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Longings

 

 

For personal and select distribution only � February 1999
by Pam Hunter

Chapter 1

The air was thick, almost cloying, in the sweat lodge. She was finding it difficult to breathe and her heart was racing.

His skin was gleaming with perspiration and his brow was creased in passionate solemnity. Gazing lovingly into her eyes, he murmured, "I wanna be with you, I *need* to be with you."

Her heart was pounding so loudly she thought he could probably hear it, and her breath was coming in short, nervous gasps. Mesmerised by the depth of feeling in his deep blue eyes, she whispered softly in reply, "Sully?"

He continued, "I will love you all my days." His gaze unwavering, he reached for her hands, grasped them tightly in his own and added fervently, "Will you marry me?"

Her heart leapt, and there was but a moment’s hesitation before she smiled shyly and replied, "Yes."

His face lit up with a joyous smile and he eagerly leaned forward to claim her lips with his. Their kiss quickly deepened and as his tongue tentatively and then more boldly probed her mouth seeking hers, she moaned softly and unconsciously leaned in closer to him.

He gently laid her back on the bed which was swaying slightly with the movement of the train beneath them. He began to slowly slide the lace-trimmed sleeves of her white satin gown down her arms, exposing the swell of her breasts as they moved up and down with her rapid breathing. She thought she’d die from the intensity of her feelings, of her response. As a sleeve cleared her elbow, she pulled her arm through and raised it to encircle his shoulders and neck and then to rest her hand on the back of his head, applying pressure, enthusiastically deepening the kiss even further. She was spiralling out of control, her senses taking over, her love for this man her only focus. The heat between them was something she had never imagined possible and as his hand crept beneath the hem of her wedding gown and then slowly and sensuously slid up over her stocking-clad leg to her thigh, she answered by trailing her fingertips over the bare skin of his chest and back. He trembled in response, spurring her on to further boldness …..

"Git out an’ stay out!!" Hank’s loud, angry voice, drifting over from the Gold Nugget, disturbed Michaela’s reverie and she started guiltily.

Her pen was hovering over the incomplete patient record as it had been doing for the past several minutes. Her eyes were unseeing, her concentration not focussed on Mr Finney’s worsening arthritis, her heart not in the mundane completion of this necessary but unstimulating paperwork. Instead, her skin was flushed and the blood was pounding through her veins. Now her midnight dreams were even invading her waking hours!

She took a deep breath and chided herself for her foolishness. She was acting like a school girl, not a forty year old mother of four with a responsible position in the community! Despite her self-admonishment, the excited flush to her skin would not subside. She was having serious difficulty in composing herself, and dispersing her previous somewhat stimulating thoughts.

An imperious knocking on the clinic door made her jump up, nervously tuck a few wayward wisps of coppery hair back behind her ears, and then straighten her dark green skirt before walking slowly to the door. She took a deep, determined breath before turning the handle and opening it to her caller. It was Dorothy whose smile of greeting quickly changed to a frown of concern.

"Are you alright Michaela?" she asked anxiously. "Ya look a little tired an’ … um …. flushed …"

Michaela’s blush deepened. "I’m fine Dorothy ….. just …. just not sleeping very well … that’s all." She quickly changed the subject, "What can I do for you? I hope you’re well."

"Me? I’m fine," exclaimed Dorothy with her customary chuckle. "I just wondered if you’d like to join me for coffee an’ pie at Grace’s? That is if ya haven’t got an appointment or don’ haveta go off to see a patient."

Michaela gave her friend an appreciative smile and then replied a little disconsolately, "I’d love to. I could do with the company."

Again Dorothy’s brow creased with concern for her friend. "Michaela?"

Trying to dispel Dorothy’s disquiet, Michaela laughed softly and then said, "You know I love Katie and Brian dearly …. But I’d really appreciate some adult conversation at the moment."

Dorothy’s brow cleared and she smiled knowingly. "Ahh …. how long’s Sully bin gone this time Michaela?" she asked.

Michaela’s blush renewed just a little as she answered, "Am I that easy to read? Its been nearly three weeks and I ….."

"Miss him terribly," Dorothy finished for her.

Michaela’s eyes dropped.

Dorothy took her friend’s hand, "Well come on. We can talk for a little while before you haveta git back to ya doctorin’ an’ I haveta git back to the Gazette."

Michaela nodded, gave her friend a grateful smile and pulled the clinic door closed behind them, before beginning the short walk to Grace’s.

The pair sat themselves at a small table at the open air caf� and for a moment just observed the hustle and bustle around them. Grace was happily moving from customer to customer refilling coffee cups. Now more than five months pregnant, she looked a picture of good health, though perhaps a little more awkward than her usual graceful self. Michaela unconsciously gave a wistful sigh.

