September 2006 - Untitled Daily Column Project

<| Friday September 1st, 2006 |> "it's like dog shit yelling at a diamond"

So what did I learn from switching from Texas Hold 'Em poker to Omaha poker? That instead of losing with a 2/7 dealt hand, I'm losing with full houses and straights. If you don't know the difference between the two, Omaha you're dealt 4 cards, and you can only use 3 of the 5 cards dealt on the table. Tho knowing my luck, I probably mis-read the directions. I was having such horrible luck in Hold 'Em, winning about 1 out of every 50 hands....not because I didn't bet....it's because I didn't have the better cards....and it's rather difficult to psyche people out online.

As for your 2007 MLB uniform notes, two teams will be sporting new looks. The Cincinnati Reds will not apparently be adding navy blue after dropping all the black on their look, but instead making it entirely red and white, apparently an attempt at appeasing us purists. And we're appeased!!

The other team is apparently the Arizona Diamondbacks, who are dropping the extremely horrendous teal, purple, black and copper for red, white and black. I say that's a huge improvement, and apparently the main logo is going to look like the current D-snake cap logo, only more detailed. So there you have it. Now if we can only get the Mets to drop that ugly black off their look.

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<| Saturday September 2nd, 2006 |> "and the laughs don't keep coming on the King of Queens!"

"Of course everybody loves the long ball"

I don't. I'll take small ball, walks, stolen bases and pitcher duels over a slugfest anyday. I think it's about time we give something back to the pitchers, whether it'd be raising the mound or raising the seams on the ball or a bigger strike zone.

And the homerun itself... sure it's the most cherished record in all of sports.....but what happens when Barroids hits #756? Are we all still going to feel warm and fuzzy about the homerun in general? Then until the end of time, we'll have constantly one group dismissing him while the other celebrates it and says "he never tested positive for anything".

The whole thing makes me sick.

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<| Sunday September 3rd, 2006 |> "TRIP AND DIE, REF!"

So yeah, I was watching Ohio St. do its best to rout NIU so it could pad its stats, and after Ohio St. scored like 28 points in 5 minutes, boredom ensued for the last 3 quarters, and I was thinking: "what else could we do to ruin college football?"

Then the ideas came pouring:
Make them use a round ball and once they get in the endzone shoot at a hoop.
Give the ball handles so it's easier to catch.
After every touchdown they must do an elephant march, and before every kickoff a turtle strut.
Put up brick walls where the sideline would be & make it real retarded like arena football.
Every now and then release endangered tigers on the field, have one member of the team fly on a hang glider with a shotgun, to get rid of the tigers.
Make it that you can pass forward as many times as you want during a play,
Before each game, they would denounce God and America with a song.

And then there's the whole dramatics of it. The whole season would already be taped in an empty Hollywood Studio & the crowds and stadium are all special effects, and that's all fake grass and fake dirt on the uniforms. The national championship has already been shot and scripted. Nobody ever really gets hurt. they'd draw names in a hat, it's all acting! As you can see, they're very well rehearsed, but occasionally somebody will screw up their role. Every single play & route and penalty has been pre-planned. And then finally, we'll have a 15-week playoffs so even the 120th team can become # 1.

Also in the NIU / Ohio St. game, some old man referee tripped while running with a NIU player, fell down on his old arm and had to be carted off the field. It was somewhat amusing to hear the announcer go, "and we have an official down!" I was wondering what happened, if some player just blindly plowed right over him at full speed, confusing him for a player. But apparently that wasn't the case.

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<| Monday September 4th, 2006 |> "it's like eating 10 beef n cheddars at once."

Speaking of blasphemy, so has concluded the great Arby's roast beef and au jus experiment. An idea that popped into my head a while ago, thought I'd give it a try. Well suffice to say, it didn't really work. The au jus made the bun instantly soggy and mushy, and the meat, being what it is, was too firm & smooth to absorb any of the au jus. So having another regular roast beef at hand, I decided to bake this one. The bun crisped up and soaked up a little better, but it still just didn't work right. The only real way to do this (and I've had this) is for the Arby's roast beef to put on a French roll. Arby's regular buns really are pretty shitty.

