Contents, Issue 2

Contents, Issue 1

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SPINNING, SPINNING, SPINNING - SPINNING LIKE A SPINNING TOP



So you have a group of willing participants gathered for the annual Sock-Gag Hop. They are all such wallflowers, sitting over there by the wall - of course, the fact that they are strapped into their chairs may account for their lack of shaking their groove things. Nevertheless, what can you play to make them wish they COULD get up and boogie (we are not taking requests, since, after all, they have all been rendered speechless)?

  1. Tom Lehrer’s "Masochism Tango" – A mellow starter, and, after all, what kind of sexually deviant gathering would be complete without SOME piano-lounge music, albeit of a rather sardonic nature?

  2. Joan Jett’s "Love Is Pain" – "We are not ashamed to say that love is pain – and we’ll do it again." In addition to her being a goddess (and a dyke), Joan knows what time it is (she can consult her pleather watch, presumably, should she grow uncertain…).

  3. Joan Jett’s "Torture" – Thirteen years separate these recordings, but no degree of conviction and perversion has been lost.

  4. Smiths’ "Barbarism Begins At Home" – Not only do we have the irony of playing material by an avowed vegetarian (but, remember, a leather-shoe-wearing one) at an event frequented by those in dead animal restraints (though some may have opted for rubber or pleather or plain old rope, admittedly), but this song actually HAS a strong dance groove to it (it sounds very much like classic disco, though without the synths or fun).

  5. Pretenders’ "Tattooed Love Boys" – Continuing in the irony theme, this classic Chrissie Hynde number has lots of attitude from a pushy switch.

  6. Madonna’s "Hanky Panky" – Really, the Dick Tracy connection should be sadistic enough, but the fact that you could imagine swing-dancing to this infectious number (were you able to move, that is) just adds to the agony.

  7. Diamanda Galas’ "Do You Take This Man?" – For the potentially murderous femme dominant’s dining and dancing pleasure.

  8. Rolling Stones’ "When The Whip Comes Down" – A gay in New York IS just a fag in LA, so get over yourself, boy. Also valuable for its working-class-domination fantasies…

  9. Pansy Division’s "James Bondage" – Painfully contrived; groaningly bad puns; silly as hell; you know you want it, Boy, so stop grunting into that gag and trying to throw yourself at the stereo to turn it off…

  10. ABBA’s "Ring Ring" – Ultimately, once you utterly immobilized the subject, applied a rigid neck collar, completely gagged the submissive so s/he could not make enough noise to drown it out, and put the headphones on under the head-harness to keep them in place, it hardly matters WHAT you play – but this one is a personal favourite/torment…

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