August 2007 - Untitled Daily Column Project

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> Sunday April 1st, 2007 < �The price of ginger has caused us to relocate.�

Alright, here we go again. The Untitled Daily Column Project is back and it still has no name. Opening Day is tomorrow, and I�ll have my baseball picks up shortly. A few thoughts on this season:

I have no idea who will win the World Series. The N.L. East is up for either the Mets or Phillies, the Central is so wide open the Milwaukee Brewers could win it, and the West is the usual borefest. The A.L. East will be for the nth time Red Sox vs Yankees. The theory going around is that the A.L. Central is going to have 4 first place teams in it. However, Minnesota lost two starting pitchers, Cleveland has like no bullpen or solid starter past the # 2, and the Tigers will inevitably be strained with tired and overused arms like last season�s White Sox, and Kenny Rogers will miss at least half the season. So basically, it�s the White Sox division to lose, and if people, especially the starting pitching and especially Mark Buehrle start tanking, then the Sox will finish either 3rd or 4th. I didn�t even bat an eyelash when Ozzie Guillen said he wanted Carlos Zambrano in a Sox uniform next season. Completely unrealistic, the Sox will never give out a contract for more than 3 years and they refuse to pay free agent pitchers (it�s all cheap and young from here out).

Suffice to say, I wasn�t too thrilled of trading Freddy Garcia over the Winter, but apparently his velocity is still down and Kenny pulled a turd-on-your-face trade with the Phillies, and luck have it, the Phillies play in the most homer-friendly park. I�m still pretty pissed off about the McCarthy trade with Texas, turns out the Sox didn�t like his �attitude� and other stupid shit. Well shit, if I was a starting pitcher and I got stuck in the bullpen while a crappy pitcher like Javier Vazquez pitched in my place, I�d be pissed off too. I�ll tell you about the White Sox: if you don�t get along and kiss their asses no matter how big of a jerk or how stupid they are or how warped their being of logic is, you won�t be on the team, no matter how good you are or what you�ve done for them.

Also on Monday, we�ll have a new NCAA Basketball Champion. I don�t ever recall the Championship being on the same day as Opening Day. Two major events shouldn�t happen on the same day. But anyways, the blog is back. In conclusion:

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.

> Monday April 2nd, 2007 < �Chicago Train Derailment Blues�

And now, my 2007 picks:

A.L. West
ANA
TEX
OAK
SEA

N.L. West
LAD
SD
SF
ARI
COL

* - Wild Card
ALDS: NYY over ANA in 3
ALWC: CHW over BOS in 5
ALCS: NYY over CHW in 6

NLDS: NYM over LAD in 4
NLWC: PHI over HOU in 3
NLCS: PHI over NYM in 6

WS: NYY over PHI in 6.

What is my reasoning behind this? I don�t know. Quite honestly, I could reverse any of those combinations, and I�d say potentially anyone of those teams could win it all. All it takes is a hot streak. I�m wary of picking a Philly team to win it all, since they tend to choke the most. I say teams that are headed for a huge crash this year are: OAK, WAS, PIT, ATL, MIN and BAL. In a happy world, the Devil Rays would qualify for a Wild Card and the Brewers would win the N.L. Central, with the D-Backs suddenly taking charge of the N.L. West and the White Sox start off April with 19 wins. Of course, none of this will ever happen, and it will be the same boring shit again this year. Yeah the Yankee�s Opening Day pitcher Carl Pavano hasn�t pitched since mid �05 and you�d love to see that pitching staff completely fall apart, but that stupid lineup of theirs will keep them in every game all summer.

And now, we bring our attention to this matter: 755. The once-thought unreachable and most prestigious of all sports records is now a mere fart away from being broken. Karma will be doing everything it can through the people involved to make sure this doesn�t happen (maybe a little help from Karma�s cousin, �Superstition�, and his sister, �Coincidence�). I can honestly say that if Bonds breaks that homerun record, we can officially burn the record book, because it will be completely useless & I will never believe a single record ever again nor will I ever defend a single stat ever again. And I hope that if you get the Extra Innings package, that you have Direct TV, otherwise you�re completely shit out of luck. Way to fuck your fans up the ass, MLB.

