Oh my! What an incredible day today has been! I planned on going up to OhioPyle today to get those pictures I had been meaning to get and I invited my new acquaintance to go along. I refrain from naming him knowing that this, as with all entries, will be posted on my website. There are no romantic involvements, but being that he is basically a client of my counseling skills I find it necessary to conform to the ethical standards of trust and confidentiality.
So first the day at OhioPyle. We had breakfast at McDonald�s first. The drive was nice and it was not snowing, though the sky was cloudy and that possibility loomed ever presently. We stopped first at Cucumber falls and I was quite amazed at the beauty of the frozen waterfall. Water flowed within the center of a pillar of ice. From the top the ice reached down from around 12 to 15 feet as a solid sheet and from the bottom up to around 10 to 15 feet. These were attached from top to bottom with several openings in the center of the pillar where the flow of cascading water could be seen tumbling within the center of the pillar. All around the cliff edge there were great pillars of icicles, one which must have weighed close to a ton or so. That one was particularly interesting as it formed into twins at the base, both of which were hollow in the center with jagged edges all around. I tried to get several shots of all the amazing ice formations, yet I have not had much experience with the subtle textures and shadowing of the different layers of ice. I bracketed my exposure on nearly every shot purposely overexposing each one in hopes of picking up the detail and not having a big blur of white. I suppose I will find out when I send them in for development.
After visiting Cucumber falls we drove to the slides which were almost completely frozen over. No good pictures there. Then we went to the main falls and I took a few shots of it. We decided to walk along the bike trail and across the first bridge to the Ferncliff Peninsula area. I had never been to the second bridge which crosses the river on the other side of the peninsula and so we decided to check it out. Going over the first bridge revealed to me that my companion has a mild fear of heights. He was able to nervously cross the bridge but I could tell he was a bit tense at doing so. Perhaps we will discover sometime in session where this fear stems from. The second bridge is quite remarkable as it is very high and looks as though it was formerly a railroad trestle. I found it most amazing that many of the trees, especially the yellow poplars reached all the way up and over the guardrails of the bridge. There is something thrilling about being that high in a tree canopy. Many of these trees must be well over one hundred feet tall, as they reached far above the already high bridge from the base below. I will post some of the pictures on my website when I get them back from developing.
We stopped by the little store on our return to the truck and got a drink. I had been craving a yoo-hoo and to my delight they carried them in the glass bottles. :-) During most of the time after we left Cucumber falls a fine mist had begun to fall and we were a bit wet from our walk which lasted around an hour and a half or so. We got in the truck and drove back home, stopping momentarily at Braddock�s grave but it began to sleet so we did not stay long.
After spending some time at my house we went to Potter�s for a snack and then went off to his house for our planned session. We sat around and relaxed a bit first though. When we finally began session I decided to begin by going over the one other session we had not fully reduced. We had lifted a lot of charge and pretty much all the pain mechanisms but it was remaining pretty flat and resisted moving upscale emotionally. We stopped for a break as this took nearly three hours (being a fairly long incident). I asked if he wanted to stop or if he would like to continue with some more past incidents and he decided he wanted to continue. I found myself impressed with his return ability and his relatively few blocks. Apparently he has had only a few minor physical pain engrams with only three realized moments of unconsciousness in his life. Most of his difficulties seem to stem from emotional trauma, probably just locks stemming from prenatal or infancy periods.
I had him select a childhood memory to begin working on and it contained only one minor conscious pain moment. He was 12-13 years old at this time. It was a lock to be sure since I recognized a couple of imbedded commands coming through. Once I was sure of the commands I began using them as repeaters to take him back to an earlier incident. Again I was amazed at how fluid his return ability is. This is a caseworker�s dream. He ended up at a time when he was around 6 years old. As we played through the incident I found several of the same commands, but no physical pain in this one. This and the other incident combined took only one hour and 23 minutes to cover through several recountings. I knew we were on to something significant as the commands were common ones of fault and being sorry. Prime ego attackers which often lead to feelings of inferiority in their manifestations.