Dorothy heard the sigh but, aware of the reason, did not comment. Instead she asked, "Now Michaela … has Katie bin keepin’ ya up at night agin? …… Little ones are likely ta do that ya know."

Michaela looked at her in puzzlement.

Dorothy explained patiently, "Ya said ya havin’ trouble sleepin’ at night."

Michaela quickly looked away. She and Dorothy were good friends, but there were some things that were just too difficult or too personal to talk about. As the silence lengthened she took a deep breath and said quietly, "No …. its not Katie ….. she’s been sleeping through the night for a long time … only wakes up occasionally."

Realising that Michaela was, for some reason, reluctant to tell her much more than that, Dorothy changed the subject. "Your hair’s lookin’ real pretty like that. Hangin’ down an’ curled …. I aint seen ya wear it much like that since before you were married."

Unconsciously, Michaela wound her fingers into a long tendril which had fallen over her shoulder. Her mind flew back to the full hour she had spent with the curling irons this morning at the homestead, in a sudden impulse to wear her hair this way. She said quietly, almost to herself, "Sully likes it like this."

Dorothy’s hand came out to rest over her friend’s. "Its alright to miss him Michaela. Its only natural."

Michaela’s eyes flew to Dorothy’s in sudden confusion. "But its different this time," she said soulfully. "I…. I …. He’s been away before….. and all the time he was hiding from the army and the law last year … I never felt like this. I can’t get him out of my mind, especially the last few days …….. and nights." She lowered her eyes and her voice. "I even have dreams about him."

"Well last year, ya had a lot more things on ya mind than pinin’ for Sully," said Dorothy, matter-of-factly. "We all did," she added. "But since then …. since he came home …. well the two of ya seem happier, more content than I’ve ever seen ya. Seems to me that missin’ him’s real natural."

Michaela smiled at her friend’s understanding. Talking about it may not have been dispelling her yearning, but it certainly was helping her realise that she wasn’t strange or losing her mind. "We *are* happy," she said softly. "We had a lot to come to terms with …. a lot to talk about, after he came home ….. but since then …… its like we’ve finally been totally honest with each other … that we can say anything or do anything or feel anything and the other will understand."

Now it was Dorothy’s turn to sigh wistfully. "I wish Marcus an’ me had reached that point. But we never did, not by a long shot."

They paused as Grace approached their table. "Mornin’ ladies," she said with a broad smile. "An’ what can I git ya on this lovely summer’s mornin’?"

Both women smiled up at Grace fondly. It was wonderful to see her looking so pleased with life. God’s gift of a baby, when both she and Robert E had thought all hope was lost, was truly a blessing. Dorothy spoke first. "I’ll have coffee an’ a piece of your delicious pecan pie," she said effusively. Then she added, "You’re lookin’ real well …. bein’ pregnant seems to agree with you Grace."

Grace chuckled and gently rubbed her now protruding stomach with her free hand. "I feel real well," she said with a smile, "though the baby’s startin’ to move around an’ keep me awake at night an’ I’m hungry all the time … though not always for things that are good for me." She turned to Michaela, "An’ what’ll you be havin’ Dr Mike? I got ya favourite just outta the oven …. apple pie."

Michaela smiled up at her a little wanly, "Just coffee for me Grace … I’m not very hungry."

Grace’s brow creased in concern and she gave Dorothy a brief, quizzical look. Dorothy replied with an almost imperceptible shake of her head and, taking Dorothy’s lead, Grace said jovially, "Well it’ll still be here at lunchtime. I’ll git ya coffees right away." She bustled off towards her serving benches but couldn’t resist a quick, worried glance back at Michaela.

"It aint like you to knock back a piece of Grace’s pie Michaela …. you feelin’ alright?" Dorothy asked her friend with concern.

"Oh Dorothy … I’m fine," replied Michaela. "Just haven’t felt very hungry the last few days," she said quietly.

"Well I’ve heard of animals pinin’ for their masters an’ goin’ off their food, but I aint heard of it happenin’ with a wife for her husband," said Dorothy with a bright smile.

Michaela reddened with embarrassment and Dorothy was immediately contrite. "Oh Michaela … I’m sorry ….. I didn’t mean to upset ya. I was trying to … to …. make ya smile."

Despite an unexpected glimmer of tears in her eyes, Michaela said placatingly, "Its alright Dorothy. Perhaps I’m just a little touchy at the moment …… lack of sleep and all." Her voice trailed off.

"Mmmm …. about this lack of sleep ……. dreams ya say?"

Michaela immediately bit her lip and refused to meet Dorothy’s eyes. "Uh huh," she said non-committedly. "Just the last three or four nights." She surreptitiously mopped at her eyes with a handkerchief.

"About Sully ya say?"

"Mmmm."

"Is he in danger?"

"No."

"Well??"

"They’re about both of us ……… me and Sully ……"

"Oh I see."

"*Together*."

By this time Dorothy was trying very hard to hide her smile. She knew how difficult it was for Michaela to talk about anything personal. In fact she greatly admired Sully for having gradually broken through the wall Michaela had built around herself during her early years. "Together huh?" she said quietly. "Mmmmm … had those sort of dreams myself at times."

Michaela’s eyes flew to her friend’s. "Really?" she exclaimed, a disbelieving note in her voice.

"Sure ….. every woman …. an’ I’ll bet every man …. has had those."

"But these are different from anything else I’ve ever experienced. They’re so vivid … so real …. When I wake up it takes me a while to realise I was only dreaming."

Dorothy nodded sagely. "When’s Sully supposed to be comin’ home Michaela?" she asked.

"Any day now … he said about three weeks when he left."

"Well that’s it then," she exclaimed. "Ya got it in ya head that he’s due home any minute an’ so you’re thinkin’ about him all the time. I expect the dreams’ll stop an’ ya appetite’ll be back as soon as he gits here. Knowin’ you two, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s havin’ those dreams too. Meanwhile …. it aint so bad dreamin’ about ya husband like that is it?" she finished with a wry chuckle.

Michaela smiled shyly in return. "No, its not so bad …. But I’m finding it very hard to concentrate … even in the clinic … and the children must be wondering what’s wrong with their mother when I constantly forget things at home."

"I wouldn’t worry about that … they’ll forgive ya …… oh … and by the way ….. if ya want, they can some and stay with me for the first couple of nights Sully’s home …. alright?" suggested Dorothy with a sly little smile.

If Michaela had been red before, she was a lot redder now and again her eyes dropped to the tabletop. Despite her embarrassment she reached out to put a tentative hand over her friend’s, giving it a silent, grateful squeeze.

There was a welcome interruption, at least for Michaela, while Grace brought over their coffee and Dorothy’s pie. From there the conversation ranged desultorily over such topics as the mild summer weather they were having, and how much Katie had grown, before both women returned to their respective places of work, though for at least one of them, it was doubtful how much work would actually be accomplished.

Chapter 2

Sitting before the fire, after Brian and Katie had gone to bed, Michaela found herself staring into the flames, her mind wandering. As they’d been for the past few days her thoughts were centred on Sully. Before they were married, this was a time of the day she’d really enjoyed. After the children were in bed, she used to sit by the fire and read, or write letters to her family in Boston. Now she found it hard to settle. She was aware of every sound, from the whinnying of the horses in the barn to the crackling of the too green firewood in the hearth. And each sound wove itself into her thoughts. Again she shook herself. While it helped to know that other people dreamed like she’d been doing the last few days, it didn’t stop her worrying that she was being overly contemplative or even foolish.

She once again tried to concentrate on the book in her lap. Two nights ago she’d given up trying to read her medical texts at this hour. It was hopeless! She’d sit for some time, thinking she was concentrating, and then suddenly realise that she couldn’t remember a word she’d just read. So last night, on impulse, she’d searched through the drawers of the desk for Sully’s copy of Walt Whitman’s "Leaves of Grass". Of course she’d quickly discovered that reading such prose on her own, stirring up delicious memories while feeling the way she’d been feeling, was not very clever at all, and it had been hastily returned to where she’d found it. Tonight she’d been into Colleen’s room and located a simple adventure romance novel – maybe that would interest her enough to keep her mind off other things.

She tried to concentrate, to follow the story, she really did! But it was hopeless. At last she gave in to her longings and just sat back, watching the leaping flames, her heart ruling her mind.

And her mind flew back a few months to an incident in the spring, when she’d fallen whilst out in the woods with Sully, and they’d had to take shelter in an abandoned cabin. Thankfully she hadn’t suffered the concussion they’d both feared, but while they’d waited for any dangerous symptoms to appear, they’d talked for a long time, finally telling each other how they felt about a lot of things, but especially about her miscarriage in the fall and about them both wanting another baby.

Then they’d made love out there in the cabin ….. It had been so different to any other time since he’d returned home. All alone out there, as if they were the only two people on earth, each had held nothing back. Closing her eyes she could still feel Sully’s hands, his kisses, his whispered words of love.

She longed to give Sully another child. Though remembering the miscarriage and what they had lost still hurt, she believed that both of them had finally come to terms with it. Now she prayed that God would gift them with another baby. They both thought of Katie as His greatest gift, but a brother or sister for their daughter would double their joy. She no longer worried too much about being too old to conceive. She’d left that matter in God’s hands, and she certainly hadn’t given up on Him answering her prayers.