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<| Tuesday September 5th, 2006 |> "pffff Budweiser...I've had ice that had more flavor than that shit"

Ah! The season premiere of House! Apparently Dr. House has completely recovered from his gunshot wound to the neck and his leg blood clot. Apparently House is all happy now, is running miles and miles every day. It's weird not seeing him limp around with that cane. And of course, it was another episode of some guy with some mysterious brain problem and only House figures out what's wrong with him and his 204 symptoms, all written out on a wipe board. And of course, his bitch boss tells him "no, you can't work on him anymore" when she thinks he's doing all these tests on him for the fun of it. So of course, he figures out this old guy needs a shot, but she says no. Then, suddenly she decides to give the shot to the patient basically when he was literally seconds from leaving the hospital to go back home in his vegetable state, and she hogs all the glory & the doctor's conspire not to ever tell House he was right. Then somehow, after being confined to a wheelchair for 8 years, this guy suddenly has the muscle capacity to get up out of his chair and hug his wife and teenage son. Hmmmmm...if I was stuck in a chair for 8 years, I'd probably fall on my face. Hooray for unrealistic medical drama! And House's boss is a cunt.

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<| Wednesday September 6th, 2006 |>   "This play was designed to lose yards."

              THE WAR IS OVER!

    ...if you want it to be.

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<| Thursday September 7th, 2006 |> "'Cholesterol In My Brain' sounds like a great band name."

Well once again the Cubs have hit rock bottom in the National League: 6th place, 56-84 with a .400% & 19 games out. Yeah I guess it is pretty hard to win when with a $100 million payroll and a couple of your starting pitchers out, and all those rookies. Yeah, and the lowly Marlins with almost all rookies & a $15 million payroll which the owner intentionally did a la like the movie "Major League", the Marlins are 70-69 and only 3 games out of the Wild Card with 23 games to go. Now that school has started, Wrigley Field is starting to look like the morgue it used to be in the '70s.

Let's see...what else is there to say? Hmm..the Tigers are limping to the finish line and the Sox need to get their shit together, 'cause they're still only 4 1/2 back and 1/2 behind in the Wild Card. It's weird actually being in a real pennant race. The starting pitchers are really picking it up, who only gave up 3 runs to a heavy Boston team. It's going to be a very interesting September with 3 more against the Tigers and the last series versus Minnesota. And Dustin Hermanson came back for the first time in over a year since his back gave out. Pitched a scoreless 9th. He was on pace for like 70 saves last year & had a 2.00 ERA. What a huge boost that would be this time of year.

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<| Saturday September 9th, 2006 |> "the dolphins will come right out of the water and talk to you!"

Well it's College Football Saturday. It took me a while to finally embrace college football. Partially because no college teams are good in Northern Illinois and that I much prefer baseball. But if anything, the Chicago Bears have driven me to it. I was sick of the dumbass coaches, same 6 games every season watching 3 teams I hate (Vikings, Lions, Packers) stupid idiot players and their off-field shit and their hold-outs, and the ruining of Soldier Field. The NFL ruined itself for me....with its high prices, annoying studio banter, people like Terrell Owens, teams wearing dark monochrome looks reminiscent of the failure loser XFL like the Seahawks, Cardinals, Falcons, Bills, Dolphins (oh my god, all teal!) Bears and every other motherfucker who has tried this look. And the uniforms are getting uglier with all the stupid side panels, cutouts and endless piping that goes everywhere. Plus the NFL is too slow, old and the players are so god damn fat.

So we got college football with its like 115 teams with all-day Saturday courage. At least these kids (even if the College & College business is evil & they're getting free rides) are in shape, the game has speed, a perfect OT system, and for almost all of these kids, this will be the biggest & farthest they'll ever get in football, so this is their glory years.

And then there is all the color schemes! You never see any orange & green in the NFL, you got the Minnesota Golden Gopher's maroon and yellow, Northwestern's purple & white, Penn St. and its white & navy with no logo helmet, the Seminole's garnet & gold, the Illini's navy & orange, Iowa's black and yellow with their as-it-should-be block numbers on their Pittsburgh Steelers-esque uniform, UCLA's powder blue, navy and gold, Texas's burnt orange, Tennessee's creamsicle orange, the Buckeye's red and silver, the Badger's red and white. All amongst my favorites, but for me, it doesn't get any better than the Dr. Pepper-esque Virginia Tech maroon and orange. And there's one solid rule that we all must follow: Notre Dame's colors are navy and gold, nobody else in any sport is allowed to wear those colors, and they must lose! I just have a hard time liking anything "Indiana" aka Illinois Jr.

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<| Friday September 8th, 2006 |> "Judge Maria Lopez, how many cartons of cigarettes do you smoke in a day??"

Well the Cubs lost their 16th game of their last 19, and yet, nobody is getting demoted or fired! The Cubs were playing the Braves as you can see, who this year, are going to miss the playoffs for the first time since 1990. Do you remember 1990? MLB only had 26 teams, 4 divisions, no wild card, the Minnesota Twins had the highest payroll, the Braves finished in last place with 97 losses in the N.L. West, Bobby Cox took over as their manager mid-season, the Cincinnati Reds wore nothing but red and white & won the World Series, 2 teams still wore powder blue road uniforms, the Padres still wore brown, the Yankees were a last place team in a division of 7 teams with 95 losses & 21 games out, Frank Thomas was a rookie, Rickey Henderson & Barry Bonds were their league's MVP's, while Pittsburgh won the 1st of 3 consecutive division titles, Simpsons mania was sweeping the nation, gasoline was only $1.25 a gallon (up .25 cents due to an Alaska oil spill which they STILL haven't fully cleaned up yet) and it was our last war-free year since Vietnam in which ended in 1975. I find it blasphemy that during the Braves 14 consecutive playoff-years that a bunch of their playoff games did not sell out. Remember how excited everyone was at Atlanta Fulton County Stadium and they were all doing the Tomahawk Chop with their red foam tomahawks? Seems like after they won the 1995 World Series, everybody seemed to stop caring, with two new stadiums & the Olympics coming in '96. Well Braves fan, you no longer have the burden of dreading mid to late October Atlanta Braves baseball.

the White Sox wore the gorgeous kelly green & white uniform tonight; 2nd year in a row of this. The White Sox started wearing a green version of their cap on March 17th roughly 1992, and then teamed it with a solid kelly green jersey. Not that I'm Irish or anything (just anti color black), but I've been a big advocate of the Sox dropping the boring, bland and extremely well-accepted black & silver combo for kelly green. Disappointed that they didn't go for the kelly green batting helmet like they did last year, and disappointed that Jim Thome seemed to be the only one showing the kelly green socks (no pic, unfortunately). But just plain gorgeous.

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I've had visions of a maroon & white combo, orange & white, kelly green & white, purple and white (that's the Northwestern Wildcats fan in me saying that) back to red & white and yes, powder blue and white would even look good.

<| Sunday September 10th, 2006 |> "...and he has blown 16 of his last 21 saves."

Rudager's 6

Christ, Sox. Apparently having a 10-2 lead is too boring for you last night. Just when the starting pitching finally gets it shit back together, the bullpen goes to shit.

Apparently, New Era caps will no longer be making wool caps for MLB starting in 2007. "Hats will be changing next season. The New Era wool 5950 will be no more. We've sold our massive stock of hats to the team store, since next year we'll be getting a newer design. I haven't seen any sort of prototype yet, but I do know it's designed to be less vulnerable to getting soaking wet like the current caps do. I also saw a swatch of the Cool Base jersey material, and next year it looks to be a little less meshy, while retaining the softer feel and resistance to moisture."
Well, there goes 140 years of tradition of wool caps. My biggest concern is "how will the color hold up over the years". I always liked how wool kept the color well. And is this going to affect throwback caps? What the hell, man?! And of course, this will probably drive up the price of caps even more.

Last night's Troy / Florida St. had a scare when Troy went up 17-10 in the 4th quarter, gave FSU fans a scare briefly, tho I expected more of a blow-out, especially since the Seminoles were favored by 30. Damn it, Mike. Also some FSU news: "Florida State will be wearing an all-black uniform for their night game against Boston College on Oct. 21." What the fuck?! As far as my short research shows, the football colors of garnet and gold have been the same since 1946. I really don't understand this all-black look at all.

Well it finally happened, tho it wasn't the Lombardi trophy or the World Series trophy, but it happened. Yesterday at the U.S. Open Maria Sharapova won her first U.S. Open title, and was handed the trophy (some cup with a lid) as she raised it, the lid fell off and landed on the court. Eh, someday maybe we'll see a trophy shatter as some clumsy champion hoists it.

Turns it, it was the bastard NFL's idea to redesign the ref's uniforms so they could make more money in Miller beer commercials if they really wanted to make it authentic. You know, fuck you, NFL. The zebra stripes still are the standard in every other level, and nobody is going to care if the refs in the commercial are wearing the authentic version or not.

