the cat who ate the canary. So I�m guessing she said yes?� Lennie glared at his partner. Rey just grinned at him, not backing down an inch. �Come on, who is she?� Lennie shook his head. �A friend, Rey, just a friend. OK, tonight we find out if it�s going to be more than that, but �� He realized that if this happened, he was eventually going to have to tell Rey. He hoped it wouldn�t be a problem; he had gotten kind of fond of the kid. But it was way too premature to be even thinking about it yet. Rey grinned and nodded. �OK, I�ll let you off the hook for now. But I want a report on Monday, you hear?� Lennie smirked at him. �Yes, mother.� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At precisely 5 o�clock, he bolted out of the precinct, went home, took a shower, shaved. Last night he had picked up around the place; it hadn�t looked this good since Cathy came to visit over a year ago. And that had been AFTER her visit, not before. He stared into the closet trying to figure out what to wear. He didn�t want to broadcast too much; Jack didn�t know this really was a date. His eyes landed on a shirt Cathy had given him a few years ago when she still bothered with birthday gifts and such. It was a beautiful bright blue, some soft synthetic fabric which had to be dry-cleaned, which was why he never wore it. Short sleeved, button down. Perfect. He dug out a pair of comfortable khaki pants, not the sharp creases type, more of a worn, comfortable look. Clean underwear, no undershirt. The soft shirt felt good against his skin. He hoped Jack liked it. He hoped Jack got a chance to touch it � // oh boy, I�m really doing this � // The nerves had his stomach all twisted into knots again. He had no idea how he was going to eat any dinner. He sat down on the couch and tried to relax until his guest arrived. He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the knock at the door. He took a deep breath to calm himself, then got up and opened the door to see Jack standing there, helmet and jacket in hand. �Hey there!� �Hi, Jack. Come on in.� He was amazed at how normal his voice sounded. Jack�s gear caught him by surprise. �Didn�t know you rode a bike?� Jack did a double take. �I thought everybody knew that.� Lennie shrugged. �Everybody in the DA�s office, maybe.� �You�ve got a point. Um, somewhere I can stash this?� �Sure.� He indicated the hall closet. As they walked into the living room, he asked �Can I get you something to drink?� Reflex cut in. �Don�t suppose you have any scotch?� The look on Lennie�s face was all it took to remind him where he was. �Oh, Lennie, I�m sorry. Forget I said that.� Lennie shrugged. �Don�t worry about it. I�m used to it. Soda ok?� Jack nodded. �Yeah, that�s fine.� There was a sofa in the living room opposite the TV; when he returned he found Jack sitting there staring at the Chinese menu he�d left on the coffee table. His guest looked up. �These guys any good?� Lennie nodded. �Pretty decent. Kim makes a mean Egg Foo Yung.� Jack laughed. �You�re on a first name basis?� Another shrug. �You haven�t seen my kitchen. It should sue me for neglect.� They got the order placed and settled in to wait. Lennie turned on the TV, but the pre-game show was still on, nothing but talking heads wasting time. He left it muted and sat on the other end of the couch. �So Jack. Did you get a chance to talk to Adam?� McCoy smiled, remembering last night � ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Adam had been avoiding him all day. But now it was late in the evening, everybody else was gone, and Jack wasn�t taking no for an answer. Once again, he stuck his head into Adam�s office, gently tapping on the door. �Adam?� Schiff looked up at him and grunted. �What do you want?� Jack came in and closed the door behind him. �Adam, we need to talk.� �What�s there to talk about?� Schiff returned his attention to the article he was reading in the paper. �Will you at least give me a chance to explain?� Adam sighed heavily and put the paper down. �All right, Jack. Explain how you could trust a ditz like Sally Bell and not trust me.� Jack bowed his head, still ashamed of his actions. �You know, Adam, if my old man had ever found out about this, he�d have flat out killed me.� Schiff shrugged. �From what you�ve told me, the man wasn�t the �sensitive� type.� That got a bark of laughter from Jack. �No, not at all.� �So?� Jack looked up into his friend�s eyes. �I couldn�t tell my father, Adam. I just couldn�t.� Understanding started to glimmer in the old man�s eyes. �Jack � ?� McCoy took a deep breath. �Adam, you�ve been more of a father to me than he ever was. It got all mixed up in my brain. I�m so sorry. I didn�t even realize this until yesterday. Didn�t realize how much I�ve taken you for granted �� They sat there across the big desk, neither one knowing what to say. Finally, Adam got up and poured a couple of glasses of scotch. He carried them back to the desk, handing one to Jack. �Apology accepted.� The corner of his mouth barely twitched into a smile as they clinked the glasses together� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ �Once I explained about my old man, he realized it wasn�t him I didn�t trust. I think he was kind of surprised that I saw him as a father-figure.� �That�s great, Jack.� Lennie glanced at the TV; the game was starting, so he turned up the sound. The thing Lennie usually liked about baseball was the fact that it left plenty of time for conversation. Tonight, however, that was beginning to seem a liability. He couldn't think of a thing to say. Luckily the food showed up before the silence got too oppressive. Jack noticed that Lennie seemed awfully quiet tonight; he was holding up most of the conversation. And his host was playing with his food more than eating it. As he finished his moo-shu pork, he pushed the leftovers aside, wiped his hands, and leaned back. "Lennie, are you OK?" Briscoe looked at him, his expression almost one of pain. "Yeah, sure." Jack sighed. "No you're not. You've been quiet, you're not eating. What is it?" Lennie sat there for what felt like an eternity wondering what to do. Jack decided for him, reaching out for the remote and shutting off the TV. "Talk to me, Lennie." Lennie took a deep breath. "Jack, this isn't easy, OK? I know I'm going to make a mess of it.� Jack reached out, laid his hand on Lennie�s arm. �It�s OK, Lennie. Just tell me.� Lennie nodded. �It's just that since last Saturday, I've been wanting to talk to you about something. Something I'm almost afraid to admit to myself.� He paused, still afraid to say it. �Oh, hell, Jack. I think I'm gay. For the past couple of years I've been having these fantasies. I � I've never done anything about it. I never knew anybody I could even talk to about this. And I was afraid to just go out and find somebody; there are a lot of really sick bastards out there �� He stopped, drawing a ragged breath. �Jack, for years I've thought about him. Nobody specific, just some nameless, faceless guy getting me off. But ever since I found out about you, he looks like you. Jack, I � I don't know how to ask this. I'm scared as shit right now. I'm not sure what I really want, even IF I want anything to happen. But I'd like to try. With you." The words poured out of him in a rush until they finally just stopped. He looked up to see Jack's face. Shock seemed the best description. // oh, no, Jack, don't get caught in this. No relationships, remember? // They sat there for a little while, staring at each other. Jack finally broke the silence. "Lennie, I�m sorry. I can't. I told you - I don't do relationships. Just one-night stands. Even before you knew, we knew each other too well to even consider sex. I'm sorry." Lennie seemed to collapse into himself as the rejection sank in. He nodded. "Yeah. OK, I understand, Jack. You don't need an old fool like me dragging you down." Jack shook his head. "No, Lennie, it's not that. Don't take it like that, please." Lennie just shook his head. "Don't worry, Jack, I'll be all right. I don't want to talk about it, ok? I think maybe you should just leave." Jack had to try one last time. "Lennie? I'm still your friend, right?" Lennie shrugged. "I just need some time, Jack. I'll get over this." Jack nodded and reluctantly got up, got his things and left. As the door closed, Lennie sat on the couch, head in his hands, trembling. He should have known better. Jack was right, he said from the beginning he only did one-night stands. // But that's all I was asking for! I don't want a relationship either! // Or was he? He was so afraid of this that he doubted he'd even get much past first base the first night. "Aaaargh," he screamed, slamming his fist down on the sofa where Jack had been sitting. The cushion was still warm .... His hand moved over it, as if seeking some essence of the man who had been sitting there. A single sob exploded from his throat. He got up, stalking across the apartment to stand before the window. A summer early-evening thunderstorm had popped up out of nowhere. The thick dark clouds looked like the turmoil in his heart. Rain started falling, fast and hard, like only these summer storms could fall. Rain, substituting for the tears he kept inside ... Continue on to Chapter 5 Send me some Feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Chapter 4 |