Another report stating her ship was still in bad shape. And now *Voyager's* Chief Engineer was in the Brig. Regulations constraining Kathryn yet again. Off the record, she couldn't say she blamed B'Elanna's reaction to Paris' unprofessional behavior, but she didn't condone the method the woman used to get her point across. Both parties had reacted badly; if Janeway had her say, the headache Paris had and the night in the Brig for B'Elanna should be reprimand enough. She needed B'Elanna in Engineering if they were ever going to get warp engines back. They *had* been off duty, Janeway rationalized. Maybe if she let Torres stew just a little longer before she released her, Kathryn would have sufficiently satisfied regulations.
Janeway sent a message to Admiral Nechayev with her latest estimation on repairs.
Nechayev's face replaced the standard Federation logo. "Hello, Captain," she said companionably. "I hope you're calling with good news?"
"I'm sorry, Admiral, but no. Our warp drive is still off-line, but most of the other minor problems are solved."
"Well, that's encouraging, at least," Nechayev said. "It's rather ironic you called, actually. I was about to contact you."
"Oh?"
Nechayev's superiors were putting her in the awkward position of asking Kathryn to work once again with the man she'd been sent to capture. Perhaps if *Voyager* had been able to return to Earth on time, the situation would have been out of their hands. But as it was, the Federation was now prepared to drop the charges against Chakotay, providing he led *Voyager* to his former cell and used his intimate knowledge of their organization to stop the Maquis.
"I hope your estimates on warp capabilities are accurate," Nechayev began.
"Admiral?" Kathryn could see Nechayev fiddling with the objects on her desk. The action caught Janeway off guard. The Admiral always struck her as unflappable, and the nervous gesture meant she didn't want to say her next words.
"Kathryn, I've gotten orders from higher up," she said, choosing to put the conversation on a personal level. "I don't like what they're ordering you to do, but I'm afraid I have no choice but to ask you to accept this new assignment with the professionalism I've come to expect from you."
*Okay,* Kathryn thought. *She's buttering me up for something big.* "Go ahead," she told the agitated woman on her screen.
"The Federation is prepared to drop the charges against Chakotay if he agrees to help us find and capture his former cell." Kathryn's eyes went wide with shock. When was the Federation going to decide what they wanted of Chakotay? One minute he was their top priority, and the next they were prepared to call off all the charges if he now turned traitor to the Maquis! There was something going on that she hadn't been informed of. Something had to have changed for the abrupt switch in orders.
"Admiral, forgive me, but I don't see how. . ."
"I know. I was shocked myself. All I can tell you is that our operative in Chakotay's former cell has informed us that a member of that group is a Cardassian spy. Apparently this woman 'Seska' has been altered surgically to look Bajoran with the express purpose of infiltrating the Maquis."
"But other than physical alterations, isn't that what Tuvok and the other operatives are doing? We're working with Cardassia on this, I don't see how a cleverly disguised Cardassian would be worth exonerating Chakotay for. Isn't she just another undercover agent? He left Starfleet, gave away classified information! The Federation is willing to just overlook that?"
"It would seem Seska isn't clear about her loyalties. She's supplied Cardassia with information on the Maquis, but she's clearly betrayed them as well. She's been known to fire on Cardassians in battle, in addition to destroying Federation property beyond what would be 'cover' activities."
"But I still don't see. . ."
"Cardassia is requesting our help with this," Nechayev answered sharply. "Kathryn, you know how tenuous our relations with Cardassia are. I think the Federation feels if we assist them with this effort it might be viewed as a good will gesture. It may alleviate some of the tension between us. That's worth giving up prosecuting Chakotay to them. He'll still face a Starfleet review board, however. I'm guessing the least he'll get away with is a dishonorable discharge."
Janeway considered Nechayev's words. She was just supposed to forget all the hurt and betrayal she felt towards Chakotay and strike up a working relationship with him again? Did the Admiral have any idea what she was asking of her? Truth be told, she was scared. Scared that once they began working together again all her old feelings would resurface and she'd find herself falling for him all over again. And she didn't know if she could trust him. She'd finally gotten to a place where she could say his name without the image of his smile invading her thoughts, and now she was going to have to work with that smile again? Maybe she could assign Cavit to deal with him; that was an option she hadn't considered. But she had to confront Chakotay first. After telling her yesterday he would make the same choice to join the Maquis, she had her doubts about his willingness to help them, regardless of charges being dropped.
"Admiral, I have to say that in light of Chakotay's attitude, I don't think he'll be tempted by the Federation's offer. He informed me that," her voice caught, then she raised her chin "that if he had the chance to do it all again, he still would have joined the Maquis. He doesn't seem particularly remorseful about his actions."
"Then it's your job to see that he *does* accept the Federation's invitation. I know I've asked a lot of you from the start of this mission. It's more than an officer should be expected to give to the 'Fleet, but I have to call upon your sense of duty once more. The Federation is getting nervous, Kathryn. They're doing the best they can to preserve peace; if that means following orders we don't agree with, then that's the way things are. 'The needs of the many,'" Nechayev said, repeating the well known quote.
Strengthening her resolve, Janeway sat up straighter and said, "I'll do my best, Admiral, but it may take me some time to convince him; he's not very receptive to me or anything else connected with Starfleet at the moment."
"I understand. Good luck. Keep me posted, Nechayev out."
As the image faded from her screen, Kathryn sagged back into her chair. God, she was dreading this! She'd just have to keep her barriers up. Then she could do this.
*********
Janeway entered the Brig and headed straight for B'Elanna's cell, not chancing a look at Chakotay. Keying the force-field's deactivation, she motioned for B'Elanna to exit the holding chamber.
"Thank you, Captain," B'Elanna said quietly, unable to read her Commanding Officer's mood. She stood at attention before Janeway, waiting for instruction.
"You, along with Lt. Paris will meet me in my Ready Room a 15:00. At that time, we'll settle this matter once and for all. Is that clear, Lieutenant?"
B'Elanna was about to protest but restrained herself and replied, "Yes, Ma'am."
"Report for duty," Kathryn told her Engineer. "Dismissed."
Kathryn waited until the Lieutenant had left the Brig before turning her attention to the man in the remaining cell.
Standing at attention, hands clasped behind her back, she addressed him. "Captain."
"Captain," he returned. This was getting absurd.
"I've been asked by the Federation to speak to you on their behalf, but this is not the place I wish to discuss the matter. She began to reach for the deactivation panel when the guard on duty reminded her, according to Starfleet regulations, the prisoner had to be restrained and accompanied by a security officer when not confined to the Brig. She didn't need to be reminded. She hoped to put Chakotay more at ease, in a more familiar surrounding, thinking it would make him more receptive to what she was about to say. Being trussed up and guarded would only undermine her objective, but she couldn't argue with Starfleet policy. This whole situation was under a microscope; she had to be wary of her actions.
Once he was secure, Janeway led the two men towards the turbolift. Inside the 'lift, she found the silence deafening. Chakotay stood behind her; she could feel his gaze, felt him staring at the back of her head as if he could see inside. Perhaps he could; she was sure he sensed her inner turmoil.
After the longest 'lift ride she'd ever endured, they exited on the bridge and headed towards the Ready Room. Tuvok's eyebrow raised at Chakotay's presence on the Bridge, especially when he hadn't been informed. But to his credit, he said nothing.
"Commander, you still have the Bridge," she directed towards a surprised Cavit. About to enter her office, she instructed the guard to wait outside.
"But, Captain. . ." the young man started to protest.
"You have your orders, Ensign. Please wait outside my door."
The security guard merely nodded and assumed an "at ease" stance to the left of the Ready Room door.
Chakotay still hadn't said a word to her since she'd addressed him in the Brig. Standing just inside the closed doors, he looked around the room. She'd added a few personal touches, he noted. A picture of Molly, her lucky coffee cup, and a few other objects he recognized from her home. The decor was still rather sparse, but this wasn't going to be a long mission. Even if *Voyager* was moving on impulse. He didn't need to see the stars to realize the ship was moving at sub-light speed. He'd been on enough vessels to tell the difference, even when he didn't have viewport to confirm his suspicions.
Kathryn stepped closer to him and he sucked in his breath for a moment, startled at her sudden nearness. She met his eyes and for a moment he swore he saw something of the old flame in their steel-blue depths.
"Hold out your hands," she instructed, releasing the magnetic constrictors that bound his wrists.
"Taking quite a risk, aren't you, Captain? Alone with an unbound prisoner in your Ready Room?"
"I trust you," she said. "At least as far as my physical safety is concerned," she added.
"You never know," he said, his tone rife with innuendo.
Clearing her throat, Janeway did her best to steer the conversation back to it's original course. "Please have a seat," she requested, taking her own chair.
"I'll stand, thanks."
"Very well," she said, taking a deep breath. "I've been asked by the Federation to offer you a proposition." She almost smiled but caught herself at the last moment. "That didn't come out right," she said. Chakotay too caught her slip and wondered if it had been Freudian. If nothing else, the exchange had served to diminish some of the tension in the room. He relaxed slightly, waiting for her to continue.
"The Federation has asked me to offer you an option," she amended.
"An option. What kind of 'option?'"
"If you cooperate and provide your expert opinion on the Maquis, the Federation is prepared to drop all charges against you."
"They must want something from me pretty bad," he observed. Taking the fact that he hadn't outright refused as a good sign, Kathryn quickly forged on. Activating her computer terminal, she called up the picture she had viewed days ago, showing the Maquis encampment. Kathryn turned it around and asked if he recognized the scene.
Stepping closer, Chakotay scrutinized the picture. He remembered this encampment, it had been when they were still on Meridian III. Before Kathryn could ask him further questions he noticed Lakita behind Dalby.
"Lakita. . . ." he whispered and touched her face on the screen.
Noting Chakotay's reaction to his sister's image, Kathryn rose and joined him looking at the screen. She readily surmised something must have happened to her. "Chakotay? What is it?"
"Lakita," he choked out. "She's dead," he said in a slightly stronger voice. "She died in my arms."
Kathryn's hand went to her throat as if to relieve the burning she suddenly felt there. Her eyes welled up and it was all she could do not to wrap her arms around his sagging shoulders. "I'm so sorry," she managed.
Chakotay straightened, wiping a stray tear that had escaped his eyes. "We were at the Federation armory in the Tedron system, going for phaser rifles," he explained. "I had to leave her and some others on the planet; she was shot as we were trying to rescue them. There was so much blood, " he said, his eyes glazed over. "I didn't know disrupter wounds could bleed like that."
Kathryn started to reach out for him, then pulled back. This was becoming too personal. She was supposed to be persuading him, not indulging in his grief. "I'm sorry for your loss, Captain, but we're here to discuss the terms of your assistance."
"'The terms of my assistance?' Kathryn I just told you I watched my sister die in my arms and all you can think of is your fucking duty! When did you turn into such a cold bitch?"
Kathryn recoiled as if he struck her; her resolve against turning this personal suddenly snapped. All her anger at him began to pour out of her; her voice escalating. "A cold bitch? What gives you the right to make that assessment? Who left Starfleet and joined the Maquis the first chance they got? And then you tell me you'd do it again? Who gave up being a Commander on this ship to run off and tell the enemy *everything* they knew of *Voyager's* systems? And *I'm* a 'cold bitch' because I'm trying to fulfill my duty! Well, you're a heartless bastard!"
"Heartless bastard, huh? Don't you know this decision was beyond my control? How many times do I have to tell you I tried to contact you? If you would have seen Dorvan, my family, I don't think you'd be standing there in your holier-than-thou Captain's mode accusing me of running out on you! That's what this is all about, isn't it? It isn't about Starfleet, or duty, or even this ship. This is about me leaving you!" Chakotay started to advance on her, causing Kathryn to back up as he continued to move forward, shouting in her face. "Don't you think I died a little the day I left you? That each day away from you I felt as if another part of me had been chipped away? No, you're too selfish, you think you're the only one who's been hurt by this!"
"Is that what you think? That I'm so selfish I can't recognize what your family means to you? I guess neither one of us knew the other like we thought," she sneered. Her breath was coming in little gasps; adrenaline coursing through her at her reaction to their fight.
"You know what I think? I think this anger is just a smokescreen because you're still in love with me. You're just too damn proud to admit that someone like you, so steeped in Starfleet regulations could love the enemy. That if you forgave my actions it would make *you* less Starfleet, and it's scaring you to death!"
"Why, you presumptuous, arrogant. . ." Kathryn raised her hand to strike him but Chakotay captured her wrist and pinned it against the wall he had backed her up against. Capturing her other wrist, he pinned that one to the wall as well.
"Let me go," Kathryn warned, struggling against his hold, her eyes flashing. The next thing she knew Chakotay's mouth was on hers, trying pry her mouth open with his tongue. Shaking her head to dislodge his mouth from hers only caused her to gasp for breath which provided Chakotay with his opportunity. His tongue invaded her mouth and began a dance with hers. From that first contact he felt the charge between them, knowing she felt the same renewed current, even as she continued to struggle against him. Some how she broke his grip and managed to push him away.
This time she succeeded in slapping him across the face. "Don't you *ever* touch me like that again!"
Chakotay stared into her eyes. "Don't tell me you don't still feel something for me," he said, rubbing his cheek where she'd slapped him. She was about to call for security when he reached for the handcuffs on her desk, holding them out for her to replace.
"Please, call security. That is what you were going to do, isn't it? I'd like to go back to my cell. Oh, tell the Federation to go stick their 'offer.'"
"You haven't heard what they're offering," she said, placing the cuffs back on his wrists with a resounding snap.
"What ever it is, the price is too high. I guess you can't trust me," he said, "in any capacity."
*********
Kathryn's hands were shaking as she sat down on the couch in her office. She tried to convince herself it was because she was still seething from Chakotay's audacity. But she knew better. She could still feel his lips on hers even if he'd meant the action to hurt her. It had been so long since he'd kissed her, she thought for sure she would no longer be affected by him. But she was wrong. How could she be reacting to that kiss as if it had been romantic? He certainly hadn't meant it that way, and yet her body betrayed her. Well, just because he sparked some physical reaction to his touch didn't mean things had changed! He'd still defected, wasn't interested in cooperating, even if it meant he would be set free upon his return to Earth. So nothing had changed. Except she had to be even more careful of her personal feelings. Maybe when this whole ordeal was over *Voyager* would be assigned to some long, deep space mission. Maybe if she didn't see Earth for years she'd eventually forget how just his touch could make her tingle.
She wasn't ready to give up on Nechayev's directive, though. The Federation required his help; it was up to her to get him to agree.
Janeway was jolted from her thoughts as her outer door chimed. Looking at the time, she saw it was 15:00 exactly. Where had the time gone? Had she been musing over Chakotay for that long?
"Come!" she called, seeing Lieutenants Paris and Torres standing in her doorway, doing their best to avoid contact with each other.
"Come in, " Janeway invited again. Hesitantly, they stepped into the Ready Room, standing at attention.
"At ease," Janeway ordered. "Now, Mr. Paris, I'd like you to tell me what you remember of last nights events."
Tom looked briefly at B'Elanna, then to the floor, everywhere but at his Commanding Officer.
"I'm over here, Mr. Paris," Janeway said, hands on her hips, directing his gaze back to her. "I'm waiting."
"Well, Ma'am, I did as you suggested, and asked B'Elanna if she wanted to play pool."
B'Elanna huffed, itching to interject her own version, but Janeway held up her hand, cautioning her to hold her comments. "You'll get your turn, Lieutenant."
"*How* did you ask her," Janeway pressed. "Did you specifically ask her to play pool?"
"Well, no, I guess I didn't *exactly* phrase it that way," he answered, starting to fidget under his Captain's scrutiny.
"Could your tone have been taken as suggestive?"
"I suppose it *could* have," Paris confessed.
"And you didn't feel this was inappropriate?"
"We were off duty, and I thought. . . ."
"Yes?" Janeway felt she had to pull each word from Tom's mouth.
"I thought maybe we could get to know each other a little better," he admitted.
"Then why didn't you say that, instead of insinuating something else?" She berated him.
"I. . .I'm not sure." Janeway decided to let him off the proverbial pin-head she had him wriggling on.
B'Elanna was no longer struggling to get a word in edgewise. Tom's admission had surprised her. It'd been a long time since anyone had expressed an interest in getting to know her, not just trying to find out if the rumors of Klingon sexual practices were true. She wished he'd been a little more up-front with her, rather than giving her the cocky act, but she could forgive him his behavior if he could forgive hers. She had to admit, he *was* kind of cute, especially standing there under Janeway's glare.
"Lieutenant Torres, do you have anything to add?"
"No, Ma'am. I. . .I think I over reacted. I'm sorry."
"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to," she said, nodding her head towards Tom.
"I'm sorry, Lt. Paris. I shouldn't have reacted so quickly."
"I'm sorry too, Lt. Torres. I should have been a little more tactful."
"I think that settles things," Janeway said. "But if I *ever* see your names on report for improper conduct, you're not getting off with a slap on the wrist."
"Yes, Ma'am" they replied in unison.
"Dismissed."
As the pair turned to leave, Janeway heard Tom asking B'Elanna if she'd like to join him for a cup of *pejuta* in the mess hall. Half-expecting the Engineer to haul off and belt the pilot for his brashness, Janeway was surprised when B'Elanna accepted. If only her own problems could be solved so easily!
*********
Chakotay paced his cell. What had gotten into him? He'd practically attacked Kathryn! What the hell had he been thinking? That seemed to be the problem; he *hadn't* been thinking. The sight of Lakita on a terminal screen had been the last thing he'd expected when Kathryn brought him to her office. Honestly, he hadn't known what to expect, but a bribe from the Federation hadn't been it. He should have known she would be more concerned with her duty at the time than his personal problems. He'd worked with her long enough to know that no matter how difficult, she would separate "Captain Janeway" from "Kathryn" to accomplish her goal.
He'd called her a 'cold bitch.' Gods, where had that come from? He was just so angry, with Lakita's loss and his guilt over it, he didn't realize what he was saying. And then her tirade; he was as furious as Kathryn. He'd barely remembered pinning her to the wall until he was kissing her. All his frustration and pain was conveyed in that kiss, it wasn't until she started to return his kiss that he realized what he was doing; trying to wound her as she had him.
He hadn't been prepared for his reaction to her. He'd tried to make a point to her, and ended up catching himself in a trap instead. No matter how angry he was at her inability to forgive him, he knew one inescapable fact: he would always love her. No matter what she did or how much she seemed to loathe him, he couldn't help but still care for her. And now he'd burned the final bridge between them with his foolish act.
Chakotay flung himself on the hard cot, feeling tired beyond what his body was telling him. He could try to make amends by telling her he'd reconsidered her offer, but what good would that do? Not only would he be betraying the Maquis, he still wouldn't have her. He might be free from a penal colony, but he wouldn't be free to pick up his life with her where they'd left off. Kathryn would make sure of that. Without her, what good was his freedom?
Rolling over, Chakotay felt a sharp object from his medicine bundle poke him in his chest. He'd taken to keeping it within his shirt, as he never knew where he'd end up from one minute to the next. Now that he'd embraced his People's beliefs, he didn't want to lose his physical link to the Spirits. For a moment he contemplated trying to contact his ancestors, but he knew he probably wouldn't be successful; it would only add to his frustration and despair. If there was only some way to take back his actions! He had no more "tricks up his sleeve" to get her to talk to him. The next time they spoke would be on her terms. Wondering if he would ever have the chance to apologize, he closed his eyes, praying he would sleep, and forget. He found himself smiling at the continued irony of his life. Among the Maquis he prayed to forget her, and now that he was on her ship, he was doing the same thing. He'd never imagined this was how they would end up.
*********