It had been two days since their last confrontation and Janeway wasn't looking forward to another round of arguments with Chakotay. She hadn't been avoiding him, exactly. There'd been several ship-board problems that had required her attention, but if she'd wanted to, she could have made time to talk with him.
She was apprehensive about seeing him again. Not because she was afraid of his anger, or even her own reaction to him. It was more that she wouldn't be able to convince him to hear her out. The Federation was counting on her to gain Chakotay's cooperation; there was more at stake than her personal life.
Standing before the energy field, Kathryn watched Chakotay. She'd never seen him in a trance before and she found herself fascinated, momentarily forgetting the animosity between them. He looked so calm, sitting cross-legged on the floor of the cell, medicine bundle spread before him; like the man she remembered. One hand rested on what she assumed was the *Akoonah*; in his other hand was her hair clasp. She was taken aback when she noticed her barrette in his hand. Suddenly embarrassed at having witnessed such a personal moment, she quietly left the Brig. When had he embraced the beliefs of his People? she wondered. Kathryn could remember how on several occasions he had actually mocked his People for what he viewed as their "backward" religion. What had changed his mind? What happened on Dorvan to change him so?
It wasn't the first time she'd wondered at his motivations, but it was the first time she found herself ready to listen to what he had to say. They'd both approached the meeting the other day with chips on their shoulders. Both had been hurt and angry; lashing out at the other. She'd just lectured Tom and B'Elanna on their behavior, their over-reaction to the situation; it was time she took her own advice. Kathryn allowed Chakotay a few more minutes privacy before she re-entered the Brig, just in time to see him rolling his medicine bundle. He looked up at her entrance, slightly embarrassed at having been caught with an object of his religion in his hands. The same religion he'd verbally rejected on so many occasions. Shy at her unexpected appearance, Chakotay found himself at a loss for words.
They stared at each other for a long moment before Kathryn broke the tension between them.
"Any luck?"
"Some," he answered honestly. "It seems to get easier each time."
She was curious about his ritual, but didn't want to embarrass him further. Perhaps she'd get another chance to satisfy her curiosity. Kathryn took a deep breath. It wasn't going to be easy for her to apologize for her words of the other day, especially when she was still upset with the way he used her emotions against her, but someone had to take the first step.
"Chakotay, I'm sorry for my outburst the other day. I kept professing I didn't want the meeting to digress to a personal level and yet, I'm the one who took it there. I apologize."
She was standing ram-rod straight, obviously uncomfortable with her confession. Chakotay almost smiled, realizing his prayers of moments before were being answered. All he wanted was an opening. A chance to relay his own regrets.
"I'm sorry too," he said, carefully avoiding using her name. He didn't want to be presumptuous calling her "Kathryn," even though she'd used his name instead of rank. Other than when she had charged him, he hadn't heard her refer to him by his given name. He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed the sound of her pronouncing it. "I was completely out of line," he said.
Kathryn relaxed visibly at his apology, even allowing a small smile to grace her lips. Apparently she'd been as uncertain of this meeting as he was.
Kathryn started to pace before his cell, uncertain how to begin. Finally, she turned to him and said, "One of the mistakes I made the other day was I hadn't allowed you to fully explain what had happened to you. What had happened with Lakita. If you're still willing to tell me, I'd like to hear it."
Chakotay was a little surprised at Kathryn's sudden eagerness to hear him out. Was it some sort of trap? Was she only asking as a means of drawing him into a false sense of security, letting him think she really *did* care, only to use anything he revealed against him? The woman before him *seemed* sincere, but there had been so many hard feelings, so much bad blood between them, could he still trust that she was asking for herself and not Starfleet? Chakotay had a biting question on the end of his tongue, but he stopped himself before he spoke. This was his chance to make amends with Kathryn. Even if she *was* playing him for a fool, he knew he'd go along, just for the chance to redeem himself in her eyes.
He looked into those gray-blue eyes. He saw only genuine curiosity, not the hard glint he'd seen the other day in her office. Perhaps he was being too paranoid. They both were; both sides wary the other would be the first to strike out and hurt once more. He'd been silent so long, Kathryn had to prompt him.
"Chakotay?"
"I guess when I really started thinking of myself as a citizen of Dorvan again was at my father's funeral," he started, not looking at her but unconsciously matching her pacing within his cell.
"I tried to perform his death ritual, but failed miserably. I'd never been so aware of the distance that had come between me and my People until that moment. I felt unworthy of being in their presence, let alone the mockery I was making of my father's last rites. If Naya hadn't stepped in. . . ." Chakotay had to stop and clear his throat. When he continued again, his voice was stronger.