A.L. Central
CHW
DET
CLE
MIN
KC

N.L. Central
HOU
STL
MIL
CIN
CHC
PIT

A.L. East
NYY
BOS *
TOR
TB
BAL

N.L. East
PHI
NYM *
FLA
ATL
WAS

Bonds HR Watch:

* - cheated by using massive amounts of steroids

Well Barroids broke the once-most-cherished record in all of sports. Another piece of Americana shot to hell.
Look at it burn!!

> Wednesday August 1st, 2007 < "Petition: Remove all screens at baseball parks. Yeah, you paid a lot for your seat. Now defend it!"

Well the links page of the site has been updated and expanded.

> Thursday August 2nd, 2007 < "Screaming Beavers Baseball 2007: Up your ass!"

Rachael Ray: "Today on RACHAEL RAY, we're going to eat bacon!!! Now the first thing you want to do, is get yourself about 12 packages of bacon, and then just start rolling them all into a big 'ol ball!! Then once we deep fry it, we're gonna eat it!!!!"

Audience: **mooooooannnnnn**

Rachael Ray: "Yayyyyyyyyy bacon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Audience: **moooooannnnnn**

Rachael Ray: "If there was like, one food I could eat forever, it's bacon!!!"

Producer: "Isn't that like, really unhealthy? Don't you feel all groggy and sick after all that?"

Rachael Ray: "Never!!! I just want to wrap myself in a big 'ol blanket of bacon!"

Producer: "You're the only person I know who sweats bacon grease."

Rachael Ray: " *snort* Yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy! *snort snort snort* Pig fetishhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! "

Producer: "Stupid Oprah."

> Friday August 3rd, 2007 < "Faultco: making mountains out of molehills since 1929."

Chef Ramsay: "I'm going to need 3 shrimp, 2 scallop, 4 risotto...."

Dolph Rudager: "Go to Hell, you fucking asshole.."

Chef Ramsay: "WHAT"

Dolph Rudager: "I mean, 'yes Chef'."

> Saturday August 4th, 2007 < "Woman admits to being a slut in court"

Jeff Foxworthy: "If you find boogers in your peanutbutter sandwich, you just might be a 5th grader."
"If you have more than 3 band aides on, you just might be a 5th grader."
"If you giggle to the word 'wet dream', then you just might be a 5th grader."
"If you got an I.Q. of 10, you just might be a 5th grader."
"If you puked on the floor lately, you might be a 5th grader."

> Sunday August 5th, 2007 < " '....goofs off too much, takes way too many sick days, doesn't understand basic math...poor hygiene....has attitude.' "

Well that fucker did it. He tied Hank Aaron's 755. I can't believe the San Diego fans actually stood up and applauded it. What exactly are you applauding? The fact that your pitcher can still give up hits? The fact that Bond's bat is still working? The fact that the ball is manufactured well & didn't fall apart upon contact? Well, whatever the reason, the end is near. Selig was there, kept his hands in his pockets. I don't know why he bothered showing up, Selig doesn't owe him a fucking thing. What ever happened to invoking for the best interests of the game? Oh that's right, the MLBPA has their nads wrapped up in a vice. Speaking of which, George Mitchell's steroid probe is allegedly going to be completed by the end of the calendar year. Oh and this entry might have a lot of misspellings because apparently the spell check stops working after 117 pages in a document.

> Monday August 6th, 2007 < " 'What do you expect me to do?? Drop down to my knees and eat your fecal matter up with a knife and fork??!' "

Day 10 of Hell's (yawn) Kitchen. I say that with a lack of enthusiasm because this is just part 1 of 2 of the finale. Nobody is going to get eliminated, nobody is going to make a stupid mistake and nobody is going to screw up. Then we were forced to sit through an 8 minute recap of all the crap we've already seen twice. This episode is basically a waste of everyone's time, and it should have been the 1st hour of a 2-hour finale, that's how you're supposed to do it.

*Yawn* Bonnie and Rock are busy designing their halves of Hell's Kitchen's dining room. This point of the show does nothing for me. I don't care about their personal tastes or style. Cook the damn food!! For whatever reason, the two are going to Vegas, tho probably to check out the future restaurant. *Yawn*. Oh good, another 30 minute challenge in Vegas for a bunch of chefs to come up with their signature dish. Rock: fried chicken & crabcakes. Bonnie: Shrimp and Lobster pasta. 7 professional chefs. Oh. Old fat man Robin Leach as one of the tasters. Man he's fat! Oh yawn, season 1 and 2 winners now tasting. Oh come on, Bonnie wins 4-3. Enough of this women winning everything!

The last 6 fired contestants have returned to be picked and help Rock or Bonnie. Hahaha, Julia is crying because she resents Bonnie!! You're getting a FREE culinary school education, you ungrateful fat waffle pusher!!! OH for fuck's sake, they're showed Julia's winning moment at the high school a SECOND TIME ALREADY! Come ON! She made grilled cheese and fried onion rings, not exactly fucking rocket science for fucker-teenagers! Well Rock and Bonnie have picked their helpers, and surprise surprise, it's boys vs girls again. Well that's the end of that.

FUCKING SHUT IT DOWN.

> Tuesday August 7th, 2007 < "Heh.....'carpet cleaners'."

"What the hell is this? This one restaurant is offering all you can eat Steak and lobster for $4. That's too good of a deal! That's terrible! AND this one.. 5 double cheeseburgers for .99 cents. Blasphemy! $1 pizzas? Buy a beef n cheddar and get 4 free?? This is ridiculous! These are such good values and it''s awful! AWFUL!'

> Wednesday August 8th, 2007 < "'Oh my god, woman. You are nothing but a big old moo cow!'"

8-7-07: the day MLB fell

Man, after watching Steve Stone call the Indians / White Sox game last night, I was in a pretty good mood, despite them losing 2-1. I'm about to go to bed, then I see this shit of Bonds breaking the record. Boooo! Booo!! Blasphemy!! Cheater!! Liar!! Steroids!! Asterisk!

No matter what anyone says, Hank Aaron is still the legit homerun king. And there is only one issue here: Bonds said, under oath, he took the Cream and the Clear. Doesn't matter if he did it "unknowingly" (which is a whole lot of bull), he still took it, and judging by his pics, most men in the late 30s don't suddenly balloon up and grow a full hat size.

Yeah Barroids, live it up, because now you're big ego, after all its McGwire envy, you got your precious revenge, at the expense of your health and MLB & sport's (was) most cherished record of all-time. Guess what, nobody cares about the HR record anymore, and we're waiting for A-Rod to break it, which he will before he hits 40 years old.

Yes, I'm angry. I'm very pissed off. But part of me matured, realizing it's just a silly sports record, and thanks to Bonds, it's one less piece of Americana to care about. Bonds is everything that is wrong with sports and competition. And what's worse, is the criminals he's associated with still have not exposed their information to incriminate Bonds. At least Selig wasn't there. That counts for something. Talk amongst yourselves. Express your outrage, then we'll ignore the whole matter until A-Rod gets close in about 7-8 years.

> Thursday August 9th, 2007 < "I think when they were handing out lives my soul was out taking a dump"

Discussion about season 3, Day 10 of Hell's Kitchen thread title "Good luck Bonnie"

__7. Re: Good Luck Bonnie. | 08/09/2007 2:39pm
How about a "Go to Hell Bonnie" thread in the spirit of equality?

Quick Reply Quick Quote Reply Quote

__1. Go to Hell Bonnie! | 08/09/2007 2:41pm

You go to Hell! You go to hell and die! You're a pyscho! You crazy bitch! Self-centered bitch!    _lLose!
(quite frankly I couldn't care less if you won or lost)

                                                                               Quick Reply     Quick Quote    Reply    Quote

> Friday August 10th, 2007 < "You know what they say about Wisconsin girls: they'll either crush your heart or your ribs."

teenage girl: "My boobs are too small!"