Sully had made her realise that if they put their faith in God or the spirits they could savour this time together. Back in their first year of marriage, when they’d been hoping that she’d conceive, she could vividly remember Sully saying to her one night, "Whether we make a baby or not, we sure could have fun tryin’." Back then, she’d been so unsure of herself that she’d passed off Sully’s remark as a private joke between themselves. But this time? This time was different. Since that time in the cabin they *had* had fun trying! She couldn’t believe her response to Sully since then, or his response to her. He only had turn his blue-eyed gaze on her and her heartbeat would quicken and her stomach flutter. At times in town she had to give herself a severe talking to when she realised that she was staring at him, or watching him work to the exclusion of others around her. The last thing she wanted was for the townsfolk to notice. Surely only young girls felt this way! Surely only young, lovesick girls had trouble controlling their emotions when it came to being with the man they loved! But a forty year old, educated woman? She suddenly crossed her arms in front of her chest and hugged them to her. Again her thoughts were making her skin glow and her blood race.

She leaned back in the comfortable chair, warmed by the fire in the grate - although it was early summer there was still a slight chill in the air at night. Lulled by the patterns in the flames, and the constant, jumbled memories which crowded her mind, she gradually succumbed to the tiredness which was suddenly overwhelming her.

She knew she was supposed to be angry with Sully. After all, under the amused eyes of the children, he’d just lifted her up onto his horse and carried her off! But she wasn’t angry. She was all too conscious of his warm breath at her ear, his large, strong hand resting securely on her ribcage, his warm, shirt-covered chest up against her shoulder and back. As he slowed the horse beneath them, she unconsciously leaned back and moved sensuously against him as they rode on towards their unknown destination.……

The thundering of the rain only accentuated their isolation. It was pelting down on the rough shelter Sully had quickly constructed, and which, for now, was keeping them dry. He was laying spooned into her back, his breath coming in short, warm sighs on the back of her neck. She carefully manoeuvred her broken arm out of the sling, surprised that there was no pain. She couldn’t resist pulling his arm forward around her waist, grasping his hand firmly in hers, and holding it against herself. He responded by caressing her fingers with his thumb and moving even closer to her so that she could feel him touching her from her thighs to her neck. He felt wonderful! Strong, warm, safe, loving, hers. She turned his hand over and brought it slowly to her lips where she placed soft, loving kisses on each knuckle and he responded by softly kissing the back of her neck over and over ..……..

The early morning sunlight was streaming through the bedroom window. She was cocooned in his arms, the thick bed-covers intensifying the heat between them. They had made love several times during this long, wonderful, sleepless night. Before their marriage just a few weeks ago, she’d never dreamt that loving a man could be like this. He raised himself on his elbow and whispered a greeting before tenderly kissing her neck. She rolled slightly towards him and he claimed her lips with his, the kiss quickly deepening, the heat between them intensifying, the outcome inevitable ………

"Ma? ….. Ma?" A voice suddenly invaded her dreaming. A young, concerned voice.

She pulled herself up from the slumped position in which she’d been sleeping and looked around in confusion. She was downstairs, still sitting in the wingback chair and early morning sunlight was filtering through the front windows. She turned in the direction from which the voice had emanated. Brian was standing close by her, his brow creased in concern.

"Are you alright ma?" he asked worriedly. "You were moanin’ like you were hurtin’. Did ya sleep down here all night?"

Her face reddened in embarrassment, and she stuttered, "Uh …. um ….. mmm ..I’m fine …. must’ve fallen asleep while I was reading." She indicated the book which had fallen from her lap onto the floor. "What time is it Brian?" she asked, wondering if Katie was also awake.

"Just a little after six I reckon ….. I wanted to git an early start on the chores this mornin’ … pa might be home today," he replied happily, quickly forgetting his earlier concern for her.

"Mmmm …. You may be right," she rejoined with a smile and a little leap of her heart. "How about I start breakfast and you start the chores … I’ll call you as soon as its ready."

"Sounds good," he said eagerly, already heading for the door. But, as he reached for the handle, he was brought up short by a strange sound from behind him. He swivelled around to see that Michaela had stood quickly, intending to head towards the kitchen, but had been struck with a crippling wave of nausea. She was clutching her stomach and couldn’t hold back a low moan. Brian immediately turned back towards her but before he’d taken two steps Michaela had covered her mouth with her hand and was heading at great speed towards the privy.

