Humor Page

I'm not sure what all will wind up here... but who cares! Have fun!

Click here to view past featured funny sites, jokes and humor.

Featured Site: new!

Jesus.com: Yes, that's right, even Jesus has His own domain... Young women can even email Him for a chance to shower with Him. Ok, so the idea of this site is probably funnier than the site itself.

Funny Links:

A Sign your on a bad date. new!

The Institute of Official Cheer: Low key humor and some blasts from the past.

Magic Web Cam: Take a picture using your existing computer equipment... 'new' technology!

Mutilate Marilyn Manson: C'mon, you know you want to!

Funny vinyl floor covering ad. (thanks again, Cleo!)

Felony Football League: self explanatory, i think!

http://www.members.home.net/dereks/perfect.htm Take this test for a funny little time killer! Endings vary according to answers given. (Thanks Cleo) http://henryjordan.com/perfectjoke.html: In case the above link doesn't work, same thing, different background.

Crazyshit.com Just some random craziness!

This guy is bored!: A fine example of people who have way too much spare time!

The Force is a tool of Satan: Yet another example of people who have way too much spare time!

Hey Ladies! Pee Like A Man!

Drunk Industries: Self explanatory

Having a bad day?: Then this page may help your attitude!

My Ass

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. known as: "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, "I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before." I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS. There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS."

Collections: (isn't that what this page is?)

Badlinks.com: Another crazy collection. Check out the new key for keyboards (I want one!). Don't let the ants get you. new!

The Onion: Check out the latest 'news' at theonion.com. new!

SatireWire: Funny satirical news blurbs.

A good collection of those stupid files that keep getting sent to you via email.

Proof that even the geeks at zdnet have a sense of humor: http://www.zdnet.com/anchordesk/story/story_4621.html

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/links.html Pretty much self explanatory. Darwin Awards linked here.

http://www.funpageland.com/ - more of that stuff that makes you wonder "where does this s#!t come from???

http://www.laugh-your-ass-off.com/index1.html - A huge collection of funny stuff, as the name implies.

MaveRik's fun page: Another humorous collection.

Bragging Rights...

Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others,"My son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free." The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded." The third man, not wanting to be outdone,bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned,"We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay bar. I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."

OTHER STUFF:

Find out what the FBI has on you! Click here. new!

Rotten.com: Not for the squeamish. Most of the stuff here is truly rotten & sick, and much of it is true. "Rotten dot com collects images and information from many sources to present the viewer with a truly unpleasant experience" File this under sick humor.

Web Humor Search Engine: Find whatever funny stuff your looking for.

The Easter Egg Archive: Find those hidden Easter Eggs software designers add.

jokeaday.com: Sign up for any of their mailing lists to have jokes sent to your email everyday!

Bob Rivers Twisted Tunes: Want to hear some funny song parodies? This is the source! Sign up for his mailing list to get a few funny bits sent to you daily (think 'news of the weird').

bored.com: Links to the most interesting sites on the Internet

http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html Anagram Generator. Just put in words, and it finds anagrams (a totally cool timewaster)

The old 'pick a card, any card' trick.

ZDNet/Yahoo's Pretty Strange Sites. A different strange site daily.

Lakeside Nature Preserve, Gun Club and Home for the Insane You just gotta check it out! A Past Featured Site.

Lazy Americans:

Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy.

Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant. It read, "We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!"

Sea Food : new!

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this Morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay." "Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size crabs on her." "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded. The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."

You're Next! new!

When I was younger I hated going to weddings...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Brass Rat: new!

The other day I was in San Francisco and stopped at a junk store. I saw this weird looking brass rat that I just had to have for my appartment. I asked the shop keeper, "How much for the brass rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat," he tells me, "a hundred bucks for the story that goes with it."

I told him that he could keep the story to himself, and I gave him the money for the rat.
But as I was walking out on the street, rats started coming out of alleyways and followed me. The farther I walked, the more rats appeared, and they started to chase after me. Pretty soon there were millions of rats, and I was running as fast as I could but they were gaining on me. I was pretty scared. I knew it had to have something to do with the brass rat.

I ran to the edge of the bay, and heaved the brass rat as far as I could into the bay. All the millions of rats chased the brass rat into the bay like so many lemmings off a cliff. So I went back to the junk store.

The shopkeeper asked me, "oh, you're back for the story, I bet?"

"The hell with the story," I told him. "You got any brass Republicans?"

Click here to view past featured funny sites, jokes and humor.