"Later that evening, *Ina*, my sisters and I were trying to eat a meal when Lakita declared she had joined the Maquis. Everyone protested, but she was adamant, claiming someone in our family had to take up Kolopak's cause, all the while she stared at me. I knew what they expected of me. As Kolopak's son, it was my *duty* to take his place. But I had sworn an allegiance to Starfleet, I didn't see how I could forgo that obligation, not to mention the obligation I felt towards you." Chakotay sneaked a look at Kathryn, to see if his last words had made any impression on her. Features carefully masked, she nodded for him to continue.
"I think that's why *Ina* didn't say anything to me about taking father's place; she knew what my conflicts were. But she also didn't want to see her youngest daughter go off half-cocked, looking for a fight as her means of dealing with *Ahtay's* death. Even if I joined the Maquis, I knew Lakita would still go, but a least I could keep an eye on her. I had just lost one member of my family to the Resistance, I wasn't about to lose another."
"So you thought by joining the Maquis you could keep your sister safe? I understand your loyalty to her, but surly you must have realized your presence alone wouldn't assure Lakita's safety?"
Chakotay gave her a small grin. "No, even I'm not that arrogant."
That elicited a small smile from Kathryn as well, but she quickly regained her composure. "Then what was it? What was it that made you feel you had to take up this cause?"
Chakotay sighed and rubbed his face. "You don't know how awful I felt walking back from my father's funeral. I'd never had a chance to tell him how much his guidance had meant to me, even if I didn't follow all his traditions, there was no escaping the influence he'd had upon my life. I always thought there would be time to tell him how I felt. How much I loved and respected him, that my decision to leave Dorvan had nothing to do with him or our traditions; it was just something *I* had to do. I'd always made such a point of dishonoring our ways, but it wasn't out of spite; I don't know that he truly understood that. So all these regrets and all that pain was surrounding me. If only I'd had the chance to speak with him, man-to-man, but we never had that chance. A Cardassian raid took care of that. Then I realized I could have played a part in his death. What if the information we uncovered had led to his cell being ambushed? I knew there was only one way I could live with myself, to try to honor the man who would never know how much I loved him. So I joined the Maquis that night, and by the next day, I was the leader of the cell. I'll give the Maquis one thing, " he said with another quirky grin. "They don't waste time. Of course they knew what they had: an ex-Starfleet officer with command experience, plus the inside track on Starfleet's plans concerning the conflict. Frankly, I would have been surprised if they *hadn't* put me in charge of a cell."
Chakotay looked up at Kathryn then. She'd stopped pacing, listening intently to his story. Touching her forehead over her left eye, she asked, "Did it hurt?"
Chakotay mimicked her action and said, "Not as much as losing my father. Actually, I was pretty drunk at the time. Lakita did it," he added almost as an afterthought.
At the mention of her name, Kathryn stiffened again. Lakita had been the catalyst for their fight. Did she dare bring her into this again?
Kathryn made the decision. "Tell me about Lakita," she encouraged. Chakotay swallowed. He too was cognizant that this was what started their last argument. They were at least speaking to each other now, should he risk alienating her once more? He felt the need to share the information with her. He wanted to.
"The Cardassians had her and six others of my cell trapped in the armory, until Seska and I returned for them." At the mention of Seska, Janeway looked up, but Chakotay was too lost in his memories to notice she recognized the name.
It was pretty much a suicide mission with just the two of us, but I hadn't been thinking. All I could think of was my sister and my best friend, Kurt Bendera, trapped on that planet. Miraculously, we managed to distract the Cardassians long enough for most of our people to make it out of the armory and to the waiting ship. All but Lakita that is." Chakotay stopped for a moment to get a grip on his emotions before he continued.
"Lakita was bringing up the rear; she was in the sights of a Cardassian. The kid couldn't have been more than sixteen Terran years old, but he was ready to kill Lakita. I yelled at her to get down, but I was too late; he hit her squarely in the back. I ran after her, and probably would have been shot myself if Seska hadn't killed the kid first. That's really all I remember clearly. I just remember Lakita saying something about leaving her, then us being on the ship and her telling me she'd ask *Ahtay* to forgive me. She died in my arms then, and I. . . ." Chakotay had to stop as he'd lost his voice, tears were running down his face. Wiping them away he looked up to see Kathryn's eyes red from her own tears. Walking over to the cell's controls, Kathryn deactivated the force-field. Stepping over the threshold, she reached out her arms to him and took him in her embrace. She didn't care if she were flouting Starfleet regulations by having the force-field inactive; the security guard was just outside the door should Chakotay attempt to escape. But she knew he wouldn't try, this display wasn't for her benefit. She'd denied him this comfort the other day, she wouldn't make the same mistake again.
"I'm *so* sorry, Chakotay. For what you've been through, and how I reacted before. She will be greatly missed," she said. Kathryn held him in her arms as he clung to her as if he were afraid she'd vanish, crying harder than he had in ages.
"Shhh," she mumbled, as she stroked his hair and his back until his sobs subsided. Once he was in command of his emotions again, she pulled back and wiped the remainder of the tears from his cheeks. Chakotay managed a small smile and released her, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. But he knew one emotional display wasn't going to fix what was wrong between them. He wasn't about to make a mistake again and push her.
Kathryn took Chakotay's hand and sat down on his cot with him. It was obvious she was hesitating with her next words. "We still have to talk about the possibility of your helping the Federation."
"I know. Kathryn, do you know what you're asking of me? I just told you about why I felt I had to join the Maquis. Those reasons haven't changed." She hadn't balked at the use of her name so Chaktotay forged on. "What's so special about my cell that the Federation is willing to give up prosecuting me to find them?"
Kathryn disengaged her hand from his. She was beginning to feel the "Captain" take over again and she didn't feel right having physical contact with him as she discussed the Federation's proposal. Chakotay didn't miss the significance of the gesture either, pulling back from her as well.
"You mentioned Seska earlier. It's actually her the Federation and Cardassia have set their collective sights on."
"Seska? She's just a Bajoran national, like many of the Maquis. What would the Federation *and* Cardassia want with her?"
"Apparently she's a double agent who's 'gone bad.'"
"Wait a second, Seska may be a lot of things, but a double agent? Why would she provide Cardassia with information about our cell? She hates them as much as the rest of us, maybe more so. She was forced to watch her family being murdered one by one before her. She only escaped because the Gul in charge had taken a liking to her."
"That's likely just a cover story," Kathryn pointed out. "Chakotay, Nechayev has an agent among your cell as well. That's how we found out about your presence in the Maquis and about Seska. This operative claims Seska is a Cardassian, surgically altered to appear Bajoran."
Chakotay was on his feet running a hand through his hair, contemplating this new information. She couldn't be serious! Seska Cardassian? Shouldn't he know, especially after he'd slept with her? Well, it was only the once and he wasn't exactly himself, but shouldn't he have noticed *something* different about her? And who was this other spy in his group? Who would be working for Starfleet? He didn't think of any of his people were capable of that kind of duplicity, yet she was telling him there were *two* operatives in his cell? Chakotay shook his head as if to clear it.
"Who is it?" he asked.
"Who is what?"
"The Federation spy. Who is it?" His voice was deadly calm.
"I don't know. I've never known. Only Nechayev and those above her know who it is."
"Find out."
"What?"
"Find out! Until I have a name, I won't even consider what you're asking of me."
"Chakotay, I don't think you're in a position to be making demands of Nechayev or. . ."
"Look, you're asking me to betray my people! I need to know who it is I'm trying to protect! Hell, for all I know they're all spies! How did this person find out about Seska, anyway?"
Kathryn stood and walked over to him. "I don't know, but I'll see if I can find out. If I get you the information, will you at least think about the Federation's offer?"
"I don't know that I heard the full bribe," he said.
"The Federation will drop all the charges against you, but you'll still have to face a Starfleet review board. Nechayev thinks the least you'll get away with is a dishonorable discharge," she told him.
"I see," was all he said.
Kathryn was having a hard time gauging Chakotay's mood. From all outward appearances, he seemed to be considering what she was saying, but knowing him as she did, she knew the revelation of spies in his cell was weighing heavily on him.
"Well, I'll let you think about it," she said, turning to leave. She'd just stepped back over the threshold of the cell and was about to reactivate the force-field when Chakotay looked up.
"Kathryn?" he asked.
"Hmmm?"
"I really don't think you're a cold bitch," he said with a shy smile.
She gave him a small grin back and said," I guess you're not really a heartless bastard, either. I'll let you know if I find out anything else."
Chakotay watched her exit the Brig, expelling the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. She wasn't exactly throwing herself into his arms, but at least they were talking again; something he didn't think he could ever hope for.
*********
Janeway pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to suppress her headache. Lately it seemed they were becoming a daily event. Nechayev's scowling image on her terminal screen wasn't helping matters.
"Captain, what you're asking is unprecedented. Chakotay is a prisoner in your Brig, hardly in a position to be making demands of the Federation."
"I know, I told him as much, but I can see his reasoning on this. If the people of his cell haven't been loyal to him, why should he sacrifice his own freedom to protect them?"
"Seska and our operative are the only plants that we're aware of, that's two out of how many, forty something? By remaining loyal to the Maquis he would still be protecting the majority of his people."
"Admiral," Janeway chuckled slightly, "It sounds as if you're recommending that he *doesn't* help the Federation!"
Nechayev smiled slightly at Janeway's observation. "It does, doesn't it? What I'm getting at is that I don't know that the name of the operative will or should make a difference in his decision to help us or not."
"Maybe not," Janeway conceded, "but I know this much about Chakotay: he's not going to back down on this. If we don't give him the name, you may as well pick out a jail cell for him now; he won't be aiding us."
Nechayev sighed. "I don't like this. I don't like being put in this position, but then, there hasn't been much of this situation that I've agreed with. I'll bring this up to the others and get back to you. In the mean time, see if you can enlist his help by some other means."
"I'll see what I can do," Janeway said, knowing any other tactics she might try would be futile. "Janeway out."
Kathryn leaned back in her chair. What other options did she have? Short of seduction, she had no other leverage to budge Chakotay. She could never do that to him, could she? She'd like to think she had enough integrity not to use Chakotay's feelings for her against him, but what if it came down to that? What if she had to make it a personal plea to get him to help them? Could she do it? How would she live with herself, knowing she too had manipulated him for her own purposes? Kathryn had seen the pain on his face at the revelation of his cell member's duplicity. What would it do to him to have the woman he loved betray him that way? For one vindictive moment she considered it, then dismissed the thought. They were starting to re-build some of the trust that had existed between them before he'd joined the Maquis; she didn't want to jeopardize that.
She was surprised to find how easily he'd gotten her to drop her hostility towards him. How she was almost willing to forgive his actions. That was when she was with Chakotay. Apart from him, in her office, she clearly remembered why she'd been sent to hunt him down, what he'd put her through. Who had the power to seduce whom?
Kathryn's thoughts were interrupted by an incoming message. Suspecting it were Nechayev again, she quickly accessed her terminal. She wasn't disappointed, but Nechayev appeared to be.
"Hello again, Captain."
"Admiral."
"I've talked to my superiors. Although they don't like being 'threatened' by a Maquis dissident, they realize they haven't much choice. Time is running out and they need results." Nechayev hesitated a moment, as if by revealing the name she was signing a death warrant. "His name is Kurt Bendera, a member of the Starfleet Rangers."
Janeway thought the name sounded familiar, but she hadn't known any Rangers other than Justin. They were a notoriously secret sect of Starfleet; at least if this Kurt was a Ranger, he stood a better chance of survival than most operatives. But the name bothered her; where had she heard it before? Then it dawned on her. Chakotay had mentioned him during his narrative yesterday. Had he said he was his best friend?
"Kathryn? Is something wrong?" Nechayev asked the pale woman on her screen. "Do you know him?" she asked, wondering if it were possible the two knew each other. It wouldn't be the first coincidence in this matter.
"No, I. . .the name sounded familiar, but no. I don't know him."
"I'm afraid that's all I can tell you at the moment; I hope it will be enough to convince Chakotay to assist us."
"It will," Janeway practically promised. "What are your orders once he's agreed?"
"I'll need to speak with him. Bring him to your office and contact me at that time. I don't want this going beyond your senior staff, is that understood?"
"Yes, Admiral. In fact, I planned to ask you if it would be acceptable for Commander Cavit to work with Chakotay on this."
"Oh, why is that?" Nechayev asked, already suspecting the answer.
"He's had more experience with sort of thing than I have; I think he'd be more effective." It wasn't exactly a lie. John *did* have more experience with tracking down criminals than she had; he'd been a valuable asset on this mission.
"Very well," Nechayev consented. She knew there were personal issues at stake, issues Kathryn should be able to set aside for duty, but she'd already asked so much of this woman, she didn't feel granting this one request was out of line. "I'll be expecting to hear from you soon. Nechayev out."
Janeway closed the link and stood. Now she had to face Chakotay with the knowledge that his best friend in the Maquis was also his informant. Another duty she didn't look forward to.
*********
The sound of the Brig doors opening roused Chakotay from the light doze he'd fallen into. With so little to occupy him, he found himself sleeping more than usual. He was surprised to see another officer accompanying Kathryn, and a little disappointed. He knew this would be all business if there were another member of her crew present. Nearing the cell, Chakotay noticed the man's rank pips. Commander. So, this was his replacement, he surmised. The man appeared older than himself, in fact he seemed a little old to be ranked a Commander. Janeway had to be a good ten years younger than him. He had a confidant stride, obviously comfortable with himself, Chakotay noted. He wondered why he hadn't met this man at *Voyager's* christening. He assumed the position he'd vacated position had been given to someone already posted to the ship.
As if reading his thoughts, Janeway introduced Chakotay to her companion.
"Captain, this is Commander Cavit. Commander, Captain Chakotay of the Maquis," she emphasized.
"Captain," Cavit said with cold civility, nodding his head towards the man in the cell. He obviously felt the same contempt for him as Janeway exuded on occasion. Her attitude was beginning to soften, but today she was back to being all Starfleet, as was the man before him.
"Commander," Chakotay replied, equally cool.
"Captain, you indicated you'd consider the Federation's offer of exoneration if I supplied you with the name of the Starfleet operative within your cell. Is that still your intention?"
Chakotay missed the woman he'd seen yesterday. Of course he knew she'd only been reacting to his emotional outburst, the same way she would to anyone in such obvious pain, but that didn't mean he welcomed the return of "Captain Janeway."
"You give me the name and I'll let you know."
Janeway considered if she should play her trump card so early in their negotiations. "I'd like to know what your intentions are. Are you going to help us find Seska?"
"It seems we're at a stalemate, Captain," Chakotay said. He knew he'd never get out of the Brig or even have a chance to contact his cell if he didn't appear to cooperate with her. At this point he wasn't convinced he should help the Federation, especially after the way they turned their back on Dorvan, but he knew he had no chance for rescue if he remained locked up.
"All right! I'll help you! *If you give me the name!*"
Janeway and Cavit exchanged glance, as if conferring with each other. Nodding towards his Captain, Janeway took Cavit's action as his agreement.
"The man's name is Kurt Bendera."
Chakotay looked as if he'd been physically assaulted as the name registered with him. He stumbled backwards, sitting down hard on the cot.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "NO!" he shouted now, on his feet and heading towards the force-field separating him from the Starfleet officers.
At his sudden advance, both Cavit and Janeway backed up, even though they knew he couldn't reach them.
"You're lying! You're just trying to trick me! I told you yesterday that Kurt was my best friend, so you thought if you claimed he was the plant, I'd help you! Of all the people in my cell, he's the one I *know* couldn't be a spy!" Chakotay paced his cell trying to digest this latest twist. Could she possibly be telling him the truth? Suddenly Kurt's words came back to haunt him: "you shouldn't trust anyone, Chakotay. Even me." Had Kurt been trying to warn him in his own way? For his own protection he couldn't reveal his true intentions, but somehow Kurt had managed to tell him; he'd just been too deaf to hear.
Slowly, Chakotay began to realize Kathryn had told him the truth. Upon further reflection, he started to remember incidents that hadn't added up, that he'd brushed off as quirks of their situation. As more and more inconstancies flooded his mind, the angrier he became. How could Kurt have used him like that? He'd taken care of Lakita's body when Chakotay couldn't face the task, he'd buoyed him up on so many occasions he'd lost count. He felt closer to Kurt than he'd felt to any other male in his life; Chakotay was sure Kurt had returned his feelings of friendship and the intense camaraderie being in life and death situations wrought among comrades. And yet, beyond his constant warnings to "trust no one" Kurt had managed to keep the majority of his life secret from him.
This was the final betrayal. Who was he trying so desperately to protect? His best friend? A woman who'd used the loss of his sister against him for her own purposes?
"All right," Chakotay barely whispered.
"Chakotay?" Janeway questioned, unaware she'd slipped into informality.
Turning to face her, Chakotay raised his voice. "I said 'all right.' I'll do what you want. But I want everything you have on Seska *and* Kurt."
Janeway and Cavit looked at each other again, then she looked back at him. "Agreed. You'll be working with Commander Cavit on this, you'll be considered a Starfleet observer." Janeway informed him.
"Kath. . .Captain! I thought I'd be working with you!"
"Commander Cavit is up-to-speed on the situation and is fully capable of handling this situation. I'll be working with the two of you as well, but you'll report to him."
Chakotay started to protest once more, but held his tongue; Captain Janeway had made up her mind. As she turned to leave she quietly instructed her First Officer to release Chakotay and assign him quarters, then asked for all of them to meet in her ready room within the hour.
Cavit nodded his assent, as Janeway touched his arm in thanks. Noting the action, Chakotay found himself even more upset that she'd set him up to work with her second-in-command rather than herself. It was a common gesture she bestowed on most of her staff, but he found himself unreasonably jealous that Cavit had received the touch and he hadn't.
Chakotay watched Kathryn walk through the doors, his face reflecting his disappointment. Cavit didn't miss the look, nor the one the man gave him. But he didn't care how Chakotay felt about him. In his book, the man was beneath contempt, no better than the spies he'd agreed to turn informant on.