It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of telephone or car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes. 

If at first shot you don't succeed, skydiving it is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. 

A snail can sleep for three years.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet. 

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10. 

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The words 'racecar' and 'kayak' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch face is 10:10.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

Here are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs five times: "indivisibility."

Did you know that crocodiles never outgrow the pool in which they live? That means that if you put a baby croc in an aquarium, it would be little for the rest of its life.

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle; a group of geese in the air is a skein.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the  left hand, "lollipop" with your right.

The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable."