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| Joe Blake Woke with me essential tremor hammer and tong In me Ginger Meggs and couldn't drive me old bomb. Just last night, steadied with booze as I was Keen as mustard to party, I took a wrong turn On me way to one. So it was I ended, bleary-eyed, Lost in Black Stump. Had me another stab of amber fluid With the flies, then dialed me cell to contact a party bloke To come and rescue me, but got no answer. Pushed up zeds And late dawn, Joe Blake bit me. Blue murder! Didn't cark it As the tremor defect in me brain absorbed its venom. And just like that, me tremor was gone to buggery. Drove me old bomb flat chat to banana land, Told all who'd listen but they thought me berko. Tremor came back, but now when I want to party I drive out to Black Stump and let Joe Blake bite me. |
| Tremor Tales page 28 |
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| How Did You Know? It was dark and I felt so alone, so afraid. All around me men were stumbling about. Where, oh where was my husband! His aid. It was just before the lights went out That his boss had introduced me to all, And neither he nor the men offered solace. Suddenly, I heard my name urgently called. My husband! "I'm here," I cried, and my face Was touched. I jerked away, it wasn't him. "Don't be frightened," the man said quietly. "The electricity will soon be working again." But I was! Oh why had I said certainly To attending my husband's meeting? Someone grasped my arm. "Let go," I said. "My husband is on his way; is coming." Then what great relief, his hand rested Upon me. "Oh darling, you're here at last." "How did you know it was I?" he asked. "Sweetheart, I didn't need to see to know, For your essential tremor told me so." |
| If Again I Flinch I told you why you shouldn't do that! So why did you come up to me so sneakily? You wanted to surprise me? With a butt smack?! Okay, love tap. Like the revenge of my ET When you, uh, tapped me and I flinched? Bet you didn't expect to be knocked into the wall. No, I didn't have control over it. And why did you shout, Hey babe! at all? You know shouts make me flinch harder. Happy you received my E T reaction? Why're you answering in a whisper? Loud might make me flinch you into oblivion? Then hon, never touch me unexpectedly, Or shout at me and it won't happen. You're leaving to find padding to borrow? Oh, to make sure you survive if again I flinch and knock you into tomorrow. |
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| Professional Posture "His professional posture Is impressive, most certainly kin To what is the perfect professor, Don't you think?" "Yes, holding his chin In his hand, superbly cultivated. A puzzle though, he holds it constantly." "What matter is that?" "Well, to be so held Perhaps only means that he's lazy." "Hmmm, an hour ago I heard his wife Tell him to cease thinking about nothing And get busy bringing back the plant life In their garden." "Yes? Look, he's taking His chin out of his hand. What? Whoa, He's continuously shaking his head. Why? Stop already." "I bet I know. Her enterprise fills him with dread And he's thinking, No, no, no, I refuse!" "Ha! That's hilarious." "Gentlemen, I find your interest in my muse Amusing. As to holding my chin, The professional posture it purports Is very helpful to this teacher. If I did not, I'd have to dress in pink shorts To draw attention off my head tremor." |
| Telltale Tremor I chose my words carefully As I slowly turned to face him. "Aim the gun away from me And I'll have you swimmin' In all my money in Savings." "No, this gun in my pocket stays aimed At you. What the...you're shaking. You lying? Man, one shot will maim You for life. Withdraw your money!" I didn't have a cent in Savings And lying to save my hide only Got my tremor off and running. Just then, a cop burst into the glass Enclosed ATM terminal And the thief's stickup was his last. "Officer," I said. "How could you tell What he was up to." "Heh, one glance At you shaking like a cement mixer And I knew." I left, stunned that chance Had turned lying into my elixir. Usually, it brings but a telltale tremor. |
| Kudos I stood at the door's threshold Dreading to step into a world Where my tremor strangers would behold. Thoughts of quizzical stares swirled In my mind as I forced myself out, Loving husband by my side. And they came, infusing doubt I'd survive their assault on my pride. My husband saw my need to run From this tearing humilation And before to this need I succumbed, He whispered in my ear, "But hon, I came along to buy you a ring, The one you hinted you wanted. I need your finger to size the thing." And in that moment my need fled. "Really?! Love, you're the best. Kudos!" "Well hey, I'm here to ease your angst, So what if it costs me...uh, loads of dough." Once home, I thrilled him with mind blowing thanks. |
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