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You Might Be A Redneck If...
The fifth grade is referred to as
"your senior year."
You consider a good tan to be the back of
of your neck and the left arm below the
shirt sleeve...
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You know of at least six different ways
to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.
When you run out of gas, you put gin in
the gas tank.
Your biggest ambition in live is to
"git that big ole coon. The one what
hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's
barn..."
Three quarters of the clothes you own
have logos on them.
Your grandfather completely executes the
"pull my finger" trick at the
family reunion.
You have a house that's mobile and five
cars that aren't.
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep
end."
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the
truck you drive him around in.
You have a Hefty bag for a convertible
top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three
pounds.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You've been to a funeral and there were
more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie
Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
It's easier to spray weed killer on your
lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford
Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of
the primary colors.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a
bucket of paint to defend your sister's
honor.
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint
job--primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't
just men.
Your momma calls you over to help, cause
she has a flat tire...on her house
You have to check in the bottom of your
shoe for change so you can get Grandma a
new plug of tobacco.
You can't get married to your sweetheart
because there is a law against it.
You celebrate Groundhog Day because you
believe in it.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to
show-and-tell.
You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.
You fish in your above-ground pool. . .
and catch something.
When a sign that says "Say No To
Crack!" reminds you to pull up your
jeans.
Your beer can collection is considered a
tourist attraction in your home town.
Getting a package from your post office
requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas
station to see if they've got the new
Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You dated your daddy's current wife in
high school.
You're moved to tears every time you hear
Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always
Love You".
Your Momma would rather go the racetrack
than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton
true-life story)
The most serious loss from the earthquake
was your Conway Twitty record collection
(your insurance man is a redneck too if
he pays you for it).
You have spent more on your pickup truck
than on your education.
You've ever hit a deer with your
car...deliberately.
You can tell your age by the number of
rings in the bathtub.
Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak
booze into sporting events.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
Your classes at school were cancelled
because the path to the restroom was
flooded.
On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open
up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon
by going deer hunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself,
"What would Curly do?"
Taking your wife on a cruise means
circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star
Spangled Banner are "Play
Ball..."
You have a color coordinating rope that
ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your grandmother can correctly execute
the sleeper hold.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk
gun.
You have every episode of "Hee
Haw" on tape.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger
tombstone than your grandfather.
Your masseuse uses lard.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You use your fishing license as a form of
I.D.
On stag night, you take a real deer.
You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers
than your cowboy hat.
An expired license plate means another
decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about
your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for
decorating tips.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt
sleeve.
Your baby's favorite teething ring is the
garden hose in the front yard.
Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a
rodeo clown.
You think people that send out graduation
announcements are show-offs.
Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
Your pocketknife has ever been referred
to as Exhibit A.
You think cur is a breed of dog.
People hear your car long before they see
it.
Your four-year-old is a member of the
NRA.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric
razor.
Your birth announcement included the word
"rug rat".
You're turned on by a woman who can field
dress a deer.
You use the O on a stop sign to sight
your new rifle.
Your bumper sticker says, "My other
car is a combine."
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like
a bare foot.
The highlight of your parties is when you
flip out your false teeth.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage
in her purse.
Taking a dip has nothing to do with
water.
There are more than ten lawsuits
currently pending against your dog.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the
golf course.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You think mud rasslin' should be an
Olympic sport.
You list your parole officer as a
reference.
There are more fish on your wall than
pictures.
Motel 6 turns off the lights when they
see you coming.
There are more dishes in your sink than
in your cabinets.
You think a turtleneck is a key
ingredient in soup.
You've ever stood in line to get your
picture taken with a freak of nature.
Your anniversary present was getting the
septic tank pumped.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
You think you are an entrepreneur because
of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in
the front yard.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your front porch collapses and kills more
than three dogs.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone
cable spool.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a
picture frame.
Your home has more miles on it than your
car.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in
your house.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of
your front door to make it look nice.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than
your cat.
Your momma has "ammo" on her
Christmas list.
Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
The Home Shopping Channel operator
recognizes your voice.
You burn your front yard rather than mow
it.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper
high-quality entertainment.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo
for heckling the monkeys.
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