Rachael Ray: "Eating some extra bacon will fix that!"

adult shouting: "The hinges on my liquor cabinet door are squeaky!!!!"

Rachael Ray: "Bacon grease!"

teenage girl: "I'm too fat!"

Rachael Ray: "Go on an all-bacon Atkins-style diet!"

woman: "I have a size 12 body and I can't fit into my old size 6 clothes!"

Rachael Ray: "Lube up with bacon grease!" **does a pose** "Seeeeeee?!"

crazy old twitchy woman shouting: "I'M CONFUSED / DISCOMBOMULATED / I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE FOR DINNER!!!"

Rachael Ray: "You can make BLT's and bacon smoothies for dessert!!"

camera pans towards Rachael Ray with hands on hips: "Is there NOTHING bacon can't do??!! Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!"

Producer: "There is no way in hell I'm being paid enough for this kind of aggravation."

> Monday August 13th, 2007 < " 'They say diamonds are a girl's best friend, but it's actually really batteries.' "

Day 10 part 2 of Hell's Kitchen's finale season 3. Noooooooo morrrrrrrrre recaaaaaaaaaps! Stop the shit! Start the show! Why do they keep calling Bonnie a "personal chef / nanny" ? She couldn't make a bowl of cereal! Wow, Melissa is already being a bitch. Ok, shitheads. Make the meal! Ah Julia is a little sore-assed. "Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot!" Oh sabotage! Melissa is over-cooking her station's food! 19 minutes in and it's still one snoozefest. I do have to say, Rock is much better at motivating his crew than Bonnie. Awww, Bonnie thinks her crew doesn't take her seriously! Why would she think that?? The sabotaged cooking, the lack of respect, the lack of effort and feedback, Julia not giving a shit. Jesus, 30 fucking seconds isn't a lifetime, Rock! Let the fucking food cook! Oh dear! Chef Ramsay noticing Bonnie isn't responding to cries of help! Man, Josh still sucks big time. He is the worst cocky motherfucker I have ever seen. Oh dear! Bonnie out of fettuccine already! Oh dear! She needs that for her signature dish! As I type this, I hear masked profanity with a loud beeping. Apparently Josh is actually worthless. I have to say this is the worst finale service I have ever seen.

Oh dear! Despite pasta being pasta, it's looking very bad for Rock. They wouldn't let him lose to the Nanny Barbie, would they??? And how do you just "run out of fettuccine" on the most important night of your career? Oh dear! Josh burned the fish again! Rock rage. Oh dear! Bonnie is running out of food! Oh dear! Undercooked and cold! Oh dear! Man this looks like Day 2 episode. Man, watching these women argue is like watching two roosters peck their beaks against each other. KICK IT IN THE ASS. Well all the ugly people are getting their food. Gee, Josh did a horrible job and you can hear the sarcasm in Julia's voice towards Bonnie. Full dinner service completed blah blah blah.

Final minutes. Hmmm....Ramsay will study customer comment cards. Oh dear. Rock says to Bonnie "I think you won" while taking the break in the dorm. Oh shit, Ramsay is warming up to Bonnie. Apparently tonight's helpers got new jackets, even tho the old ones are still hanging on the hooks. Alright, the two standing behind the doors. One will open to a hallway where people will be screaming and congratulating the winner. Hand on door knob, turn on the count of 3....1....2....3! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A COMMERCIAL!! Yes! Hell yeah!!! Awesome, 7 minutes left of the hour and you pull a commercial. Teasing our collective dicks, ain't ya? WOW. Online / text vote by viewers, either Rock or Bonnie. Rock with 74% of the votes, with Bonnie only 26% Heh. Rock wins. "Duh". Restaurant in Vegas, $250,000 salary. Man, looking at Josh scream like a moron makes it that much more obvious he's like a retarded monkey who throws wrenches into gears. There, it's over.