When I once again used repeater phrases to connect to yet an earlier incident I asked his mind to move to the earliest incident of those phrases. It took a minute or two and he apparently didn�t know where he was, but upon prompting, the full sentence of the repeater phrase came through, taking him to a pre-natal event. His ability to interpret and recognize the voice vibrations of his parents was excellent and I found myself concerned that there might be a lie factory manifestation occurring, especially when even at the 3rd recounting there were no pain manifestations. Through those three recountings I made sure to focus his return on his physical state of being which indicated he was indeed in prenatal memory, but still no pain manifestation. I took ease as he began yawning a lot during several key points of the command phrases and finally on the 5th recounting the pain manifestations began. I must admit I was quite gleeful as the pain components became much stronger in further recountings as I knew we were making incredible progress in reducing the subconscious control of the command phrases. Finally on the eighth recounting the first pain manifestations were beginning to decrease a bit while yet others were still increasing. New information and greater detail were slow but consistent and a sense of confusion set in at times. Finally nearly all the pain had subsided by the 12th recounting but seemed to leave him with a time displacement which may have been due to the mental exhaustion or perhaps even some other command phrase. These 12 recountings took just under two and a half hours.
I must admit that I was a bit amazed at hitting a prenatal on only his second actual session, but in hindsight I see that his relatively few physical pain moments and apparent lack of blocker commands enabled this so soon. My training certainly paid off as well as I found myself quite confident and capable even after so long without practice. This early engram and it�s reduction alone has the potential to significantly change his life, even if no other work was ever done. We will proceed however, finding other incidents to unlock and at the end of this month we will re-test him on both personality tests to see any indicated changes. It is as well my hope that by going through the process several times as the returnee he will feel comfortable enough to switch roles with me and become my auditor so that I may continue my own progression to greater self understanding. He seems interested in the prospect thus far, but we shall see what time brings. Things are definitely getting interesting and I look forward to the possibilities.
Monday February 24th, 2003: Like Moths to a Flame
Today I wanted to write about something I have been noticing more than usual lately. It is about the apparent effect I seem to have on others. Mostly it appears to be a positive effect that exceeds the norm. Now I am not trying to give myself any undue praise or anything. I believe myself to be well adjusted in this regard. In fact, I often find myself puzzled that so many people seem to take any special note. But even so, I cannot deny the effect that my positive outlook seems to have. As an example: I have been working at the local Shop and Save now since December 4th. In all the time I have worked there I can only remember 2 days for certain where I have not received some sort of pleasant compliment from someone. Either it is a customer telling me that I am their favorite cashier, co-workers mentioning how they or a customer has said something nice about me, one of the managers telling me how great of a job I am doing or how they discussed me at the latest manager meeting. Today I can remember two compliments. One from a regular customer smiling and saying how it�s so nice that I am always in a good mood and the other being a young lady asking if I was married, saying that I am very nice. For all of these I merely say thank you and continue my daily routine.
I remember from visiting this area in years past and from my time here now that this whole area seems to be somewhat suppressed. In this I mean that the entire area seems old and many of the people seem tired, dissatisfied or even disgruntled. My pastor calls it the Appalachian attitude. People set in their ways, seemingly lacking in any greater ambitions and apparently not seeing how big and beautiful the world is as a whole, but only seeming to know their one little corner of it. Of course, it being winter probably has a little to do with it now, but the overall ambience of the area tends to be a bit depressed year round.
So is it more my disposition or just that I might represent a fresh perspective which seems to have the effect? I look back at my previous home and I did note that I had a similar impact, but not nearly as dominant as here. Or perhaps I just became accustomed to it back in Tracy. I mean, Allen even called me �The Ambassador to Tracy� since every time we went somewhere while he was visiting, someone (in fact several people usually) would stop and talk to me and it would always be a positive exchange. Now one thing I am certain of is that whatever it is that attracts people to me is rooted in my faith in God. I truly believe it is the light of Christ which shines within me that people are really attracted to. I know this because I never knew such joy until I gave my life over to him. There was a lesser charismatic effect before I found Christ, but once I chose to follow him that effect multiplied incredibly.
So now, what I figure about the situation is that when people interact with me and are affected positively (as is usual) what they are really experiencing is me sharing my love of a life lived with Christ in it with them. They see something in me that allows them to find a bit of joy in their own lives and so in effect it is his love they are experiencing and need more of in their own lives.
There are other aspects to this of course. Sometimes the attraction is misinterpreted and people�s seeming lack of joy in their life manifests as desire toward my physical being. I have difficulty with this as I know that I am not what they need to fill the emptiness they feel. It�s easy to understand the mechanics of it all. People feel lonely, sorrowful or as though they are missing something. They see the joy I have which fills the hole and they come to believe that I can fill the emptiness within themselves. This simply is not so. I learned this with Jim. I thought he was what would fill the emptiness within myself. For a while I felt that he did, but it was not lasting. What is needed is something eternal, something unchanging and ever present. Faith is the only thing that would seem to fill that role. It sees me through those times of trial and dissatisfaction, knowing that there is always that little voice within that whispers �All is as it should be�. One of the problems is that so many people tend to be proud, arrogant or argumentative. These things block their acceptance of the Truth of the matter. People�s pride and arrogance make them believe that what they think is always right. Trying to show them what is really missing usually makes them defensive or argumentative when presented too bluntly. I find it best if I �direct� a line of thought. And I�m not talking about manipulation, I am just saying that by choosing words wisely and drawing on their past experiences as applied to present circumstances, then the chances of them coming to a more accurate perception is increased.
