The OE Guide
This is a work in progress. any questions, comments, and SUGGESTIONS PLEASE! go to [email protected] or passthe40s on AIM.

THE GUIDE

by Matthew Stohrer With excerpts from "The Ghettomans Guide to Proper Etiquette" by Jason Pong

What is an OE man? This is sometimes difficult to define, and most often will be a combination of actions, ideas, and of course the proper beverage. Let it be noted that when we say "OE Man" we are referring also to our beloved OE Women as well, and this Guide is for all of our female members as well. This is intended as a rough sketch of the OE Man, and it should serve as a guide to living as well as identification in the field. Now if you have not already, uncap your Olde English 800, or in a case of need whatever alcohol you have, and read on.

DRESSING A 40
Forties will almost always come with a brown paper bag. This bag is not only effective in lightly concealing the fact that you are drinking malt liquor in public places, but also serves as an insulator. At places where you wish to proclaim your faith, the bag may be discarded so that the gold-and-brown-crown may show through.

THE 40 GRIP
While many forty grips are accepted, the most ghettomanly and therefore most desirable grip is that where the neck of the 40 is firmly grasped with one hand, leaving the label easily visible. The middle digit of the gripping hand may also be extended, but for less endowed males and females this may not be possible. As a matter of course, any grip is allowed except for the embarassing "sippy-cup" grip, whereupon the unfortunate individual uses two hands around the thickest part of the bottle to bring it to the lips, giving the drinker the appearance of being too weak to handle the beverage. NON ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES Although it is most desirable to add alcohol to all beverages consumed, including intravenous injections, there are times when the seasoning is simply unavailable. At such times the rule of Quantity/Quality will be observed.

QUANTITY/QUALITY
You will find throughout life that many people assume because the quantity of an item is limited, or the expense is higher, it is therefore of a higher quality. Do not be fooled! Many times the case is the opposite. It is most often possible to get quantity AND quality at the same time- as in fact the two are linked. If you find it difficult to find this balance, you can always reduce the item to its purpose. For example, alcohol serves to socially lubricate a person. Therefore, where can I find the beverage that will socially lubricate the most people the best? Clearly, Olde English 800 is the best answer. You will find that it becomes easy to live your ultrafrugal lifestyle when you learn this intricate balance.

PARTY ETIQUETTE
A party is where you find an OE member on most weekend nights, as well as many weekday nights, mornings, mid-afternoons and lunchtime. The most serious consideration for any party is of course the "sausage content". Many a good party has been ruined by the differential in female to male ratio. As someone who lives the OE lifestyle, you will find yourself compelled to bring as many members of the opposite sex to every party you attend. Better yet, bring them to the party drunk, and extra props for bringing people who are extremely attractive.

HONOR CODE
Honor is not something easily explained. While it is difficult, nay impossible, to fully define the sense of honor that drives OE, it is possible to give a few pointers, whereby you may then understand the deeper meaning for yourself.

DIFFICULT SITATUATIONS
There are situations that sometimes call for the highest sense of honor from an OE Man. Some of these times include, but are not limited to: losing at beer pong, dropping your forty, getting turned down by a member of the opposite sex, being singled out by the ignorant for your OE status, or chundering. What is often seen at times like this is anger, embarassment, humiliation, and even retaliation. The correct OE response to these situations is one of a quiet determination to improve the situation in the future. Your time will come, and it does not improve your situation to lower yourself to relatiation or anger. While it may seem easy to do this at a distance, when you are called upon to prove your honor, it is a test many cannot pass. One of the situations we find ourselves being presented with as we grow larger in the public eye is that of envy. Remember- envy and jealousy are merely the way the ignorant show love, and we must always be benevolent to such individuals.

BROTHERHOOD
The sense of connection, love, and brotherhood between those living the OE lifestyle is unmistakable and second to none. An OE Man will stop at nothing in order to help his fellow Man, and OE Men are known the world over as being extra hard-working and loyal, and especially devoted to getting each other intoxicated if at all possible.

PLACES TO BE DRUNK
Remember that the OE Man has little to no qualms about appearing drunk in public. Appropriate places to appear drunk include (but again are not limited to): classes, exams, operas, recitals, youth sporting events, religious services, confessionals, baptisms, funerals, coronations, graduations, elementary, middle and high schools, shopping malls, liquor stores, parking lots, fine restuarants, all family births (MAD props for being intoxicated at your own birth), family reunions, the beach, childrens birthday parties, boy scouts, camping trips, AA meetings, your own trial, jail, the intensive care unit, work, and weddings.

WORK ETHIC
The OE Man is known far and wide for his work ethic. One of the founding fathers of our organization is known in particular for his unfailing ability to at once master the beer pong table, do well in school, throw parties each and every weekend, and to sell shoes with Christlike humility to oversize women at the worst mall in Maryland. It is this unfailing ethic that we should all respect and strive for.

MACKING
Macking is an extremely important part to the OE Mans life. In our brotherhood we are fortunate to possess a Ministry of Mack, where an OE Man may go for instruction on the finer points of Macking. In order to begin your journey it essential you remember this fact: Your average will only improve with time. This means in effect that the more times you get turned down, the more times you will have a hit. Do not be afraid to be turned down. Once you have achieved this, you will be free to Mack at will.
So, who can be an OE Man? Well, if you feel like these values apply to the way you live your life, you may contact your local chapter of OE or simply email the webmaster of this site to obtain more information. Good luck!

Copyright Omicron Epsilon Society 2002