FUCKING SHUT IT DOWN.

> Saturday August 11th, 2007 < "Showing off his fine collection of forged baseball player signature baseballs."

In what is going to be a new segment here at the Untitled Daily Column Project, a segment of re-writing various Ramones songs. There will be some info posted, like which song, the premise and other various info. Also:

Rules to writing Ramones songs:
pick ONE chord, play it over and over & use it for the entire album
write songs short as possible
make them as ridiculous and absurd as possible
misinterpretations are a gold mine
make sure at least 50% of the band hates each other
sing the same lyrics over and over using different tones and pronunciations.
tell people to stick it up their asses
start every song screaming '1-2-3-4'.

> Sunday August 12th, 2007 < "Yeah we all have crewcuts 'cause we're dumb assholes!"

The Royal Screwjob

Something I don't pay much attention to..... the baseball draft....the signing deadline is this Wednesday, or teams lose their picks and they become free agents or go back to school. But there is one thing I do pay attention to, and that's when cheap teams get high picks and then go the other way. As HeyStu will probably write in his next Tuesday article, The Kansas City Royals selected high school 3rd baseman Mike Moustakas, whom A-hole and overall Douchebag of the Planet evil agent Scott Boras has been touting that Moustakas "is the best high school hitter since Alex Rodriquez."

"Oh FUCK!," said the Kansas City Royals. Your # 1 pick got compared to the baseball player with the most overpaid contract ever. Rumors have it he'll want around $10 million to sign. More rumors says Moustakas is intent on going to USC after the Royals ignored him the past two months. Now this is interesting. Do you take the money and sign with the Royals, knowing you probably won't ever see the post-season, or do you go to school and get an education? Logic says "take the money, idiot. You'll be set for life. You go to college to get jobs like that." There's always the possibility of injuries in college, flunking out or lacking general intelligence to where you can't earn a degree. But what if I'm the Royals? Do I bother essentially wasting all that huge money to the point that some snot-nosed high schooler would be the 2nd highest Royal on the payroll? And this being baseball, where you can't trade draft picks.

There is certain wisdom behind not signing # 1 picks. As I recall, the White Sox used their 1997 # 1 on a certain crud-pitcher by the name of Jeff Weaver, who demanded something about $5 million, which was completely ridiculous at the time. Time passes, Detroit picks him at # 1 in 1998, and so on forth to a crummy career. The Royals could use that money saved on Moustakas and fix up the team. Ignoring your # 1's outrageous demands is a free "Get-out-of-Hell" card, and given the hit-and-miss nature of # 1 picks, it probably won't hurt the team via attendance in the future, tho it does look lazy and like you're screwing over your fans. Should baseball invoke a 'best interests for the game' clause? If they really could, there'd be a salary cap to stop the Yankees in their quest for the first $300 million payroll. And judging by the revenue reports on the new Yankee stadium, it's quite possible and realistic.

> Tuesday August 14th, 2007 < " 'uh huhhhhh, uh huhhhhh, he's a god damn, son of a bittttttttch!'"

What Ramones song is it based on? "Today Your Love / Tomorrow The World"
Premise: mock some people and things.
Etc: Joey Ramone had OCD.
Dee Dee Ramone was a switch-hitter.
Changed German counting to Spanish due to influence today in America

ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR!!!!!!

I'm a cocksucker, yes sir, baby, yes I am
I'm a cocksucker, y'know I'll fist to the promisedland

I'm a cocksucker, yes sir, baby, yes I am
I'm a cocksucker, y'know I'll fist to the promisedland

little germ-o phobe, wandering around
little germ-o phobe, compulsively abound

I'm a cocksucker, yes sir, baby, yes I am
I'm a cocksucker, y'know I'll fist to the promisedland

I'm a cocksucker, yes sir, baby, yes I am
I'm a cocksucker, y'know I'll fist to the promisedland

little germ-o phobe, wandering around
little germ-o phobe, compulsively abound

uno-dos-tres-cuatro!