I read it will cost a family of four $439.59 to attend a Chicago Bears game, which has stupid other shit included like 2 programs, 2 caps and "only" 2 beers tacked on. Imagine how much higher that would be if the Chicago Park District had it their way and wanted to charge $100 for parking. And another thing, NFL stadiums are R-rated, so don't be bringing your stupid kids there. It's basically one giant bowl of a bar. We don't want the little shits around there taking up space and annoying us, and they're certainly not worth the enormous ticket admission, either. Stinking little shits!

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<| Wednesday September 13th, 2006 |> "yeah, they're permanent temporaries."

So yeah, Coach Dave Cowens of the WNBA Chicago Sky, after leading them to a 5-29 record, got hired by the NBA Detroit Pistons as an assistant. Yeah, coaching an inferior team in an inferior league of an inferior sport to a last place finish, and what the hell, why you're due to get a promotion!

Yeah another MLB cap change for '07: all underbrims will now be black, which currently the Angels and Rangers do. So there goes another tradition of either green or grey underbrims. I noticed some players tend to write stuff on their underbrims with a sharpie. Looks like they'll have to invest in some of those metallic silver or gold markers.

Thanks to 3 rule changes in NCAAF (clock starts on 1st down when official blows whistle, clock starts as soon as ball is kicked and 1-inch kicking tees to reduce longer kickoffs / eliminate touchbacks), many coaches are pissed off that games are now resulting in roughly 5 to 18 fewer plays and games played up to 15-30 minutes quicker. The reasons behind these were basically to make sure games didn't overlap on the TV schedule and less wear and tear thanks to the new 12 game schedule. 2 to 2 1/2 hour games are long enough for me. Good work.

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<| Monday September 11th, 2006 |> "things are hard to hear, when you're hard of hearing..."

What a day to be a Bears fan! Season opener in Green Bay, which was like the 500th meeting between the two teams. And old man Brett Favre, despite going 4-12 last season, just couldn't give up playing football and further decided to make his team suck. As if the Packers horrible pre-season showing wasn't proof enough, how about a 26-0 Packer loss? Favre looked so old out there, throwing interception after interception. He would had thrown a bunch more if the Bears defense weren't so tired from catching all the other ones. The result, Favre's first career shutout, thus ending a Packer scoring record of 233 straight games, dating back to October of 1991, which was also a shutout done by the Bears. Lovie Smith is now 3-0 at Green Bay and 4-1 overall versus them.

So now we have the Detroit Lions coming to Soldier Field, with their wide receiver Roy Williams shooting his mouth off, guaranteeing a Lions victory come Sunday. This is always the same big mouth who said the Lions would score 40 points against the Seahawks yesterday. The Lions lost 9-6. The Lions are pretty cocky for a team whose won like one playoff game in the past 50 years.

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<| Tuesday September 12th, 2006 |> "**after reading thread** "I hate freedom of speech.""

Chef to customer: "This cuisine is handmade with the finest and freshest ingredients and cooked to perfection, along with my special sauce is made with spectacular hank picked homegrown seasonings!"

Customer: "Is that what your warehouse distributor said to you?"

Chef: "....It was once handmade and fresh."

Customer: "We're leaving."

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<| Friday September 15th, 2006 |> "my teeth aren't yellow, but in fact a cheetos 'orange tint'"

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"It really wasn't THAT bad as people are claiming." -Kevin James, actor of "King of Queens"

"This is the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life." -Richard Dick of the Hollywood Tribune

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<| Thursday September 14th, 2006 |> "WARNING: sorry, you are just too stupid to use the internet."

You know, I read that the Beatles song "All You Need Is Love" was originally called "All You Need Is Dope".

All you need is dope
All you need is dope
All you need is dope, dope...
Dope is all you need.

I don't know what Lennon was on when he wrote this, but it makes sense. However, producer George Martin prevailed and approached the band with substituting "dope" with "love", and said they could "make more money in TV commercials with the change".

<| Saturday September 16th, 2006 |> "hey Jake, when you're not busy being White, can you come over here for a minute?"

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<| Sunday September 17th, 2006 |> "I hate my blogging teacher."

Speaking of premieres, MadTV had theirs last night.

Interesting that they went the SNL-route and decided to go with a smaller cast, to 10 people. Plus they also lost their Bush / John Madden / Donald Trump impressionist. Looks like they're getting out of the political / NFL humor. It seems like MadTV is leaning heavily on its L.A. location and using pop culture & celebrities a lot. Seeing the results of a smaller cast, I noticed a lot of ball hogging and weird unknown guest supporting actors and little use of the whole cast in general. Plus their Darrell Hammond is still around. Michael McDonald clocking in for a record 9th season. You know, being an old fart Midwestener and all, I don't get a lot of the hip hop / rap references MadTV does. And I don't have to tell you that Hollywood is pure evil. Guess SNL caters to us boring CNN-obsessed Northern folk.