Brian stood in the middle of the living-room in a dilemma. He’d didn’t often see his ma sick like this and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. Perhaps he’d better go get Andrew. Then to add to his woes he suddenly realised that Katie had woken and was crying in her room upstairs. Deciding that his ma was his first priority, he anxiously waited for her to emerge from the back of the house, all the while agitated by the increasing insistence of Katie’s crying. At last he heard his ma’s footsteps and she rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. She was a little pale, but seemed to have recovered for the moment.

"Ma …. are you alright," he asked worriedly.

She smiled wanly at him, "I’m fine Brian …. must’ve been the way I was sitting slumped over in the chair all night. That’ll teach me for not going to bed earlier." She tried to laugh but he wasn’t fooled.

"Well you don’ look so good. Do ya want me to go git Andrew? Wouldn’t take long?"

"No, of course not … I’m sure I’ll be fine as soon as I’ve had some breakfast." As she mentioned food, her stomach lurched once again and the slight colour which had been returning to her cheeks disappeared, to be replaced by a pale shade of grey. With a struggle she managed to stay standing upright, wanting to reassure Brian that he had nothing to worry about. Through gritted teeth, she reiterated her earlier words, "Why don’t you do what you have to do and I’ll call you as soon as breakfast is ready."

Brian eyed her uneasily. She didn’t look alright. In fact she looked real pale, and she hadn’t even realised that Katie was crying upstairs. But she turned and started to pump water into the kettle, so he shrugged his shoulders and headed towards the stairs to get his little sister, vowing to himself that he’d check back on her in a few minutes.

Despite three further urgent dashes outside, Michaela managed to prepare Brian’s and Katie’s breakfast, though she found it impossible to eat anything herself, and by the time they were ready to head into town she was feeling quite a deal better. She was still very pale and certainly hadn’t felt like spending time on curling her hair as she had yesterday, but she was ready to face what she hoped would not be too busy a day at the clinic.

Throughout their early morning tasks Brian had kept a watchful eye on his ma and although he was still concerned about her, he’d decided that she was definitely looking a little better. He did resolve though to ask Ms Teresa if he could make a quick trip to the clinic during morning recess.

The wagon ride into town did little for Michaela’s disposition. It seemed that the road was much bumpier than it’d been yesterday, that Katie was particularly fractious and that at least two more uncomfortable miles had been added to the usual journey. Drawing the wagon to a halt in front of the clinic it was all she could do to kiss Brian as he headed off to school and to lift down Katie who was anxious to get to her toys inside. She was relieved to find that there were no anxious patients waiting at the clinic door as there often were when she least expected it.

Once inside she slumped into the chair at her desk and willed her stomach to stop its churning. Maybe a dose of bicarbonate would help. It didn’t!

By late morning Michaela was wondering how she was going to make it through the rest of the day. Thankfully there had only been a few patients – all people she knew and whose conditions were not serious. Her stomach had certainly settled down since early morning, only lurching very occasionally, but she felt so tired and at times uncharacteristically tearful.

She was sitting with her elbows propped on the desk, her hands under her chin holding her head up, her eyes dropping closed, when there was a knock at the clinic door and Dorothy entered. She took one look at Michaela and moved quickly toward her. "Goodness Michaela, are you alright?" she exclaimed. "Yesterday you were looking flushed and today you look real pale."

Michaela summoned up a half-smile and replied, "I’ll be alright. Must be something I ate. I haven’t felt too well all morning."

"When did it start?" the older woman asked with concern.

"As soon as I woke up this morning actually," Michaela replied disconsolately.

Dorothy took a step closer and laid her hand on Michaela’s forehead. "Mmmm …. No fever. Michaela … when was the last time you had anythin’ to eat?" she asked probingly.

"I had a little soup for lunch yesterday. I wasn’t hungry at suppertime."

"An’ breakfast this mornin’?"

"I couldn’t eat anything or I’d have lost it," Michaela admitted dejectedly.

"Well then, whether ya feel like it or not, we’re goin’ over to Grace’s an’ ya gonna try to eat somethin’," ordered Dorothy in her most motherly manner. "Ya can’t work full days at the clinic an’ not be eatin’. Besides, I aint so sure that this is caused by somethin’ ya ate, considerin’ you haven’t bin eatin’ much at all for a few days now."

Michaela regarded her wanly. She knew that what Dorothy said was right, but just wasn’t sure how her stomach was going to react. She nodded and stood, stretching her tired frame. "You’re right, but don’t be surprised if I don’t stay long," she stated ominously and with the barest hint of a smile.

"Good, let’s go then."

The only vacant table at Grace’s was a large one bordered by long benches each side. Michaela and Dorothy sat themselves side by side with Katie in between and waited for Grace to take their order. As soon as Grace saw Michaela’s pallor she exclaimed, "Lordy, Dr Mike, are you alright?"

