| The Terror of Tiny Town (1938) |
| Rating: 4 Severed Heads |
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| Synopsis: Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages... here it is, the world's first and only All-Midget Western! Two families, the Prestons and the Lawsons, fued over missing cattle, both accussing the other of rustling the livestock. But in reality, the terror of Tiny Town, Bat Haines is rustling the cattle pitting the two families against each other, not to mention he's in cahoots with the sherriff who has a criminal past of his own. Now the hero of this movie (can't you tell by his fancy white duds?) Buck Lawson tries to soothe relations with the Prestons (also seeing as how Buck has fallen for Tex Preston's niece) and bring Bat Haines to justice. While the story is an average for a 1930's western, the all-midget cast brings a new level of (deliciously politacally incorrect) humor into the mix. If you can't laugh at a midget cowboy walking underneath a pair of swinging saloon doors, then your heart must be made of stone. Ranked as one of the Fifty Worst Films Ever Made, this novelty deserves its place among the greats of schlock film history! I highly recommend seeing this film, even if westerns are not your thing (and if they're not, then what the hell is wrong with you?!), true schlock-lovers should appreciate this one. And yet I wonder, why do half the midgets have German accents...? |
| What Has This Movie Taught Us? -If you're wearing a white suit, white hat, and riding a white horse, chances are you're the good guy -Hearing a girl who looks like she's 5 years old singing "I'm going to make love to you" is really disturbing -Barbershop quartets really do sing in barbershops -It takes two midgets to play an upright bass -Penguins hang out in old west barbershops |
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| Memorable Moments: 01min- Jed Buell is my hero... he owns a town full of midgets 10min- I'm sure that the duck really cares that he's late to be someone's diner 17min- A penguin?! What's a penguin doing in this movie?! 25min- Haha, you have to sit with the dead guys 30min- 6 sandwichs, some boiled eggs, and some pickles is a snack for Marlon Brando, not a little midget girl! 33min- I think Buck has a cold 35min- Wow, this is the Westside Story of westerns... with midgets... 43min- Midget rabbi 44min- Chug Chug Chug Chug... 56min- This is the worst death scene since The People That Time Forgot 58min- Rockem Sockem Midgets! |
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| Don't Quote Us On That: Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages, we're going to present for your approval a novelty picture with an all midget cast. The first of it's kind ever to be produced. I'm told that it has everything, that is everything that a western should have. It's a soul-stirring drama, a searing saga of the sagebrush, and it's called The Terror of Tiny Town. But I must caution you not to take it too seriously" Pop Lawson: "Why that lowdown coyote. I fought Tex Preston to a standstill fifteen years ago. And it looks like he aint learned his lesson." Tex Preston: "Why, I fought Pop Lawson to a standstill fifteen years ago. You think he's know better than to monkey with a buzzsaw." Bat Haines: "Here comes Buck Lawson! Hit leather!" Pop Lawson: "Seems to me that I smell something that should be buried. Smells might like a polecat!" |
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