Today you love, tomorrow you go!
Today I love, tomorrow you go!
Today you love, tomorrow you go!
Today I love, tomorrow you go!
Today you love, tomorrow you go!

end

> Wednesday August 15th, 2007 < " 'You're kicking the dog, like he's a wild hog. kickin' the dog...'"

No! Bad Offerman! Bad! Well the unthinkable has finally happened in baseball: pissed off batter charges the mound with bat in hand with intent to smash the pitcher's face in (tho it resulted in a concussion to the catcher on the backswing). I've said time after time that "minor league baseball means minor league FUN" but shit, we'd seen a lot of crazy shit go on: Delmon Young throws bat at umpire (unintentional my ass), minor league coach Mike Coolbaugh killed by a line drive while coaching at 1st base, Mississippi Braves AA manager Phillip Wellman throwing the temper tantrum of a lifetime, and now Jose Offerman. Tho there's like 8,000 minor league games, so shit is bound to happen. But that's really bad. We all have dreams of charging the mound with the baseball bat in our hands, or after bunting for a single using the bat to knock the ball away the throw to 1st base, or running into the stands and punching a fan, or kicking an umpire in the face, but you don't ever actually DO it!

"After getting hit by a pitch from Beech, Offerman charged the mound with his baseball bat in hand. Wielding his bat like a weapon, Offerman drilled catcher John Nathans in the back of the head and nailed Beech on the fingertips of the right hand. Offerman's reckless actions left Nathans with a concussion and Beech with a broken right finger. Both players were treated at a hospital and released."

Bad Offerman! Bad!

And while there's been a lot of Rachael Ray bashing going on around here, (and it has to be done) but there's still going to be one more installment.

> Thursday August 16th, 2007 < "Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile says "Hot dogs make a great breakfast everyday!" "

What Ramones song is it based on? "Beat On The Brat"
Premise: mock some nuns.
Etc: perhaps someone dressed as a nun would run on to the stage at the end of the song.

ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR!!!!!

Beat on the nun, beat on the nun, beat on the nun with a baseball bat oh yeah
Oh yeah, uh oh.
Beat on the nun, beat on the nun, beat on the nun with a baseball bat oh yeah
Oh yeah, uh oh. Oh yeah, oh yeah, uh oh.
What can you do?
What can you do?
With a nun like that, always on your back, what can you do?
What can you do?
What can you do?
With a nun like that, always on your back, what can you do? Lose?

Beat on the nun, beat on the nun, beat on the nun with a baseball bat oh yeah
Oh yeah, uh oh.
Beat on the nun, beat on the nun, beat on the nun with a baseball bat oh yeah
Oh yeah, uh oh. Oh yeah, oh yeah, uh oh.
What can you do?
What can you do?
With a nun like that, always on your back, what can you do?
What can you do?
What can you do?
With a nun like that, always on your back, what can you do? Lose?

Nun: "Your soul for all of eternity!"

end

> Friday August 17th, 2007 < "Man: 'no I guess I wouldn't object to hitting a woman.'"

Voice-over on television: "Roz Doyle: The Judgmental Slut."

Roz in scene on TV: "I'm loose, but I have a high opinion of myself."
Roz in scene on TV: "I'm loose, but you have an embarrassing job, garbage man-boyfriend."
Roz in scene on TV: "I'm loose, but you're like bald and it's totally ugly."
Roz in scene on TV: "I'm loose, but you're too nerdy for me."
Roz in scene on TV: "I'm loose, but you're a total pretentious snob."
Niles in scene on TV: "You have a fat ass, woman."
Roz in scene on TV: "WHOA WHAT..."

Voice-over on television: "Next time, on 'Frasier!'"