All and all, it was one of the weakest MadTV season premieres in memory.

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I know we all like graphics or pictures, so here's something from the arts department, courtesy of Rudager Graphics Inc. There's a legend, that Rudager himself once (or repeatedly) said "fuck you" to his College football coach and his staff, including teammates, fans and cheerleaders. But not the band, 'cause he wrote them a special song for when he appeared from the tunnel (after the team's song ended first, of course). He had his own way of doing plays and re-routing his routes, and of course always ignited fights with his signature "kick-foot-to-the-anus" move. But that's all in the past, anyway.

Ah yes, the graphic. Now that Michigan dominated Notre Dame today, we can end all this silly talk of a National Championship for over--rated Notre Dame, hence the re-organizing of the ND logo to OR. The refs were pretty hard on Notre Dame with the penalties, tho Michigan got sloppy late in the game on Notre Dame's 3rd TD drive, just throwing deep to the left, waiting for the passing interference / late hit penalty to get down the field. Final score was 47 to 21. Michigan was up 34-7 right before halftime. The NBC announcers were pretty much stunned to see how the #2 team in the country got so blown out. Now if I know anything about college football (and I don't) I figure this loss will knock Notre Dame down to 19th, or maybe out of the Top 25 altogether. Tho they'll probably end up at like 12th.

Suffice to say, Notre Dame's line has more holes than a noodle strainer. And as for the point spread, it was Notre Dame by 5, and 80% of Yahoo users picked Notre Dame to win. I however was not among that. I always pick Notre Dame with the lowest possible confidence point (1) and lose, because every time I picked them to win (with higher confidence points) they'd lose, and if I picked them to lose, they'd win, always screwing me in the ass. Last year, Iowa and Virginia Tech kept screwing me in the ass, so they automatically get low confidence points as well.

<| Tuesday September 19th, 2006 |> "Bacon? Sausage? hey it's your heart attack, man."

I have to say, Family Guy was quite a letdown from the season opener. I was laughing well over 50% of the time during the premiere, but this episode I laughed maybe 3 short times. The radio thing was just awful. They kept doing it over and over, and it was just as annoying as the real thing. Just another reason why I hate most FM stations.

And there was a part where Stewie was missing from the Air Show, then he calls in, and appears on the radio show? Intentional plot drop, or did I miss something?

The episode in general just seemed pretty unremarkable. It picked an uninteresting plot (radio) and just did basically nothing with it. The Peter's mom with Tom Tucker bit was strange to say the least, but at least Peter got a good beating with the belt and all. Tho it has come to my attention, that they're actually still showing un-aired episodes from Season 4, which was written and produced a while ago. If you recall, basically they started showing episodes from Season 3 last year, which came before the 2nd cancellation while finally inserting Season 4 episodes (hence why some of the new shows were either really good or really bad).

And still, nobody likes American Dad. "Son, you brought fat into this house!!"

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<| Monday September 18th, 2006 |> "Is that your truck or your doll house?"

Saturday's entry was going to be called "How to Beat Notre Dame", as a victory was expected and was supposed to be pointers for Michigan on how to win the game. Apparently they figured it out anyway. Suffice to say, 80% of people picked Notre Damn to win, which apparently is a pretty low % when it was in favor of a very high ranked team. Usually it's in the 97% to 99% range for the favorite if its "really obvious that they'll win". Apparently there's some anti-Notre Dame sentiment across the nation, which is completely understandable.

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<| Thursday September 21st, 2006 |> "Hey! I know what I like, and I DON'T LIKE what I know!"

Stairs! stairs! everywhere are stairs!
Breakin' my legs, greyin' my hair!
Do this, don't do that, can't you climb the stairs?!

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<| Wednesday September 20th, 2006 |> "stop steroid use by legalizing it!"

Man, I don't think I've ever seen so many missed field goals in my life with College Football. How many leads or games have kickers cost their teams? If I was a kicker, I'd sure as hell would not live on campus, would have many disguises and make sure nobody ever found out where I lived. And we've seen a LOT of games and seasons ruined and bowls lost because of missed field goals. I'd be scared to death. Seriously. For somebody whose on the field for so little of the time, and to screw up that badly. Oh, and I'd probably would have to carry mace and a gun. And made sure my home had a security system, and my car had a private garage. Yeah, being a kicker must be great!