This is not to say that I think my beliefs are what everyone MUST believe. They are my beliefs and I cherish them, and I will gladly share them with anyone who cares to listen. I do indeed believe them to be true for the greatest part. But I am ever growing in understanding, often times revealing my previous misconceptions. But my most cherished belief is one that is not misconceived, and cannot be. It is the very premise of my existence. The pursuit, understanding and acceptance of Absolute Truth in all things and occurrences. Always seeking to find the foundation of absolute Truth which belies all other perspective Truths. Perspective Truth comes and goes, but Absolute Truth is eternal and unchanging. That Truth to me is the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last. Each of us will have our own perspective Truths. Sometimes they will be in agreement, but most likely there are differences.
One thing I used to find difficult was voicing my beliefs without coming across as arrogant, aloof or a know it all. And believe me I went through those stages. But now it is easier. I know that my faith is a personal thing. I know that though I believe with all my heart my faith in Christ is justified, I cannot insist to others that it IS justified for them too. I know my desire for them to find what I have found in him is great and I wish everyone to know that sense of joy, but I also had to realize that rather than beat them over the head with his teachings and insisting that his is the right path, I have to live the life he would have me live, stating strongly and freely that his is the influence that brings that joy and allow the holy spirit to touch their heart. Christ himself taught Truth and many followed him for it. Many hungered for the bread of life which he had in abundance. But when things of the world asserted their misconceptions of the Truths he taught, many of those very same people turned from him and even despised him. It was necessary for the world�s very salvation, but we can learn from it now.
It reminds me of my own experience. Allen�s faith and insistence was something I rebelled against for a very long time before I allowed Christ into my life. I remember thinking how pushy he could sometimes seem. But God gave him the gift of determined perseverance in this regard of sharing his faith. He is meant to touch others in that way. And he WILL reach those he is meant to reach. Unfortunately my own understandings and beliefs might seem to Allen at times to be �lacking in conviction�. He and I certainly have our different views. Sometimes I feel it is as though I am a spiritual being trying to live in a physical realm and he is a physical being trying to live in a spiritual realm. I say this because it is what seems apparent. Allen cares greatly for the physical aspects of life. He has taken care in building up his body, his career, a family, home, etc. While I spend little time concerning myself with such things, but instead dwell mostly in the realm of thought, mind and the interconnectedness of all things.
What is peculiar is that I wasn�t always like that. I never really had much care for the physical aspects of life such as ownership, wealth, etc. But at the same time I had little care for other endeavors either. Even in my journey to finding God�s plan for me, my attraction towards Allen was based on emotional needs more than anything. But God was tricky in my case. He took my attraction towards Allen at that time and used it to keep me interested, while Allen kept on plugging away with his rather insistent message. Of course I rebelled and was often annoyed with his insistence, but my need to seek out Truth was enough to keep me around him. In my arrogance I thought I knew what it was, but after a couple years I realized that it just wasn�t working and eventually succumbed to seeking deeper meaning. And so, one day in October or November of 1989, when I had been primed over years, my pride was low enough for God�s spirit to touch my heart. Allen and my own selfish desires were the tools. And Christ was the Carpenter of rebuilding my soul�s salvation.
So now, I find myself working to serve as the example of a life lived for Christ. I am not so insistent as others, but mine is a more gentle way. Perhaps I do not always speak as directly as I could, but I am a creature of spirit, not so much one of body and mind. The mind deceives and the body is inherently sinful by nature. Words I speak, interpreted by the mind of another, are often taken out of context or viewed as something other than I intend. But the example of my life lived by the spirit is something that shines for all to see, whether it is recognized for what it is or not. Once the �moths� are drawn in from the brilliant light of the flame, then come words of gentle persuasion, hopefully prompted by the spirit of that flame. My gift is that of touching others in a positive way. I need to use that gift wisely to help others find Truth in their own lives. That is my hope. Hoping they come to know that Truth by the name I know it as, but ultimately respecting their choice of faith and belief just as God himself has. Regardless, I will allow my heart to love without judgment and trust in Christ and that little voice within that gently whispers, �All is as it should be�.
