I have become more open and free with my ideas and thoughts. Things people say and do to slight me have very little impact. What things do affect me are examined and worked out within myself in a very short period of time. I feel that as long as I embrace and accept the Truth, nothing can harm me. Regardless of what the world says and does, I can live with myself when I resolve issues by embracing and accepting Truth.
This attitude does have it�s drawbacks. I find that at times I may be lacking a bit in tact. I find that some people have extreme difficulty in facing Truth. This causes people like that to view me as somewhat pompous and arrogant. I must guard against these things and find a way to �break Truth to them gently.� I feel that I am learning to do this by my experiences while talking with Allen and Jeff. I remember Shannon once saying that she felt like a child during our many talks. Seeing me as some sort of old, wise guru on the subject of life. Nothing is further from the Truth. I only know that I take my lessons of life very seriously. I tend to take on a very serious attitude when talking about personal growth.
Since I have been back I feel as though overall, I have gained some respect from others. Not that I really care what other people think of me, but perhaps with the right words, people will see God�s influence in my life. A life lived for Truth. There is a certain sense of dissatisfaction I feel back in Tracy. I find the boredom and a lot of the old uncertainties lingering. But while those negativities lurk around the corner to spring on me and drag me down, I feel that I have a pretty good set of armor to protect me from them. I feel within myself that I will not be here forever. I believe there is very little for me here. But who knows? I may be back here to change someone�s life or be changed by another. Who can really say?
~FIN
*note: I returned to California early in May of 1994.