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<| Friday September 22nd, 2006 |> "How can you show deleted material??"

As for the White Sox and their play recently, of losing 6 of their last 7, I think we need to do what Harry used to say after singing the 7th inning stretch:

"GET SOME FUCKING RUNS!!!!!"

Speaking of baseball teams....

"PHILADELPHIA -- Florida manager Joe Girardi insisted he's focused on helping the Marlins continue their surprising playoff push, despite rumors he'll be fired after the season. The South Florida Sun-Sentinel, citing unidentified sources, reported Friday that Girardi's chances of returning next season are "zero" on a scale of 1 to 10. Girardi, in his first season on the job, is a strong candidate for NL manager of the year after leading the team with the lowest payroll in the major leagues into the wild-card race.

But Girardi's job security has been questioned because of a strained relationship with owner Jeffrey Loria. A much-publicized rift between the men erupted at a game Aug. 6, when Loria berated an umpire while sitting behind the plate. From the dugout, Girardi told or asked the owner to stop, witnesses said. Loria angrily left his seat and confronted Girardi after the game during a 90-minute clubhouse meeting. Loria wouldn't endorse Girardi when he finally addressed the matter three weeks later.

"The one thing I do not want to happen is the players should not be in the middle of this," Girardi said. "The players are called upon to play."

With a roster dominated by rookies, the Marlins were widely projected to lose more than 100 games. Instead, they became the first team in history to have a winning record after falling 20 games under .500. Florida was 11-31 on May 21, but improved to 73-72 on Sept. 12. The Marlins entered Friday's game at 76-77, and were four games behind wild card-leading Los Angeles. The Phillies trailed the Dodgers by a half-game."

So this goes on and on, with Management trying to justify this firing by making specific game situations, none which are any different than what other managers have to go through. Suffice to say, Girardi got a raw deal in the first place, because when they hired him last winter, it was before the big Marlins fire sale. They were a very competitive team.

Of course, it doesn't matter how many games you win as a manager. If you don't get along with the front office, you're gone. Dusty Baker lead the Giants to the World Series in 2002 in his final contract year, and he wasn't brought back. The front office didn't care for him, either. Not too many managers get the boot after taking their team to the World Series, but the team is in charge and managers are extremely disposable. It's been rumored all season that Girardi is a possible Cubs manager candidate. And Dusty's departure is imminent, much to the joy of Cubs fans.

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<| Sunday September 24th, 2006 |> "old people rebelled by making their conversation noise pollution."

And now, on to College Football Saturday recap. It was a tame day, pretty much only two games with both teams ranked, including #21 Cal vs #22 Arizona St. & #24 Penn State at #1 Ohio. Apparently the area of Northern Illinois is now Buckeye country, it being that every single game has been on local TV. Now all I wanted was an interesting game, and that's what I got. Penn St. lead 3-0 at the half, which included in the 2nd quarter during a Penn St. 4th down putting situation in their own end zone, Coach Paterno suddenly sprints across the end zone, across the field and went into the locker room. Everybody was like, "what the hell is he doing?? But at least the old man is running!" Turns out he had the flu. For most of the game, it was 7-3 Ohio St.... then it was 14-3, then 14-6, with Penn St. still having a chance to upset. Then with 2:11 left in the 4th quarter, the shit fell out of the ass, and Penn St. threw two interceptions that were taken back for touchdowns.

Now we go to our bastard game of #12 Notre Dame going to tough Michigan St, who beat Notre Dame in South Bend, IN and after the game, stabbed the Michigan St. flag on the 35-yard line, which was thought to be the 50-yard line. Oops! Suffice to say, Michigan State blew it. A 17-0 lead in the 1st quarter, up 31-14 at half time. By then, the rain has turned the field to shit, as well as MSU's QB. Stupid fucking kid. Suddenly he forgot how to get a first down, and made two extremely retarded hurried passes that he should have never made. Fucker probably thought he was Superman or something. The result was two pansy-ass passes that were air-mailed and were easy jump balls. Final score: 40-37. Perhaps Karma played a roll in this game, from what MSU did with the flag last year. It's quite possible: 19 unanswered points for Notre Dame. Cost me my 1 point, but two other teams screwed me with upsets. This week: Fuck you, Cal & Boston College.