> Saturday August 18th, 2007 < "you're just a bastard in this town."

Well now that Rachael Ray's lawyers have stopped bothering me, I can get back to updating the blog. Man, I haven't done any real writing in a week and yet I feel drained and exhausted, mostly from all of the stupid petty shit writing I do during non-blog time. It's just been so fucking hot and humid, I'm just going to dog the blog for now. Also I haven't felt this detached and distant from baseball this early in the year in a long time. And no, I'm not looking forward to football season. It's August and still way too early to be thinking about football. And there is just so much cock about that I'm already assuming the Bears will be in their customary Super Bowl NFC representing position. Assuming, of course, Rex Grossman doesn't fuck everything up by being a turd.

> Sunday August 19th, 2007 < "Puppykiller Pet Food Inc."

Favorite Pizza List.

This took awhile (thankfully) and rounds out my Top 5 pizzerias. Domino's, Little Caesar's, Papa John's and Pizza Hut need not apply.

5. Papa Murphy's. A national chain with pre-prepared take-it-home pizzas. Very tasty flavor with good crust, and unique pizzas. Big fan of the Lasagna tray pizza and especially their Mexican pizza. Only downside is the cheese seems kind of mushy and lesser, but the cheap price for that quality makes up for it.

4. Uncle Pete's / Olde Town. These are two local pizzerias that basically have the same quality: crunchy thin crust with a shitload of thick, thick white mozzarella.

3. Connie's. First pizza I ever ate in my life. Connie's signature is their deep dish pizza with thick crust and a shitload of cheese. The only downside to Connie's is their lack of sauce and absence of spices and seasonings. Sold all over town, at the stores and at the ballparks.

2. Home Run Inn. Another local place with very few restaurants but sells mostly frozen pizza. I would describe the crust as a thick dense thin crust, with a buttery taste and the end crust is a round hard-as-a-rock crunchy crust. For whatever reasons, their cheese, crust and toppings taste so good it's like crack to me. I'd say it's the best pre-cooked frozen pizza there is. Also they tend to say they have no trans fat an' shit.

1. Girodano's. Mostly in northern Illinois with places in Florida. Home of the Chicago style stuffed deep dish pizza. Basically, they cook the crust in the pan first so the bottom crust isn't being weighed down by the ingredients, then they pile on the ingredients and cheese which looks to be about 10 pounds worth, then they put on a freshly made tomato sauce with seasonings on top and baked for 30 minutes. The crust has a buttery breadstick quality to it, and the cheese is just unbelievably good. It is truly Chicago's best pizza.

> Monday August 20th, 2007 < "At least I'm not sticking my dick where it doesn't belong"

In the continuing spirit of food, the following list is my favorites that qualifies as "crap", but not actually "crap-crap".

1. New England Clam Chowder. "'Shau-dere' ? 'Shau-dere' ? It's CHOWDAH!!" For reasons I cannot explain, to me, there's nothing better (other than good pizza or burgers) is clam chowder. The combination of cream soup, clams, potatoes and whatnot, seems like the perfect soup, especially on a cold day. I could eat it for hours. I've had many kinds from many different places. Some cheap on the clams, some with additional ingredients, some that were thick, some that were runny. But I can safely declare that Campbell's red-white can New England clam chowder is awful.
2. Arby's Beef n Cheddar. Onion bun, nacho cheese, roast beef and sweet red ranch sauce. My favorite fast food sandwich. A huge personal favorite of mine. And hooray for coupons.
3. Fish n chips. With tons of tartar sauce, of course.
4. Steakhouse Beef Dip. Whether it's from Quizno's or homemade, or with roast beef or turkey, any sub with seasonings, cheese and au jus is good shit.
5. Grilled cheese (with varying types of breads and different cheeses, peppers, etc) with tomato soup.
6. White Castle Slyders / double cheeseburgers/ burgers. Yeah.
7. Cheese and crackers / cheese crackers with cheese / cheese snacks with cheese.
8. Nachos / Salsa. Mmmmm.
9. Buffalo chicken, in whatever form.
10. Soup. And there you have it.