Michaela smiled wanly up at her. "I’ll be fine Grace, thank-you." The worried look on Grace’s face did not fade, so Michaela added, "I really will. In fact we’re going to have an early lunch. What do you recommend today?"

Taking her doctor friend’s lead, Grace refrained from expressing any further concern, and instead reeled off the day’s specials with an added endorsement for her fried chicken. With the naming of each dish, Michaela’s stomach lurched sickeningly and she realised that eating lunch and easing Dorothy’s concern were not going to be very compatible. However, at Grace’s mention of warm apple pie for afters, she was surprised to realise that her stomach didn’t react as it’d been doing and in fact her mouth was watering!

Both women looked at her expectantly. She looked from one to the other and then said decisively, "I’m going to have that piece of apple pie I didn’t feel like having yesterday Grace."

Dorothy’s face momentarily looked stern but that expression was quickly replaced with a wondering glint in her eyes and a slight smile. "That all you’re havin’ Michaela?" she asked quietly.

"It’s just what I feel like. For the first time today I feel like I might be able to keep something down. So that’s what I’m having. Besides the sugar is probably good for me, help settle my stomach. I promise I’ll try to eat something more substantial at suppertime. Alright?"

"Of course," Dorothy chuckled. "Just want you to be well. We’ll see how you cope with the apple pie."

For Dorothy, but not Michaela, the rest of lunch was rather amusing. When Michaela’s pie was brought to the table, accompanied by a plate of vegetables and a biscuit for Katie, there was an immediate look of disbelief followed by one of war on the little girl’s face. She was *not* going to eat vegetables if her ma was eating pie! No amount of coercion was successful, so eventually they gave in. Michaela knew that she would not be able to stomach anything else but the pie, so for the first, and hopefully the last, time, Katie was permitted just pie for her lunch like her ma!

When the warm apple pie had been put in front of her, Michaela had waited for her stomach to react. It hadn’t, at least not adversely, and the just baked aroma tantalised her deprived taste buds. Eating slowly she managed to consume the entire piece and, much to the delight of her two worried friends, a little colour came back into her cheeks. She laid down her fork and sighed contentedly.

Throughout the meal Dorothy had often glanced sideways at her dear friend. She was too pale and it was unlike her to be tearful or lack energy. Unless?! "Did ya sleep better last night Michaela?" she asked interestedly.

Michaela blushed a little and replied. "Actually I fell asleep in the chair in the living-room last night ……. while I was reading …. so yes, I slept … but not very comfortably."

"And the dreams?"

Michaela quickly looked away, but replied in a low voice, "Just as frequent and just as vivid."

Dorothy nodded her head slowly and said casually, "Oh I see. And how long did ya say these dreams’ve bin goin’ on?"

"Oh a few days." Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "Don’t remember exactly."

"Uh huh. Kinda reminds ya of young Myra a few years back, don’ it? Remember when she took to sleep-walkin’, an’ we had to set up an alarm in case she tried to walk out in the middle of the night?" Dorothy asked, all the while watching Michaela’s face speculatively.

Michaela nodded at this amusing anecdote about their friend, and joined in Dorothy’s laughter, but that was her only reaction, so then Dorothy added, "And your lack of appetite?"

"Started around the same time."

"Uh huh." Dorothy opened her mouth to say something further but spying something over Michaela’s shoulder, all she uttered warningly was, "Oh oh!"

Chapter 3

Michaela quickly swivelled around in time to see a small delegation of townspeople heading their way, led by Jake and Loren. Feeling the way she was, the last thing she needed was trouble! In a very short space of time their previously unobstructed table was surrounded by eight to ten people all talking at once. Eventually Loren managed to quieten them all down enough to address Michaela.

"Dr Mike, we’re gonna haveta call a town council meetin’," he stated decisively.

Michaela’s eyebrows rose and then her eyes narrowed.

Gaining no verbal response, Loren found it necessary to explain. "We’re gettin’ complaints from the homesteaders south of town," he said.

Jake jumped in. "Yeah. Aidan Darcy’s decided to dam the stream so he can water his vegetable crop durin’ the summer, so its down to just a trickle to the south."

Acknowledging the man standing beside him, Loren spoke again. "Ya know we rely on Aidan’s crops for the town. I buy most of my fruit an’ vegetables from him, but we still got a problem with other folk."

Michaela interjected, all the while trying to manage a playful Katie who had decided to clamber into her lap and tug on her long braid. "I’m sure that there’s something we can work out…… Its certainly not fair if other people don’t have enough water for their needs."

"That’s why we need a council meeting," exclaimed an agitated Loren.