Next Saturday Night is Season 32 of Saturday Night Live premiere with Dane Cook hosting, musical guest The Killers, another band I've never heard of. Dane Cook auditioned for SNL like 10 years ago, but they thought his style was too eccentric or something. Other audee's during this time was MadTV's Michael McDonald whose starting his 9th season, and Steve Carell (Dana Carvey show, The Daily Show & The Office) who lost out to Will Ferrell. What an interesting difference SNL would had been. It would have been a lot better.

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<| Saturday September 23rd, 2006 |> "Would I go to hell for taunting a blind person on the internet?"

What is with this new KFC snacker??? Breaded all-white chicken strip, lettuce, bun and NACHO cheese??? Who in the hell puts nacho cheese on fried chicken, let alone chicken! Grated cheddar on a grilled chicken salad or melted swiss / provolone I can understand, but nacho cheese?? I love nacho cheese, love it to death, but with chicken?? I think the Colonel Harland Sanders is spending too much time in the kitchen these days. They're really grasping straws for ideas these days.

And what is nacho cheese? After some extensive research & coming across a story of a man who loved this nacho cheese from his favorite Mexican restaurant, spent hundred's of dollars buying nacho cheeses and other cheeses and tried numerous recipes, only to find out by asking the waiter that it was actually really simple to make. Assuming it's made with real food that wasn't invented in a laboratory, it's basically american cheese /or with cheddar and milk melted on low heat in a pan. And of course you can add your own jalapeno peppers & onions to spice it up. Now get to it.

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<| Monday September 25th, 2006 |> "Michael Scott will bankrupt the Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company."

Last night's "American Dad" dealt with Stan getting conned and his ability to con the conner's. Suffice to say, the results weren't pretty: Steve ended up not having sex, Haley ended up having sex; tho it was for money (hee hee) and Francine wiped up shit w/ Haley for some rich assholes. So in other words, it was another episode of Family Guy if the kids actually were allowed to speak and have plots.

Family Guy: is it me, or has the spontaneous absurdness now actually predictable? We know something crazy is going to happen, it's just a matter of when it's going to happen. Well the episode dealt with satire on Wal-Mart, and you can pretty much guess what happens: a heart wave starts, a Wal-Mart opens, all the mom 'n pop shops close down, the electric company shuts down everyone's power because the Wal-Mart uses the town's quota of electricity, Peter joins Brian's protest, then Peter gets seduced by the air conditioning and ends up working there along with Meg, who again is the family's whipping boy. And of course, the Wal-Mart ends up being blown up by a tank and all in town is restored, with no lawful consequences, either. This show is starting to get really absurd & slapstick crude humor or something. It just doesn't seem as smart or original anymore.

The War at Home, a bunch of typical recycled sitcom generic bullshit happened.

2005 WORLD SERIES

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<| Wednesday September 27th, 2006 |>   "I should invent a cell phone that doubles as a vibrating dildo."

Damn bowling. I just can't find any consistency at all. I bowled a 100, a 124 and an 80, giving me a 101 average. Ouch.    Bowling is now the new past time for this blog, and this has been the 3rd use of the investment bowling shoes of $30. So we're purging ever closer to the shoes paying for themselves. And it's just better anyway: more padding, they fit, no worries of strangers stinky germ feet being in them and they look good (solid black).

But before bowling, there was lunch, specifically at the 1950's diner located in the alley. I ordered a lunch special, soup and a burger. The soup was split pea soup; a soup I've never had before.   Now the burger! What a tasty motherfucker this was! This pattie was over a half inch thick, had two slices of american cheese on it, came on a tasty kaiser bun topped with cornmeal, and it was juicy as hell and it had a great grilled taste. No need for ketchup or mustard on this one. Also the pattie was oval shaped and exceeded the bun, which I had no problem with. And the french fries were tasty as well, along they were lightly battered. It was a very filling and tasty meal for $5. I would definitely have this again and recommend it. Oh where is it? Lisle Lanes in Lisle, IL.

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<| Tuesday September 26th, 2006 |> "I don't know, but if i knew, I'd probably forget."

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....Aaaand the White Kni-iiiiiight is talking backwards, and Red Queen's "Off with her headddddddd!"....

Re-memberrrrrrrrrr.....what the doorman saiddddddddddddd...... "Howwwwwwww's those Knickkkkkkkkkks.....Howwwwww's those Knickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks?

<| Friday September 29th, 2006 |> "It's called 'the endless profanity Hank Hill tirade'."

