Well, I haven�t been doing a very good job of keeping up with my journal lately. There certainly has been enough t write about, but I just get these lazy spells I suppose. Since I am still feeling a bit lazy I will only touch on main points and not go into too much detail.
The situation with the I.U. is relatively unchanged. I have not heard anything from them, but I did send the director of human resources a letter of intent. It basically related what I thought the problem is, what I expect to be done and some of the documentation I have gathered. The sad part is that in my typical fashion, I have no desire to pursue the situation. I have no sense of outrage and no sense of a bruised ego to fuel any passion to pursue such matters further. I�m sure this is what they hoped for at this job. The Truth of the matter is that I have lost my desire to work for an organization that would set up policies of fairness to all and then behave contrary to the very principles of that which they propose to aspire to. There is no honor in these people that I can determine and though I feel my services could do much for the children I would serve, I feel that the shades of darkness within the organization�s leadership are too distasteful to my spirit to subject myself to it any further. I shall shake the dust from my feet and continue on the path I am meant to tread.
Since the time of my �dismissal� at the I.U. I have been doing some carpentry work (Hmm...who else was a carpenter :-)? )for income and I go back to Shop N� Save this week, working on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays until who knows when. Not the first thing that I would like to do, but it is honest enough work and though I do not overly enjoy the job or feel that it is the best use of my particular talents, I must commend the fact that at this place of employment they at least seek to look for reason and answers founded in Truth when adversity or misunderstandings arise. In my experience the I.U. hasn�t the least bit of nobility in this area. Sad really, to proclaim one set of ideals and then to act in a contrary manner with no discernible effort to aspire to those ideals.
In other news, I have been able to do a little hiking lately and do some yard work too. The weather is steadily getting better and it looks as though we won�t be getting any more extended periods of freezing temperatures. The lows are still in the thirties and forties, but that is steadily increasing. The birds are already starting to build their nests and some of the trees are beginning to bud. It won�t be much longer before my favorite time of year is here and I must admit to feeling more than a bit of restlessness and anticipation at the blossoming of springtime. I have taken to walking the yard every day, looking for things I want to accomplish this season.
The only other thing I care to record today is that there is, as is fairly common to me, the constant underlying feeling of angst or dissatisfaction. Not unbearable or anything, but nevertheless always humming in the background of my thoughts. It�s that nagging feeling that nothing is truly being accomplished��nothing meaningful at least. That old feeling that time is just passing by.
I miss the ocean. I miss my old haunts such as God�s bath, Tesla and the many other places I would visit like old, dear friends. I miss my trips to San Francisco and the general atmosphere of a more enlightened community. The overall mentality of this area of Pennsylvania seems so small minded to me. As if they don�t realize that the world is a much bigger place than they could ever imagine. That it has beauty, intrigue and wonder just waiting to be explored. Granted, there are those whose company I enjoy tremendously, but overall, this area�s outlook is difficult to deal with at times. And it probably wouldn�t seem so bad if it was just a matter of ignorance, but there also seems to be an overall sense of arrogance as well. Not only does it often seem that the majority is not aware of belonging to a global community, but also that they have no desire to be a part of it or give themselves the opportunity to learn and improve themselves through outside influences or different modes of thought. And as my awareness of this perception increases, so does my sense of sorrow. It is not a loss of faith in God I feel, but a loss of faith in the human spirit. I know the time to move on is getting closer. I doubt I will remain here much longer than three to five years. My next stop in this journey of life will be Oregon. Mom and Pop are going to be needing help with the place there as time goes on. Pop�s health has it�s trials and it�s unlikely to improve much but rather the opposite. Though I�m not overly keen on the idea of facing the ever present differences between us or the probable expectations parents tend to put on their children, I cannot deny that I truly want to be helpful to them and bring them some sense of comfort or peace of mind in their golden years. I don�t want to look back in their final days and realize that there was no foundation. We have wasted too much of our lives already with self imposed difficulties. I want our relationship to count for something. I hope I have the strength.
Well, I guess that�s all for now. I must admit to feeling a bit old or perhaps tired these days, but most of it is not physical. The bulk of it is my general outlook, but it will improve as it always does. Sure, I'm not in the best of moods right now but I know these times come and go. Perhaps it�s mostly just a symptom of the long winter months and being cooped up for so long. I can't say exactly what it is, but I know it�s a combination of factors. I will just have to try to keep things in perspective until I'm back to my usual, cheerful self. I know what's truly important and I'm sure I'll get over this bout of the blahs soon enough. Along with the sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometime. :-).