Ppd.

> Tuesday August 21st, 2007 < "'Man, there sure is a lot of blood on the basketball floor!'"

In more spirit of food and wasting space, my Top 5 favorite Italian dishes.

5. Mostaccioli
4. Ravioli meat or cheese
3. Tortellini meat or cheese
2. Lasagna. Easy on the meat.
1. Manicotti: nothing but huge tubes of pasta filled with ricotta cheese with tomato sauce on top with melted mozzarella. If they could find a way to add more cheese to this, I'd like to hear it.

> Wednesday August 22nd, 2007 < "Man look at all them prescription pills, you JUNKIE!"

When coming up for ideas for the series finale of "King of the Hill", which of course I will have absolutely no input whatsoever, this is the idea I came up with:

There's a number of issues that could be resolved (tho they probably won't be) but there should be a grand finale of Peggy's ultimate demise. Now what's the highest possible realistic position that Peggy Hill could land? I'd say Arlen town Mayor, somehow getting her life-long dreams fulfilled, only to be met by the smack of a speeding car and a blaring horn after it. She talks a good game, somehow gets elected (say due to the incumbent being corrupt as hell) then runs into problems, kickbacks, loses sight of her plans and ultimately ruins the health of the town, which results her untimely death. And people would have to be so jaded towards Peggy at this point that no one would call 911.. It wouldn't be that hard to have Peggy lose focus when she's so drunk with power. This of course would have to be a 2 or 3 part episode.

Peggy Hill drunk with power: "Yeah! I'm Mayor Peggy Hill!! I control all of your lives!!! I'M KING OF THE WORLD! I...." **SMACK**
Speeding car passing: **BEEEEEeeeeeeeepppp!** Driver: "Asshole!" **speeds off**

Hank (in retrospect): "Yeah she was my wife, but she really shouldn't have killed all those puppies."

> Thursday August 23rd, 2007 < "Selective memory...selective memory, girl I got selective memory!"

"Keep looking up!"

> Friday August 24th, 2007 < "Oh this team's going nowhere!"

Well that was ridiculous!! 12" of rain for the month of August??? That's almost 3 times the normal version. Person who reads this in the future, the Chicagoland had some very unusual weather activity this past week, and especially Thursday. First off, an unusually strong Jet Stream was over the top of us. There is a lot of moisture in the air from the Gulf, dew points in the 70s, and temps in the 90s. So thunderstorms have been erupting, with getting 2" to 4" rain falls with relatively no wind. Well on Thursday afternoon, around 3pm, this huge squall line comes in from the west, moving at 50-60mph, with wind gusts 70-80-90 mph. Well these storms had a lot of outflow, basically a very strong wind before the storm hit. But this squall line was massive, basically the first time since August 26 of 1965 has such a strong & flooding storm actually hit every part of the Metro region, difficult to achieve due to the size of the Metro area. Things are already flooding where there's rivers, tons of trees down, power outages (600,000 at one point) and of course, funnel clouds and building damage. I looked to the north and the sky was completely black. And then, it did it again around 6pm, which I've never seen the sky turn black twice in the same day both with massive amounts of rain. Once the cold front comes through on Saturday, this shit will finally be done with. 2nd wettest August ever. Funny how we started the Spring and Summer in a drought, and then to record wetness & floods.

Ppd.

> Saturday August 25th, 2007 < "'Or the fact that he shouts out obscenities at every possible given instance?'"

About the only thing worse than watching the aftermath of an intentional walk, is listening to a Fox announcer imitate Hawk Harrelson. I think we have seen the truly genuine and massive damage Hawk Harrelson has done to the baseball world. I really hate to know what other fans think of our team in general.

"A White Sox fan? Oh you're that northern team with the hillbilly announcer! I hate him."

August 7th, 2007

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