You know what I hate about the NFL? Players running backwards or sideways to gain yards. MOVE FORWARD! It's quicker and you'll gain yards! During the Lions / Bears game a few weeks ago, Thomas Jones on a running play, ran back 15 yards across the field, then ran all the way back across the field for another15 yards further back, before finally throwing the ball to ineligible receiver QB Rex Grossman, which Rex then ran somewhat short of the line of scrimmage. A penalty was called, but the Lions declined it, because the play was so absurd. That could had been a potentially embarrassing 30+ yard loss on the play.

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<| Thursday September 28th, 2006 |> "Harry Caray's catch-phrase back in the day was
"Holy cunt!" "

What's this shit about a Chocolate restaurant???

Hey fat women! I got your one-stop for lard! I think we'll be seeing New York's weight triple in the next year. This has to be one of the most unbelievable stories / idea I have ever heard.

NEW YORK, Sept 29 (Reuters Life!) - Slices of chocolate pizza. Syringes that squirt liquid chocolate into your mouth. Warm double chocolate fondue. Israeli restauranteur Max Brenner's new chocolate bar off New York's Union Square, Chocolate By The Bald Man, caters for chocoholics of all ages -- and is pretty much a disaster for anyone trying to watch their weight. Brenner has opened 19 restaurants worldwide in the past six years -- in Australia, Israel, Singapore and the Philippines -- but this is his first in the United States with plans to open a second in New York's East Village later this month.

Sitting in his restaurant that has the feel of a European cafe but with zany wallpaper and pipes across the ceiling giving it the look of a chocolate factory, Brenner explains that he set out to create a chocolate culture. "I believe chocolate for people is not just about taste. It's about memories, about fantasies, about fun," the bald-headed Brenner told Reuters as he melted, mixed and poured a variety of chocolate concoctions. "People want the whole chocolate experience. A ritual. So I created a ceremony around chocolate with special cups and utensils."

Hot chocolate is served at his restaurants in oval-shaped cups tapered at one end called "hug mugs" that are cradled in hands. Coffee comes in "kangaroo cups" with a pouch or shelf for chocolate. Ice cream popsicles come with bowls of melted chocolate, chocolate waffle balls and caramelized pecan bits. "Everyone loves chocolate in the way that we do it. It crosses all ages and cultures," said Brenner, a European-trained pastry chef and chocolatier, whose bald head is used as the logo for the stores. The name Max Brenner is actually a composite of two Israelis, Max Fichtman and Oded Brenner, who launched the business 10 years ago in Israel as a chocolate shop.

But when Fichtman left after a few years, Brenner came up with the idea of a chocolate bar -- a restaurant serving chocolate with a gift shop -- and opened his first store in Sydney in 2000, adopting the Willy Wonka-like persona of "Max Brenner." In 2001 Israel's second largest food and beverage company Strauss-Elite bought into the company, partnering with Brenner and opening a string of more restaurants to spread the chocolate gospel. But in these days of health conscious eating are people still lured by chocolate?

"People love chocolate. It makes them smile. I believe the happiness it causes does magic things for your health," said Brenner, 36, a slim man, who eats chocolate daily but admits he goes to the gym every day too.

"If you do it in moderation it is good for you."

<| Saturday September 30th, 2006 |> "Peanuts Special: "It's the West Nile Virus, Charlie Brown!" "

Well something happened today in Minnesota in which seems to be an endless instance of another slap in the face to the Cubs. Twins 23-year old catcher & 2001 1st round pick / #1 overall pick Joe Mauer, clinched the A.L. batting title on the last day of the season at .347, after Derek Jeter's game ended, he finished with a .344 batting average. Joe Mauer set a record for catchers and was the youngest catcher ever to do it. The Twins, being the super cheapskates they are (shitty field, billionaire owner) passed on "phenom" Mark Prior in the 2001 draft, because they thought he would be too expensive to sign. While Joe Mauer was busy helping the Twins make the playoffs 2 in the last 3 years, Mark Prior sits on the DL and the Cubs rot in last place. He also ended up with 13 homers, 84 RBI's and 89 runs, 79 walks and 57 K's. Not bad at all for a catcher. Imagine how he'd fit in the Cubs lineup. Tho of course, they probably would have traded him along with a bunch of high prospects for LaTroy Hawkins or something. Oh yeah, Corey Patterson ended up with a .276 average, 16 HR, 53 RBI, 75 runs and 45 SB and Gary Matthews ended up with a .313 average, 144 doubles, 9 HR, 79 RBI, 102 runs. Yeah, the Cubs didn't need them in their outfield this year!

2005 WORLD SERIES

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