The large, unkempt man next to Loren stepped forward. "But if I can’t get extra water for my crops, there aint gonna be enough fruit an’ vegetables to go around this year," he warned all those who were listening.

An obviously irate Seth Taylor interjected, "Yeah, but if ya cut down our supply like ya have, our pumps don’ work. I aint havin’ my wife carryin’ water up from the creek in buckets like we used ta when we first settled here." By this time he was advancing on Aidan Darcy, waggling his finger in the man’s face.

Loren’s voice rose an octave. "Yeah so we gotta ……..

Amidst the voices which were all gradually becoming louder and more aggressive, Michaela suddenly became aware of Katie’s pointing finger and her impatient eagerness to be set down on the ground. She looked in the direction her daughter was indicating and became aware of someone standing a little back from the others. Someone who had filled her dreams for the past several days. The hubbub continued around her but the sounds receded as if blown away on the wind. She closed her eyes tight, took a deep breath and willed him to still be standing there when she opened them up again. He was! He smiled his special smile at her and even gave her an almost imperceptible wink. Her heart leapt and she gave him a self-conscious, welcoming smile in return. His smile broadened.

Wanting desperately to close the distance which separated them, Michaela swept her head from side to side trying to find a way of escape through the milling throng which now surrounded the table. As the discussion had become more agitated, the gradually expanding group had moved in closer and closer. She was hemmed in. She gave Sully a rueful look and shrugged her shoulders disconsolately. His deep blue eyes glinted with both amusement and frustration.

By this time Katie was starting to whinge, wanting to go to her pa. Knowing that none of the men would knowingly hurt her daughter, Michaela swung around on the bench enough to place her gently on the ground. Before letting her go, she bent down and whispered in Katie’s ear, "Tell him ‘we love you pa’." The little girl took off towards her pa, startling Loren speechless as she dodged between his legs. Michaela lost sight of her and was momentarily worried until she saw Sully suddenly stoop down and then swing his tiny, blond-haired daughter high up into the air and into his arms. She watched enviously as the little girl flung her arms around her pa’s neck and then Michaela saw her whisper in his ear. His eyes immediately swung back to her and, as if she had actually heard the words, she knew he was sending her the same message back. Then another fair head appeared at Sully’s side. It was Brian back from school, who gave his pa a welcoming hug and then proceeded to tell him something at length. Michaela had no trouble guessing that she and the state of her health were probably the topic of conversation. She gave a silent moan as Sully glanced worriedly back at her.

Dorothy had sensed the change in Michaela, her withdrawal from the immediate proceedings and, following her friend’s gaze, she consequently spied Sully standing behind the milling group. She smiled in sympathy as she realised how frustrated Michaela must have been feeling, but even *she* was surprised when her friend suddenly called out, a little too shrilly, "Gentlemen, *gentlemen*."

Somehow Michaela’s voice carried enough to gain the attention of several of the townspeople who turned towards her expectantly. She continued, "Gentlemen, do you really think it appropriate to be arguing this matter in the caf� at lunchtime? I believe that Loren suggested a town council meeting was the most suitable avenue for dealing with such problems, and I fully concur." Loren’s chest puffed out and he nodded in total agreement, so she added amicably, "As soon as possible, don’t you think Loren?"

"Sure thing Dr Mike," he replied with a self-satisfied smile.

Jake then interjected, "Alright, alright ….. tomorrow evenin’ …. usual time … in the church. Better print up a notice Dorothy."

As if cold water had been poured over the gathering, voices gradually lowered and many began to disperse, either to their homes or other tables in the caf�. At last all that remained were Michaela, Dorothy and Loren. Before Michaela could rise from the table, Loren addressed her. "Thanks Dr Mike. Kept tellin’ ‘em the only way ta deal with the problem was a council meetin’. Some of them hotheads wouldn’ listen though. Could be a fiery meetin’ tomorrow night." He chuckled and moved off, nodding a greeting to Sully who was making his way across to their table, Katie still in his arms.

As Sully approached, Michaela sent an appealing glance at Dorothy, who, knowing her friend’s aversion to being too demonstrative in public, reached out to take Katie from Sully’s arms and then said quietly, "Hey Sully, glad to see ya back safe an’ sound. How about you two go on over to the clinic an’ I’ll bring Katie along in a few minutes." Both of them gave her a grateful look and Sully said quietly, "Its good to be back Dorothy. We’ll see ya in a few minutes ….. and thanks." Dorothy knew that they were both itching to go somewhere private, so she made a shooing gesture with her hand and turned towards Grace who was always willing to make a fuss of her god-daughter Katie. When she glanced back, Sully and Michaela were already making for the clinic – hand in hand, walking as close to each other as they could.

She shook her head in amusement and turned to the little girl she was jiggling on her hip. "Well little Miss Katie," she said with a chuckle, "Your ma may be a real good doctor, but when it comes to workin’ herself out, she’s …. she’s ….. not very clever at all!" To which Katie just giggled and began to play with the wisps of curly, red hair which surrounded her aunty Dorothy’s face. Dorothy turned once more in Grace’s direction and then looked back into Katie’s eyes and suggested, "How ‘bout we get ya ma one of Grace’s apple pies ta take home. Seems to me it might come in real handy if that’s the only thing she can keep down right now."

Sully ushered Michaela into the clinic, shut the door and then swept her into his arms. She clung to him, burying her face in the long hair at his neck. For not the first time lately, she was feeling tearful, even though her joy at seeing him home safe knew no bounds. Held securely in his arms, she was acutely aware of sensations she had been longing for, his unique scent, his body warmth seeping through her clothes, his hands lovingly caressing her back, his quickening pulse reverberating against her cheek. Her arms tightened around his neck and shoulders and she began to place light kisses on his neck, then to his jawline, moving slowly and delectably towards his mouth. Between kisses she whispered lovingly, "I missed you so much." Before Sully could reply, she reached his lips and claimed them as her own. Their mouths opened and began to move together in a familiar, exciting rhythm. She gave a low moan as Sully deepened the kiss and tightened his embrace, pulling her even closer so that she was forced to balance on the very tips of her toes. The kiss went on and on, each making up for three weeks of missed kisses, of missed holding.

Its debatable whether the kiss would ever have ended, however suddenly the clinic door was thrust open and a flustered Colleen entered and exclaimed, "Ma … I was just talkin’ to ………" She was halted in her tracks by the sight of her ma and pa in each other’s arms. "I’m s-sorry …," she stammered. "I didn’t know …. I was just talkin’ to Brian ….. he was worried about ma …. I… I… didn’t know you were home Sully."

"Its alright Colleen, Brian obviously forgot to mention it," said Sully with an amused glint in his eye. He turned back to look at Michaela. "I’m worried ‘bout ya ma too," he said pointedly, perceiving the dark circles under her eyes.

Michaela reddened and then said decisively, "I’m fine. There’s no need to worry about me. It was probably just something I ate. Besides …. I ate lunch today and I’m alright." She neglected to tell them that her stomach still lurched occasionally, though it was certainly no worse since lunch.

Both Sully and Colleen regarded her a little sceptically.

Colleen said warily, "Well …… if you ate lunch."

"I did and I’m alright," Michaela reiterated.

Unfortunately, Dorothy, returning to the clinic with Katie, heard the last remarks and interrupted with a sardonic chuckle, "If you could call a piece o’ pie lunch!"

All heads swivelled back to Michaela who replied defensively, "It was what I felt like and I enjoyed it. End of discussion."

Observing the familiar glint of stubbornness entering Michaela’s eyes, Sully said placatingly, "Well whether you’re well or not, I feel like takin’ my wife home. Any objections?"

The warring between what she wanted to do and what she felt she should do was evident in Michaela’s expression. "But … but …I should be here at the clinic," she said quietly, once again inexplicably close to tears.

Colleen immediately offered, "That’s alright ma. Andrew has some things to do down at the train station so I can see to anyone who comes in this afternoon. If their condition’s too serious I’ll get Andrew to check on them when he gets here." Seeing the relief and then worry in her ma’s eyes, she added, "I really don’t mind, an’ if you’ve been unwell you need to go home. I’ll even look after Katie here, then Matthew can bring her home later. Alright?"

Sully’s arms tightened reassuringly around her shoulders and then he felt her relax as she leaned into him.

She said gratefully, "Thanks Colleen, I appreciate it. Are you sure you don’t have things to do this afternoon?"

"Nothin’ that can’t wait ma, so pa take her home and make sure she rests, alright?" ordered Colleen with a loving smile.

A few minutes later Sully helped Michaela up into the wagon and grasped the reins ready to depart.

"Don’ worry ma, everythin’ll be fine here … I promise," said Colleen reassuringly.

Michaela nodded, knowing her daughter would cope. "Colleen, will you tell Brian when he comes back from his piano lesson where we are? He can come home with Matthew and Katie later," said Michaela, giving her daughter another grateful smile.

Just as Sully was about to flick the reins, Dorothy exclaimed, "Oh Michaela, I got this for ya from Grace’s. I nearly forgot." She handed Michaela a brown paper wrapped apple pie. "An’ Sully, make sure she eats somethin’, even if it is just pie. She’s gotta keep her strength up."

Sully gave her a momentary puzzled glance before Michaela distracted him by hooking her arm through his and urging him to set off.

Longings Continued ....

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